Profile

Name: Living Hard
Author: KyleKamei
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama/Romance
Chapters: 11
Words: 11678
Published: 10/9/01
Updated: 12/9/01
Complete: Yes

Description: Slash is sick, How will Jam cope. Yaoi (well duh) rating may change.

Disclaimer (By Author): I do not own these characters and I am not making any money of this story. You will have to give credit where credit is due and that means if you like the characters tell the guys who had created snowboard kids.

Story

Chapter 1: Nothing's Wrong!

My mom gave me one of those looks that says 'I'm a mother I know what's best'. I was standing in the kitchen in a tee shirt and boxer shorts, my mom was standing beside me with her hands on her hips.
"Mom, it's nothing. I got them snowboarding." I was talking about the bruises that my I had on my legs, Jam has been worried about them too.
"And when was the last time you fell while you where snowboarding? Besides these look more serious than what you'd get from falling down, they're different." My mom crouched down and started poking at my legs.
"Jeez, mom!" I jump back, I mean this was my MOM! The only person I let poke around below my belt is Jam, and that's a whole different story.
"Slash I'm just worried, I want you to get these bruises checked out." I sigh, Jam was pushing me to do the same. I figure that the easiest thing to do would be to agree, after all with the two of them against me I would end up there anyway.
"Fine, but any doctor I got to is just going to tell me that it's nothing." She stands up and looks me in the eye. The phone rings, I pick up.
"Yeah?" my mom glares at me, she hates it when I answer the phone with a 'yeah?'. It's Jam. We talk for a bit, he's happy when I tell him that my mom is making me go to the doctor. When I hang up my mom picks up the phone and makes an appointment for me to see the doctor.
***
The doctor's office was not a fun experience. The doctor asks me questions about the bruises and about how I'd been feeling. He then drew blood and told me he'd call if anything unusual came up. Three days later he called back and the results were not good, he's made and appointment with my mom to meet him at the hospital, I knew then that it was probably bad news. I was now sitting in a room in the hospital with my mom, the doctor came in with a grim look on his face.
"Slash, Mrs. Kamei, the results of the blood work came back and I am a tad worried. When the technicians looked at you blood they found what looks might be blasts, abnormal blood cells. I want to check you into the hospital so that we can perform more complex testing, I am also going to set you up with Doctor Patterson. He is one of the top pediatric oncologists in the province." I gave the doctor and odd look. I was about to ask why he was setting my up with and oncologist but my mom cut in.
"What is a Pediatric Oncologist?" I answered for the doctor.
"It is a doctor that specializes in childhood cancers. Why are do you want me to see him?" My mom looked shocked by my answer.
"I'm sending you to see him because all of the preliminary tests point to Leukemia." I was shocked, I didn't really know what to say. I heard my mom gasp at what the doctor said.
"Now, the tests we have done aren't all that accurate in this particular situation, that's why we want to run some more tests. I have already arranged a room for you." Everything from that point went by too fast for me to really know what actually happened, I do have a vague memory of calling Jam and telling him what had happened. The next thing I could remember clearly I was lying in bed with Jam beside my and my parents where doing what they could to make me feel at home. My dad was insisting that I have a TV in my room and a VCR while my mom wanted me to have total privacy. She didn't even want Linda to be able to bring Kyle to see me, but then I kind of agree with that he's only two, still too young to be visiting his father in the oncology ward of the hospital.

Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning alone. The lights where out but it wasn't all that dark. The clock on the wall told me it was about 7:30 in the morning. I couldn't think of anything to do. I know from experience that there is never anything on this early in the morning besides I would probably get into something and a doctor or a nurse would come in and tell me to turn it off so they can poke at me. I was probably right considering that less than half an hour later a nurse walked in and went about drawing blood from me, she then told that the doctor would be in to talk to me in about five minutes. When the doctor came in he sat down in the chair next to my bed and he went about asking questions, most of them where the same as the ones that my family doctor asked. Then he went on explaining some of the things they were going to do. Then he and some nurses started the more intensive tests. They saved the worst for last. They made me Lay on my stomach with a pillow under my hips then the doctor stuck a large needle into my pelvic bone and drew out some of the marrow. They gave me some local anesthetic so it didn't hurt as much but it was really uncomfortable. I was glad when they finally left, the nurse told me it was ok to investigate the floor if I wanted to I just couldn't go to far and had to be back for lunch. I laid back in bed and closed my eyes.
"Slash, are you awake?" I look over at my mom, she looks as if she didn't too much sleep last night. She is carrying a small suitcase with her.
"I brought you some things you might want, including some pajamas." She held up the bag. I took it from her and went through it. When I found what I was looking for I headed to the bathroom to change into some sweat pants and a tee shirt. When I came out my mom gave me a disapproving look.
"You know I do have some actual pajamas in there." She said with a slightly annoyed look.
"Yeah well if you really cared if I wore them or not you wouldn't have brought these." I say motioning to what I was wearing. She rolled her eyes, she knew I was right. I sit down on the bed and sift through the rest of what was in the bag. There was some of my books and some magazines. My mom had also packed
a deck of cards, some pictures and my gameboy. I put the bag under the bad and lay back down. She sits down in the chair, she seems unsure of what to do know. I look up at the clock and seem that I have about two hours before lunch.
"Um, I'm kinda tired. I should probably rest anyway." I smile at her.
"Of course, you need all your strength. I should probably go call your father anyway." She smiles. I am not trying to get rid of her but I really don't feel like having company. She leaves and I go to sleep.


When I woke up I heard the faint sound of a video game. I look over towards the noise and see Jam with my gameboy.
"Who said you could play that? And shouldn't you be at school?" I ask drowsily. He looks up from the game.
"So I skip school and risk my educational status and all you can do is get after me for not asking before using you gameboy? Besides, we're a couple, what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. You said so your self." He smiles at me.
"Yeah well I only said that because I wanted to take a look at your new snowboard." He rolls his eyes at me.
"Well I wouldn't mind knowing if your doing ok?" I reach out and take hold of his hand.
"I'm good, just a little hungry. What time is it?" I snuggle down in bed. He moves from the chair to the bed. I feel him push back my bangs.
"Well that's good, and the nurse was just here. She said that when you wake up you can call her and she'll bring you lunch." I move around so that my head in resting in his lap.
"Well, in that case." I reach for the call button and press it. The nurse takes only about moment to arrive and she has my lunch with her. I sit up and take the tray.
"Hmmm, fruit, some white stuff and some orange liquid stuff." I pull the top off the tray, "How, um, interesting." I hear the nurse chuckle.
"Well that is the best the kitchen here has to offer, trust me it tastes better than it looks. But then that's not saying much is it? Any way if you can get your...friend here to sneak you in a Big Mac and some fries then you can have an edible meal." She smiles at the two of us and leaves. I poke around at the meal for about a minute or so before getting the courage to actually eat it.
"If you want I could get you something worthy of being eaten when I come back tonight." I look at him for a second, and smile.
"Well I might let you but first you have to do two somethings for me." He looks a little confused.
"What?" I lean forward as if to tell him a secret.
"First you gotta go back to school." He nods, "and second you have to try this so I know weather or not it'll make me keel over and die." I hold up my spoon, he looks at it then stands up.
"Slash, if you knew how much I loved you then you wouldn't ask me to do that. Besides I gotta get back before lunch is over and if I end up as your roommate then my parents are going to find out that I skipped." He leans over an kisses me, before heading out. I put my fork down and look at my meal, I wonder if my dad'll bring me anything when he stops by after work.

(Authors' note: ok when I put along line within a chapter then that means a change of POV thanks)

I step out of the hospital. I think back to the visit only moments before. The fact that I can joke with him about anything is a miracle. Ever since he called me last night an told me the doctor was putting him in the hospital I have been an emotional wreck. I figure that is it hard enough to deal with for him but I have a feeling that he actually knows what's going on, he wouldn't tell me anything. I did have a feeling that it had something to do with those bruises on his leg. I noticed them a while ago, I originally thought that his dad had given them to him but when I asked he said he'd gotten them snowboarding. I stop at my car and look up at the large official looking building, I had all ways wondered how I would deal with things if Slash ever got sick and know I guess I'll find out know.

Chapter 3

The doctor came in while my parents where visiting late. He came in with a grim look on his face.
"The results form the tests I took earlier came in, and unfortunately I don't have any good news." He pulls up a chair from across the room and sits down.
"Well that's an encouraging greeting, doc." I push my self up so that I am sitting in bed. My mom gives me a disapproving look.
"Slash, don't be so rude." She turns to the doctor, "what did the results say?" The doctor puts his clipboard down on the little table over my bed.
"Well, the results we got showed that you do indeed have leukemia. Now there are many different types of leukemia so had to run a few other tests to determine what type you have and those results aren't good either. We have determined that you have one the more, shall we say, stubborn. We have successfully sent this type of leukemia in to remission before so we are not completely hopeless with the situation. However, the chances for a relapse a higher than we'd like and your best chance for staying in remission is a bone marrow transplant. We would, however, like to avoid that for as long as possible, the medication will weaken you immune system and you'd have to pretty much live you life trying to not get sick. We will be starting chemo with you tomorrow." I really didn't know how to take this news.

***

The next morning the nurse came in with a tray, it had a cup of water on it and three little plastic cups. In two of the plastic cup were other unidentified liquids, one was red the other was a milky colour. In the other one were three pills, two blue and one red. I was instructed by the nurse to drink the liquids and take the pills. I had heard horror stories so I was a little surprised when the medicine didn't make me sick right away.
"Just wait," the nurse said almost like she'd read my mind, "When your body starts absorbing them meds you wont be feeling as well as you are now. You know where the bathroom is and if you need help just press the button." I nodded, I had a little bit of hope that I wouldn't get sick. Less than half an hour I was sick, everything I had eaten for breakfast was in the bathroom sink. When I made it back to bed I was to weak to really do anything but sleep.
I think Jam might have visited me while I was sleeping but I am not sure. When I woke up the nurse was there.
"You up for a movie tonight? Patients in the ward get together in the common room on Friday nights to watch a movie, tonight it is "Save the Last Dance". Can I count you in?" I think about it for about three seconds.
"Yeah! Um, if I can make it, I'm feeling a little weak right now." She smiled at me.
"Well most of the others wont be feeling much different."
After the first three weeks or so I found that this place wasn't as strict as I had thought. I pretty much could wander the halls when ever I wanted and there was always someone in the crafts room, even at three in the morning. I also noticed that after three weeks the medicine was changing how I looked physically. I had asked my parents to not let Jam in to see me, it was hard but I knew that if he saw me like this he'd suffer as much as I was. At around the three week mark the one thing that really made me feel ugly happened, I was brushing my hair when a whole chunk of it fell out right in my hand. I nearly screamed, and when my dad walked in to my room I did. That last bit made me realize what was actually happening to me and I started feeling really down.

***********************************************************************

I heard the news when I stopped Slash's mom out side their house. I asked her when I'd be able to see him again and her response shocked me.
"He really doesn't want to see you right now." I really didn't know what to say.
"Wha... why doesn't he want to see me?" I asked.
"Well he is just feeling really bad about everything right now and he just needs time to get used to every thing." I nod without saying anything. I was hurt. I was worried that one night Slash wouldn't be there any more and now he wouldn't let my even see him. I could tell him that I loved him, or hold him while he cried. Ever since the two of use became actual friends when we were ten he's always come to me when he needed to deal with things and now that he is dealing with one of the toughest things he's dealt with and he doesn't want me there for him. I went to my room in shock. I layed down on my bed and hugged my pillow. I knew he was hurting and he didn't want me to take the hurt away. I fell asleep wishing I could be the one with Leukemia instead of him.

Chapter 4

When I woke up I got a major surprise. I woke up to find Linda sitting in the chair beside me, and Kyle was sitting at the foot of my bed watching cartoons. I struggle to sit up.
"Linda?" she gives a small moan and looks up.
"Slash, morning. How are you?" She closes the book and puts it on the bad side table. Kyle turns around.
"DADDY!" He crawls across the bed to my lap and hugs me.
"Hey their Kyle! How are you?" I hug him back.
"I'm good, I drawed a picture for you," he holds up a picture for me to see. I take it from him and examine it.
"Wow, this is awesome. Can I keep it?" He nods. I put is on the table. The nurse walks in.
"Morning Slash, I see you have guests." She smiled at Kyle and Linda.
"Yeah, this is Linda," I motion to Linda, "And this little guy is my son Kyle." Kyle waves at the nurse.
"Well hello Kyle, have you seen the activity room yet?" She asked. Kyle shook his head, "Well why don't you come with me. The activity room has lots of toys and books and if you want you can paint another picture for you daddy."
"Yeah!!!" Kyle jumped off my lap and grabbed hold of the nurse's hand.
"Kyle, I want you to be nice to the lady in charge ok?" I tell him as he follows the nurse out. He doesn't answer. Once he's gone I turn to Linda.
"Why is he here?" I really didn't think Kyle should be granted a visit without me knowing. After all what if I was ill or something.
"He misses you, besides I though it would have been a nice surprise." I sigh and lay back.
"He really doesn't need to see me in this state. Besides only god knows when I'm going to get sick." She sits back and looks at me. I stare back at her.
"I thought you'd be happy to see your own son. I know he was happy to see you." She folded her arms and crossed one leg over the other.
"I... I was happy to see him, I just... I just don't want people to see me like this." Her look softens.
"It that why you wont let Jam in to see you?" I look down at my hands in my lap. "Slash, do you have any idea how much not letting him help you is hurting him?"
"I dunno, probably as much as not letting him in here is hurting me." She sighs again.
"Then why not let him in here?" she asks. I look at her for a second.
"Because he can't do anything to make all this go away. Besides I'll just here more 'If I could be going through this instead of you' and I don't want to." She looks at me for not even a second before saying,
"What if I told him not to say that?" I look at her. I really did want Jam here, he's always been able to make me smile.
"I... no I can't let him here." I look away. Letting Jam in here would just make me more depressed because he would blame himself. I tell that to Linda.
"Slash, he blames himself for you not letting him in here." I knew Linda wasn't going to give up until I agree.

********************************************************************************
Driving to the hospital I was nervous. Actually walking into the building I got even more so. I didn't know what to expect. I had never visited anyone in the hospital except for Linda, but she wasn't sick at the time. I had heard stories of people with cancer loosing their hair or large amounts of weight but I just couldn't imagine Slash without hair, or the light build he'd developed from a life of snowboarding. When I walked into his room I got the shock of a life time, he was gone. Their was a nurse tidying up but no Slash.
"Um, excuse me?" I got the nurses attention, it was a different one from the nurse that had been there the last time I had visited.
"Oh, you must be Jam." She smiled at me, "Slash is in the activity room, just down the hall. You can't miss it. It is the room with all the noise." I smiled at her. I headed down the hall in search of the activity room. As I made my way down the hall I couldn't help but notice how, childish the ward was. Slash was only sixteen so of course they would put him in with other kids, but the number of children here who are to young to even be home with out a babysitter or parent was surprising. And saddening. I found the activity room. Slash was sitting in the back with a boy who was maybe five or six having a pokemon battle. He was loosing of course.
"Slash!" I walked up behind him and covered his eyes.
"Jam?" he tried to move out from behind my hands, "Hey come on man, I need those." I laughed and let him see. I sat my self beside him and motioned to the kid.
"Who's your babysitter?" I asked. He growls at me, and the boy laughs.
"This is Mark, and he's not my babysitter. I'm to old for one." I roll my eyes.
"That's not what your mom says." He finally puts the controller down and looks at me. For the first time I get a good look at him. He had some hair but not as much as he used to. I notice that he cut it in an attempt to make it look like he had more that he really did. He also looks like he hasn't been eating, or at least eating vary little. He blinks a couple of times.
"What? Do I look like some freak or something?" I shake my head, realizing I had been staring.
"No, you look so incredibly beautiful. I was just wondering if you really are Slash or and angel in disguised." He looks at me for a second, then smiles.
"You are full of it aren't you? I dunno why but you sappy little speech actually made me feel less sick. But then I guess at the moment anything would make me feel less ill." I stand up and offer him my hand. The one thing I love about Slash is he doesn't get offended when someone offers to help him.
"Let's go back to my room, I wanna show you something." He takes my hand and lets me pull him up. He waves good bye to Mark and leads the way out of the room. I follow. When we get back to the room he closes the door behind me then turns around and kisses like theirs no tomorrow. I was a tad surprised by this but I also have missed him to much to care. I kiss back.

Chapter 5

The next morning my doctor came in, he does that every weekend. This time was different though. When he came in he didn't even give me his usual greeting.
"We did it," was all he said. I was confused. I wasn't to sure what he was talking about.
"We did what?" I asked, picking at my breakfast.
"Remission, we have achieved remission." I didn't know how to react. I was happy but at the same time I was a little worried. I would be going home but from what I heard from other patients here that going home meant facing people who would act like you had the plague. I wasn't really ready to face that. Besides, my mom had treated me like a baby before I got sick and now it was probably going to be worse. I decided to be happy anyway.
"That ROCKS!" The doctor smiled at my enthusiasm, "So when do I get to go home?" I asked.
"Well tomorrow morning I will do a quick follow up test and when everything checks out then your parents can sign you out and you can be back on your snowboard before dinner." He smiled as I did a little in bed dance. When my parents found out they where just as happy as I had been, and my mom refused to let me go. When I finally managed to untangle myself from her hug I insisted that everyone leave so I could make a private call you Jam.
"Hello?" He answered the phone on the second ring.
"Jam, I'm going home!" I practically yell, well actually I did yell and I'm pretty sure that he had to pull the receiver away from his ear. I heard him let out a whoop on the other end.
"Slash that is awesome. When do you get out?" He asked. I could tell he was excited.
"The doc said tomorrow. He just needs to do one last test tomorrow and he is pretty sure that the test is going to come back ok." He let out another loud howl. I couldn't help but laugh at he antics. He did too.

The rest of the day went by fast. I probably couldn't tell you a thing that happened if I tried. It was the next morning that was a total upset to everyone. When I woke up my throat was sore and scratchy, I didn't say anything to the nurse who came in for the morning check up. I did want to risk not going home. Unfortunately I couldn't hide it from the doctor. When he came in he did all the basic test, including telling me to stick my tongue and say 'awww'. When I did he took one look, sat back and gave me an odd look.
"You told the nurse you where feeling good." I looked at him as innocently as I could.
"I am," when I said that every thing fell apart, my voice cracked and I started coughing. I heard him sigh.
"Well I want to take your temperature." I lay back in my bed and close my eyes, I awoke again when the nurse came in with the thermometer. When I did wake up I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I was coherent for about five minutes before I started feeling more and more out of it. I finally passed out again.


*********************************************************************************************


When Slash called me to tell me he would be going home the next day I was so ecstatically happy that I could barely contain myself. I hardly slept that night, I new I was so happy that he was finally going to get out of the hospital but I was also a little worried that something would happen and he wouldn't be able to leave. I woke up the next morning to the sound of the phone ringing. I that thought maybe it was Slash call me because he was home already. It wasn't, it was his mother. She told that Slash had suddenly taken ill and because his immune system was so weak that he was in the ICU. I was shocked, I didn't know what to do, or say. When we hung up it took me a total of three minute to get dressed and out of the house, then I had to go back and leave a note for my mom. When I got to the hospital the nurse at the ICU refused to let me in to see him, she said that only people the family felt should be let in could get in. I talked for about five minutes before Slash's dad came up and finally told the nurse to let me in. She walked me to a small area with a window looking in on Slash. He was unconscious and looked so incredibly helpless that my urge to go in there and take him away way was almost too strong to control. I only had five minutes in there before I as told that my time was up. When I left the hospital I got into my car and just sat staring for a few minutes before starting the engine and heading home.

Chapter 6

had no idea how many days had passed before I was coherent again. My throught felt scratchy and when I tested my voice it was hoarse. A nurse came in shortly after I awoke, she explained that I had caught the flu and because of the chemo therapy my immune system was too weak to fight off the infection. I asked how long I had been in the ICU.
"About two weeks, and if all goes well you should be back down in the oncology ward by Friday." I really didn't know what to think, one moment I was packed and ready to go home and the next thing I knew I was being told that I was going back to the same old ward of the same old hospital as if it were a good thing. Being stuck in the ICU was absolutely no fun. The only people who were allowed in my room were nurses and doctors and I had to see all my visitors through a window, I felt like some sideshow freak on display. I figured out in the first three days that Jam came at the same time every day and I actually started to look forward to it, even though he could actually come in and visit me.
By the time Friday rolled around I was sick and tired of isolation. I was so overjoyed when the nurse came in with a wheel chair and started to unhook me from all of the machines that I barely able to stay in bed.
"I am going to take you down to the oncology ward, you get to stay with your IV for a few more days," groaned and the nurse smiled. "And despite how hard you father tried he couldn't get you back in your old room, nor could he get you another private room. There fore you get a roommate." I thought about that on the way down, well at least I'd have someone to talk to of course I wouldn't have my privacy for various other activities that had occupied my time while I had been confined to my own room at night. It didn't take long to get down to the old ward. The nurse kept chatting the whole way and I was certain I was going to jump out of the chair and strangle her with the IV line when we turned into a room. One bed was empty, my guess was that I would be occupying that one, the other one has a boy about ten or eleven sleeping in it. The nurse helped me get settled and by the time she was satisfied that I was comfortable, I was also exhausted. I laid back, closed my eyes and fell asleep in less that two minutes.



I awoke to the sound of someone crying. It was dark both in the room and outside. Sitting up in bed I realized that it was my roommate that was crying, I honestly didn't know what to do. I cleared my throught. His head shot up and he looked me in the eye despite the darkness.
"Are you ok?" I asked tentatively. He just stared at me for a few seconds before answering.
"I'm fine." He looked down at his hands and I could tell he was lying. Carefully I climbed out of bed and dragged my IV line with me over to his side of the room and sat down in the chair beside his bed.
"Well, do you mind keeping me company for a while? I just got back from the ICU and I really need to talk with someone who doesn't work here." He looked back up at me and smiled slightly, almost like he was thanking me for not making a big deal about his crying.
"I guess," I held out my hand.
"My name is Slash Kamei, I'm stuck here with Leukemia, how about you?" He cautiously took my hand and shook it.
"Um, my name is Edgar, my doctor said I had non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I just got here this morning, before you did and I miss my mom and dad." His bottom lip began to quiver slightly, I suddenly felt my paternal instinct take over. I very carefully moved my self so that I was seated beside him on the bed and pulled him into a hug. I wasn't even sure why I did it, maybe because I know what it is like your first night in a hospital or maybe just because having a son of my own made me miss Kyle. I felt the younger boy wrap his arms around me and start shaking, I didn't say or do anything I just let him cry. It didn't take long for him to wear him self out and soon he was asleep.

I woke the next morning to find myself alone in the room, when the nurse came in with my breakfast asked her where Edgar was and she told me that he had gone for radiation. She when about doing all the things nurses do, as she got ready to draw blood I decided to ask the question that had been on my mind since last night.
"What is non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma?" she looked at me for a second.
"Well, it is a type of cancer that causes tumors to grow on your internal organs. In some cases it is not to serious in others the chances for survival are so slim that a doctor might even decided that treatment won't really help. I take it you have talked to your roommate some?" she smiled at me.
"Yeah, can you tell how serious Edgar's condition is?" I ask, she sighs slightly.
"Unfortunately I am not allowed to talk to about a patients condition to anyone other than immediate family. Besides I doubt the doctor even knows at this point, he was admitted yesterday." I nod, sigh, lay back and stair out the window. When Edgar came back in he was followed closely by a nurse and a couple that where probably in their mid-thirties. I took one look at the boys weak, prone form on the hospital bed and can't help but think of my self in that same state, I know I have been there before. The woman looks at me for a second then smiles.
"You must be Slash, Eddy has been talking about you all morning. He told use you where really nice to him last night." I smile back.
"Yeah, well he's a nice kid." She walks over and looks at the small display of pictures that adorn my bedside table, I had set them up last night after Edgar had gone to sleep.
"That is more or less my family, well except for her," I point to Linda in a picture of her and me, "She's my ex and a good friend." She smiles and picks up a picture of Kyle and me.
"This is a nice picture, your little brother is really adorable." I get a slightly embarrassed feeling in the pit of my stomach that I always get when someone calls Kyle my brother. I have had more than my s hare of bad experiences with telling people that he's my son. I swallow.
"Um, actually he's my son," I say, I can feel a slight blush starting. She looks as if she doesn't know what to say.
"Well then, he's still really cute. How old is he?" she finally says, I can see slight disapproval in her eyes.
"He's two," I look down at my hands, not because I feel bad but because I am starting to miss him. I hadn't been sick he would be staying at my house right now. Besides he has a talent for cheering people up. The lady lets out a small 'oh' I sigh. I know what she's thinking, it's like when people are trying to decide if I'm Japanese or Canadian I have to spell it out for them.
"I'm sixteen, I had just turned fourteen when he was born. His mom is the girl in the other picture, Linda, and to tell the truth I really miss him." I suddenly feel like crying. Edgar's mother takes one look at me and guesses how I feel.
"I know what it's like, last night I didn't get any sleep." She looks over at her son, "I was so worried about Eddy and all wanted was to hold him close and take all this away." By the time she finished she had started to cry her self. I reach over to where the nurse stores all the basics like puke buckets and pull out a box of tissue. I hand it to her, she thanks me then apologizes for getting so emotional. I tell her that it is no problem.



********************************************************************************************



It took what seemed like forever for Slash to get better. I visited the hospital everyday hoping that I would be able to look in and see him awake. And every day I showed up and he was still unconscious. After about two weeks of waiting he finally woke up. I was only allowed in on fifteen minute intervals, but one of those time when I got to see him he squinched up his nose like he does when you wake him up then he opened his eyes. He looked around the room and finally his eyes landed on mine. I was trying so hard not burst into tear that I almost missed it when they did. His face lit up and I knew it was because the first person he saw was someone he cared about. He raised his hand slightly waving at my and I waved back. The nurse showed up and told me my fifteen minutes where up. I blew him a kiss and managed to tear myself away from the window. I was surprised when I managed to make it home without starting to cry. When I did reach home I headed up to my room and finally let go of my relief and cried my self to sleep.

Chapter 7

My second day down from the ICU was completed with a visit from Jam and my parents. The second my mom came in she was fussing over me, trying to make sure that I was as comfortable as possible. I final told her that I was fine and she finally left me alone. Jam seated himself beside me started talking my ear off. My dad just hung back like he had no idea what he should do. Finally my mom decided that I was too thin (not like I had much of a choice) and headed down to the cafeteria to get me something to eat. That left my dad, Jam and me, my dad was still acting like he didn't know what to do. But then he probably didn't either. This was the fist time he's actually visited me in the hospital for any length of time, mostly it was just over the phone conversations filled with silences.
"Dad you can sit down if you want to." I motioned to the vacant chair on the other side of me. He sat.
"Um, I tried to get you a private room." I nodded.
"Yeah, the nurse told me. Don't worry about it though, I like my roommate." I smiled at him, he seemed to relax a little. I turn to Jam, "What's in the bag?" I motion to the small duffle bag he has with him. He looks down then picks it up and smiles.
"I got games and books for you to borrow, I do want them back when you're better though." He opens the bag, "I got Risk, Monopoly, cards, battle ship and about half of my Everworld collection." I grab the bag from him and go through it. I pull out the Risk game.
"Lets play," Jam agrees quickly I look over at my dad, "You wanna play?" I ask.
"I guess so, but I have never played it before."
"That's ok, we're gonna have to move though." I carefully climb out of bed and pull on the gown they let me use as a bathrobe. "The activity room has tables in it." I pull out a pen and leave a note for my mom on a tissue on my pillow and lead the others to the room. We pass my roomie on the way, I know his parents had been allowed to take him out of the hospital for a couple of hours because he's not that sick. I stop him.
"Hey, Eddy," he winces at the name, "My dad and Jam and me are gonna go play Risk wanna come?" He smiles.
"Yeah sure." The lot of us headed down to the activity room and start the game. It took awhile to finish and after that game my dad had to leave, three other paitents took the place of the loosers and they played the winner. Before I new it it was so late that most of the children where in bed and Jam was nodding off at the board (since he was the undifeated champion). It was then that the nurse came in a made us break it up. Jam was alseep on his feet.
"Jam, do you have a ride?" one of the nurses asked. Jam looked up at her and shook his head.
"Naw, I got my car. Jeez I should call my parents." The nurse took one look at Jam and shook her head.
"You're too tired to drive. I'll set up one of teh spare beds in Slash's room while you call you parents."
"I'm not to tired, I can drive home." I sighed and looked at him.
"Hey Jam," he looked over at me, "Call your mom see what she says, if she tells you to stay then stay, if she tells you to go then someone'll drive you." He glared at me but when off the call his mom. I cleaned up the game and when I got back to the room Jam was passed out on the spare bed next to mine. I smile slightly. I look over at Eddy, he was sleeping peacefully. I quetly walk over to Jam and bend down to kiss him, he turnes and I find my self being pull closer to him. I finally manage to break the kiss.
"Night Jam," I smile at him.
"Night Slash." I crawl in to bed and fall asleep in no time.

***

The next day I got the word that at the end of the week, if my test all came back normal, I would be able to go home. I was happy, sure I was stuck here another four days but I still get to go home. When Eddy found out I was leaving he was worried I would forget him.
"You have to come see me, I don't have any friends anymore and my mom says were intimate strangers." His look was pleading.
"You really don't need to beg, of course I'll visit. Besides what is this intimate strangers' bit?" I was confused as to what he was talking about.
"My mom says that the reason we are so close is because we are bonded through our illness." He seemed proud that he could relay that information. I smiled at him.
"Well no offence to you or anything but I really would rather not have that particular bond." He smiled back.
"None taken, and I kind of agree," I lean back in my bed and stare at the ceiling.
"Let's not talk about that now, I wanna know when breakfast is coming." I heard him laugh.

Chapter 8

This chapter is Jam's POV.


I arrived at the hospital early, I had caught a ride with Slash's parents. It was the day he was to go home and this time it was going to happen. There was no reason to keep him any longer. When I got to his room he was seated in a chair beside his roommates bed with a couple of bags at his feet. The second he saw me he jumped up and almost literally into my arms. I caught him and realized with some worry how light he was. It was a shock. I hadn't really noticed how much the chemotherapy had affected him. His jeans where a lot baggier than usual, as was his shirt. The baseball cap he was wearing had tuffs of baby hair poking out the side. He had a smile on his face that made him look incredible adorable.
"Hey, Jam you wanna take me to the movies tonight?" I had to laugh. I had planned on taking him out tonight but I guess he more or less asked himself out for me.
"Well, I had planned on doing some studying tonight," he pouted, he was adorable. "But if you really want to go out with me then I guess can take a rain check on the studying." He hugged me. I hugged him back.
"Bye Slash, you gotta come back and visit me. You promised to, and you can't go back on a promise." Slash laughed.
"Don't worry Eddy, I'll be back. I may even let Jam tag along." I rolled my eyes, chances where that he would drag me along.
"And I'll make sure that he doesn't forget." I tell the young boy. Eddy smiles at me. I pick up Slash's two bags and follow him and his parents out of the room. Slash and I headed out to the car while his parents sign him out. I put his bags in the trunk and climb into the back seat with him. The second I'm there he jumps me. I find myself pined against the door. I wiggle out and sit up. He pouts, again.
"What wrong?" He asks.
"Your parents are going to be here soon. I really don't want to deal with the awkwardness of them catching us making out." He continues to pout. I sigh and give in, I lean over and kiss him with all my passion. We were just starting to get into it when we hear someone clear their throat. I jump back and Slash turns to the person who so rudely interrupted us. His father was standing there, arms folded and a hard look on his face.
"Daaad! Did you have to bother us? We where busy." He faces forward with a pissed off look on his face. I sigh and settle myself into my own seat. Mr. Kamei climbs into the front seat. His wife was already in the passenger seat.
"You know you could have let them be for a bit. After all it has been a while since they've had a chance to be alone together lately." Mrs. Kamei gave her husband an innocent look. He sighed and turned the car on. The whole ride home consisted of Slash talking non-stop about everything he wanted to do as well as bouncing around constantly. It was amazing how much energy he had, and it was catchy too, buy the time I was to pick him up for our date rolled around I was just as excited. And of course we spent the whole night either making out, feeling each other up or both. I went to bed that night thinking everything was going to be ok finally.

Chapter 9

I was excited about school. I really wanted to get back after being stuck in the hospital for so long. What I hadn't expected was for everyone to avoid me. I got to the bus stop at my usual time. Nancy, and Tommy were all ready there. I got tackled the second I came into view. Nancy's parents hadn't allowed her to visit me in the hospital because they where afraid I would infect her. Tommy had just been to busy. Unfortunately not everyone was so happy. When the bus arrived at school thing seemed ok for about three seconds. The first thing I did was head to my locker, Jam had brought me homework while I was in the hospital and I had a lot of books to unload. As I walked down the hall most people moved aside, groups of people would stop talking or start whispering, I arrived at my locker to find that the guy I was sharing with had, well, moved out. His stuff was no where to be seen and the locker was more or less empty (save my old gym cloths which I had to throw out). That was more or less when I started to realize that people where avoiding me. The rest of the day was more or less the same, the one time I decided to head to the boy's room all the guys in there exited with out washing their hands (only about 45% of guys actually do wash their hands anyway) or even going at all. After that I decided to stay away from the toilets. In gym only about 6 guys actually change with my. It was worse than when everyone found out I was gay. By the end of the day I was more than depressed. I refused to let Jam drive me home and when I did get home I went straight to my room and crawled into be. It was about half an hour later when there was a knock on my door. I groaned and yelled out.
"What do you want mom." There was silence for a second then a voice.
"Well I'f I'm your mom then I should be arrested for incest." it was Jam, I swore silently to myself. He didn't wait for an invitaion, he just entered. I rolled over and faced the wall. He sat on the bed but didn't say anything. I curled up more. Jam layed down and and wraped his arms around me. I sighed. I had to admit just him holding me made things a little better. I gave in and rolled over. His blue eyes where clouded with worry. I bit my lip, trying not to cry. He pushed my bangs back and rested his forhead against mine. I closed my eyes and he kissed me lightly on the lips, that did it, I started to cry. Jam pulled me close and I rested my head on his shoulder. We stayed like that untill my mom called me down for dinner. When the two of us reached the kitchen my mom waisted no time inviting him to dinner. I was glad when he accepted. It ment that the conversation would not revolve around my day at school.
"Jam, how is your father? I hear he had an accident at work," My dad's attempt at small talk was almost funny. He had talked to Jam's father just as he got home.
"He's good, the doctor says he can get back to work but the end of next week at the latest." My dad nodded. I silently work my way through my dinner. Once dinner was finished Jam offered to help me with the dishes, I washed he put them into the dish washer to be washed again (I do keep telling my mom that that appliance is just a wast of space!). When we were done he and I headed out to his car and left for the hospital.

***

I arrived at Eddie's room at about six thirty in the evening. He was lying in bed looking pretty sick, I new the feeling. I put on the biggest smile I could and greeted him.
"Hey! Eddy, how you doin'?" he looked up at me surprised.
"You actually came!" He was happy.
"Course I came, I made a promise didn't I?" Jam cleared his throat. I look back at him.
"I'll just be down in the waiting room, you can come and get me when your done ok?" I smiled and waved to him. I sit myself in the chair next to Eddie's bed.
"So how's life back in this realm?" He rolls his eyes at me.
"About as good as it can be, comsidering that the doctor just told me that he found another tumor. This one is in my stomach." He gave me a depressed smile. I do my best to widen my own smile.
"Well look on the bright side, at least they found it. Besides they might beable to remove it, you don't need all your stomach to live." He sighed.
"How was going back to school?" He asked changing subjects, I bite my lip. "I want the whole truth, no sugar coated answer. I'm getting so many of those I think I'm gonna get a tooth ach." I smile.
"The truth is, it was hell. Nobody but Jam and my really good friends actually talked to me and most people went out of their way to avoid me. And truthfully that was sugar coated." He layed back in his bad.
"I'm glad I won't be going back." I was surprised at that statment. "Slash, I need to tell you a secret." He motions for me to come closer. I move my chair and lean over.
"Slash, no matter what anyone tells you I know I'm not going to leave. Ever since I got here things have been getting worse. Yesterday my doctor told me that the were taking me off Chemo and radiation. I know thats because they can't really do anything except help me with any pain." I didn't know what to say. I was shocked at what he had just told me. I knew that he was getting worse but I never thought that he would never get better. After all that was something that happened to somebody elses friend, right?

Chapter 10

The second day of school wasn't much better and the rest of the week was just as bad. I had been a bit of an outcast before all this but now it was even worse. It was Saturday evening and he was laying on his bed reading when the phone rang. He let his mom pick it up.
"Slash! Phone!" I considered pretending I was asleep but something told me this was important. I picked up.
"Yeah?" I heard my mom let out an exasperated sigh and hang up.
"Sl...Slash?" the voice at the other end was familiar, and sounding meek. "Um, it's Eddy," know I knew why I recognized the voice.
"Hey, Eddy, I thought I recognized the voice." I hear him let out a breath. He was obviously nervious.
"Really? You recognized my voice?" he seemed surprised that some one would find him familiar.
"Really, so what can I do for you?" I asked. He was quiet for a bit.
"Well, um, my birthday is on Monday and I was going to have a party tomorrow and, um, I want you to come." I could tell that he was certin I would say no.
"Of course I'd love to go, can I bring some one?"
"Sure, the nurses are letting me have the party in the activity room and their even gonna let anyone on the floor who wants to come to come, so it really doesn't matter. Besides I want to see Jam again." I could he the smile in his voice, especially at the last comment.
"How'd you know it would be him?" I had never told him about Jam and me. I figured that he really didn't kneed to know.
"Well, I guess my mom never told you that I was an expert at feigning sleep." I blushed.
"Oh," He chuckled slighty at that.
"Well I guess I'll see you and Jam tomorrow at six then."
"I guess so," we said our good byes and hung up. I then picked up the receiver again and called Jam. He was more than happy to go with me.

***

The next afternoon I was sitting on Jam's bed while he changed for the party. He insisted on looking good despite the fact that it was really just a little gathering at the hospital.
"All right how do I look?" I look up and see him dressed in a dark button down shirt and clean, fairly new jeans. I hid a small smile. It was the same outfit he had tried on about an hour ago.
"Same as you did about an hour ago." I tell him, "You look really, really hot!" He rolls his eyes and sighs.
"Fine then, are you ready to go?" I nodded and got up. The two of us where just about to get into the car when Jam stopped, he looked at me and said.
"Um, I forgot something in side, I'll be right back." As I got into the passenger side, Jam turned and ran into the house. When he returned he was trying to stuff something into his jacket pocket. He climbed into the drivers seat and turned the car on.
"What did you forget?" I asked. He looked at me for a second.
"Nothing," HE pulled out of the driveway and turned towards the hospital. I leaned back in the seat and looked at him out of the side of my eyes. He was staring straight ahead and gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles where white. He was obviously nervous about something, but I new he wasn't going to tell me, and it was probably best to not push it. We, as usual, took an hour to get to the hospital. When we did one of the nurses, Betty, told us to head straight to the activity room. When we got there the room was decorated with ribbons and balloons. Eddy was in a wheelchair with a huge smile on his face in the middle of the room. I wave to him.
"Hey, happy birthday buddy." I say with a smile to match his. He smiled back.
"I am so happy you could come, hi Jam, how are you? Hope everything goes as planned." With that Eddy winked at Jam and headed off into the crowed of patients, nurses and his parents. I tried to ask him about what he had ment with 'Hope everything goes as planned' but he wouldn't answer, and Jam swore he knew nothing of what Eddy was talking about. I decided that the best thing to do would be to forget about it and just have fun. It wasn't all that easy though, more twice that night I caught Eddy and Jam having a private conversation that stopped when they saw me. I was starting to get a tad worried. At the end of the evening, as Jam and I were climbing into the car, he asked if we could stop some where private for a bit. Agreed, happy that we would get to spend some time alone with out the threat of parents walking in on us. We parked in a small parking lot that was about three quarters of the way up the mountain that was really for the picnic area. We sat their in silence for a few seconds after Jam turned the engine off. I folded one leg under me and turned towards him.
"So, I'm guessing that you probably wanted to talk." He looked at me. The look in his eye told me that he was nervous.
"Um, well sort of, I actually wanted to give you something." He fumbled with something in his pocket for a moment before turning to me. He held a small black box in one hand. He handed it to me, I took the box and opened it. I gasped. Inside was a ring, it was silver with a rose ingraved on it.
"Um, it's a promise ring. It, um, it means that I promise that one day I'm going to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me." He was blushing by now. I bit my lip, I really didn't know if I should cry or kiss him. Sure the ring was a little feminine but I loved it. I pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it onto my finger, I then decided the best thing to do would be to kiss him. We stayed there doing more talking that kissing until about twelve thirty. When I got home I sat on my bed for about half an hour examining the ring.

Chapter 11

I visited Eddy as much as I could, but it wasn't until he started to get to weak to sit, even between treatments, when I began to realize that what he had told me on my first visit might be true. And every time I saw him, or any of the other patients, I couldn't help but feel how lucky I was, and how I could just as easily end up back in the oncology ward. Jam was pretty sympathetic; I think he was mostly worried that I would get sick again. I went to the hospital for my monthly test. They stuck needles in me and took blood and bone marrow from me then told me everything was good and sent me on my way. After I left the office I went to see Eddy. When I got there his parents where standing out side his room together, his mom was crying. I got worried. Mrs. Stevens, Eddy's mother, looked at me. She motioned for me to come over. I swallowed hard and approached her. With out saying anything she pulled me into a hug, I hugged her back. She let go and looked at me.
"Slash, I want you to know how much it means to us that you where such a great friend to Eddy." She dabbed her eyes with a tissue. Mr Stevens stepped forward.
"Eddy wanted you to have this. He was sleeping when his heart stopped. He didn't suffer." I nod slowly and look down at the envelope and swallow. I thank the Stevens and leave. I meet up with Jam in the lobby of the hospital. He asks me why I didn't stop to see Eddy as I usually do. He takes one look at my face and understands. He reaches out to hug me pull back.
"I just want to go home." I say quietly. He nods and walks quietly with me to the car. The whole ride he says nothing. When we stop I look up and see that we are not at my house but in an abandoned parking lot. I look over at him. He hands me a small pack pf tissues and asks if I want to be alone, I nod. He kisses me on the cheek before climbing out of the car. I sit there for about five minutes before opening the letter.

Dear Slash,
If you are reading this then that means the inevitable has happened.
I have told my mom about how you have helped me and I know that she sees you
almost as another son. All I can really say in that you have made these last few months easier on me. You were the only true friend I've had since I got sick. I wrote this because I wanted to say goodbye, and I'll see you some other time. To tell the truth I kind of wish I could have had a chance to baby-sit Kyle like you had promised. I'm going to miss you.

Your friend forever,
Eddy

P.S. I've enclosed a picture that I thought you might want to keep.

By the time I had finished reading I was crying. I pulled the picture out of the envelope, it was Jam and me. We were both in my bed in the hospital, we were curled up in each other's arms and sleeping. Jam opened the door and climbed in, I didn't notice until he pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and cried. We stayed like that for a while before I managed to stop my tears. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. Jam and I headed home.


***

Eddy's funeral was that weekend. Two days after he passed on. I stayed in the back of the crowed, I didn't want anyone telling my how sorry they were. I didn't pay much attention to the speakers, or anyone else. It was like I was in a dream world, everything was going on as it should but I was stuck in the same place. I slipped away just as the minister was finishing up. I walked along the stone pathway leading through the cemetery. I walked for about an hour before returning to Eddy's grave. There where fresh picked flowers that people had left. They left them once but would probably never come back to leave anymore, for some reason that made me angry, then sad. I bit my lip to stop from crying. I don't know how long I had been standing there when a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind.
"You ok?" Jam's soft whisper comforted me some, I had been feeling so apart from the rest of the crowd that actually hearing him talk to me seemed to bring me back. I turned around and hugged him. I buried my face in his neck and let the sound of his heart comfort me.