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BabyDance
BabyDance

November 10th, 2011, 7:12 pm #1

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

November 10th, 2011, 7:43 pm #2

Planning a ski trip sounds good to try and think about something else. ((Hugs))
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Jainee
Jainee

November 10th, 2011, 7:58 pm #3

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
NT
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Tracy
Tracy

November 10th, 2011, 8:20 pm #4

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
Glad you are planning a ski trip for yourself. That is something I haven't done since I started ttc and really miss.

xoxo, Tracy

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DeeinNYC
DeeinNYC

November 10th, 2011, 8:30 pm #5

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
BD,

I am so very sorry. I wish that things had turned out differently. I'm glad that you are planning a ski trip. That sounds like a very good diversion right about now.
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SMRC
SMRC

November 10th, 2011, 8:41 pm #6

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
enjoy the wine... rest and regroup. We're all here for you. SMRC
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anna
anna

November 10th, 2011, 9:12 pm #7

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
you know what, just go enjoy life for a little bit. I hope you get what you want soon, but there is nothing wrong with going child free. I often think about it as well but its not an option for DH. One day I was a crazy bitch and was sad about IF and got in a big fight with my mom and told her I have my own problem and cant deal with her problems, she said something very painful, she said " what the heal do you think you have done for me as a daughter, nothing, so why r u acting so crazy to get prg"

well dont judge my mom, what she said was not the best thing when I am upset, but you know what, maybe she is right, maybe having a child is not such a big deal. Once I used to think (when I didnt know I am infertile) that my first reaction to seeing a + HPT would be sadness, cry, would be abounded, would be losing my job and freedom, not being able to go shopping or spend my money for myself and share my life with some little stranger, blah blah blah and I used to feel bad for all my pregnant friend, because I could do what they couldnt. well i didnt know I am not fertile, and I didnt know some day I will be willing to invest my life to have a baby. AND once i learned i cant get prg i wanted to have baby soooooooooo bad. after all we as a human want what we cant have, thats just our nature.
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anne
anne

November 10th, 2011, 9:55 pm #8

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
i'll tell you what i miss....twinkies. i feel for you girl, enjoy your wine.
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Joined: April 19th, 2004, 2:36 am

November 10th, 2011, 10:03 pm #9

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
nt
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

November 11th, 2011, 12:42 am #10

Honestly, don't want everyone to say you're sorry. Really don't. I know you all are. Just wanted to tell you. I have one more paid for, but very seriously considering pulling the plug, even if I lose the money. I flat out asked Dr. T if he's ever had someone over 41 with FSH 27 get pregnant, and said, yes, but not often and not easily. If I do go forward, if I get embies, I will have them grow to day 5, and if they don't, then I will know before. I'm just done ladies. Done. This is like a gambling illness, and to me, the definition of insanity. It will be child free for me, as I found out I can't adopt, and donor egg is not for me because DP is not invested, and for me, i just can't do DE and DS (no issue with anyone else who does at all!). I'm wrapping my head around child free. Planning a ski trip, which I couldn't do if I were pregnant or had a baby now, and moving on... oh, and pouring my second glass of wine right now.... ). No work today..
I wish it were different. I wish that for all of us on this site. I wish the journey weren't so wrenching. I know you don't want us to say that we are sorry, but I can't help it. I am so sorry that you have to go through this and I am so sad for you.

I believe that a person can have a beautiful, rich, meaningful life without children, but it truly hurts not being able to choose.

Please keep us updated on your decisions in due course.
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