It is NOT my imagination (long vent)

It is NOT my imagination (long vent)

Anon for this
Anon for this

February 8th, 2008, 8:27 pm #1

Know how when you're dealing w/ IF "they" say you just happen to notice pregnant people, get more baby-shower invites, etc. only because IF is on your mind? And it wouldn't be any different than if you weren't dealing w/ IF? I have had my face rubbed in other people's fertility sooo much lately that I want to scream.

First of all, I'm over 40 and I have a 2 yr. old DD. Yes, of course I expect her peers to be getting baby brothers and sisters. Yes, I expect half the women in our <insert your favorite mommy-and-me-type class> to be pregnant. Yes, I knew that all the moms in my IRL playgroup would eventually get pregnant. Yes, I know my age is a factor in my IF. I can pretty much handle it, but why in the last two months all I hear about are people who didn't want to get pregnant who do?? A woman in my neighborhood had her 3 child last month. She was 43. My cousin, 37, didn't want any more children after the first two. Whoops...now she's pregnant with a third. Another friend, 43, originally didn't want ANY children because she didn't want to contribute to over population. She had one 6 years ago, and uh, oh now she's pregnant again...did I mention she's 43?? My brother just got his 40-yr-old girlfriend pregnant -- whoops!

In the past 1.5 years I've undergone more needle sticks and bodily proddings than most women go through in a lifetime. I've done acupuncture, downed supplements, meditated, done IVF, prayed, feng-shui'ed my bedroom, hung-out w/ my pregnant and lactating friends to breathe their pheromones. I've taken my temperature every freaking day for years and have peed on enough sticks to fill a small landfill. I'm a good mom and I WANT another child. I know my journey isn't as bad as others, and I am incredibly grateful for my DD. I also know that life is unfair, but I just had to whine/vent and figured this was the best place to do it.

Anyone else ever experience an inordinate number of people around you having "whoops!" babies? It just sucks. I would do anything for a "whoops!" It seems so unfair when it happens to people who didn't want it.
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Stephanie
Stephanie

February 10th, 2008, 3:59 am #2

hi..
I am 37.. and have an almost 8 year old DS.
Longing for that second child for 4 years now.
No AF for 7 months and highest FSH 41.
Never smoked, drank or did un godly things.
Sick of the same stuff you're sick of.
So tired of everyone elses kids getting that brother or sister and YES... not wanting them.
Tired of looking at my thirs bedroom in my house and nothing to fill it with but junk!
YES... I hear you.... Vent some more... I am with you!!!
HUGS~~

Stephanie
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Anon for this
Anon for this

February 12th, 2008, 2:39 pm #3

Thanks for acknowledging my whiney vent. Secondary IF really sucks. You just can't avoid pregnant people, babies and little kids. I so hope your dreams come true for you.
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Stephanie
Stephanie

February 12th, 2008, 9:02 pm #4

Let's hope we all get that second child we have always wanted for us and our child.

happiness!

Stephanie
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Anna
Anna

February 14th, 2008, 11:57 am #5

Know how when you're dealing w/ IF "they" say you just happen to notice pregnant people, get more baby-shower invites, etc. only because IF is on your mind? And it wouldn't be any different than if you weren't dealing w/ IF? I have had my face rubbed in other people's fertility sooo much lately that I want to scream.

First of all, I'm over 40 and I have a 2 yr. old DD. Yes, of course I expect her peers to be getting baby brothers and sisters. Yes, I expect half the women in our <insert your favorite mommy-and-me-type class> to be pregnant. Yes, I knew that all the moms in my IRL playgroup would eventually get pregnant. Yes, I know my age is a factor in my IF. I can pretty much handle it, but why in the last two months all I hear about are people who didn't want to get pregnant who do?? A woman in my neighborhood had her 3 child last month. She was 43. My cousin, 37, didn't want any more children after the first two. Whoops...now she's pregnant with a third. Another friend, 43, originally didn't want ANY children because she didn't want to contribute to over population. She had one 6 years ago, and uh, oh now she's pregnant again...did I mention she's 43?? My brother just got his 40-yr-old girlfriend pregnant -- whoops!

In the past 1.5 years I've undergone more needle sticks and bodily proddings than most women go through in a lifetime. I've done acupuncture, downed supplements, meditated, done IVF, prayed, feng-shui'ed my bedroom, hung-out w/ my pregnant and lactating friends to breathe their pheromones. I've taken my temperature every freaking day for years and have peed on enough sticks to fill a small landfill. I'm a good mom and I WANT another child. I know my journey isn't as bad as others, and I am incredibly grateful for my DD. I also know that life is unfair, but I just had to whine/vent and figured this was the best place to do it.

Anyone else ever experience an inordinate number of people around you having "whoops!" babies? It just sucks. I would do anything for a "whoops!" It seems so unfair when it happens to people who didn't want it.
thanks for your well written (and somewhat humoristic - great writing sytle) whine. I am the ONLY woman in my office (small office of 50 staff - half of whom are women and all have children) who does not have a second child. In my 3 years ttc #2, I have lived through 6 pregnancies just in my office (so daily confrontation) and all the added insult of having to be asked constantly when I will be having a second. I keep thinking thank God I have one child or this office would be hell for me.

Then there are all the other pgs around as you mention - at all the birthday parties, play dates, holidays, etc. In our entire group of contacts (friends, family, coworkers), DH and I are the only couple with one.

I have given up on the fertility treatments. I am 41 and have to face the music that in my case I am not going to get a child that way. My DS is turning 4 and I see a too huge gap between him and an eventual second child, so we are pursuing international adoption. We are about half way through the paperwork and it has really helped me to feel like I am doing something positive towards reaching my goal of adding to our family. The fertility treatments are just too hard. I realize adoption is not for everyone, but I could not go back to temping and injecting again. Just hope the adoption works out.

good luck to you. I know, what you mean - every time I hear of another 40+ woman pg I can only think - why didn't it work for me ??? I hope it does happen for you and for all the other women on here trying.
Anna
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Anon for this
Anon for this

February 18th, 2008, 5:42 pm #6

Thanks for your reply. Not that I wish this feeling on anyone else, there's something oddly comforting about knowing I'm not the only one. It's tougher, I think, than most people would imagine. It's harder than even I thought it would be. When I first started fertility treatments I thought, "If it works, great, if not, well, I've got my wonderful child." Well I've finished fertility treatments and I'm not "there" yet. Some day.

Best of luck to you with your international adoption. I hope it goes smoothly and quickly for you!
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mariafromlongago
mariafromlongago

March 20th, 2008, 9:25 pm #7

Know how when you're dealing w/ IF "they" say you just happen to notice pregnant people, get more baby-shower invites, etc. only because IF is on your mind? And it wouldn't be any different than if you weren't dealing w/ IF? I have had my face rubbed in other people's fertility sooo much lately that I want to scream.

First of all, I'm over 40 and I have a 2 yr. old DD. Yes, of course I expect her peers to be getting baby brothers and sisters. Yes, I expect half the women in our <insert your favorite mommy-and-me-type class> to be pregnant. Yes, I knew that all the moms in my IRL playgroup would eventually get pregnant. Yes, I know my age is a factor in my IF. I can pretty much handle it, but why in the last two months all I hear about are people who didn't want to get pregnant who do?? A woman in my neighborhood had her 3 child last month. She was 43. My cousin, 37, didn't want any more children after the first two. Whoops...now she's pregnant with a third. Another friend, 43, originally didn't want ANY children because she didn't want to contribute to over population. She had one 6 years ago, and uh, oh now she's pregnant again...did I mention she's 43?? My brother just got his 40-yr-old girlfriend pregnant -- whoops!

In the past 1.5 years I've undergone more needle sticks and bodily proddings than most women go through in a lifetime. I've done acupuncture, downed supplements, meditated, done IVF, prayed, feng-shui'ed my bedroom, hung-out w/ my pregnant and lactating friends to breathe their pheromones. I've taken my temperature every freaking day for years and have peed on enough sticks to fill a small landfill. I'm a good mom and I WANT another child. I know my journey isn't as bad as others, and I am incredibly grateful for my DD. I also know that life is unfair, but I just had to whine/vent and figured this was the best place to do it.

Anyone else ever experience an inordinate number of people around you having "whoops!" babies? It just sucks. I would do anything for a "whoops!" It seems so unfair when it happens to people who didn't want it.
Me, too! I'm SO tired of the many, many OOOPS pregnancies around me! My aunt just had her 4th child (and second OOOPS!), and she's 43 (I'm 44.) I had DS at 38... he's almost 6 and would love a sibling. That same aunt (married to my mom's youngest stepbrother), has chastised us repeatedly for raising DS without a brother or sister, and keeps pushing us to adopt (well, I have two brain tumors and DH had cancer... we can't pass a homestudy! And she knows all this!)

I can't have any more kids in any way due to my brain tumors, but I hope you don't mind me lurking here and posting occasionally because my secondary IF HURTS! Stupid SIL, as she sat there nursing her newborn (and I couldn't go anywhere b/c they were visiting us!) said, you really should adopt! (This is despite her knowledge of DH's cancer and my first brain tumor.) Nice!

It took me many years, A LOT of expensive, painful IF treatment, surgeries, pain and suffering to have DS (we also have severe male factor). It is speculated that all the hormones contributed to the growth of my brain tumors (one is in my pituitary, and one is the type with estrogen and progesterone receptors.) Please note that brain tumors are HORRIBLY common (strong genetics, sadly) from the small town both my parents are from. It does not mean that the average person will get a brain tumor from treatment (it is a very rare situation, lucky me.)

I would be happy if I could do DE... I'd consider adoption if it were a possibility.

As it is, it is incredibly cruel every time someone in my gigantic and incredibly fertile family pops out another kid, and I am expected to show up at yet another baby shower and baptism and hear the same refrain, "Poor DS has to grow up alone!" "Why don't you adopt?" "Have you thought about donor eggs?" And in my family, just about everyone gets pg -- women in their mid forties (both my grandmothers had kids at that age), extremely obese women, women who smoke like chimneys, smoke dope, drink heavily, can't possiblily afford to raise all those kids, abuse their kids... the list goes on! So many of my chain-smoking, party-hardy, late thirties cousins have boasted about going off the pill and bam!

OH PULEAZE!!!!!! It is hard to feel so alone and angry!

M
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