worried

worried

Anonymous
Anonymous

May 5th, 2012, 3:16 am #1

I was just watching a TV show and they were talking about how difficult it is with a child the first few years, and you don't get any sleep at all. Of course I knew this, but now I am wondering if I can do this at this age? Would I have the energy it takes to take care of a baby at this age or am I just fooling myself? I don't have much help, so it would be pretty much up to me to take care of the baby.
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Jamie
Jamie

May 5th, 2012, 5:05 am #2

My daughter was born when I was two months from turning 40, and she is now 12 months old. She is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to us, by far, and I am so lucky that my husband and I each work from home part-time so we both have lots of time with her and he is able to relieve me a lot. In fact, he really does almost half the childrearing and we are a team in raising her. That said, she has NEVER slept through the night and even now wakes up 3-4 times a night. My husband really can't function without sleep so I'm the one to get up with her all night (and I just sleep in her room because it's easier on me). Man, I am tired, and I cannot think anywhere near as well as I used to. I also look about 3 years older since she was born (IMO), because of this lack of sleep; you can see it in my skin. I fantasize constantly about checking into a hotel and just sleeping. I know this will pass and I have zero regrets that I have her but I would love to get one night's sleep without having to get up so much. Then when she is sick (they get these high fevers periodically) I get virtually NO sleep all night because she's so miserable and crying all night.

I have frequently wondered how single mothers do it, since it can be hard enough with a fully committed partner. So if it's really all on you I would think very hard about how you're going to make it work. It really is an awesome responsibility and as wonderful as it is, be prepared to make some major sacrifices. Sleep and time to yourself immediately come to mind.
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Joined: December 20th, 2010, 7:38 pm

May 5th, 2012, 5:28 am #3

I'd say that I am very lucky that I have the option to stay home and if I am not stingy, I can afford some hired help. DD is also very trouble free in terms of sleep and health, she started sleeping throughout the night at 6 months and never looked back, only got sick 3 times before turning 2.

However, chasing her around the house, shuttling her from playgroup to Children's museum, zoo, etc. and soon to part-time preschool takes a LOT of energy, a LOT. Child rearing in the early years is very much a physical job, like construction job, I am literally lugging around this 28-30lb toddler wherever I go, and much worse than wearing this extra pound on myself, this tod actually has a will of her own. I feel more tired than before although I get a full night's sleep, and because of that, I haven't gotten around shedding the pounds that I gained since my 2nd IVF. I used to jog and swim a lot, so I am physically more fit than my age cohort, but the last two years have been very physically demanding for me.

I also wonder how single mom does it, unless she is financially well off. Child rearing, if you are doing it with full commitment, is very very hard work. For older women, this is not an insurmountable task, but you need at least one of the three things going for you: a committed partner, or a very good health, or a lot of money.
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PhoebeMass
PhoebeMass

May 5th, 2012, 3:29 pm #4

I was just watching a TV show and they were talking about how difficult it is with a child the first few years, and you don't get any sleep at all. Of course I knew this, but now I am wondering if I can do this at this age? Would I have the energy it takes to take care of a baby at this age or am I just fooling myself? I don't have much help, so it would be pretty much up to me to take care of the baby.
She is now 3.5 years old. It took 4 IUI's and 1 IVF to finally have her.

She is a joy!

I am now 45. She is a bundle of energy. Non-stop movement and action.

I barely remember the infant days and lack of sleep. You just get through it.

I truly think that age 3 has been the most challenging for me and my DH. Her little personality is constantly shifting. She challenges us on everything. She can run away now when she doesn't like our answers. It's a challenge from a mental / emotional perspective. It's the difficult side of parenting. Frankly, the physical side is a breeze.

Having a child a bit later allows me to focus on my health and making sure that I keep my weight at a decent limit, stay in relatively decent shape, and makes me stay mentally on the ball. I think it's a great thing for me, actually.

And we had serious issues with my health during my pregnancy. Freak slip on some hardwood floors and have had sciatica issues for almost 4 years now. But, again, it made me take control of my health so that I can run, jump, dance, twirl, and wrestle with my little one. Great motivation.

I do have a DH - but he works alot. He not home most weekends in addition to his 45-50 hours during the week. When he is here he is plugged in and does a great job. We do not have a lot of help from my parents - consider it none, actually. We have a dear friend and my sister help out now and then - which is all we needed. It would be heaven to have healthy grandparents that WANT to spend time with their granddaughter without me there.

Bottom line - having our DD at almost 42 keeps me young. Though I am sadly aware of my aging more intensely, too. But it's all worth it!
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PhoebeMass
PhoebeMass

May 5th, 2012, 3:30 pm #5

I was just watching a TV show and they were talking about how difficult it is with a child the first few years, and you don't get any sleep at all. Of course I knew this, but now I am wondering if I can do this at this age? Would I have the energy it takes to take care of a baby at this age or am I just fooling myself? I don't have much help, so it would be pretty much up to me to take care of the baby.
She is now 3.5 years old. It took 4 IUI's and 1 IVF to finally have her.

She is a joy!

I am now 45. She is a bundle of energy. Non-stop movement and action.

I barely remember the infant days and lack of sleep. You just get through it.

I truly think that age 3 has been the most challenging for me and my DH. Her little personality is constantly shifting. She challenges us on everything. She can run away now when she doesn't like our answers. It's a challenge from a mental / emotional perspective. It's the difficult side of parenting. Frankly, the physical side is a breeze.

Having a child a bit later allows me to focus on my health and making sure that I keep my weight at a decent limit, stay in relatively decent shape, and makes me stay mentally on the ball. I think it's a great thing for me, actually.

And we had serious issues with my health during my pregnancy. Freak slip on some hardwood floors and have had sciatica issues for almost 4 years now. But, again, it made me take control of my health so that I can run, jump, dance, twirl, and wrestle with my little one. Great motivation.

I do have a DH - but he works alot. He not home most weekends in addition to his 45-50 hours during the week. When he is here he is plugged in and does a great job. We do not have a lot of help from my parents - consider it none, actually. We have a dear friend and my sister help out now and then - which is all we needed. It would be heaven to have healthy grandparents that WANT to spend time with their granddaughter without me there.

Bottom line - having our DD at almost 42 keeps me young. Though I am sadly aware of my aging more intensely, too. But it's all worth it!
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Jamie
Jamie

May 5th, 2012, 4:28 pm #6

I'd say that I am very lucky that I have the option to stay home and if I am not stingy, I can afford some hired help. DD is also very trouble free in terms of sleep and health, she started sleeping throughout the night at 6 months and never looked back, only got sick 3 times before turning 2.

However, chasing her around the house, shuttling her from playgroup to Children's museum, zoo, etc. and soon to part-time preschool takes a LOT of energy, a LOT. Child rearing in the early years is very much a physical job, like construction job, I am literally lugging around this 28-30lb toddler wherever I go, and much worse than wearing this extra pound on myself, this tod actually has a will of her own. I feel more tired than before although I get a full night's sleep, and because of that, I haven't gotten around shedding the pounds that I gained since my 2nd IVF. I used to jog and swim a lot, so I am physically more fit than my age cohort, but the last two years have been very physically demanding for me.

I also wonder how single mom does it, unless she is financially well off. Child rearing, if you are doing it with full commitment, is very very hard work. For older women, this is not an insurmountable task, but you need at least one of the three things going for you: a committed partner, or a very good health, or a lot of money.
This is SO true that I had to LOL! It is HARD on your body to lift this little child over and over again, much less all the gear. Man. It takes a toll. I had to go to a chiropractor recently to straightened out a kink in my back from lifting my daughter wrong. It is just very hard on the body, and I was in good shape when I had her (much less now because I have so little time to exercise).
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ALM
ALM

May 5th, 2012, 8:41 pm #7

I was just watching a TV show and they were talking about how difficult it is with a child the first few years, and you don't get any sleep at all. Of course I knew this, but now I am wondering if I can do this at this age? Would I have the energy it takes to take care of a baby at this age or am I just fooling myself? I don't have much help, so it would be pretty much up to me to take care of the baby.
I'm 44 and single. I have a 2 month old baby. It's work, but it is doable. I am on 'maternity leave' right now but I'm working from home constantly to stay on top of things. I think it will actually be easier when I go back into the office full-time and have my hands free 9 hours per day. That said, I'm staying home for another month as I need to do this for my baby and myself to bond properly and get his immune system a bit more mature before he goes to daycare.

I do have some family that comes in here and there to help me 10-15 hours per week, and I did hire a very expensive baby nurse a few nights per week during weeks 2-5. She was great and it was worth the $$!! I got to sleep all night.

At this point, my LO will go to bed either at his 8/9pm feeding or 10:30/11pm feeding (it's regulated by his eating patterns of the day), and will wake up about every 3-4 hours. So, if I put him down around 10pm, I'll have to get up from ~ 2am-3am for an hour, and then he wakes up for the day between 6-7am. Not bad. The first month was pretty rough but it passes.

Okay, this is long winded. You can do it. Honestly, it's totally worth it! Also, I'm an exerciser and somewhat vain - I now have a home eliptical and free weights. I also take my baby on 2-3 mile walks at the park. It can all be done. Your life will be different, but isn't that what you want?

Good Luck!!

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Kim
Kim

May 5th, 2012, 11:09 pm #8

I was just watching a TV show and they were talking about how difficult it is with a child the first few years, and you don't get any sleep at all. Of course I knew this, but now I am wondering if I can do this at this age? Would I have the energy it takes to take care of a baby at this age or am I just fooling myself? I don't have much help, so it would be pretty much up to me to take care of the baby.
Cannot say this enough and before saying what I want to say...a child is such a wonderful part of your life. You will not regret one day ever having one through whatever means!

I have a 4-year old daughter and am 43 years old (had her just 5 months shy of 40). I agree most with Phoebe above. For my husband and I, the 3-4 years are proving more difficult as you need to interact with your child more and take them lots of places to learn. She can be challenging as she expresses her opinions and demands things! With us both working full time, I can say we are both a bit exhausted - especially with all the fertility treatments in the last year! We do not get much help (well, zero) from family as our parents are older and brothers are much older late 40's, late 50's, and 60. My DH was a good surprise child when my MIL was 41. Not complaining - don't get me wrong!!! Love her to pieces - best thing that ever happened to us - and I tell her that every week!

When our daughter hit 3 and more so at 4 years a couple months ago, she is really into quite everything. We can afford to have one of us stay at home but we found a wonderful school around the corner from us that teaches our daughter so much each day. She knows about planets/stars, some spanish words, writing her letters already, and socially adept. Only saying this because it is a different spin that teaching your kids yourself - which DH and I admit we would fail miserably at as well as these teachers work with her.

Sometimes I wonder if we could manage another one at this point. Plus my daughter is not much of a sleeper and still is not. She has the energy of her 85-year old grandmother we named her after!! And boy she is quite the talker - non-stop - which I attribute to school and grandmother too because my husband and I are less talkative! So taking care of a little one especially as they get older is legitimate concern you have.

Right now, I have a slight fever and chest congestion but my little one is go, go, go, and I want to crawl under the covers-lol!! And I'm in pretty good shape for my age too - former serious race runner and workout fanatic in all my 20's through mid-30's - and now try to sneak in a 2-3 mile run and yoga here and there when I can to try to maintain and keep up. I think now is much harder personally than baby and early walking year - with constant interaction - just my opinion.




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