THE BARBARIAN QUEEN
Me Flaxen. Me Bar-bear-e-an. Me QUEEN.
Me hear lots men talk. Talk talk talk about Bar-bear-e-an King. Humph.
All talk about Barbear King. No talk about Barbear Queen. Me think -- be Barbear Queen, be first! Be Queen of all! No one else Queen, no?
Me now 28. Buy Broadsword buy Kite Shield from talk-like-rocks man. Buy much much red from soft-talk man.
Me buy bow. It War Bow! Men say, ho ho, short bow for short girl! Me show men. Me show all!
Me start in church.
With sharp and shield me hit all in Church but some boss. Many foe have bow too! But me use sharp and fight, find hand plus finger bows. Me no drink red.
Now me ready for Cat!
With much bow from Church me clear Cat. Me find far-away foe on every level. But me still kill all in Cat! Drink two red. Find three bow.
Me go into Cave with many bow, kill all. Drink two hands reds, but crush! Far-away foes on every level. Me still crush!
Me go to Hell.
Me use many bow. First find Black-Men with Blue Witch. Next Shiney-Men with bad dogs. Ouch ouch! Then more Shiney-Men with Red Witch.
Me drink two hands cut off one finger red.
Then me go see Dee-ap-lo. Use many bow, fight all. Drink much much. Open Deeaplo room, walk around with bow.
Shoot shoot shoot. Walk walk walk. Shoot shoot shoot. Walk walk walk.
Me walk around room four time, shoot shoot shoot until no Big-Men come, no fireball come out, until hear no sound.
Me have birthday! 29!
Then take BIG sword me found, and Kite shield, and walk into Deeaplo room.
Deeaplo VERY big. Him VERY mad! Me put back to wall and hack hack hack! Me drink three time, then Deeaplo scream and make much red! Woot!
Go back to town. Me say, me Bar-bear-e-an Queen now!
For anyone interested in the particulars.
Flaxen(Bar) at clevel 28
(When she lupped to 29, all points went to Dex. The reason she started when she did was to get her minimum bow damage with a SWB to 33 so she'd stun everything. Probably could have started at 27 knowing she'd lup to 28 during the quest and get to 33 damage, but I didn't. As it was she didn't start getting exp until Caves anyway.)
Short War Bow, Broadsword, Kite Shield 10, Great Helm 15, Splint Mail 35. 8 reds on belt, 51 in backpack (I was muling some items out for an Elitist, so couldn't fill all slots with reds at game start, since I was not going to return to town.)
The game started at 7:15 AM. It ended at 6:13 PM, with many delays due to phone calls and breaks.
Church took 50 minutes to clear.
Cats took 1.21 to clear
Caves took 1.59 to clear
Hell took 2.41 to clear
Total actual game time was 6hrs 51 mins. (I had archers/ranged foes every level from 3 onward. With better foes mixes, I'm sure I could have gone faster. Just couldn't do it this game.)
And -- in this one game played in one sitting -- about 82,185 gold dropped that I was able to pick up. I wasn't able to grab any of the gold the Advocates in Diablo's room had dropped -- was too busy fighting Diablo, and couldn't -- but maybe another 250-350 gold was lying on the floor in his room.
I had about forty potions left over. Shoulda bought another bow (or two!) at the game start, as bows became a concern while clearing 15 and 16 (I had two Hunters bows sitting on the floor on Church 2, but its a damn far walk to get those if you don't go to town). Even one more bow would have made it a moot point. I burned up seven bows (all found during the game). (I had five, count em, FIVE bows drop on dlevel 13 -- and ALL of them were magical.)
The only really serious point was trying to clear the spiral-room on dlevel 16. Just two Advocates were immediately beyond one corner, and I had to endure both their attacks in order to be able to kill them, and that was quite dangerous. Closest I came to dying.
I wasn't sure how tough Diablo would be with a level 29 Rogue and a slow-block shield, but it proved easily do-able. His claws never touched me, it was always an apoc blast that damaged me.
Meant to title this post, but forgot. It is indeed the tale of a Barbarian Queen.