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[Evaluated]Shocking First Encounter

MWD
Joined: June 30th, 2017, 4:43 pm

May 16th, 2018, 8:47 pm #1

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Sandshrew
Gender: Female
Type: Ice/Steel
Level: 5
EXP Rate: Medium Fast
EXP Gauge: (7/9)
EXP Gained: 0
Health: Low
Attack: 21
Sp. Attack: 4
Defense: 10
Sp. Defense: 3
Speed: 10

Today was an absolutely glorious day for the young girl, her very first pokemon journey with her faithful companion Sandshrew by her side wearing a beautiful spring outfit with a smile on her face. She believed they could conquer any challenge that was in front of them. While one may argue that a powerplant is a dangerous place for a young girl such as herself to be in especially with but she didn't care this was her chance to discover new pokemin and hopefully befriend them no matter how big or small.

Ritsuko was absolutely excited to explore the dangerous yet power plant she's heard from townsfolk that they contain various types of electric pokemon inside from pikachus, electrodes, and others. The reason why she considering going there was to hopefully capture one and befriend it.

Looking up at the powerplant outside Ritsuko should have been scared. But she felt pumped, excited, more alive than she had ever thought possible. All the mundane worries of her life had been muted and all there was to know about was this moment. No worrying about the past, no anxiety about the future. In one adrenaline fuelled warrior-yell she walked into the plant with nothing but air beneath her feet and she was gone; eyes wide, grin wider.

Ritsuko looked at her pokeball and grinned happily before pressing the circle in the middle before releasing a beam of white light as it emerged from the ball and revealing the sandshrew.

""I'm counting on you Sandshrew let's make our first pokemon encounter great." she said happily patting her sandshrew on the head. The small armadillo-like pokemon uttered happily at its trainer making a few small grunts and squeaks before rubbing its soft head against her clothing making Ritsuko laugh.

"Alright then, lets get going!" she smiled before giving her sandshrew one big thumbs up before walking into the powerplant.

Ritsuko jumped a bit after seeing all the sparks and whatnot hanging along the ceiling with what appeared to be leftover wires and such from along time ago this did make her put her finger underneath her chin as she pondered as to what this facility was doing to said pokemon. Would they use them as a power source instead of electrcity to save time and money? Or was it for other purposes whatever the case the girl walked around as her sandshrew followed behind as they continue to adventure deep into the powerplant remaining vigiliant as to whatever pokemon or person may pop up.




Ritsuko Nickclovich • SuperNerd • Total EXP Gained: 1 •Dians: *1075* • Location: Glossterrice town, South Godai
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Sandshrew
Gender Female
Type: Ice/Steel
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health: Low
Attack: 21
Sp. Attack: 4
Defense: 10
Sp. Defense: 3
Speed:
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Cacnea
Gender: Male
Type: Grass/Dark
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health Low
Attack: 15 (27%)
Defense: 10
Sp. Attack: 18 (33%)
Sp. Defense: 6
Speed:: 6
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Level: 5
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Level: 5
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MWD
Joined: June 30th, 2017, 4:43 pm

May 24th, 2018, 7:48 pm #2

Using her knowledge she decided to use an attack that was super effective against this cactus-like pokemon and luckily for this lady her sandshrew had just the right attack that would get the job done. With a wave of her arm and a shout of enthusiasm her first pokemon battlr was about to commence...

Use Powder Snow! hearing its trainers command the sandshrew gathered energy with its stubby little arms and crushed it down to create snow blowing a freezing wind at the opposing Cacnea unexpectingly however the pokemon wasn't going to give up so easily, with a jump it immediately rushed towards the sandshrew and its barbs turned purple hitting sandshrew with a hit from the stomach hoping to inflict poison to make the armadillo pokemon's job a bit harder but whats strange is that the move apparently didnt effect sandshrew at all, in fact she was totally fine. Using this chance Ritsuko ordered her sandshrew to use a physical move to gain some distance between them.

Sandshrew, use Scratch!

With a nod her sandshrew drew its claws before swipping the Cacnea in the face with its small claws however what was strange is that despite the scratch the Cacnea was comepletely unaffected she couldn't see it from her perspective and then she saw it...a draining red beam of energy attached onto sandshrew and every second that it holds onto the Cacnea the more it'll revitalize himself to the point of being fully healed as if the battle never even commenced.

I gotta think of something fast... the girl said to herself as a bit of sweat ran down the side of her face, she had to think of something quickly before her sandshrew was knocked for the count...and then her brain hatched an idea and immediately put it into effect.

"Sandshrew! Use acratch once more but aim for the eyes!" without hesitation her sandshrew used scratch using its left and right claw and striking it in the eye, the cactus pokemon immediately let go of sandshrew as it started to close its eyes due to the immense pain this was her opportunity to finish the battle once and for all. Now's your chance use powder snow one last time! Since the cancea is in such close proximity the damage of the attack should be enough to knock it out. Her sandshrew gathered whatever it had left and fires it at the cacnea injuring it critically causing it to be knocked out face down.


It became obvious that her pokemon had reached its limit, sitting down the sandshrew was panting in utter exhaustion.


Ritsuko Nickclovich • SuperNerd • Total EXP Gained: 1 •Dians: *1075* • Location: Glossterrice town, South Godai
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Sandshrew
Gender Female
Type: Ice/Steel
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health: Low
Attack: 21
Sp. Attack: 4
Defense: 10
Sp. Defense: 3
Speed:
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Cacnea
Gender: Male
Type: Grass/Dark
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health Low
Attack: 15 (27%)
Defense: 10
Sp. Attack: 18 (33%)
Sp. Defense: 6
Speed:: 6
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Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
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Level: 5
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Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
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Defense:
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Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
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MWD
Joined: June 30th, 2017, 4:43 pm

May 25th, 2018, 10:03 pm #3

After getting a brief indication that her sandshrew was okay she quickly rummaged through her bag and held a pokeball pressing the white circle as it expanded fully looking at the cacnea to make sure it was completely down for the count.

"Alright! Go pokeball!" Ritsuko threw the pokeball at the defeated Cacnea and watched as the red beam completely encompassed the cacnea into the ball as it landed on the ground shaking as the pokemon tried to escape but luckily it would be an easy catch since its knocked out fully rather than if it was at half strength.

Then it shook... one, two, and three. Once Ritsuko looked at the ball her body went into complete overdrive, she immediately smiled as if she was a little kid going to the candy store ran up to her sandshrew and picked it up spinning it around and showered it with all sort of compliments and praises.

You did amazing Sandshrew!

Her sandshrew smiled albiet weakly and Ritsuko eyes averted back to the pokeball walking towards it and picking it up with her free hand.

"We finally got a new member for our team! and you deserve a long deserve rest you've earned it. the girl said putting down her sandshrew and pulling out its pokeball sending it back into its comfy home. She then decided to leave the powerplant as her footsteps echoed throughout until it was no longer audible. Her first pokemon adventure and she's captured a newfound companion for both her and sandshrew...now it was time to take the two of them to a pokemon center to get some much needed treatment and rest.


However she stopped momentarily as she began thinking about her parents...how would they react to her capturing her very first pokemon, would they be happy, sad, heck she couldn't predict the future. She closed her eyes and imagined them being right there with her in the powerplant..her father giving her meaningful advice and tatics to combat various pokemon while her mom on the other hand would be absolutely worried to the brim. Oh the face she'd make would have her dying of laughter.
[+] Spoiler

Ritsuko encountered a Cacnea during her stroll at the Tiensee Power Plant.

Sandshrew used Powder Snow

Cacnea dodged the attack and used poison sting in attempt to inflict a status condition onto Sandshrew.

Sandshrew is not effected by poison sting.

Sandshrew used Scratch

Cacnea uses absorb

Sandshrew takes damage

Sandshrew used scratch

Sandshrew used powder snow

Critical hit!

Cacnea gets knocked out completely

Ritsuko used a pokeball

Ritsuko captured Cancnea and congradulates her sandshrew for doing such an amazing job.


Ritsuko Nickclovich • SuperNerd • Total EXP Gained: 1 •Dians: *1075* • Location: Glossterrice town, South Godai
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Sandshrew
Gender Female
Type: Ice/Steel
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health: Low
Attack: 21
Sp. Attack: 4
Defense: 10
Sp. Defense: 3
Speed:
[+] Spoiler

Cacnea
Gender: Male
Type: Grass/Dark
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health Low
Attack: 15 (27%)
Defense: 10
Sp. Attack: 18 (33%)
Sp. Defense: 6
Speed:: 6
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Gender:
Type:
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health:
Attack:
Defense:
Sp. Attack:
Sp. Defense:
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Gender:
Type:
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health:
Attack:
Defense:
Sp. Attack:
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Gender:
Type:
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health:
Attack:
Defense:
Sp. Attack:
Sp. Defense:
Speed::
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Gender:
Type:
Level: 5
EXP Gained 0
Health:
Attack:
Defense:
Sp. Attack:
Sp. Defense:
Speed::
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Joined: March 1st, 2015, 6:23 pm

June 11th, 2018, 5:05 pm #4

Thank you for your patience. Your topic has been evaluated!
RP Notes wrote:
  • Pokemin, lel
  • Wait, what the hell just happened?!
  • Oh, that’s it?
Topic Record wrote:
  • Ritsuko Nickclovich arrives at the Tiensee Powerplant
  • Ritsuko meets a Cacnea? (See Wrap-up)
  • Ritsuko catches the Cacnea (Sandshrew can no longer battle) / (See Wrap-up)
  • Ritsuko leaves the Plant
MWD’s Topic Evaluation
Shocking First Encounter
TAT:
Making Friends: 3 AP
To Be The Best: 3 AP
Topic: 0 EXP
Evaluation: 1 EXP
Total: 1 EXP
Dians:
*dian* 75
Bonuses: None
Penalties: Incomplete, Word Insufficiency, Abusive Editor
[+] Spoiler
Hello there MWD. Normally these don’t take this long to finish, nor should they and thus you have my most sincere apologies for the delay. Right so here’s how it goes: we take a good look at your written topic, grade it and try to give some feedback wherein we include the things we like and what we personally feel should be worked upon.

To be blunt, there was very little effort that I could glean from this topic. The words were insufficient in all three posts, the topic itself was incomplete and it was a textbook Arrive, Battle and Leave topic (ABL). Ritsuko arrived at the plant, battled and left with nothing substantial happening. The encounter with the Cacnea itself came completely out of left field, as there was no transition between the first post and the second post wherein the Pokémon battled. At the end of the first post Ritsuko had just entered the Plant, and in the start of the second post she had already traversed deeper inside, met the Cacnea and battled it. Without there being any mention of Ritsuko doing anything that allowed the plot to move forward like it had. As this is your first topic however I will allow the capture to go through, but if such lack of effort is noted in the following topic(s) the capture(s) will be revoked.

Please try and incorporate more in your next topic such as interactions with humans and/or Pokémon, character development and more focus on the surroundings. Though optional, what we like to promote in Godai is to have an overachieving goal/plot for our characters. Which can be either to travel the region in order to crossdress as it wasn’t allowed at home, to wanting to study all the Pokémon in the world. The multiple topics the members write are something to a journal, wherein the readers follow that character and want them succeed or fail. I hope this gives you some thought for your next topic

Aside from the content of the topic, there were more than a few grammatical errors that could have easily been avoided by proofreading the posts. There was also little to no description of the surroundings where Ritsuko found herself in. If the topic wasn’t posted in the Plant, one could have assumed she simply traversed to a desert for all the detail that was present. Aside from the lack of surroundings, there was also very little interaction between Ritsuko and the Pokémon around her, or even with her own character. The last paragraph wherein she thought of her parents was a nice touch, but it felt a bit shoehorned in.

Next up, I was forced to apply the Abusive Editor penalty as you edited your posts without mentioning the reason. Please make sure to always mention just why you’ve edited a post somewhere in the post itself.

Your Pokémon Declaration may not differ from the team you have put up in your Character app, nor may the stats differ from it. Definitely not the % stats, which was the case with Isdan Sandshrew’s Attack and Defense. Not to mention that the sum of Sandshrew’s stats doesn’t equal the Total Stats it should have. While we do not focus solely on the numbers, and use them more to give a general idea how strong/fast/durable Pokémon are, we can’t just mix them up all willy nilly either. I propose that you simply copy/paste the codings from your Character App in your next Declaration, which you can get to by pushing the ‘View Source’ button at the top of your post. This’ll save you both time and effort

Please mention any Encounters that you roll somewhere before or after you meet said encounter. A simply link to the Encounter request will do. This’ll allow the Mods to check these rolls easier and quicker.

Right then, that’s my thoughts on the topic as a whole. Please don’t let this dishearten you. Let this evaluation fuel you and make us fall down on our ass by the sheer brilliance you could bring in the coming topics. Everyone starts somewhere, and there’s only one path that you can take from here one. Up. Don’t let my review fool you, I am as excited to where Ritsuko’s journey will take her and what answers await her, as I am to the improvements you’ll bring. B-)
Note: Bonuses/Penalties have already been calculated into your rewards!
This topic has now been concluded. Please submit in a Modification to update your character with your new rewards!
This topic is now closed without further ado.
[+] Spoiler
Profile

Name: Hendrickson Novelton
Dians: 8,657.-
EXP Gained: 526
Last known location:
Oraclair Town, North Godai
Playlist (Credit goes to Nurse)
Nobody says "Fuck you" like I do
"Strength is the only thing that matters in this world.
Everything else is just a delusion for the weak."

-----
"Those who have never seen peace and those who have never seen war have different values.
Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right.

Justice will prevail, you say? But of course it will.

Whoever wins becomes justice."


Schneider / Male ~ #C03028
Competitive | Prideful

Level Twenty-six
Item: - Flame Orb


Tabitha / Female ~ #78C850
Sadistic | Boisterous

Level Twenty-seven
Item: - Luck Incense


Chester / Male ~ #A890F0
Protective | Self-conscious

Level Twenty-four
Item: - Flame Orb


Marauder / Male ~ #6890F0
Laid-back| Determined

Level Nineteen
Item: None


Abraham / - ~ #B8B8D0
Shy | Adventurous

Level Twenty-three
Item: - Amulet Coin


Reinhardt / Male ~ #E0C068
Anxious | Kind

Level Thirty
Item: None

Credits go to Bones
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Profile


Name: Leonard Arden Collier
Font: #B8A038
Dians: 4,142.-
EXP Gained: 110
Last known location: Miner Memorial Caves, West Godai
[/center]


Fern/ Male ~ #78C850
(Over)Protective | Cautious

Level Twenty-one
Item: None


Roggenrola ~ #B8A038
Energetic | Helpful

Level Seventeen
Item: Razor Claw


Clefairy ~ #FF99CC
Clumsy | Motherly

Level Fifteen
Item: None

Empty Slot

Empty Slot

Empty Slot
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.


~With great power comes great mental instability~
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