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OT: Friday Humour?

rapers
Paneristi
rapers
Paneristi
Joined: January 27th, 2005, 2:10 pm

October 27th, 2017, 5:34 pm #1





Is This Our Future?

Hello…is this Gordon’s Pizza?
No sir, it's Google Pizza..
I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
Do you want your usual, sir?
My usual? You know me?
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.
OK! That’s what I want …
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?
What? I detest vegetables.
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
How the hell do you know?
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Okay, but I don't want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug Sale Network, 4 months ago.
I bought more from another drugstore.
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
I paid in cash.
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
I have other sources of cash.
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
I'm sorry, sir, but please understand we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, What’s App, and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch or spy on me.
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.








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mlcdmd
Paneristi
mlcdmd
Paneristi
Joined: September 17th, 2014, 2:44 pm

October 27th, 2017, 5:56 pm #2

twice in my life when this "got" me

when caller ID was becoming popular and restaurants were computerizing, i had called to order Chinese takeout. i called, they picked up, i said i wanted to place an order...and they said sure mike, delivering to (my address)? i thought - man i am ordering out way too much!!!

also after i got a new smartphone a few years back...i went away to DC and toured around the capital area. that night i got a google pop up congratulating me on all the walking i'd done, tracing my route on the map app, and suggesting i post pics of some of the monuments i'd seen!

looked over my shoulder and above my head the whole next day!
Mike C, 312 NYC
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DesmoFan
Paneristi
DesmoFan
Paneristi
Joined: May 21st, 2013, 2:54 pm

October 27th, 2017, 6:46 pm #3




Is This Our Future?

Hello…is this Gordon’s Pizza?
No sir, it's Google Pizza..
I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
Do you want your usual, sir?
My usual? You know me?
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.
OK! That’s what I want …
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?
What? I detest vegetables.
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
How the hell do you know?
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Okay, but I don't want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug Sale Network, 4 months ago.
I bought more from another drugstore.
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
I paid in cash.
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
I have other sources of cash.
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
I'm sorry, sir, but please understand we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, What’s App, and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch or spy on me.
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.







But also disturbing as it will be true, if not already.

Recently my parents got a new security system and 2 new cars. All came with the feature that will email the owner all activities until you shut it off for being ridiculously annoying.

My mom was getting all the emails and my dad had no clue it was happening. She left traveling somewhere without him while he went about his usual routine. She would call and know what he was doing before he could tell her. He was convinced she had someone spying on him haha.
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