Question to those who are married...

Question to those who are married...

Joined: August 29th, 2001, 4:26 am

April 22nd, 2003, 3:39 pm #1

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

What was it that attracted you to them?

How long have you been married?

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. And as always, if you don't feel comfortable then don't post .
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Occhi
Occhi

April 22nd, 2003, 4:02 pm #2

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

In a bar.

What was it that attracted you to them?

Uh, we 'clicked.' We found each other attractive. We shared quite a few values about life itself. We both thought I was funny.

How long have you been married?

14 Years.

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

We sort of went out a few times over the course of three or four months, then it took another year and a half of going out just with each other, and then getting engaged, before we were married. All told, a 22 month process. We took a bit of a risk, as compared to my older brother. Four year 'courtship' in his case. My sister and her husband went out and got engaged, for two and a half, years before they married.

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner

No, we never broke up, never intend to.
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Joined: November 21st, 2001, 1:08 pm

April 22nd, 2003, 4:52 pm #3

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

What was it that attracted you to them?

How long have you been married?

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. And as always, if you don't feel comfortable then don't post .
How and where did you and your spouse meet?

We lived in the same residence at University, albeit on different floors. :P

What was it that attracted you to them?

I honestly cannot say. Something clicked when I met him.

How long have you been married?

18 years

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

We knew each other for three years before dating. We dated for a couple of years before living together (which we did when I finally graduated from University). We lived together for six years before marrying.

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Well, he broke up with me twice.

The first time, it was when we were dating. He was insistent that we should go to his place for the night, and I was insistent that I wanted to stay where I was, as I had things to do in the morning and the weather was nasty. We argued. He stomped off in a huff, vowing never to return. After standing at the bus stop for almost an hour in the midst of the storm, with no bus in sight, he returned. He said he was still angry with me, but was also sure I would not want him to die out in the snowstorm, so could he please use my couch. Somehow, he did not end up sleeping on the couch.

Later, when I was studying for my M.B.A. and working part-time, I had little time for social events of any kind. He asked how I would feel if he dated others. I said that would be fine with me as long as I had his time when I was free to play. Oddly, the 'other woman' did not like that arrangement much, so it did not last long.
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Charis
Charis

April 22nd, 2003, 5:15 pm #4

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

What was it that attracted you to them?

How long have you been married?

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. And as always, if you don't feel comfortable then don't post .
Indeed, I've been asked just about this same set of questions a few times before, usually by someone who is thinking maybe, just maybe, they've met their mate. (And once by someone just wondering if they ever would)

> How and where did you and your spouse meet?
At college, some costume meeting where she wore a fireman's helmet, and I found out her dad was a fireman (so was mine).

> What was it that attracted you to them?
'First' thing of interest was the fireman thing actually, it was tiny, but just enough that we got talking and found more in common. Going beyond that, she was just a very 'fun' person, very nice, and I just liked being around her. We got to be good friends, but didn't date til almost 2 years later.

> How long have you been married?
17 yrs.

> How long did you know your spouse before you started
> dating them, and how long after you started dating
> them before you married them?
We were best friends for well over a year before we even 'went out'. Lots of group activities, and shortly before I graduated she realized the group had dwindled to 2 but we still did things together. Being friends first is highly recommended in my book, fwiw.
The engagement came only about 5 months after first 'dating', but we chose almost a year engagement to 'make sure' (we were also living about 4 hrs away from each other, which was a mixed blessing)

> Have you, at any time in the past broken up with
> your current partner?
Nope. As Occhi says, no plans to either :P

One last tidbit. I think if folks focus on being the type of person that would be a great person to marry, it's far more effective than worrying about finding 'the right' person. And for sure, be yourself in any courtship, and be convinced they are too.

Best wishes for you and your future mate, whoever it turns out to be!

Charis
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Joined: August 2nd, 2001, 4:29 pm

April 22nd, 2003, 6:50 pm #5

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

What was it that attracted you to them?

How long have you been married?

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. And as always, if you don't feel comfortable then don't post .
This is probably going to sound really really strange... So be nice.

I have been friends with my wife's father for several dog's ages. I can remember my wife being born. Ack. I know how bad that sounds. I never really knew her though. I knew her name and what she looked like and that was about it. One moment she was a little girl in pigtails and the next moment it was New Years Eve. 1999/2000. There was a party. We talked. I was doing my best to play wallflower as always, trying to be polite and keep my scarred ugly mug away from civilized company. She pestered me all afternoon, most of the evening, etc, finally getting me to crack open and talk. I am not sure what the hell happened, to this very day, because we were married at the stroke of midnight to bring in the new year. She had always thought me mysterious and strange, there had always been a facination for me, even as a girl. I was always doing magic tricks for the neighborhood kids when I was over, or, giving rides on one of my many motorcycles.

She is a dear and precious sort of thing, it's only been 3 years, no plans any time soon to break the chain.
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Joined: March 14th, 2002, 7:31 pm

April 22nd, 2003, 7:20 pm #6

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

What was it that attracted you to them?

How long have you been married?

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. And as always, if you don't feel comfortable then don't post .
<How and where did you and your spouse meet?>Met her at college during a chess club demo, we were taking on all comers in blind chess.

<What was it that attracted you to them?>
She picked me, strangely enough. Not being a fool, I went along. She is everything I could ask for in a mate.

<How long have you been married?>
18.5 years

<How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them>
6 months

<, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?>
5.5 years, we waited until she completed college.

<Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?>
No, I would have been crazy to do so, and after all this time, she probably has me at least house broken.

As Charis said, friendship is the real key (IMO). If you can't talk to them about the everyday stuff, the kids, bills, laundry, etc, then it makes it a lot harder to talk about the really important things.
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Cyrene
Cyrene

April 22nd, 2003, 7:41 pm #7

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

What was it that attracted you to them?

How long have you been married?

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. And as always, if you don't feel comfortable then don't post .
...this doesn't apply to me, since I'm not currently married. However, as I am in no mood to do the staffing plan for the new business proposal, I'll stick my nose in and answer this anyway 8-).

You will get answers for both Spouse v 1.0 and v 2.0. Spouse v 3.0 is not yet in development. The Spouse v 2.0 episode resulted in Child 1.1 and 1.2, which have kept me too busy for further work on the Spouse line of business 8-).

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

1) We went to the same high school and participated in a lot of the same after-school activities.

2) New Years Eve party at a club. She tapped me on the shoulder (as I was chatting up these two girls trying to sort out which one was seriously interested in me and which one was just being competitive), and asked me to dance.


What was it that attracted you to them?

1) She was seriously in love with me and we had complimentary skills. She had some talents, goals, and opportunities, but was having a hard time getting from where she was to where she wanted to be. I was a "fixer" and had the skills to make her life work. Not only did I get the normal satisfaction from rendering order out of chaos, I got to feel needed and appreciated.

2) I was in love with her from the first instant I turned around and set eyes on her. Still am.


How long have you been married?

1) 7 years.

2) This one is trickier. We were legally married for about 8 or 9 years, but a better answer would be about 6.5 years-after that we started having separate living arrangements. Well, most of the time...


How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

1) Knew her about 5 years before we started dating, and we got married a couple of years after that.

2) We were dating from the moment we met, and were married 7 months later.


Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Well, obviously this doesn't really apply to me as written, but...

1) Only for about 1 hour while we were dating.

2) Despite (or because of) the amount and intensity of chemistry between us, we had a bit of a rocky start, which included not seeing each other for almost 2 months, during which time I started dating someone else. After we gave in to the inevitable, though, we never broke up-until the final meltdown, of course.


Good luck with whatever you are facing that spurred you to ask questions like this 8-).

--Cy
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Joined: October 23rd, 2000, 8:36 am

April 22nd, 2003, 9:35 pm #8

How and where did you and your spouse meet?

What was it that attracted you to them?

How long have you been married?

How long did you know your spouse before you started dating them, and how long after you started dating them before you married them?

Have you, at any time in the past broken up with your current partner?

Feel free to answer any or all of these questions. And as always, if you don't feel comfortable then don't post .
I was working in a pizza place in town, and happened to be walking by on a day off when one of my coworkers saw me and asked me to cover his shift, because a good friend of his was in town for the afternoon, and he hadn't seen him in a while. His friend was there, and we got to talking in the 5 minutes before the shift I covered was supposed to start.

I saw him (the friend, not my coworker) around town several times over the next couple of months, and every time I saw him he always stopped to talk, and often would invite me for coffee or something like that. Once, I think he even invited me to a (vegetarian) barbecue at his parents' house. Somehow, I was completely oblivious to the fact that he was asking me out all those times, probably because I was dating some loser at the time.

But, we got to be friends, and I enjoyed his company. I'd rather not go into the details of that year (and you may not want to know, hehe), but I think we ended up living together maybe 4 or 5 months after I met him.

We got married almost three years later, and now we've been married almost three years.

No, we've never broken up, although we've both had occasions where we've felt the need for some time alone for a few hours.

-Griselda
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Charis
Charis

April 22nd, 2003, 10:12 pm #9

Indeed, I've been asked just about this same set of questions a few times before, usually by someone who is thinking maybe, just maybe, they've met their mate. (And once by someone just wondering if they ever would)

> How and where did you and your spouse meet?
At college, some costume meeting where she wore a fireman's helmet, and I found out her dad was a fireman (so was mine).

> What was it that attracted you to them?
'First' thing of interest was the fireman thing actually, it was tiny, but just enough that we got talking and found more in common. Going beyond that, she was just a very 'fun' person, very nice, and I just liked being around her. We got to be good friends, but didn't date til almost 2 years later.

> How long have you been married?
17 yrs.

> How long did you know your spouse before you started
> dating them, and how long after you started dating
> them before you married them?
We were best friends for well over a year before we even 'went out'. Lots of group activities, and shortly before I graduated she realized the group had dwindled to 2 but we still did things together. Being friends first is highly recommended in my book, fwiw.
The engagement came only about 5 months after first 'dating', but we chose almost a year engagement to 'make sure' (we were also living about 4 hrs away from each other, which was a mixed blessing)

> Have you, at any time in the past broken up with
> your current partner?
Nope. As Occhi says, no plans to either :P

One last tidbit. I think if folks focus on being the type of person that would be a great person to marry, it's far more effective than worrying about finding 'the right' person. And for sure, be yourself in any courtship, and be convinced they are too.

Best wishes for you and your future mate, whoever it turns out to be!

Charis
The way those responses were coming, it looked for a minute like the 'average' RBD forum reader has been married for 16.8 years, and 33% of them met on New Years Eve!

Of course as the sample gets larger, these are already starting not to hold :P

Going further off topic, that's quite a QOTM!

Charis
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Joined: October 23rd, 2000, 8:36 am

April 22nd, 2003, 11:58 pm #10

To bring down the averages.

-Griselda
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