Why do I feel so sad???????

Why do I feel so sad???????

Joined: March 10th, 2006, 2:29 am

May 9th, 2007, 2:50 am #1

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
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Joined: February 15th, 2007, 4:30 am

May 9th, 2007, 5:17 am #2

Hi Alyssa
Sorry to hear about your situation and that you are feeling so low.

My DS is turning 4 in a few weeks and it just means another year that he and a sibling will be so far apart. sigh.. But I need to remind myself that we are fortunate to have him and to enjoy him as much as possible.

As for your DS bday party, bigger is great! I had 60+ people at my DS's 1st birthday party, crazy! but it was a nice luncheon to thank all my family and friends that were so supportive and helpful during that hectic first year.

Try to enjoy the party, your precious son and Mother's Day!!

Teffie

DS - almost 4 ..easily conceived
irregular cycles for the last 2 years
FSH ranges from 4.7 - 62 argh.. : (
doing acup and TCM
recent FSHs 4.7, 16.2 and 8.7
avoiding my RE for now
trying naturally for a few months
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Anna
Anna

May 9th, 2007, 10:31 am #3

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
I can relate and I am sure many of us on this board can as well. My DS recently turned 3 and I have been sad at all of his birthdays, as I they are milestones where I thought I would be pg (actually already wanted to be pg by his first birthday). I was also almost ready to not throw him a party this last one because I knew that so many of my DS's toddler friends would show up with their siblings or pregnant moms. But I bit the bullet - thinking this may be the only 3 year old birthday party I ever throw, and we had a nice party.

Your situation is especially hard given the m/c (I do remember your very sad m/c back in October). But your party will be great and your child will love it and that is the best thing you can do right now for both of you. I am sure there is a second baby in your future.
Anna

PS : I am also feeling sad a lot lately and I do worry that DS can sense it. I hate the thought of him feeling like he is growing up with a sad mommy. Sort of wondering if I should not start taking anti-depressant drugs ? (sorry to tack my own gloom on to your post)
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Joined: May 7th, 2007, 6:11 am

May 9th, 2007, 2:42 pm #4

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
My son turns 18 months today, and not to take away from the pure joy that I feel (my FSH was as high as 45 yet I conceived him on a natural IUI cycle), I also think about the age difference, my age (42) and will he be an only child. I only have one sister and she's ttc#1 at 41 (her DH is 47). So if she doesn't have a child, and I don't have #2, then Nathaniel will have no siblings and no first cousins (he'll have some 2nd cousins but far away). So it's ok to be joyous about what you have and sad about what you don't have. It doesn't have to be a choice, and one doesn't have to take away from the other. Being sad that you don't have #2 yet doesn't mean you aren't grateful for #1. Try to separate the feelings, because they truly are separate. Celebrate what you have, and also try for what else you want. I'm doing the same.

Dianna, 42
DS 18 months
8th IUI (natural)
highest FSH - 45
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J's Mom
J's Mom

May 9th, 2007, 3:10 pm #5

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I have been lurking here for a while but have not posted anything yet. I just had to respond to your message though b/c I am in the same situation. My DD is 18 months old, and I had a D&C in October as well. My due date was May 27. Up until this month I was coping pretty well.

When I start feeling down, I just try to think of my DD and how happy she has made us. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. It really is very difficult to separate the joy you have for your DC, and the sadness you have for a previous loss, or inability to give your DC a sibling.

What makes matter worse for me, is that my two SIL's found out they were pg within 2 weeks of when I found out. They are both going to be having their babies in a few weeks, and we are going to go visit (they are in another State) shortly after they are born. I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through that trip.

You are not alone in how you feel, and I wish there was something we could all do to make it better. It is a comfort to know that I am not alone in how I feel and have a great source of support in the women on this board. I hope you all have a wonderful time at the party!!

Me (41)
DH (41)
DD (18 months)- Conceived on 3rd IVF attempt
Highest FSH (15)
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Joined: May 21st, 2006, 5:31 pm

May 9th, 2007, 11:35 pm #6

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
My DD is 4 now, and I m/c'd back in 2005. I can remember the unbridled joy we felt when we found out we were pg. How quickly it turned to devastation, and now all of my friends who had children at the same time as I did, are on their second and even third now. It hurts. It hurts that she may be an only child. I'm an only child, and I know how lonely it can get sometimes. I cherish her more than anything in this world and worry that I'll be too overprotective of her because of it.

(((HUGS))) to you. I know how hard it is. Focus on the good, even though it is hard and the guilt is enormous. We're here for you, after all, in the same boat!

DArachel

DArachel
Me 41
DH 41
2005. September; conceived naturally w/ high FSH, m/c at 8 weeks
2005. August; Dx with high FSH (30), HSG showed only r ovary functioning
2004. December; Laparoscopy to remove endo
2003. December; Laparoscopy to remove endo, partial removal of right ovary
2002. December; DD born, after 5 years ttc.
2001. February; Open Lap to remove two large endometriomas and severe endo.
1999. February; herniated L5-S1
1997 Married
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Missy in Chicago
Missy in Chicago

May 12th, 2007, 6:17 pm #7

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
I just checked this board for the first time in months and i wanted say that your message really touched me. I know it stinks thinking your DS may be an only child, but it sounds like you are a wonderful mother and are showering him with love. He is lucky to have you so please remember that. Please take care.
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Joined: August 25th, 2006, 2:36 pm

May 12th, 2007, 11:01 pm #8

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
Your post struck a chord with me, too. My DD will be turning 2 next week. And while these past two years have been the most wonderful of my life, I also feel a sense of incompleteness. I had a miscarriage last June -- so I went through what you're going through now back in January when I would've delivered. I think it's perfectly normal to mourn a milestone that never came to be. I also feel like every passing milestone in my DD's life, as joyous as those milestones are, is a reminder that she's that much older and that I've gone that much longer without being able to conceive a sibling.

I think you vented at the right place -- who else would understand better than those of us dealing with secondary IF? Hugs to you.
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Joined: January 29th, 2007, 7:59 pm

May 14th, 2007, 11:11 pm #9

Hi ladies! I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I am having a tough week. For those of you who know me, I had a D&C at 9 weeks in October - my due date would have been this Thursday. DS turns 2 on Saturday. I am trying to focus on the celebration of his life, but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking that I should have been having another baby this week. The m/c was due to chromosomal abnormalities, so I know it was for the better, but somehow that does not even help me feel better right now.

DS is so wonderful and surprises me every day with what he is learning. We are having a HUGE party on Sat (bigger than a 2 year old should have - probably more for the adults than the kids). I am sure I am overdoing the party due to the guilt - When I complain about the cost, DH says "So you are going to cut back/deny your only child of this party" - give me a break!!!!! I already feel guilty that he is going to be an only child - why don't you just rub a little more salt in that wound?????

Anyway - sorry to vent, I just have nowhere else to go where anyone will understand.

Thanks for listening.

Alyssa
Alyssa,
i think there would be something wrong if you didn't feel sad. you lost a child and that is hard to get over. i am glad that you are celebrating ds. all kids should be celebrated and i know that he will have a sibling when the time is right. i know that is easy for me to say, but i really feel something good is going to happen for you. keep your chin up and enjoy the party.
ava
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