I'm done TTC. My long final vent of my experience and thoughts.

I'm done TTC. My long final vent of my experience and thoughts.

BabyDance
BabyDance

July 24th, 2012, 8:57 pm #1

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

July 24th, 2012, 10:54 pm #2

I've been reading many of your posts for over a year now and always crossing my fingers that something would work for you. You are very strong. I just want you to know I wish you peace.
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

July 24th, 2012, 11:41 pm #3

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
It is a tough decision to either stop the journey and live child free or move on to plan B. Sending all good thoughts as you transition to your next phase.

xoxo, Tracy


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sugar
sugar

July 25th, 2012, 12:36 am #4

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
BabyDance I too have been following you for over a year and am always rooting for you. IF is a rough road and you have without a shadow of a doubt given it your best effort. As this chapter of your life comes to its end I wish you only peace in the chapters to follow. Sending you much love and hugs -your place on this board has been invaluable to a countless many ( this poster included!). Be well. XOXO
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futurebeauty
futurebeauty

July 25th, 2012, 1:20 am #5

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
I wish you well as you move forward with your life and your new journeys. IF is so brutal and unkind and I so want to send you peace and love as the OPs have also expressed for you.

(((Hugs)))

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DeeNYC
DeeNYC

July 25th, 2012, 2:26 am #6

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
BD,

You know how I feel You will be missed. I understand the feeling well of just wanting to get your life back. The time between my last cycle at the end of last year up until a few months ago have been the best since I started TTC. No pills, vitamins or shots. No accu. No cycling. It was freeing. Although you are closing one chapter, always remember that you are much more than an uterus. As always, wishing you the best.
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smrc
smrc

July 25th, 2012, 3:09 am #7

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
BD - I know how much you have been through and so am angry and sad for you that you did not find that golden egg in all your efforts. But I think life is going to open up again, so I'm excited for you to be moving forward to your next stage. Please stay in touch. SMRC
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Joined: March 5th, 2011, 3:53 am

July 25th, 2012, 4:04 am #8

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
BD,

You helped ease my mind when I started this struggle. I would love to support you as you end yours. You are strong and capable, and that will continue to serve you well. I am sad with you, but I know you will move on to new challenges that allow you to enjoy life in new and different ways.

Please stay connected so we know how things are going for you.

keep positive thoughts

D
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Joined: March 5th, 2011, 3:53 am

July 25th, 2012, 4:07 am #9

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
BD,

You helped ease my mind when I started this struggle. I would love to support you as you end yours. You are strong and capable, and that will continue to serve you well. I am sad with you, but I know you will move on to new challenges that allow you to enjoy life in new and different ways.

Please stay connected so we know how things are going for you.

keep positive thoughts

D
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Holly
Holly

July 25th, 2012, 5:21 am #10

Hi ladies. I finished my last cycle this past week. Retrieved two eggs from 3 follicles, one wasn't mature. I was thrilled to have 3 going in. One fertilized, grew slowly to day 6, but wasn't good enough for transfer. This was my 8 or 9th cycle, I don't even know, I started number 8 a few times. I'm devastated, but have been processing it for a while, so doing ok. I just cannot believe I will not be having a child. For reasons I won't get into now, but I think have discussed before, I cannot do DE or adopt. Just doesn't fit into my life with DP and he was not invested in having a child. He has major MF, and I'm skipping periods, so although, of course, there's a chance of conceiving naturally, it is beyond unlikely, and I'm not too sure I will even monitor. Just want to get back to my life.

I will be 42 in October, and was at it for 2 years. My FSH was 16 at 39 and half, and 18 with my first IVf at 40. Last measured at 28. I've been taking DHEA for the last cycle, so it's lower now. I have a fair amount of menopausal symptoms periodically. Crazy. No one in my family went into menopause early, although my mother died at 42, so not sure about her. She had her fourth child at 39. My sisters are 47 and 46 and I suppose they are peri, but they haven't skipped a period. Both have 2 children. I have theories as to why, but not getting into it.

DP is 57 and has 16 year old. He doesn't really want to start over, DE just isn't in the cards, but he understood my needing to try with my OE. His SA got worse and worse the more we tried and he wasn't willing to do lifestyle changes, although he took vitamins, lots - it just got worse.

So that's that. I'm sure I will linger here for support, but honestly, sometimes reading certain posts just hurt, so I need to try to wean off. But, I also want to cheer people on and see what's going on. Thank you all for your support these past two years.

I do have one other thing to say, that I've said before, and I know irks some - this is not a problem you can throw money at or a numbers game. It is simply not true. I do not for one second believe that if I kept throwing money at it - went to Zhang and did natural until I no longer ovulate, that I would hit the jackpot. I really don't. I never once had any evidence of any improvement in my eggs. They were never good. I did a year and half of acupuncture, herbs sometimes, took every supplement under the sun, including months on end of expensive ubiquinol, sometimes up to 1000 units (I can't remember what the measurement is). I did Julia's diet. I lost 14 pounds at one point and did not drink for a year (I'm not heavy to begin with, but got pretty thin and looked great). I tried exercising more, I tried exercising less. I did the instead cups. DP had a thing stuck up his arse to see if there was a blockage that cost him 2500 dollars. It turned out there was no blockage, but there was something else that caused less volume that I'm not getting into because of the damn IP address, but it could not be fixed. ICSI was the only way. I tried DS IVF, DS IUI.

Regarding FSH - I do think it means something once your FSH goes over 20 WHEN YOU ARE OVER 40 also. Just my opinion. It is a double problem. I know there are successes over 20, but they are RARE, IMHO. When I was going to repro lab for US, I did a few IUI"s there, my FSH was around 18. They said they'd seen as high as 20 succeed, but not higher with IUI.

I took steroids about 10 times, maybe more. They caused severe depression. I can't continue with these drugs anymore. It's not good.

It's time to put this to rest and live my life.

I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through this hell. I told Dr. T that my mother died in a car accident was I was 15. This has been just as difficult to go through, and in some ways, more daily hell, because there just isn't closure. He completely got it, which was really nice to hear. I can't say enough about Dr. T. He was the best doctor, by far, I went to. I saw 5 RE's, and was treated by 4.

Babydust to all. XOXO BD
I think you have responded to some of my questions in the past although I don't post often. I want you to know I feel your pain. After TTC for 3 years I found myself pregnant naturally in January only to loose the baby 20 weeks later. It had DS. I too am worried about my egg health after this whole episode so obviously I can relate. In the end, my fate may very well be yours but I've tried to look past the expectations and accept life as it comes. God has plans for us! We have to be willing to deal with the pain if we want to take risks in life. I know you understand.

Know that I'm praying for you. God will soften your hurt with time and who knows, maybe new doors will open up that you never thought possible. I surely couldn't get through each day without that hope!

Lots of Love!

Holly
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