Everything ment. Please don't judge me to hard.

Everything ment. Please don't judge me to hard.

Anonymous
Anonymous

July 19th, 2012, 7:16 pm #1

Off topic and long
I know this is sort of off topic but, I need a place to be with understanding people. I just got off the phone with an old friend that made me feel really bad. I sometimes call him for advice or a fresh perspective.   He can make me laugh so, sometimes the call is for just that. He has had to listen to me cry and complain
before. The last 4 years being the worst.  I have found work difficult and have lost 2 jobs in that time. I feel going through IF has played a role.  I am also at an age and salary bracket that is almost non existent in my field.
 He went through ivf himself. I think he doesn't see that as an excuse. I know it is not really one either but, running late or going to US appts are not a jobs friend. I also think my mind hasn't been with it for a while.  I know he can be hard on me at times. He has a lot of money and yes, that could be a reason I complain to him. I know he owes me nothing. He has A LOT of money. He offered to help with DE cost.  I have had a really bad 4 years.  I am just in such a bad place I lost my job, my mom is ill and my hair is falling out. I am almost out of money to live and he did help me once. I am not complaining that he hasn't offered again but, again he is worth a A LOT. I would love if he offered to help me find a job.  Anyway, he just was so tough with me today. I was crying that I can't find a job. I send 20 resumes a day. I was a nanny for neighbors during the first month of unemployment but leave it to me I got crazy sick. The family ended up having to replace me. I am actually still sick believe it or not. I am on a new antibiotic that I think is working. My copays and drug bills are not helping either. I am searching for ANY job at this point. I am not going to continue withTTC or DE until things get better. He just said, I am always looking for perfect and need to settle for good. He said, you are always negative and you are your worst enemy. He seemed to go on and on and it just made me feel worse. There seemed to be no uplifting thoughts. When I brought up the hair loss he said there are plenty of people with no hair with jobs. Yes, i realize that but just give me a little slack. My hair was one of the only things I really liked about my looks. I am close to losing my apt, my animals and now chance for a child. Even if he said, yeah your life stinks right now  but, you will figure it out. It was just such tough love it made me feel more defeated. I really do get a lot of what he is saying. I agree with most of it. I think sometimes I call him to make me feel more worthless. His success has always made me feel bad about myself. I always need to remind myself he is in the 1% and most people don't have what he has. I think his toughness is part of what got him there. I know I am throwing a pity party but, wow, this is a lot to deal with. He has always been opposed to me trying with OE. He wanted me to move to DE 2 years ago. We have and odd one sided relationship that us not to healthy to begin with. I just needed to feel someone was in my corner. I am sorry for going on. This is a strange post but,  IF is so tough. I can't afford therapy at the moment. I guess I will try and search for something free. Please, don't come down on me to hard. I can't handle any more harsh words. I realize I have many issues. 
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Jen
Jen

July 19th, 2012, 7:21 pm #2

Re: Everything ment. Please don't judge me to hard.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

July 19th, 2012, 11:51 pm #3

Off topic and long
I know this is sort of off topic but, I need a place to be with understanding people. I just got off the phone with an old friend that made me feel really bad. I sometimes call him for advice or a fresh perspective.   He can make me laugh so, sometimes the call is for just that. He has had to listen to me cry and complain
before. The last 4 years being the worst.  I have found work difficult and have lost 2 jobs in that time. I feel going through IF has played a role.  I am also at an age and salary bracket that is almost non existent in my field.
 He went through ivf himself. I think he doesn't see that as an excuse. I know it is not really one either but, running late or going to US appts are not a jobs friend. I also think my mind hasn't been with it for a while.  I know he can be hard on me at times. He has a lot of money and yes, that could be a reason I complain to him. I know he owes me nothing. He has A LOT of money. He offered to help with DE cost.  I have had a really bad 4 years.  I am just in such a bad place I lost my job, my mom is ill and my hair is falling out. I am almost out of money to live and he did help me once. I am not complaining that he hasn't offered again but, again he is worth a A LOT. I would love if he offered to help me find a job.  Anyway, he just was so tough with me today. I was crying that I can't find a job. I send 20 resumes a day. I was a nanny for neighbors during the first month of unemployment but leave it to me I got crazy sick. The family ended up having to replace me. I am actually still sick believe it or not. I am on a new antibiotic that I think is working. My copays and drug bills are not helping either. I am searching for ANY job at this point. I am not going to continue withTTC or DE until things get better. He just said, I am always looking for perfect and need to settle for good. He said, you are always negative and you are your worst enemy. He seemed to go on and on and it just made me feel worse. There seemed to be no uplifting thoughts. When I brought up the hair loss he said there are plenty of people with no hair with jobs. Yes, i realize that but just give me a little slack. My hair was one of the only things I really liked about my looks. I am close to losing my apt, my animals and now chance for a child. Even if he said, yeah your life stinks right now  but, you will figure it out. It was just such tough love it made me feel more defeated. I really do get a lot of what he is saying. I agree with most of it. I think sometimes I call him to make me feel more worthless. His success has always made me feel bad about myself. I always need to remind myself he is in the 1% and most people don't have what he has. I think his toughness is part of what got him there. I know I am throwing a pity party but, wow, this is a lot to deal with. He has always been opposed to me trying with OE. He wanted me to move to DE 2 years ago. We have and odd one sided relationship that us not to healthy to begin with. I just needed to feel someone was in my corner. I am sorry for going on. This is a strange post but,  IF is so tough. I can't afford therapy at the moment. I guess I will try and search for something free. Please, don't come down on me to hard. I can't handle any more harsh words. I realize I have many issues. 
Hi, Jen.

I really feel for you. I've also had some very, very low points on this journey.

Sometimes we need friends to give us a kick in the butt and sometimes we need friends to be a shoulder to cry on. Maybe this guy is your kick in the butt friend, not your shoulder to cry on friend.

Unfortunately, just because someone went through IF in the past, it doesn't always make them compassionate and empathetic. My sister is really insensitive sometimes, even though she went through IF. I don't know why.

I think it sounds like you've been through a real nightmare. If you need a shoulder to cry on, you can always come here.

Take good care
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Jen
Jen

July 19th, 2012, 11:58 pm #4

Thank you! I just wanted to be heard I think. I agree with everything you said. I am sorry we are all going through this. Sometimes it is just so overwhelming. I think my friend can be insensitive sometimes. I think maybe he was hoping I will stop calling with these thoughts. Sometimes I think men use that as a way to excuse themselves from situations. It worked! I won't be crying on his shoulder.
Thank you so much for being there for me today!

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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

July 20th, 2012, 4:48 am #5

Off topic and long
I know this is sort of off topic but, I need a place to be with understanding people. I just got off the phone with an old friend that made me feel really bad. I sometimes call him for advice or a fresh perspective.   He can make me laugh so, sometimes the call is for just that. He has had to listen to me cry and complain
before. The last 4 years being the worst.  I have found work difficult and have lost 2 jobs in that time. I feel going through IF has played a role.  I am also at an age and salary bracket that is almost non existent in my field.
 He went through ivf himself. I think he doesn't see that as an excuse. I know it is not really one either but, running late or going to US appts are not a jobs friend. I also think my mind hasn't been with it for a while.  I know he can be hard on me at times. He has a lot of money and yes, that could be a reason I complain to him. I know he owes me nothing. He has A LOT of money. He offered to help with DE cost.  I have had a really bad 4 years.  I am just in such a bad place I lost my job, my mom is ill and my hair is falling out. I am almost out of money to live and he did help me once. I am not complaining that he hasn't offered again but, again he is worth a A LOT. I would love if he offered to help me find a job.  Anyway, he just was so tough with me today. I was crying that I can't find a job. I send 20 resumes a day. I was a nanny for neighbors during the first month of unemployment but leave it to me I got crazy sick. The family ended up having to replace me. I am actually still sick believe it or not. I am on a new antibiotic that I think is working. My copays and drug bills are not helping either. I am searching for ANY job at this point. I am not going to continue withTTC or DE until things get better. He just said, I am always looking for perfect and need to settle for good. He said, you are always negative and you are your worst enemy. He seemed to go on and on and it just made me feel worse. There seemed to be no uplifting thoughts. When I brought up the hair loss he said there are plenty of people with no hair with jobs. Yes, i realize that but just give me a little slack. My hair was one of the only things I really liked about my looks. I am close to losing my apt, my animals and now chance for a child. Even if he said, yeah your life stinks right now  but, you will figure it out. It was just such tough love it made me feel more defeated. I really do get a lot of what he is saying. I agree with most of it. I think sometimes I call him to make me feel more worthless. His success has always made me feel bad about myself. I always need to remind myself he is in the 1% and most people don't have what he has. I think his toughness is part of what got him there. I know I am throwing a pity party but, wow, this is a lot to deal with. He has always been opposed to me trying with OE. He wanted me to move to DE 2 years ago. We have and odd one sided relationship that us not to healthy to begin with. I just needed to feel someone was in my corner. I am sorry for going on. This is a strange post but,  IF is so tough. I can't afford therapy at the moment. I guess I will try and search for something free. Please, don't come down on me to hard. I can't handle any more harsh words. I realize I have many issues. 
Maybe he doesn't really know what to say that would help you feel better. Instead his response just made you feel worse. . That just plain sucks. I'm sending you cyber hugs and hope you feel better.
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alima
alima

July 20th, 2012, 4:06 pm #6

Off topic and long
I know this is sort of off topic but, I need a place to be with understanding people. I just got off the phone with an old friend that made me feel really bad. I sometimes call him for advice or a fresh perspective.   He can make me laugh so, sometimes the call is for just that. He has had to listen to me cry and complain
before. The last 4 years being the worst.  I have found work difficult and have lost 2 jobs in that time. I feel going through IF has played a role.  I am also at an age and salary bracket that is almost non existent in my field.
 He went through ivf himself. I think he doesn't see that as an excuse. I know it is not really one either but, running late or going to US appts are not a jobs friend. I also think my mind hasn't been with it for a while.  I know he can be hard on me at times. He has a lot of money and yes, that could be a reason I complain to him. I know he owes me nothing. He has A LOT of money. He offered to help with DE cost.  I have had a really bad 4 years.  I am just in such a bad place I lost my job, my mom is ill and my hair is falling out. I am almost out of money to live and he did help me once. I am not complaining that he hasn't offered again but, again he is worth a A LOT. I would love if he offered to help me find a job.  Anyway, he just was so tough with me today. I was crying that I can't find a job. I send 20 resumes a day. I was a nanny for neighbors during the first month of unemployment but leave it to me I got crazy sick. The family ended up having to replace me. I am actually still sick believe it or not. I am on a new antibiotic that I think is working. My copays and drug bills are not helping either. I am searching for ANY job at this point. I am not going to continue withTTC or DE until things get better. He just said, I am always looking for perfect and need to settle for good. He said, you are always negative and you are your worst enemy. He seemed to go on and on and it just made me feel worse. There seemed to be no uplifting thoughts. When I brought up the hair loss he said there are plenty of people with no hair with jobs. Yes, i realize that but just give me a little slack. My hair was one of the only things I really liked about my looks. I am close to losing my apt, my animals and now chance for a child. Even if he said, yeah your life stinks right now  but, you will figure it out. It was just such tough love it made me feel more defeated. I really do get a lot of what he is saying. I agree with most of it. I think sometimes I call him to make me feel more worthless. His success has always made me feel bad about myself. I always need to remind myself he is in the 1% and most people don't have what he has. I think his toughness is part of what got him there. I know I am throwing a pity party but, wow, this is a lot to deal with. He has always been opposed to me trying with OE. He wanted me to move to DE 2 years ago. We have and odd one sided relationship that us not to healthy to begin with. I just needed to feel someone was in my corner. I am sorry for going on. This is a strange post but,  IF is so tough. I can't afford therapy at the moment. I guess I will try and search for something free. Please, don't come down on me to hard. I can't handle any more harsh words. I realize I have many issues. 
I have had friends that also have not been there for me, sorry you ran into this. If your hair loss is making you feel bad then he should have been a bit more sensitive. Maybe he was trying to be helpful by telling you that it isn't a big deal since there are others with hair loss and still with a job. I know I was losing my hair for a bit and it also scared me. I didn't lose too much but still .... it is scary especially if clumps of hair are coming out at a time. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and hope you are feeling better.
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Jen
Jen

July 20th, 2012, 5:04 pm #7

It is so scary. I just want to understand what is going on and how to make it better.
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sugar
sugar

July 20th, 2012, 5:18 pm #8

Off topic and long
I know this is sort of off topic but, I need a place to be with understanding people. I just got off the phone with an old friend that made me feel really bad. I sometimes call him for advice or a fresh perspective.   He can make me laugh so, sometimes the call is for just that. He has had to listen to me cry and complain
before. The last 4 years being the worst.  I have found work difficult and have lost 2 jobs in that time. I feel going through IF has played a role.  I am also at an age and salary bracket that is almost non existent in my field.
 He went through ivf himself. I think he doesn't see that as an excuse. I know it is not really one either but, running late or going to US appts are not a jobs friend. I also think my mind hasn't been with it for a while.  I know he can be hard on me at times. He has a lot of money and yes, that could be a reason I complain to him. I know he owes me nothing. He has A LOT of money. He offered to help with DE cost.  I have had a really bad 4 years.  I am just in such a bad place I lost my job, my mom is ill and my hair is falling out. I am almost out of money to live and he did help me once. I am not complaining that he hasn't offered again but, again he is worth a A LOT. I would love if he offered to help me find a job.  Anyway, he just was so tough with me today. I was crying that I can't find a job. I send 20 resumes a day. I was a nanny for neighbors during the first month of unemployment but leave it to me I got crazy sick. The family ended up having to replace me. I am actually still sick believe it or not. I am on a new antibiotic that I think is working. My copays and drug bills are not helping either. I am searching for ANY job at this point. I am not going to continue withTTC or DE until things get better. He just said, I am always looking for perfect and need to settle for good. He said, you are always negative and you are your worst enemy. He seemed to go on and on and it just made me feel worse. There seemed to be no uplifting thoughts. When I brought up the hair loss he said there are plenty of people with no hair with jobs. Yes, i realize that but just give me a little slack. My hair was one of the only things I really liked about my looks. I am close to losing my apt, my animals and now chance for a child. Even if he said, yeah your life stinks right now  but, you will figure it out. It was just such tough love it made me feel more defeated. I really do get a lot of what he is saying. I agree with most of it. I think sometimes I call him to make me feel more worthless. His success has always made me feel bad about myself. I always need to remind myself he is in the 1% and most people don't have what he has. I think his toughness is part of what got him there. I know I am throwing a pity party but, wow, this is a lot to deal with. He has always been opposed to me trying with OE. He wanted me to move to DE 2 years ago. We have and odd one sided relationship that us not to healthy to begin with. I just needed to feel someone was in my corner. I am sorry for going on. This is a strange post but,  IF is so tough. I can't afford therapy at the moment. I guess I will try and search for something free. Please, don't come down on me to hard. I can't handle any more harsh words. I realize I have many issues. 
The IF journey is a very difficult one and those times when we are feeling super fragile and reach out for support to only get an insensitive slap in the face can truly hurt right to the bone. I am really sorry that your friend was incapable of being there for you - hang in there as best you can. Many of us here can empathize and please know you are not alone. Be well. (((Hugs to you)))
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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

July 20th, 2012, 6:09 pm #9

Off topic and long
I know this is sort of off topic but, I need a place to be with understanding people. I just got off the phone with an old friend that made me feel really bad. I sometimes call him for advice or a fresh perspective.   He can make me laugh so, sometimes the call is for just that. He has had to listen to me cry and complain
before. The last 4 years being the worst.  I have found work difficult and have lost 2 jobs in that time. I feel going through IF has played a role.  I am also at an age and salary bracket that is almost non existent in my field.
 He went through ivf himself. I think he doesn't see that as an excuse. I know it is not really one either but, running late or going to US appts are not a jobs friend. I also think my mind hasn't been with it for a while.  I know he can be hard on me at times. He has a lot of money and yes, that could be a reason I complain to him. I know he owes me nothing. He has A LOT of money. He offered to help with DE cost.  I have had a really bad 4 years.  I am just in such a bad place I lost my job, my mom is ill and my hair is falling out. I am almost out of money to live and he did help me once. I am not complaining that he hasn't offered again but, again he is worth a A LOT. I would love if he offered to help me find a job.  Anyway, he just was so tough with me today. I was crying that I can't find a job. I send 20 resumes a day. I was a nanny for neighbors during the first month of unemployment but leave it to me I got crazy sick. The family ended up having to replace me. I am actually still sick believe it or not. I am on a new antibiotic that I think is working. My copays and drug bills are not helping either. I am searching for ANY job at this point. I am not going to continue withTTC or DE until things get better. He just said, I am always looking for perfect and need to settle for good. He said, you are always negative and you are your worst enemy. He seemed to go on and on and it just made me feel worse. There seemed to be no uplifting thoughts. When I brought up the hair loss he said there are plenty of people with no hair with jobs. Yes, i realize that but just give me a little slack. My hair was one of the only things I really liked about my looks. I am close to losing my apt, my animals and now chance for a child. Even if he said, yeah your life stinks right now  but, you will figure it out. It was just such tough love it made me feel more defeated. I really do get a lot of what he is saying. I agree with most of it. I think sometimes I call him to make me feel more worthless. His success has always made me feel bad about myself. I always need to remind myself he is in the 1% and most people don't have what he has. I think his toughness is part of what got him there. I know I am throwing a pity party but, wow, this is a lot to deal with. He has always been opposed to me trying with OE. He wanted me to move to DE 2 years ago. We have and odd one sided relationship that us not to healthy to begin with. I just needed to feel someone was in my corner. I am sorry for going on. This is a strange post but,  IF is so tough. I can't afford therapy at the moment. I guess I will try and search for something free. Please, don't come down on me to hard. I can't handle any more harsh words. I realize I have many issues. 
Personally, your friend does not sound very supportive IMHO. Then again, as they say, there are two and sometimes three sides to every story so he may have his reasons. Only you know what type of friendship you two truly have. Maybe he was just imposing his brand of "tough love." Also, men tend to be much more direct in my experience than women. Whatever the case, I'm so sorry. Have you looked into joing a live Resolve group? The member run groups are free. Check out www.resolve.org. I hope things turn around for you soon.
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Jen
Jen

July 20th, 2012, 10:18 pm #10

I really needed to hear what you both said. My friend an I spoke today and he was a bit better. I feel like he read my post..lol. Our monetary differences sometimes get in the way somehow and I do think male friends are not sometimes the best to talk to when you just need comfort. We were able to talk it out today. I love being able to come on here and talk with people that understand. Dee, I will try resolve.

Thank you!

Jen
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