need a pep talk - pregnant co-worker is getting me down (x-post)

need a pep talk - pregnant co-worker is getting me down (x-post)

Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 2:15 am #1

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
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BabyDance
BabyDance

October 11th, 2011, 2:59 am #2

This is terrible. I didn't realize the extent of the drama that could go on in an office surrounding a pregnancy. Personally, I think it's ridiculous. They should not make such a big deal until the baby is born, and if I was the one who was pregnant, I wouldn't allow it. So sorry you have to go through this.
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Joined: August 28th, 2007, 1:04 pm

October 11th, 2011, 3:07 am #3

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You know, she seems really fake to me, pretending to care about your feelings and then disregarding them. I say it's time to be yourself and not edit YOUR behavior because of her. She knows how you feel, so just don't participate in any of those silly games or her shower, etc. You can excuse yourself politely; who needs her fake pitying looks.

Any word on being able to work in that new office your company opened? It would be great if you could physically distance yourself from her...

Hugs. SO sorry this PG is over the top already...

Meg
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Joined: June 2nd, 2007, 7:45 am

October 11th, 2011, 3:14 am #4

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
I couldn't bear that environment. Any way you could ask to work from home for the next six months?
That just sounds so over the top to me; it would NEVER happen here; I guess NZers are a bit more circumspect (Um, ya reckon?).....
How's the embie search going my friend?
Are you ready for a holiday in the shakey isles any time soon?
hugs.
L
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

October 11th, 2011, 3:34 am #5

So I was doing well. It was about 3 weeks after she told me that she told everyone at the office. That was last week and it was all pregnancy talk all the time....but it was the first week. I actually took comfort that a male co-worker who has had a couple of failed IVF's pulled me aside and asked how I was doing. He is having a really hard time with it and commented that when our male co-workers have had babies, there wasn't this constant talk in the halls, at lunch, etc. I said, well, it is the big announce week and to be expected. I was holding up well until she pulled me aside tonight as I was trying to leave early and asked how I was doing and she hoped I was ok. The look of pity on her face just really depressed me. She said she wanted to know if playing an office guessing game of the babies sex and date of birth would be too hard on me...that she wanted to send out an e-mail tonight. She is only 16 weeks.....I wasn't expecting the due date game until the last month of the pregnancy! I said that is cool, maybe just not a huge pink and blue display in the lunchroom. Her smile dropped and she said "Well, I can't help it if people put one up". Ugh. Basically I said don't edit your behavior because of me, it is your pregnancy to be enjoyed.

After I left I just felt like crap. Her pitying looks are making me feel worse, and then she is just going to do what she wants anyway...so why bother asking?! I must rise above, but it is gonna be a long 6 months ahead if the group games about the due date are already ramping up this early!!!

xoxo, Tracy
What about a little reverse psychology? This girl seems like she is subconsciously getting off on your pain. Why ask about your feelings and then do just what she wants to do anyway? Also...her reaction when you said "just not a huge pink and blue display" says it all. Not to mention who in the world sends around a name game to people at work..EVER...let alone at 16 weeks? Maybe I'm missing something I guess what I'm trying to say is to "fake it until you can make it." She will only feed off of your misery..so my friend...pretend that all is well and you are not bothered because goodness knows she is going to do just what she wants to anyway. Might as well not give her the benefit of knowing that she got under your skin too. I hope that temporary transfer come with a quickness!! Anyway...just know that you have something that she seems to sorely lack..common sense!!
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 3:44 am #6

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You know, she seems really fake to me, pretending to care about your feelings and then disregarding them. I say it's time to be yourself and not edit YOUR behavior because of her. She knows how you feel, so just don't participate in any of those silly games or her shower, etc. You can excuse yourself politely; who needs her fake pitying looks.

Any word on being able to work in that new office your company opened? It would be great if you could physically distance yourself from her...

Hugs. SO sorry this PG is over the top already...

Meg
I almost e-mailed you, but decided to just post instead to get the group input on this one! My boss wasn't too thrilled with the working out of the other office idea. He really likes having me in our main office. I appreciate that, but am bummed. The boss over us said she didn't want to get in the middle of it, but still supported the idea of me working out of the other office. So I might be able to swing it in the future....but am going to have to work on it. It would have been so perfect!!


xoxo, Tracy

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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 3:49 am #7

I couldn't bear that environment. Any way you could ask to work from home for the next six months?
That just sounds so over the top to me; it would NEVER happen here; I guess NZers are a bit more circumspect (Um, ya reckon?).....
How's the embie search going my friend?
Are you ready for a holiday in the shakey isles any time soon?
hugs.
L
Perhaps I should plan a getaway to the shakey isles!! Yeah, the US is a little bit over the top when it comes to all things babies. I used to be the one to lead up all this kind of stuff......but now I realize there was probably always somebody adversely affected by all the hoopla! When I get rolling with donor embies, you will be among the first to know. Hope you are doing well and that the aftershocks are easing a bit!

xoxo, Tracy

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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 3:55 am #8

What about a little reverse psychology? This girl seems like she is subconsciously getting off on your pain. Why ask about your feelings and then do just what she wants to do anyway? Also...her reaction when you said "just not a huge pink and blue display" says it all. Not to mention who in the world sends around a name game to people at work..EVER...let alone at 16 weeks? Maybe I'm missing something I guess what I'm trying to say is to "fake it until you can make it." She will only feed off of your misery..so my friend...pretend that all is well and you are not bothered because goodness knows she is going to do just what she wants to anyway. Might as well not give her the benefit of knowing that she got under your skin too. I hope that temporary transfer come with a quickness!! Anyway...just know that you have something that she seems to sorely lack..common sense!!
I think I'm going to have to do that, just start acting really happy. Maybe I'll up my caffeine intake...that always makes me perkier! She just found out the sex of the baby today, so that is what sparked her wanting to do the pick the sex of the baby game. Why she wants to throw in the date of going into labor at this stage, I'll never know! Thanks for the response. I gotta not let her see me sweat!

xoxo, Tracy

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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

October 11th, 2011, 3:57 am #9

This is terrible. I didn't realize the extent of the drama that could go on in an office surrounding a pregnancy. Personally, I think it's ridiculous. They should not make such a big deal until the baby is born, and if I was the one who was pregnant, I wouldn't allow it. So sorry you have to go through this.
I think it has always been this way. It actually kinda reminds me of my sorority days when they would make a big deal about getting pinned (seriously dating) or engaged. There would be these songs and candles passed around and the woman engaged would blow it out. These would always seem to happen when I was going through a bad break up!

xoxo, Tracy

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Joined: June 2nd, 2007, 7:45 am

October 11th, 2011, 6:59 am #10

Perhaps I should plan a getaway to the shakey isles!! Yeah, the US is a little bit over the top when it comes to all things babies. I used to be the one to lead up all this kind of stuff......but now I realize there was probably always somebody adversely affected by all the hoopla! When I get rolling with donor embies, you will be among the first to know. Hope you are doing well and that the aftershocks are easing a bit!

xoxo, Tracy
that you have an upcoming transfer. This Dembie thing is taking TOO long already.
As for the shakes, we'd had a couple of quiet weeks but this weekend we had a 5.5 and a number of 4s which set us on edge a fair bit again. We lost a wobbly bit of our retaining wall holding up our front path and things fell off the shelves again...
I have a seriously non-sleeping baby so am struggling with extreme sleep issues. I mean she's up every hour or two wanting to feed. I'm barely human most days but DH is being amazing thank god. I don't think CIO is the way to go at all (been studying up on Attachment Theory...) so I just have to soldier through it. DH is working from our lounge cos his office block fell down, so the poor guy is even sleeping there as well, just to get some sleep. Ah the joys of parenting in an evacuation zone ....with ongoing seismic drama!
(not that I'm complaining of course, I'm so so so grateful don't get me wrong)...just exhausted. So glad I'm not tryint to hold down a job just now tho I am about to start some freelance editting for a publishing house that fell into my lap (the work, not the publishing house!).
I'm so glad as the newspaper I worked for fell down and relocated all the way across town; about an hour's drive on very badly damaged roads; so am thinking I may not go back to work when my maternity leave expires next month.
Keep me posted on the waiting list. And any work progress too...
mega hugs.
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