Support where I least expected it.......

Support where I least expected it.......

Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

August 27th, 2012, 8:25 pm #1

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
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Suz44
Suz44

August 27th, 2012, 9:42 pm #2

Thanks, Tracy!

Hope you are well.
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ChickenLittle
ChickenLittle

August 27th, 2012, 9:56 pm #3

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
Yes, we are indeed far from alone, even though we never feel more alone than when we're on the IF journey. What a good man for reaching out to you with his own story. When I saw an RE whose own wife had gone though IF (they used a gc for two daughters, via DE), I felt so much more understood. The level of empathy that a fellow IF "survivor" radiates is so healing, isn't it?

They get it. They really get it.

Thanks for sharing this and I'm glad it lifted you up!
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

August 27th, 2012, 10:55 pm #4

My RE was always so caring, but I could tell he had not been through IF himself. It really is different when somebody has walked in those shoes. It is like they speak the same emotional language. I have felt it many times with the women I have met through these boards and on twitter, but this is the first time I have experienced it with a medical professional. It would be great to have an RE that had the experience to share first hand for sure.

xoxo, Tracy

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kfx216
kfx216

August 28th, 2012, 12:23 am #5

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
He sounds like a very caring man - compassion and empathy can help with healing. Four months is such a short time, you shouldn't be hard on yourself. It is a loss, just like anything else. Are there any support groups in your area where you might get more of this understanding?

Take care of yourself, Tracy.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

August 28th, 2012, 1:54 am #6

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
I'm so happy you got some much needed empathy and kindness. Thanks for posting this. IF scars run deep.

I wonder if we'll ever be "over" it i.e. 100% healed, just the way someone who copes with serious grief, like death of a spouse eventually moves on, but probably never gets "over" it and never stops missing the person or having sad days.

One thing that is so hard about IF is that we largely suffer in silence.
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smrc
smrc

August 28th, 2012, 2:50 am #7

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
Random acts of kindness and connection are/were the silver lining during the whole IF process.

I was reading an article recently that after you go through IF and come out the other side (and whether you end up having success or not), you are always FI (formerly infertile).

Sounds like you met someone else with the FI badge!

Hugs. SMRC
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Al
Al

August 28th, 2012, 10:11 am #8

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
I am so tired of doctors who either didn't have people skills when they went into medicine (but great memories so therefore the academic potential) or -in my IF and cancer journeys - doctors who felt that if you didn't leave the room in tears, then you didn't fully grasp how dire your position was (and they should redouble their efforts to be bleak when they next saw you).

How wonderful to meet a person who went into being a medical professional for all the right reasons...to help and give comfort to other people And how wonderful that fate led you to him

Thinking of you every day Tracy

Al
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

August 28th, 2012, 1:59 pm #9

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
Hi Tracy,

Thank you for sharing this experience with us. What a wonderful doctor to let you know that he had been through the same thing that you have gone through. Don't be so hard on yourself. Four months is really a short time. I believe I mentioned this on the other thread, I asked a handful of women who after having gone through infertility had their babies how they feel even today. Every one of them said that they still feel the pain of infertility. I don't think it's something that goes away easily. Take care and be easy with yourself.
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

August 28th, 2012, 3:41 pm #10

Today I went to see the eye doctor after putting it off for years. I explained that I had just come off of a vortex of 6 years of fertility treatments and was just getting around to other doctors after stopping treatment. He looked at me and reached out and grabbed my hand and said, Im so sorry. He was so sincere and concerned. He shared that he and his wife had gone through similar about a decade ago and that it was the hardest thing either of them had ever faced and that nobody understands if they havent been through it. It all seemed so fresh in his mind as he told me about his experience. I shared what I had gone through and it lifted such a weight off my heart. I felt like I should somehow be fine just 4 months after stopping and here is this well respected Doctor who is still so clearly affected by his experience. It validated that what Im feeling is ok and I decided to share it here because it is sort of a follow up to our PTSD thread of last week. We have to honor that we need to be good to ourselves and it is ok and normal if we feel a sense of loss and sadness. He also said if I was ever having a bad day, to just call and talk to him, because he understands. I probably wont, but just knowing that offer is there, meant a great deal.

xoxo, Tracy
What a great doctor. It is a huge relief to talk with others that understand.
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