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QKNC
Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Joined: October 10th, 2010, 9:32 am

February 26th, 2011, 8:52 pm #181

With Velvet and Firestar here, I feel strange leaving short, tiny replies :P
[+] BUT ANYWAY
I'm assuming that the Eevee is either boxed 'mon you're not using at the moment or Jade is somehow going to meet up with William and pass it on to him. What I've always liked about this run from the get-go was its unique interpretation of the game's events (ex. Mt. Moon fossil, Bill, SS Anne, Erika, mom=Janine, and now even the gift Pokemon). I like how you handle the plot very much.

Just one, silly little thing though, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for some reason, but I don't see how it's possible to rip out your eyelashes while applying mascara, that would HAVE to be hella sticky mascara. Maybe her eyelashes were already loose or something :U
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Epsi
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Joined: December 8th, 2010, 5:33 am

February 26th, 2011, 10:27 pm #182

Glad you posted when you did, you'll see why in the next 24 hours..
[+] COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT
Besides William being stubborn and moody about his burying Percy in not Pokémon Tower, I think it was reasonable for him to do so - No doubt someone else may have been watching mister james to make sure he got the job done or something like that. William wouldn't have wanted to hang around too long...
Hello. Let's play some music.
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Velvet
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Joined: January 29th, 2011, 6:14 am

February 27th, 2011, 6:14 am #183

[+] Thoughts on Thirty-Nine:
Yes, Erika, we get that you have an inferiority complex towards your sister. You're still a bitch. (No criticism of you, clearly; you write her well, but you know how it is: BLUH BLUH HUGE MEME.)

I wonder how much Koga favored Janine over Erika, if at all -- depending how close Janine is to game!canon, she was following in his footsteps, both as a poison trainer and a ninja; while several of Kanto's Grass-types are half-Poison, meaning there'd be some overlap strategy-wise, Erika shows no real signs of having any leet ninja training herself.

...Especially since she just got herself kidnapped, apparently. She doesn't have her team on hand? (Although Giovanni may have armed these particular Rockets with Fire and Flying-types for this mission...) Looks like the worst she can do is go all 'Ransom of Red Chief' on their eardrums. :v:

(Oh, and... the trainer's voice and body were... 'shacking'?)

Meanwhile, William proves that he's sensible yet again by reporting what happened to the police. I hope Jenny's mistakenly musing aloud and saying something thoughtless and her angry reaction to learning he'd illegally buried his pikachu doesn't discourage him from continuing to contact and work with the police in the future... :ohdear:

(I can understand why they'd want to bury the deceased in the Tower so that they won't get dug up by wild pokemon and traumatize trainers who then stumble across the remains... but then, what the heck happens three years from now when they convert the Tower into one of those Radio Towers? Unless that doesn't happen in this 'verse...)

Looks like the Professor completely lost all of Will's respect now that he's discovered his lies.

And hey, confirmation that one of Oak's sons married Janine! Bet that pissed Jimmy off, and just pushed him further to the path of BURN THE WORLD DOWN. Hopefully it doesn't turn out her husband was actually secretly a dick who married her partly because it'd make Jimmy super jealous...

...Especially since she apparently has father issues and deserves at least ONE good man in her life. Ouch.

And hey, she's not afraid to call Oak out! Like the detail of her calling him Professor instead of Samuel when she points out he should have told her immediately.

The government sent him this Eevee? Huh... Why's that, I wonder? Maybe he's lying, and it's from Jimmy or some other source?

...Jimmy killed her pokemon? Or stole/corrupted them, perhaps?

Interesting that they only mention the youngest... Implying by omission that his middle son wouldn't have cared, or might even have approved of... other decisions he's made...?

So she married the youngest...? Or at least had a son with him?

And woo, Jade to the rescue! ...And hopefully not getting herself caught/killed in the process. :ohdear:
Still Waters -- A Fire Red Nuzlocke Story Run
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

February 27th, 2011, 2:44 pm #184

[+] Replies!
Velvet wrote:Yes, Erika, we get that you have an inferiority complex towards your sister. You're still a bitch. (No criticism of you, clearly; you write her well, but you know how it is: BLUH BLUH HUGE MEME.)

I wonder how much Koga favored Janine over Erika, if at all -- depending how close Janine is to game!canon, she was following in his footsteps, both as a poison trainer and a ninja; while several of Kanto's Grass-types are half-Poison, meaning there'd be some overlap strategy-wise, Erika shows no real signs of having any leet ninja training herself.

...Especially since she just got herself kidnapped, apparently. She doesn't have her team on hand? (Although Giovanni may have armed these particular Rockets with Fire and Flying-types for this mission...) Looks like the worst she can do is go all 'Ransom of Red Chief' on their eardrums.

(Oh, and... the trainer's voice and body were... 'shacking'?)

Meanwhile, William proves that he's sensible yet again by reporting what happened to the police. I hope Jenny's mistakenly musing aloud and saying something thoughtless and her angry reaction to learning he'd illegally buried his pikachu doesn't discourage him from continuing to contact and work with the police in the future...

(I can understand why they'd want to bury the deceased in the Tower so that they won't get dug up by wild pokemon and traumatize trainers who then stumble across the remains... but then, what the heck happens three years from now when they convert the Tower into one of those Radio Towers? Unless that doesn't happen in this 'verse...)

Looks like the Professor completely lost all of Will's respect now that he's discovered his lies.

And hey, confirmation that one of Oak's sons married Janine! Bet that pissed Jimmy off, and just pushed him further to the path of BURN THE WORLD DOWN. Hopefully it doesn't turn out her husband was actually secretly a dick who married her partly because it'd make Jimmy super jealous...

...Especially since she apparently has father issues and deserves at least ONE good man in her life. Ouch.

And hey, she's not afraid to call Oak out! Like the detail of her calling him Professor instead of Samuel when she points out he should have told her immediately.

The government sent him this Eevee? Huh... Why's that, I wonder? Maybe he's lying, and it's from Jimmy or some other source?

...Jimmy killed her pokemon? Or stole/corrupted them, perhaps?

Interesting that they only mention the youngest... Implying by omission that his middle son wouldn't have cared, or might even have approved of... other decisions he's made...?

So she married the youngest...? Or at least had a son with him?

And woo, Jade to the rescue! ...And hopefully not getting herself caught/killed in the process.
Koga's relationship with his daughters is rather complicated, as you will soon come to see. He is an interesting man, and I am looking forward to writing about him.
Erika isn't really all that strong of a gym leader, and she was outnumbered (all of her gym trainers had been defeated) so Team Rocket didn't have too much trouble taking her in.

Gah, and thanks for catching that error!

As far as the Pokemon Tower/Radio Tower goes...in this verse...things are...reversed. I am planning on doing a Johto run in the future, but it will be like a prelude.

And yes, Janine is married to one of Oak's son, and yes, it really made Jimmy mad. I figured this wasn't too big of a plot surprise, since for the most part everyone had figured this out.

And the government really did send the Eevee, most of Oak's starter Pokemon come from them, with a few exceptions.

As far as the middle child of Oak goes...no comment for now :wink:
Epsilon wrote:Besides William being stubborn and moody about his burying Percy in not Pokémon Tower, I think it was reasonable for him to do so - No doubt someone else may have been watching mister james to make sure he got the job done or something like that. William wouldn't have wanted to hang around too long...
William also didn't particularly like the Pokemon Tower, and he really didn't want to bury his Pokemon there. More on that later though.
And I am excited Epsilon...and scared that I'll cry again
QKNC wrote:I'm assuming that the Eevee is either boxed 'mon you're not using at the moment or Jade is somehow going to meet up with William and pass it on to him. What I've always liked about this run from the get-go was its unique interpretation of the game's events (ex. Mt. Moon fossil, Bill, SS Anne, Erika, mom=Janine, and now even the gift Pokemon). I like how you handle the plot very much.

Just one, silly little thing though, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for some reason, but I don't see how it's possible to rip out your eyelashes while applying mascara, that would HAVE to be hella sticky mascara. Maybe her eyelashes were already loose or something :U
Thanks QKNC! And all comments, no matter how big or small, will be loved :)
And on the mascara...I had to research how to apply mascara in order to write the scene (What do they call the thing they use to apply the mascara to the eyelashes? A brush? Oh wow....) :laughing: It's amazing what silly things you type into a search engine when you're writing something. So...I'm going to go ahead and say that the mascara was made from Muk sludge, and is thus VERY sticky. :laughing:
Firestar wrote:Feels nice to have brightened your day (and coming days)! It was much deserved praise.

You know, I actually had that thought in the back of my head when I was reading that part. It was obviously parallel to FQ, but there was no way for me to know if you directly ripped it or if it just happened to be in your subconscious. In that case, wow. Though let me tell you a short anecdote: in Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 (a book about censorship and book burning), he named two of the main characters 'Montag' and 'Faber'. Not until years later did Bradbury realize that those two names were ripped from the names of paper and pencil producing companies.

The battle scenes: yeah, if you're working on them, then they will eventually get better. Unfortunately my battle scenes aren't so great as well, so I can't give you any pointers here, so yeah.

With Chris, I absolutely love when a writer says something like this. The best situations truly write themselves sometimes. Good to hear that you followed your instinct there, and even better to hear that Chris isn't out of the story.

Like with the battles, since you're paying attention to the errors, they'll eventually be rectified. I've seen that you've slowed down, which is great. Only one last small thing about those errors: click 'add to dictionary' for names like 'Silph' and words like 'Pokémon'. The spell checker will treat them like correct words from then on, which will slightly help you. As for Word's crazy spell check... I can agree there. Sometimes they'll mark sentences wrong that are completely fine.

Glad to see you are a MCR fan, yes, let me again assure you, the praise was well-deserved. As for my run, I hope it does meet my expectations as well!

Now other things: Yeah, I love your Shakespeare theme. Eagerly awaiting 'Friar Laurence' and some other awesome characters.

As for the story... more plot twists emerge. I have a feeling Jade is going to be killed off trying to get to William. Going across the region with one Pokémon when you know there's a mastermind looking to kill you isn't really the best idea. With Erika, wow. You've certainly made her a really dark character. Of course, it looks like Team Rocket has got her, which at least gives meaning to the Game Corner conquering.

My two cents: Val isn't dead. Don't know exactly how, but she's not dead. I do feel that her intertwining to the Oak family is minimal though. I feel she's simply a love interest for William.

Forgot what else I was going to say, as I stopped at this point to get ready for the day. Awaiting more chapters eagerly!
Thanks Firestar! And that is such an interesting side note on Fahrenheit 451 (another book we read!)

And so many things happened on their own when I write; it feels rather nice :) I'll tell you more things that happened on their own later...but if I did I would spoil things ;)

A lot of battling coming in the next few chapters, hopefully there will be improvements.

And if I catch a Snorlax, I am DEFINITELY naming him Friar Lawrence...if it will fit... I don't know why, but I always pictured him as a...larger man...

And that's an interesting theory about Val...we'll see how things turn out ;)


And now for the new chapter!

Chapter Forty
[+] Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty: Assignment

“No, this is flat out ridiculous.”

William was standing in front of the shimmering green building that was the gym of Celadon City. A trainer with long blonde hair and pretty pink glasses was poking her skinny neck out the door, giving William a dirty look.

“Sorry. Come back later. She’s just not here right now.” The trainer snapped. She started to close the door, but William moved quickly, forcing his arm between the door and the frame.

“HEY!” The girl exclaimed surprised. William kept his arm there, trying to force the door open while she tried to force it close.

“I’m … not … going … anywhere … until … you … tell … me … where … your … freaking … gym … leader… is!” William cried out angrily,

“It’s … not … any … of … your … business … freak!”

The two stood there, William getting his arm crush and the girl breaking her nails, as they struggled to get the door open or closed. Finally, there was a blinding flash at William’s side, and Fleance was pressing against the door as well.

It took about a half a second before the hinges of the door broke from the Nidoking’s force. The girl screamed as she jumped backwards, just missing getting crushed by the heavy door.

William looked up to Fleance, who was smirking at William.

“I guess I should have thought of that sooner…” William said in wonder. He recalled his Nidoking, but he kept the ball in his hand, just in case.

The girl with the blonde hair and pink glasses, was shaking. Several other girls, or young women – William wasn’t sure which, all surrounded her, and seemed to be trying to help her. All of their eyes were red.

“That! That! That … THAT WAS DAMAGE TO PERSONAL PROPERTY!” The girl with the pink glasses finally said, though her lower lip was trembling as if she was going to cry.

“I’ll give you the money to have it fix,” William said, his voice dull and angry. “Just tell me where the hell Erika is.”

“Where is Erika?” The girl mocked him. “WHERE IS ERIKA?”

And then, without any warning, she collapsed to the ground, crying. The other girls surrounded her, and they began crying as well.

William stood there for a moment, feeling unbelievably awkward. He wanted to challenge Erika…but he didn’t want to make these gym trainers cry over it.

“Uh…okay…never mind then. I’ll just be…going…”

“NO!” The girl in the pink glasses said, as she sprung up and grabbed his arm. “We need your help! You’re the only one who can save her!”

She dragged him deeper into the gym, until he was surrounded by the entire set of gym trainers.

“What…what do you mean?”

“Listen closely,” the girl with the pink glasses said, while sniffling her noise. “Erika was kidnapped by Team Rocket.”

William felt his heart grow cold, and his mouth set into a fine line of anger.

“We tried to fight them off, but they overpowered us!” Another gym trainer with red hair and freckles exclaimed.

“Shut up, I’m explaining what happened!” The girl with pink glasses snapped. “Anyway, they forced her to leave the gym with them, and she hasn’t come back since. That was this morning; it’s been several hours.”

William was trying to listen to her talk attentively. But all he could see was James laughing…

“They told us if we called the police they would kill her. They told her that if we tried to rescue her they would kill her. We can’t do anything!”

The girl with the pink glasses paused as she examined William. Then,

“But you can.”

William wasn’t taken back by the request. He had been expecting it. He had been wanting it.

“We can offer you anything! Money, Pokémon, jewels-”

“You don’t have to pay me.” William said abruptly.

“…Oh?” The trainer with the pink glasses asked, looking confused.

“I’ll do it. This is personal.”

All at once, the gym trainers cheered and started hugging each other. A few of them hugged William, a bit too tightly for comfort.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” The trainer with the pink glasses said as she jumped up and down and clapped her hands together.

When all the commotion had settled down, William asked her seriously,

“Do you have any idea where she might have gone?”

The trainer with the pink glasses bit down on her lip as she rolled her eyes upward in deep thought.

“Well…we did have one idea.”

“And?” William asked her. The others were watching her carefully, waiting for her to speak.

“Have you heard of the casino in town?”

“…No?”

“Well…” the girl said hesitantly. “There is one…it popped up about three months ago…we didn’t think anything of it at the time…but…it’s called the Rocket Game Corner.”
[+] A Few thoughts...
Yes, it seems like a filler chapter...and it kind of is...but I needed to set up for the Team Rocket Hideout. The next three chapters will all be about William's assault on that place, and hopefully they will be exciting and thrilling!

Also....
[+] Spoiler
Somebody will die within the next three chapters
[+] Team Status
TEAM:
Tybalt (Charmeleon) 35
Fleance (Nidoking) 33
Desdemona (Butterfree) 29
Brabantio (Ivysuar) 28
Virgilia (Wartortle) 26

BOX:
Donalbain (Diglet) Level 19
Mercutio (Zubat) Level 6
Henry (Ratatta) Level 4
Romeo (Pidgey) Level 15
Bianca (Nidoran, Female) Level 18

DEAD:
Juliet (Spearow)
Percy (Pikachu) Level 5-Level 26
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Firestar
Indigo League Champion
Indigo League Champion
Joined: December 2nd, 2010, 12:31 am

February 27th, 2011, 5:15 pm #185

A more humorous chapter, as I can see. You need that in a story like this.
[+] Anyways...
Jade is definitely my pick to die in the next three chapters. Unless you mean a Pokémon, though I think you kept that loosely worded on purpose. :roll:
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Verminator
Conqueror of the Azalea Gym
Conqueror of the Azalea Gym
Joined: November 29th, 2010, 3:13 pm

February 27th, 2011, 7:26 pm #186

I can tell that what happens in the next chapter or two will be a big deal. I'm looking forward to it.
Hey! Verminator doesn't advertise!
Except for here.
[+] Spoiler
Banner by Kynim, whose art is currently being investigated as a possible cancer cure.
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Epsi
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Joined: December 8th, 2010, 5:33 am

February 27th, 2011, 10:06 pm #187

*sigh* I also wonder whether it will be human or pokémon....

I never liked Erika's gym - bunch of sissies.
Hello. Let's play some music.
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NathanS
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Joined: December 11th, 2010, 2:54 am

February 27th, 2011, 10:35 pm #188

[+] Spoiler
And that death will be.... Joe that one dude in the background in chapter forty two. That's right I figured it out.
The World of The War

* * * * *
Up to Chapter Three, Part Five
Fight at The Gym
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Entice
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Joined: August 1st, 2010, 4:04 am

February 28th, 2011, 1:00 am #189

[+] Spoiler
I honestly think Oak may be the one to die, or it could be Jade, I'm not sure. Hell, it could be a pokemon, who knows. What with Will going after Team rocket, that's more likely then not.
My computer sucks.
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QKNC
Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Joined: October 10th, 2010, 9:32 am

February 28th, 2011, 2:50 am #190

I couldn't help but laugh when William realized that he'd just made a dick move on a gym full of upset girls XD Geez, bowl them over with your massive, hulking Nidoking, why don't you.
[+] Spoiler
Firestar brought up a good point, you didn't specify that it was one of your Pokemon that was going to die. Given the mood of your plot, anything's possible.
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Velvet
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Joined: January 29th, 2011, 6:14 am

February 28th, 2011, 5:52 am #191

[+] Thoughts on the big Four-O:
Oooh, reversal. And promises of a prelude~~♥

You know, the girls could've avoided all this by just telling him what'd happened in the first place. But I guess they didn't want the news getting out and anyone panicking.

And then there's that spoiler to consider...
[+] Hmm...
As much as I hate to say it, Jade seems like the odds are against her here. She's making her way right for Will, and could easily get caught in the crossfire. It's hard to say if Jimmy is aiming to kill her or not -- but Team Rocket... they've already tried targeting William for whatever reason, and Giovanni seemed oddly pleased just by doing emotional damage. Plus, dying like this would be on her terms, more or less -- doing what she wanted to do rather than running and hiding away. And it'd piss of Jimmy to no end, too -- if she dies by Team Rocket's hands, that'd mean he'd never be able to do what he wants with her...

On the other hand, she could easily survive for those same reasons. Unless you're planning on mirroring what happened with Percy, so cruelly taken out before his role was completely fulfilled... :ugh:

Oak's also a possibility, but seems... unlikely to me, precluding his deciding to actually do something about Jimmy. That's probably part of what keeps him from doing more than sending out coded messages and whatnot; if he acts against Jimmy, he's certain that he'll die. Jimmy wants him alive to... to what? To suffer?

...In fact, now I'm wondering if Oak might commit suicide. :ohdear: Especially if the full truth about his sons becomes wider known, ruining his career... or simply out of guilt and grief from seeing his life in ruins and the evil wrought by his own spawn, not to mention his own inaction. There's that old saying about how evil thrives when good men sit and do nothing...

Erika... now there's a real possibility. Her girls did tell Will that Team Rocket said "Don't try to rescue her, or else she dies." Team Rocket is quite ruthless in this 'verse, and a rescue attempt is still a rescue attempt, regardless of who's making it. She's already established herself as a catty bitch by killing Chris' Raticate out of some twisted need to hurt someone who might be connected to Jimmy, however loosely... What more needs to be said? What further purpose would she serve if she got to face Will? He could just as easily get the badge by fighting one of the other girls; perhaps the girl with the glasses is next in line for the spot of gym leader...

As others have noted, the death could easily be a pokemon. If that's the case, depending on how quickly William makes his way through the base, the death could be one of Erika's pokemon -- vengance for Chris' Raticate, something that surely rankles all the more given Will's own recent loss -- or one of Team Rocket's pokemon. Perhaps Giovanni makes an ill-timed comment about Percy's tragic demise, and Will and/or one of his team is driven to inflict that same sort of damage on him -- a move that would most likely backfire, as Giovanni may well take pleasure in Will's 'corruption'.

...Will James be in the Game Corner? Could be him, if he doesn't have Kadrabra to teleport his sorry ass out of harm's way anymore. Fleance could crush his skull, and nothing of value will be lost. (Aside from, perhaps, whatever's left of William's innocence...)
Still Waters -- A Fire Red Nuzlocke Story Run
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

March 1st, 2011, 3:40 am #192

[+] replies!
Firestar wrote:A more humorous chapter, as I can see. You need that in a story like this.
[+] Anyways...
Jade is definitely my pick to die in the next three chapters. Unless you mean a Pokémon, though I think you kept that loosely worded on purpose.
Thanks Firestar. And I always keep things ambiguous ;)
Verminator wrote:I can tell that what happens in the next chapter or two will be a big deal. I'm looking forward to it.
Thanks Verm'! The next chapter is actually one of the longest ones yet, so I'm hoping you enjoy it :)
Epslion wrote:*sigh* I also wonder whether it will be human or pokémon....

I never liked Erika's gym - bunch of sissies.
Their dialogue is kind of sissy, so I was hoping for an accurate portrayal! Glad you felt so! :D
NathanS wrote:And that death will be.... Joe that one dude in the background in chapter forty two. That's right I figured it out.
Pure genius, you read my mind Nathan :laughing:
Entice wrote:I honestly think Oak may be the one to die, or it could be Jade, I'm not sure. Hell, it could be a pokemon, who knows. What with Will going after Team rocket, that's more likely then not.
All shall be revealed soon...the general viewpoint from everyone is that Jade is their pick. Interesting...
QKNC wrote: couldn't help but laugh when William realized that he'd just made a dick move on a gym full of upset girls XD Geez, bowl them over with your massive, hulking Nidoking, why don't you.
[+] Spoiler
Firestar brought up a good point, you didn't specify that it was one of your Pokemon that was going to die. Given the mood of your plot, anything's possible.
Your comment had me laughing QKNC :laughing: It was excellent word choice.
And, I'm always careful with my wording, don't want to give anything away...
Velvet wrote:
[+] Thoughts on the big Four-O:
Oooh, reversal. And promises of a prelude~~♥

You know, the girls could've avoided all this by just telling him what'd happened in the first place. But I guess they didn't want the news getting out and anyone panicking.

And then there's that spoiler to consider...
[+] Hmm...
As much as I hate to say it, Jade seems like the odds are against her here. She's making her way right for Will, and could easily get caught in the crossfire. It's hard to say if Jimmy is aiming to kill her or not -- but Team Rocket... they've already tried targeting William for whatever reason, and Giovanni seemed oddly pleased just by doing emotional damage. Plus, dying like this would be on her terms, more or less -- doing what she wanted to do rather than running and hiding away. And it'd piss of Jimmy to no end, too -- if she dies by Team Rocket's hands, that'd mean he'd never be able to do what he wants with her...

On the other hand, she could easily survive for those same reasons. Unless you're planning on mirroring what happened with Percy, so cruelly taken out before his role was completely fulfilled...

Oak's also a possibility, but seems... unlikely to me, precluding his deciding to actually do something about Jimmy. That's probably part of what keeps him from doing more than sending out coded messages and whatnot; if he acts against Jimmy, he's certain that he'll die. Jimmy wants him alive to... to what? To suffer?

...In fact, now I'm wondering if Oak might commit suicide. Especially if the full truth about his sons becomes wider known, ruining his career... or simply out of guilt and grief from seeing his life in ruins and the evil wrought by his own spawn, not to mention his own inaction. There's that old saying about how evil thrives when good men sit and do nothing...

Erika... now there's a real possibility. Her girls did tell Will that Team Rocket said "Don't try to rescue her, or else she dies." Team Rocket is quite ruthless in this 'verse, and a rescue attempt is still a rescue attempt, regardless of who's making it. She's already established herself as a catty bitch by killing Chris' Raticate out of some twisted need to hurt someone who might be connected to Jimmy, however loosely... What more needs to be said? What further purpose would she serve if she got to face Will? He could just as easily get the badge by fighting one of the other girls; perhaps the girl with the glasses is next in line for the spot of gym leader...

As others have noted, the death could easily be a pokemon. If that's the case, depending on how quickly William makes his way through the base, the death could be one of Erika's pokemon -- vengance for Chris' Raticate, something that surely rankles all the more given Will's own recent loss -- or one of Team Rocket's pokemon. Perhaps Giovanni makes an ill-timed comment about Percy's tragic demise, and Will and/or one of his team is driven to inflict that same sort of damage on him -- a move that would most likely backfire, as Giovanni may well take pleasure in Will's 'corruption'.

...Will James be in the Game Corner? Could be him, if he doesn't have Kadrabra to teleport his sorry ass out of harm's way anymore. Fleance could crush his skull, and nothing of value will be lost. (Aside from, perhaps, whatever's left of William's innocence...)
Yes, this will not be my last run at all. Nuzlocking and writing about it is way too much fun to stop :smile:
As far as your predictions goes, all of them were very well made and your evidence too support them was solid.
[+] Spoiler
And one of them was right.

Chapter Forty-One
[+] Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-One: Intrusion

The Rocket Game Corner was no normal game corner. Lights that flashed black and yellow lined up the columns and walls inside the large rectangular building. The walls were painted an over exposed red, and the carpet was a deep maroon. The lights on the ceiling were fluorescent, and they flashed colors like a disco-ball. Music was blasted over intercoms on the ceiling; music that was so loud one couldn’t even identify exactly what kind of music it was. The machines were either all a yellow or a nasty pink color, and most of them featured Clefarys on them. The slot machines winning icon was a dollar sign, while the losing icon were a big, red ‘R’.

It was the big red ‘R’ that made William certain he was in the right place.

William stood in a corner, watching the insanity of the game corner play out before him, waiting for the right person to move through the place. For many minutes, he was not rewarded with his patience. Every person that walked through that place was as wild and as crazy as the game corner itself. Their insanity actually let them blend into the game corner; rather than stand out as it would in an every day life. A man in a black-and-white stripped fur onesie was screaming at a slot machine. A woman wearing nothing but a Ninetails coat that poorly covered her body was purchasing coins from an employee. A young teen whose clothes were grimy and torn sat before a slot machine; his eyes were wide and red, ignorant and blissful of the commotion around him. His eyes were hooked onto the spinning and rotating images before him. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in days.

Suddenly, William saw something.

The man with the onesie was banging his fists on the slot machines while cursing loudly. The woman purchasing coins had let her Ninetails coat slip off her body without noticing. She was now walking back to the slot machines holding a gray bucket of coins, wearing nothing but Jigglypuff underwear that was several sizes too small. The young teen was on the verge of collapsing as he sat in front of the slot machine that was displaying three red ‘R’s.

But William was not paying any attention to that. Instead, he was watching a new man that had just entered the Rocket Game Corner. A man that was hidden beneath a large black overcoat. A man that was not dressed as ridiculously as everyone else in the place was. A man that walked and moved quickly, with some sort of hidden purpose. He weaved himself through the Game Corner masterfully, being careful to not bump into anyone. William’s eyes followed his every move and his every shift in body weight. Eventually, the man disappeared behind a corner.

William moved in pursuit, walking quickly across the maroon carpet. He moved past the winding columns that flickered with lights. He moved past the slot machines that displayed three red ‘R’s more than anything else. He moved through the people, shoving them out of the way as his pace quicken. Exclamations were made, but when their coins fell out of their hands and onto the floor, the gamblers quickly forgot the teen that moved so quickly through the Rocket Game Corner. All of the attention was directed to gathering their clinging coins on the ground.

William turned the corner, leaving the sounds and insanity of the Rocket Game Corner behind him. The noises were still there, but he found himself tuning them out as he walked slowly down the empty corridor. The walls had turned to the color black, and the carpet was a hideous red blood color. Weak bulbs lit the corridor on the ceiling above, but they only added to the ominous feeling that William could feel chill his bones. The corridor was empty, except for another corner ahead. William walked slowly, feeling a cold sweat break out on his face. The corridor was only about 10 yards long, yet it took him a minute to walk down. Finally he reached the corner, and he very slowly turned to look…

The corner led to another empty corridor that was meekly five yards long, and ended with an abrupt and sudden wall.

William sighed, frustrated, and he wondered where the mysterious man had gone. He could have sworn he saw the man disappear behind the corner…but perhaps he was wrong. He walked towards the dead end, frowning. He looked at the carpet below him, looking for signs of someone else walking through earlier. But he couldn’t see well enough; the corridor was too darkly lit. William sighed again. He felt tired; his heart was beating fast in his chest from anticipation. He put up a hand to the dead end wall for support.

And then, without any warning, the wall suddenly slid down into the floor, making several mechanical clicks as it did so. William gasped and caught himself before tumbling down the stairs that had been revealed behind the wall.

William let out a sigh of relief when he did not go falling down the stairs. He stood with his hands on his knees, catching his breath. He finally stood up straight, and looked down the dark set of stairs, and considered what he should do.

He knew the smart thing would be to go to the police and notify them that there was something fishy going on.

But would they be able to do anything? There was no evidence that there was criminal activity going on – William didn’t think having a secret door constituted as evidence. There was nothing that explicitly linked the Rocket Game Corner to Team Rocket, besides the name and the red ‘R’s. So, while it seemed it, the police would not be able to prove it. Notifying the police would only alert the Rockets that William was on to them.

Besides, Erika could be on the verge of being murdered at any given second. And the Rockets had warned the gym trainers that to contact the police would mean death. William didn’t have time to go back. He had to press onwards. So he did that, stepping into the secret threshold.

William carefully descended down the dark set of stairs; the light behind him slowly faded away.

“Desdemona, come on out,” William whispered when he was surrounded by absolute darkness. The Butterfree sprung out of the ball attacked to his belt, and her headlight-like eyes illuminated the pressing darkness. The cold, metal, gray stairs were descending deeper and deeper down underneath the ground, spiraling as they did so. William sighed, and knew the man he had been following must have had a flashlight and knew the path very well. How else would he have traveled down it so quickly?

It wasn’t too much longer before William hit the floor. He would have dropped to his knees and kissed the ground, but he could feel the cold metallic floor through his shoes, and he had no desire to press his lips to such a surface.

“Come on Des,’” William said, motioning ahead. Desdemona’s headlight-like eyes turned and found a large metal door. The stairs had descended down into a small square room. If this was indeed a hidden Rocket Hideout, then William knew it would be revealed behind that door.

Carefully, William walked over to the metal door and he shoved it open. The door screeched as it opened up, grinding metal against metal.

The door opened up into a large laboratory. There were several more doors throughout the laboratory, each of them closed. Computers that were mostly blank lined up the metallic walls. The ceiling was high above, and on it were rows of large metallic lights that made the lab a bit too bright.

Suddenly, doors throughout the lab opened up, and out came men and women dressed in a Team Rocket outfit. They all wore all black and had the red ‘R’ stamped on their chest.

William felt a burning hatred rise within him. He had found the right place.

The Rockets were all walking up to William, each of them holding several minimized Pokeballs between their fingers. They all sneered at William and his Butterfree, and several of them threw out taunts.

“Stupid little boy,” one said.

“You’ve got some pretty shitty luck kid,” another said.

“I thought I was being followed,” another said.

There were six in all, and they surrounded William in a semi-circle. The door behind him mechanically closed, and William knew he was trapped.

“You shouldn’t have tried to mess with Team Rocket,” one of the grunts said. They all unleashed their Pokémon at once, and William was now surrounded not just by Team Rocket Grunts but also by an assortment of Ekans, Koffings, Zubats and Golbats.

“Any last words kid?” One of the grunts asked, smirking at William.

William smiled. It was not a smile of joy. It was not a smile of knowing.

It was a cold, cruel smile, filled with hate.

“Let’s go guys,” William said softly. William’s belt flashed four times, and in an instant his team stood in front of him, protecting their trainer.

Desdemona was still fluttering in the air, her eyes were narrowed though and she looked mean. Her wings beat furiously, and her entire body trembled as psychic power coursed through her.

Fleance pounded his fists of his chests and the Nidoking roared. His horn glistened in the fluorescent light, and his eyes were wild and crazed.

Tybalt smiled grimly as he slashed his claws through the air, inviting anyone that was brave enough to challenge him. The Charmeleon’s eyes moved side-to-side, watching all of the Rockets’ Pokémon. None of them made a move forward.

Virgilia stood tall and proud. The Wartortle’s cheeks were puffed up, either with water. She was ready to strike at an instance’s notice.

Brabantio crackled and whipped the metallic ground with his vines that came out of the blooming flower on his side. The Ivysaur snarled and spat.

And William stood behind his team; his hands at his sides and his feet spread a part. He cocked a single eyebrow at the Rocket that was leading the grunts.

“Your move.”

The Grunt hesitated as he examined the many rare and powerful Pokémon that were lined up in front of him. He was a scrawny man who had not shaved in several days. His Adam’s apple was abnormally large, and it bobbed up and down while he tried to make a decision. Finally, he stuttered out a battle cry-

“Attack!”

And the battle began.

Desdemona flew through the air of the laboratory, her wings beating rapidly. Zubats and Golbats followed her, all of them letting loose their horrid screeches. But she was not easily caught. She spun around and around, confusing and tricking the Zubats and Golbats, and causing general commotion among them. But they quickly reorganized, and began pursuing her again as she flew. They were close on her path, when suddenly without any warning she dived down. She kept her eyes upwards though, and as the Zubats and Golbats flew above her she blasted them out of the sky with her psychic attacks. But Desdemona did not get all of them, and the remaining ones continued their pursuit. She continued to dance through the air of the laboratory, battling the flying bat-like Pokémon as she did so.

Tybalt was dueling with three different Ekans, clipping his claws at them and letting streams of fire roll out of his mouth. His claws were extended out longer then normal, and they moved through the air so fast they were blurred. The three Ekans slithered this way and that, avoiding the slashes from his claws and the flames from his mouth. They hissed at the Charmeleon, poking their tiny tongues out of their mouths. Finally, one jabbed its head forward, jaws open, aiming for Tybalt’s neck.

Tybalt moved out of the way at the last second and the Ekans was biting at empty air. The Charmeleon then brought his claws down, and he cut through skin, muscles and bones to decapitate the Ekans. The head bobbed off onto the ground and the rest of the body sprayed out blood like a fountain. Tybalt smiled grimly as he continued to duel with now two Ekans.

Brabantio was snapping his vines through the air, bringing Zubats down to the ground and constricting Ekans. His mouth was set in a hard line on concentration as he fought and battled his opponents. A single vine was choking the life out of an Ekans while the other was fending off a pesky Zubat in the air. Brabantio tensed up as he tried to multitask, but…

The Zubat was able to sink its fangs into Brabantio’s vine, and the Ivysaur let out a startled cry. He shook his vine with all his strength, but he could not get rid of the Zubat that was sucking away his life and energy…

And then a powerful stream of bubbles hit the Zubat, and the bat-like Pokémon was hurled backwards in the air until it hit the ceiling, from which it fell back down to the ground and landed with a thump!

Brabantio took advantage of his second vine to finish of the Ekans, and then he went on to fight other foes.

Virgilia, the Pokémon who had fired the Bubblebeam attack, was bouncing between her tail and her feet while she fired Water Gun and Bubblebeam attacks through the air, striking and hitting many opponents. No foe got close to the Wartortle, as no foe possibly could. Koffings and Zubats were her primary targets, and they never knew before that water could cause such pain.

Fleance was standing in front of his trainer, fending off and killing anything that dared tried to reach William. The Nidoking roared repeatedly, and blood dripped from his hands and his claws. Already two Rockets lay dead at his feet. They had gone after William with their knives.

William was fortunate he did not have to worry about guns, as the weapons were in low supply throughout the world.

William shouted orders and attacks to different members of his team, but most of the time his Pokémon were left to improvise.

But that was alright. They had been trained well.

----------------------------------------------------------

James, Jessie, and their boss stared up at the flat screen television that was on the wall of the head office. The screen was split into several different on-going videos, and together they showed every possible angle of that first room of the Hideout. They watched the battle that was taking place there. Jessie occasionally winced when she watched a Pokémon go down, while James only got tenser and angrier.

All three of them were ignoring the fourth person in the room, who had been forced into silence.

When Tybalt defeated another Ekans by slicing it in half, James spun around to his boss. James’s blue hair that was normally straight stood up in odd places at this distressed moment. But Giovanni’s facial expression contrasted to James.

Giovanni was simply smiling as he sat in a rather large black chair behind his simple brown desk.

“…Boss?” James asked, surprised. Jessie turned around as well, and she watched her boss with a guarded expression.

“He is really quite good isn’t he?” Giovanni asked his two executives, smirking, as his eyes remained fixated on the screen. James bit down on his lower lip, confused.

“I can call together every Team Rocket grunt in the base, boss, and we can overcome him,” James suggested. “He may be strong, but he will be highly outnumbered. And then he WILL die.”

Jessie was silent, she watched Giovanni closely, her eyes guarded. Her arms were folded across her chest, and she was resisting the urge to stroke her hair that was gelled into a single spike and dyed red.

“No.” Giovanni said simply. “Let him go through and destroy the hideout. Let him defeat our pathetic grunts. All the Rockets in this base, with the exception of you two, are just recruits anyway.”

“But why not kill him?” James whined. Jessie winced, knowing this could set Giovanni off. She often wished Giovanni had not given James a position of power within Team Rocket…he was after all so young.

“Because,” Giovanni explained patiently. “I might have use for him yet. Dead, he’s useless. Alive…he could serve a purpose.”

Giovanni stood up, and told his two executives.

“Go outside and guard this room. He will come. He will defeat you. You must both make your escape, and then he will come in here. I will let him defeat me. I will let him think he is stronger. I will not let him see my real team.”

James nodded, though he looked frustrated and confused. He started to head out, but he stopped at the door when he realized Jessie was not accompanying him.

“Coming?” he asked her.

“I’ll be there in a moment,” she replied, her eyes fixed on the leader of Team Rocket. He was smiling at her, as if he could already see her question coming.

James shrugged, and left the room, closing the door behind him.

“Why are we abandoning this base?” she asked her boss when they were alone. Giovanni smiled at her. It was a cruel, knowing smile.

“It has served its purposes,” he said calmly. “We have identified that the fossil collected at Mt. Moon was not the fossil I was looking for. But, now I know that when I finally obtain the correct fossil I know exactly what to do. The machines and tools I need have been transported to my private home. This lab no longer has a purpose.”

Jessie seemed troubled by his words.

“So…you still intend to pursue the next target?” Giovanni smiled at his female executive.

“Why, of course.” Jessie nodded, and she bit down on her bright red lower lip. Giovanni laughed at her. “Come now, you’re not having regrets are you?”

“Of course not!” Jessie said quickly, her eyes wide. Giovanni chuckled.

“Good. Now…leave me to our guest. I have some information to obtain from her.”

Jessie left the room, doing her best not to look at the corner of the room.

Erika the gym leader was there in the corner, tied to a pole. Her left arm and both legs were bound. A gag was placed over her mouth, preventing her from speaking. Her eyes were wide and red, they were watering as she watched Giovanni get up out of his desk and approach her. Each stride he took was with great strength, and the cruel smile on his face only widened.

There was a podium in front of Erika, and on the podium was a map of Kanto.

“Now Erika,” Giovanni said to her in a cruel, yet sweet voice. He was pressing his face very close to hers as he looked down at the map. She was merely watching him in total, complete fear. “I’ve made this easy for you, I’ve left you the use of your right hand. All you have to do is point to the map and show me where. Show me where, and you’re free to go.”

Erika shook her head fiercely and she attempted to say something but it only came out as mumbles.

“Don’t claim ignorance again Erika,” Giovanni snapped. “I know you know where your sister is. And now, I want to know

-------------------

“Fleance!” William cried out. He tried to take a step forward, but was pushed back by Fleance’s tail.

Three different Ekans wrapped the Nidoking. One was wrapped around both his arms, acting like a pair of handcuffs that were far too tight. Another was constricting his legs, and the third was wrapping around his body.

Fleance would not let his trainer risk his life by intervening, even though he desperately needed help. But all of William’s other Pokémon were busy themselves.

Desdemona was stuck in a stalemated aerial battle with the one remaining Golbat. The evolved Pokémon of Zubat had learned Desdemona’s tricks, and was not falling for them. Instead, the Golbat was trying to ensnare the Butterfree with a Supersonic Attack as the two Pokémon fluttered through the air. Desdemona could not finish the battle off with a single last Confusion Attack, but the Golbat couldn’t come close to confusing Desdemona with Supersonic.

Tybalt was now dueling only one Pokémon, but that one Pokémon was an Arbok. The remaining Ekans surprisingly evolved halfway through the battle, making for a much more dangerous and fiercer contender. The Charmeleon still smiled as he slashed his claws at the Arbok, but the battle was becoming close and dangerous for him now. The Arbok jabbed forward with its fangs out many times. It always missed Tybalt, but with each attack the Pokémon came closer…

Virgilia and Brabantio were attempting to deal with two last Koffings that floated through the air. They were avoiding every attack the Wartortle and Ivysaur threw at them, while laughing and releasing Sludge attacks.

William bit down hard on his lower lip as he watched the battle, his head going from left to right to left and back to right. At any given moment the battle could change from a stalemate to a victory or a loss…

The four remaining Rockets watched with smiles on their faces. They cracked whips in their hands, and they studied and watched William, a hungry expression to kill in their eyes.

But then, Fleance let out a mighty roar, and he forced his arms and legs apart, ripping the two Ekans that constricted him in those places in half. Using his freed hands, he tore off the Ekans that was wrapped around his body and threw it through the air.

The Ekans hit the remaining Golbat, and stayed wrapped around it. The Ekans body blocked the Golbat’s eyes, and the Pokémon flapped and screeched through the air blinded. A single Confusion from Desdemona sent them both to the ground where they did not raise back up.

The thump on the ground startled and made the Arbok flinch, but not Tybalt. His claws raked through the Arbok’s body, vertically making a cut where blood and organs leaked out. The Arbok feel to the ground, its whole body jerking as the life left its body.

A final Bubblebeam and Vine Whip attack took out both the remaining Koffings, who fell to the ground with a plop! They did not rise back up.

William stood there, feeling both relieved and disgust as he looked across the floor that was covered in pools of blood and the bodies of dead Pokémon and Rockets. The four, remaining Rockets were screaming for help as they retreated deeper into the hideout, but William did not pursue them. He had his team to worry about.

All five Pokémon gathered around him. William opened up his backpack and handed out Super Potions accordingly.

“Alright Fleance, you took several heavy hits, so take a few.” The Nidoking tried to refuse, but William gave him a sharp look and forced them upon his Nidoking.

“Desdemona, you need a couple as well,” the Butterfree hummed softly in response as William sprayed them on her.

“Tybalt, I saw you get bit once, so take a Super Potion and an Antidote as well…just in case.” The Charmeleon frowned grudgingly while he was treated.

“Let’s see that vine Brabantio,” William said to his Ivysuar. Brabantio slipped the vine out of his bulb and showed the mark where the Zubat had bitten to his trainer. William sprayed a Super Potion on the wound and tapped it affectionately.

“And Virgilia…I don’t think you took a single hit girl – you were amazing! You alright?” The Wartortle leapt in the air, celebrating as she jumped up and down. William smiled at his water Pokémon, remembering when she was once so very shy…

William shook his head and he reminded himself that this was no time for memory lane. He was in the middle of the Rocket’s Hideout, and he had no doubt just alerted the entire base he was here. He could retreat but…

He knew he was running out of time.

And he could not stay here longer. The blood was making a horrible smell, and William felt like vomiting. A feeling of guilt spread through him as he looked upon the dead bodies of so many Pokémon. William had to remind himself that had he and his Pokémon not fought to kill, then there could have been casualties on his side.

William sighed as he zipped up his bag that contained all the medicine.

“What do you say guys,” William asked his team. “Move on or go back?”

Fleance snorted at his trainer, and turned and started walking deeper into the base, without waiting for confirmation to do so. The rest of the team followed, and William couldn’t help but smile.

But William quickly grew serious again when he remembered why he was here.

James.
[+] Thoughts
Longest chapter yet? It was about 4000 words, and I think the Bill chapter previously held the title of the longest chapter. And THAT one was around 2000 words - I think. Need to go back and double check.

The vivid details is not usually my style, but it flowed quiet easily (surprisingly) so I went with it at the beginning. I am really curious to hear what everyone else thought of this chapter, especially the battle scene. I am working to improve my writing there, so I hope it was a little better. Let me know. Truthfully, this is my favorite chapter in a while, but again, I'm anxious to see how everyone else perceived it.

I'm sure this chapter is riddled with errors :ohdear: I reread it over twice, ran spell check, and even got someone in RL to proof-read it. But it's just so looong, I know I missed a lot. Don't by shy to point them out; I'll get right on to fixing anything caught :)
[+] Team's Status
Tybalt (Charmeleon) 35
Fleance (Nidoking) 34
Desdemona (Butterfree) 30
Brabantio (Ivysuar) 28
Virgilia (Wartortle) 26

BOX:
Donalbain (Diglet) Level 19
Mercutio (Zubat) Level 6
Henry (Ratatta) Level 4
Romeo (Pidgey) Level 15
Bianca (Nidoran, Female) Level 18

DEAD:
Juliet (Spearow)
Percy (Pikachu) Level 5-Level 26
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Velvet
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Joined: January 29th, 2011, 6:14 am

March 1st, 2011, 5:10 am #193

[+] Thoughts on Forty-One:
One of them was... Oh, dear. :ohdear:

The Game Corner sounds like it'd be really hard to concentrate in. I guess it only keeps its clients by being one of the only places in Kanto where you can gamble...? Or, at least, the only place the player can visit... Plus, the noise and distractions probably keeps others from noticing people walking through the walls.

Your descriptions here really pull into the story, with the contrast between the Corner and the secret base underground. Liked the detail of him having to call out Des just to be able to see the stairs.

And the battle scene... battle chaos, to be more accurate. And here come the random rocket deaths at Fleance's hands... guess that's what they get for not playing fair. Maybe there's a reason why they tend to follow the rules in the games... if they break them, so can their targets.

Oh, hey, Jessie does exist. Her partner's been flying solo as a single jerk for so long I was starting to wonder if something happened to her.

Giovanni is creepy. All this death just to lure Will into a false sense of security?

(Erika should be tied to a pole, not poll. :sweatdrop: )

And Giovanni wants to find Jade...? Well, that makes sense, given his interest in Will, but still... not very reassuring. Especially given that we know she's seeking her son out...

Erika should realize, though, that even if she gives him what he wants, all that means is he doesn't have any further use for her. And given that she's been sitting there able to see just how little he values the lives of his own men... This is her Bill Yates moment, isn't it? Her personal moment of truth while staring death in the face. So, what will she decide...? Does she hate her sister so much that she'll sell her out just for the off-chance it'll save her own hide?

I sort of feel sorry for the Rockets' pokemon. Their trainers chose to join Team Rocket, but them...?

And it looks like even if James manages to get out without crossing paths with Will, it'll just be delaying the inevitable... Unless Will goes through some major character development that helps him realize killing James won't bring back Percy. Question is, would vengeance make him feel better...? :ohdear:
Still Waters -- A Fire Red Nuzlocke Story Run
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Firestar
Indigo League Champion
Indigo League Champion
Joined: December 2nd, 2010, 12:31 am

March 1st, 2011, 5:12 am #194

First off:
[+] Mistakes
As long as you're giving proofing an honest effort (wow! someone in RL! it's obvious you are serious about getting this right), it isn't an issue that affects this run's quality IMO, but ask, and ye shall recieve:

Clefairys in line 5
women should be woman line 12
women again line 17 (btw this was nice humor ::P:
women again line 70 (could also be better phrased as 'came men and women dressed in Team Rocket outfits')
more word choice than anything: line 93, 'both' instead of 'either'
comma instead of semicolon line 97
lose should be loose line 106
'around and around' instead of 'around, and around' also line 106
dual should be duel line 118
on should be of line 120
more phrasing: 'the life out of' instead of 'out the life of' in line 120 sounds better IMO
rockets should be Rockets (I think) line 131
comma instead of semicolon line 133

if I lost count of lines (I probably did), I considered the break line 136

angel should be angle line 138
remain should be remained line 146
line 148- 'in the base boss' should be 'in the base, Boss,'
poll should be pole line 178

2nd break line 187

out should be around line 189
lasts should be last line 201
line 209 'and he threw it' should be 'and threw it'
reaming should be remaining line 211
Confusion capitalized? line 212
make should be making line 215
feel should be fell line 215
the should be they line 220
Super Potions capitalized? line 222
bite should be bit line 226
grudging should be grudgingly line 227
then should be that line 237

Whew! Just keep doing what you're doing, I guess... eventually stuff will fix itself.
As for the battle scenes, yeah, they're getting a lot better. Just don't too caught up in the detail; I can see that you really want us to see what you're Pokémon are thinking and feeling, but sometimes you can't include everything. That was about as detailed as a battle can get before people will disengage, so just be careful.

However, yes, that was a very interesting chapter! I absolutely loved your interpretation of the Game Corner, and the wrench you threw in with Giovanni was cool as well... he's up to something...
[+] Prediction
Still standing by with Jade=dead. Also, I just know that Jimmy and the Rockets are in the same boat. Their motives and methods are just too darn similar. Unless, of course, Giovanni is one of the Three...
Great chapter, I'll be looking for more!
[+] For BOB (consider this a PM; if you're not BOB I would prefer you didn't read this. Don't worry, it's not bad =P
I don't want to be pretentious, but I had an idea while proofing: if you'd like, I'll proof ALL of your future updates!

Just send them to me by PM before you post them. If I don't respond in 20 minutes without confirming that I'm working on it, post it without my proof anyways. But if I do, just let me get to work, I'll proof it and send you a message telling you what the mistakes are, similar to what I just did in this post!

It would improve the quality by giving you another net to catch potential mistakes, and it would make me feel awesome to see the next update before everyone else. :roll: However, don't feel obligated at all by this. If you'd rather me not for some reason, just say so, I won't be offended at all. It was just an offer I thought of! :coolshades:

And :shameless plug: I AM working on my story... I just want to have every plot detail planned before I launch it...
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Epsi
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Joined: December 8th, 2010, 5:33 am

March 1st, 2011, 6:37 am #195

jeez, way to go keeping us all suspenseful like that.

Though you never said it would be more than one somebody who would do some dying :P
Hello. Let's play some music.
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Verminator
Conqueror of the Azalea Gym
Conqueror of the Azalea Gym
Joined: November 29th, 2010, 3:13 pm

March 1st, 2011, 12:47 pm #196

That was some awesome battling. Nothing like a splash of the old ultra-violence every now and then to spice things up.
Hey! Verminator doesn't advertise!
Except for here.
[+] Spoiler
Banner by Kynim, whose art is currently being investigated as a possible cancer cure.
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

March 1st, 2011, 4:48 pm #197

[+] Replies!
Velvet wrote:
[+] Thoughts on Forty-One:
One of them was... Oh, dear.

The Game Corner sounds like it'd be really hard to concentrate in. I guess it only keeps its clients by being one of the only places in Kanto where you can gamble...? Or, at least, the only place the player can visit... Plus, the noise and distractions probably keeps others from noticing people walking through the walls.

Your descriptions here really pull into the story, with the contrast between the Corner and the secret base underground. Liked the detail of him having to call out Des just to be able to see the stairs.

And the battle scene... battle chaos, to be more accurate. And here come the random rocket deaths at Fleance's hands... guess that's what they get for not playing fair. Maybe there's a reason why they tend to follow the rules in the games... if they break them, so can their targets.

Oh, hey, Jessie does exist. Her partner's been flying solo as a single jerk for so long I was starting to wonder if something happened to her.

Giovanni is creepy. All this death just to lure Will into a false sense of security?

(Erika should be tied to a pole, not poll. )

And Giovanni wants to find Jade...? Well, that makes sense, given his interest in Will, but still... not very reassuring. Especially given that we know she's seeking her son out...

Erika should realize, though, that even if she gives him what he wants, all that means is he doesn't have any further use for her. And given that she's been sitting there able to see just how little he values the lives of his own men... This is her Bill Yates moment, isn't it? Her personal moment of truth while staring death in the face. So, what will she decide...? Does she hate her sister so much that she'll sell her out just for the off-chance it'll save her own hide?

I sort of feel sorry for the Rockets' pokemon. Their trainers chose to join Team Rocket, but them...?

And it looks like even if James manages to get out without crossing paths with Will, it'll just be delaying the inevitable... Unless Will goes through some major character development that helps him realize killing James won't bring back Percy. Question is, would vengeance make him feel better...?
Thanks Velvet for the compliment regarding the game corner!
And this is kind of like Erika's Bill moment, except...she really actually doesn't know where Jade is. Giovanni thinks and hope she does, but she truly is clueless.
As far as Jessie goes, she hasn't been seen too much, but she will become increasingly more important. You'll actually be seeing a lot more of her.
Firestar wrote: First off:
[+] Mistakes:
As long as you're giving proofing an honest effort (wow! someone in RL! it's obvious you are serious about getting this right), it isn't an issue that affects this run's quality IMO, but ask, and ye shall recieve:

Clefairys in line 5
women should be woman line 12
women again line 17 (btw this was nice humor
women again line 70 (could also be better phrased as 'came men and women dressed in Team Rocket outfits')
more word choice than anything: line 93, 'both' instead of 'either'
comma instead of semicolon line 97
lose should be loose line 106
'around and around' instead of 'around, and around' also line 106
dual should be duel line 118
on should be of line 120
more phrasing: 'the life out of' instead of 'out the life of' in line 120 sounds better IMO
rockets should be Rockets (I think) line 131
comma instead of semicolon line 133

if I lost count of lines (I probably did), I considered the break line 136

angel should be angle line 138
remain should be remained line 146
line 148- 'in the base boss' should be 'in the base, Boss,'
poll should be pole line 178

2nd break line 187

out should be around line 189
lasts should be last line 201
line 209 'and he threw it' should be 'and threw it'
reaming should be remaining line 211
Confusion capitalized? line 212
make should be making line 215
feel should be fell line 215
the should be they line 220
Super Potions capitalized? line 222
bite should be bit line 226
grudging should be grudgingly line 227
then should be that line 237

Whew! Just keep doing what you're doing, I guess... eventually stuff will fix itself.
As for the battle scenes, yeah, they're getting a lot better. Just don't too caught up in the detail; I can see that you really want us to see what you're Pokémon are thinking and feeling, but sometimes you can't include everything. That was about as detailed as a battle can get before people will disengage, so just be careful.

However, yes, that was a very interesting chapter! I absolutely loved your interpretation of the Game Corner, and the wrench you threw in with Giovanni was cool as well... he's up to something...
[+] Prediction
Still standing by with Jade=dead. Also, I just know that Jimmy and the Rockets are in the same boat. Their motives and methods are just too darn similar. Unless, of course, Giovanni is one of the Three...
Oh my...those were a lot of errors you caught! Nice eyes Firestar, either I was off my game last night or there are a lot more mistakes floating around then I thought!
Thank you, and as you can tell by my PM, I'm going to have to take you up on your offer.
Anyway, thank you for the feedback on the battle scene! Its good to know that I can go too far if I'm not careful.
As far as your prediction...you shall see... ;)
And feel no shame for your plug! I am so looking forward to reading your run!
Epsilon wrote:jeez, way to go keeping us all suspenseful like that.

Though you never said it would be more than one somebody who would do some dying :P
Lol, sorry Epsilon, I really can't help myself :biggrin:
And I guess I should be clearer, when I said somebody, I meant someone important to the plot. Rockets and their Pokemon are nobodies :laughing:
wrote:That was some awesome battling. Nothing like a splash of the old ultra-violence every now and then to spice things up.
Thanks Verminator! More battling to come in chapters ahead!
Thanks everyone for the comments! Y'all rock!

And now, without further adieu...


Chapter Forty-Two
[+] Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Two: Aunt

The battle was just as chaotic as the previous one.

Fleance was fending off three different Nidorinos. And although they were much smaller, and much weaker then he was, they moved so much faster, and he had difficulties getting a single hit in. They ran around him in circles, and would jump up and stab him with their sharp horns. They could never pierce his rock-hard skin, but they scratched it.

Tybalt fought back and forth with a Machop. The Machop ducked and moved side-to-side like a real boxer, avoiding the Charmeleon’s Slash and Mega Punch attacks. The Machop returned the attacks with Low Kicks to Tybalt’s stomach.

Three Koffings surrounded Desdemona in the air. They shot out poison gas at her that she was forced to avoid. As she fluttered through the air, she shot back Confusion attacks that sent one Koffing to the ground. But the others stayed close in pursuit…

Virgilia and Brabantio were teamed together. Brabantio had his vines wrapped around Virgilia’s stomach, and the Wartortle was high up in the air, where she shot a continuous stream of bubbles out of her mouth. No Pokémon got close to the Ivysuar, Virgilia made sure of that.

William bit his lower lip as he watched the battle scene unfold before his eyes. He constantly changed the glance of his direction, making sure he stayed updated with each and every Pokémon…

The four opposing Rockets on the other side of the arena smiled at William, smug in their confidence, and not caring what happened to their Pokémon.

Suddenly, Fleance caught one of the jumping Nidorinos in the air, and he slammed it back down to the ground. The others were stunned, and temporarily frightened. Fleance swept his tail around, pushing and forcing them up into the air…

Desdemona shot down one of the Koffings with a Confusion attack. Its eyes rolled into the back of its head, and it let out a cough as it fell to the ground. The one remaining Koffing gulped nervously as the Butterfree fixed both purple-glowing eyes on it…

The Charmeleon’s claws finally succeeded in getting a hit on the Machop. An arm was sliced away, and the Machop screamed out in pain. Tybalt raised his claws high for the finishing blow…

Virgilia’s bubbles struck down the last Zubat. As the Pokémon fell to the ground, Brabantio charged forward, ready to finish it off with a tackle attack as soon as it reached the ground…

And…

Fleance jumped and performed a double-kick on the two Nidorans, slamming them into the ground. The sole-remaining Koffing let out a horrid cry of pain as Desdemona unleashed her most powerful Confusion attack yet. Tybalt’s claws cut deep into the Machop’s chest, stabbing right through the fighting Pokémon’s heart. Brabantio tackled the Zubat right before it hit the ground.

The Rockets took a step backward in fear as all of William’s Pokémon’s eyes turned to look at them. The battle was over. They had lost. They turned and retreated deeper into the base, all of them running off in different directions. Tybalt charged forward to follow them, but William called him back.

“Tybalt!” William yelled. “Come back!”

The Charmeleon turned back around, using a great deal of self-force to do so. His eyes were angry and his mouth was set in a fine line – he had wanted to pursue the Rockets.

William knelt to the ground as he unzipped his backpack, bringing out the healing items again. He did everything he could to keep his body from trembling.

William was in a different world then he thought he would be when he left Pallet Town not that so long ago. He was in a world where blood and villains existed, not just an annoying rival next door. He was in a world where death could strike around every corner. He was in a world where his Pokémon could die. He was in a world where he was forced to kill other Pokémon.

As William looked up from his backpack, he surveyed the floor of the laboratory. Once a stainless gray, the floor was now covered in blood and the bodies of dead Pokémon. Pokémon that had been torn to pieces, Pokémon that had their minds destroyed, Pokémon that had been stabbed, Pokémon that had been propelled backwards with great force, Pokémon that had been chocked…

William reminded himself that it was him or them. Him or them. Him or them.

He had no choice.

“Here everyone…” William said softly, as he handed out the Super Potions. Some of them, like Fleance and Tybalt tried to refuse them again, but William did not let them.

After taking her share, Desdemona fluttered softly to William’s shoulder where she rubbed her head against his in comfort. She could feel the pain he was feeling, because she was feeling it too.

“Thanks Des’,” William said, stroking her large, beautiful wings softly. William stood up, with Desdemona still on his shoulder, and told his team, “Alright guys, lets move on.”

William started walking forward, and most of his team followed. But it was a sudden, wheezing noise that alerted William to the fact that someone was staying behind.

William spun around, and found that Charmeleon had fallen to his knees, and was on the ground, breathing quickly in and out. He wheezed, and his eyes were wide; in pain. The flame on the edge of his tail was weakening.

“Tybalt!” William screamed. He ran up to his Pokémon, and let the Charmeleon fall back into his hands. Tybalt’s eyes stared up at the fluorescent light bulbs, and he breathed faster and faster.

William dug fiercely in his backpack, looking for a Super Potion…

And then, for half a second, the flame on Tybalt’s tail went out. But it came back almost instantly, stronger and more powerful then ever. The Charmeleon stood up out of William’s eyes and he roared. And then, the Pokémon started glowing, his skin changing from red to orange, the flame on his tail multiplying in size, the body growing taller, taller than William, taller than even Fleance! And…

Standing in front of William was no longer a Charmeleon.

Tybalt was now a Charizard.

The Charizard examined himself, and William and the rest of the team watched on in awed silence. Tybalt looked at his claws, which were now substantially longer. Tybalt looked at the flame on his tail, which was now much brighter. Tybalt looked at the muscles that lined his body, which were now much more powerful.

Tybalt looked to William.

And the Charizard smiled.

William couldn’t help himself from laughing when he launched himself onto the Charizard, throwing his arms around the Pokémon’s neck, giving Tybalt a hug.

Tybalt at first protested at the intimacy, but then he grudgingly hugged William back.
The rest of the team surrounded their new friend, all of them smiling and muttering congratulations. Tybalt nodded, and actually blushed.

“Well, well, look what we’ve stumbled upon,” a cruel voice said. “A nice…touching scene. Too bad we have to end it.”

William spun around.

He recognized that voice.

James and Jessie had turned a corner, and they both stood there tall and proud, with hands on their hips. James was smiling at William, while Jessie was stoic and quiet.

“James…” William said angrily under his breath. The rest of his team stood in line next to William, all of them growling at the Team Rocket Executives.

James and Jessie were wearing their matching outfits again. White shirts with the red ‘R’ stamped on, and they both wore black boots. James hair was messy this time though, but it still was dyed blue.

Jessie looked the same as before as well. Her hair was dyed an unnatural red, and it was gelled back into a single spike. Her nose was small and petite, and her skin had remained the marble white color. She would be just slightly shorter than William if it weren’t for the extra height her heels gave her on her boots. Her face was covered in makeup that made her look several years older, but William somehow knew without the makeup she would appear to be his age.

James looked to be just a few years younger than Jessie, and his voice further gave that fact away.

“Hm, which team member shall I take from you today?” James wondered out loud.

“I’m going to kill you.” William said, his voice filled with menace, directing all attention to James. “That is not a threat; that is a promise.” James’s face didn’t change at William’s words, his smile actually only grew larger. It was Jessie who looked worried though. But her face did not show fear, rather it showed…concern? William was not sure, but he didn’t let himself dwell on it.

“You outnumber us…so it’s only fair we fight the honorable way…” James said carefully. William snorted.

“So when its I that outnumber you we should fight fair and square – one on one? But when it’s your grunts with twenty Pokémon against my six, it’s a total free for all?”

James bit down on his lower lip, nervous and scared. He could see that William truly meant business.

“Go!” He called out, unleashing both his Koffing and his Meowth.

“Ekans, you too!”

“Desdemona, Tybalt, and Fleance, get in there!” William cried out. William’s three Pokémon charged onto the floor before them, while Virgilia and Brabantio stayed back.

“Confusion! Ember! Double-kick!”

Desdemona’s eyes glowed purple as she unleashed a Confusion attack on the Koffing. The poison Pokémon’s eyes rolled around crazily, suffering from the effects of the Desdemona’s attacks.

Tybalt unleashed a small stream of fire from his jaws, and the Ekans shrieked as it caught on fire.

Fleance stood on one foot while he kicked the Meowth twice, sending the Pokémon hurdling backwards.

“Alright guys, finish them off-”

“Ekans, return!” Jessie said suddenly, recalling her snake-like Pokémon back inside the ball. “James, return your Pokémon now.”

“But-”

“Do it now James!”

James recalled his own Pokémon, appearing upset about being bossed around. William crossed his arms over his chest, and his eyes remained fixed on James. He didn’t care about Jessie. He only cared about James.

“Your turn,” William said menacingly. His Pokémon all took a step forward, ready to avenge their fallen partner.

“Come on!” Jessie cried as she grabbed James arm. He was struck still by fear at the approaching Pokémon. “We’ll escape through the back door in the boss’s office.”

The two went running beyond the corner, and William screamed,

“Follow them!”

The team ran and they followed the two fleeing executives in pursuit. When they turned the corner though, William saw a door at the end of the long hall closing and the long, red hair vanishing behind it.

“Wait guys,” William ordered, and the team stopped. He knew they had already escaped, and he knew that was the room where the head of Team Rocket was. There was no point in rushing forward. He needed to gather his thoughts, and prepare for battle. He recalled his team, knowing they couldn’t all fit through that large metal door at once.

William then started the long walk down the cold empty hall, wondering what the Team Rocket boss would be like. He finally reached the doors, and he slowly pushed them open…

The first thing William saw when he looked into the room was Erika, the gym leader.

She was stunningly beautiful. Black hair flowed down from her head and her skin was clean and as clear as marble white. Her clothes fit tightly to her body that curved in fine lines.

Erika was without a doubt a beautiful woman.

And she was also dead.

She was hanging from the ceiling, her body oscillating a short distance. Her tongue, which was now blue, pocked out of her mouth.

Her eyes were still, and they still contained the horror that was in them when she was alive. William looked up at the dead body, his eyes wide. He was in shock.

“Well, well,” a cold, deep voice from behind the desk which Erika oscillated over said. “It looks like the hero got here too little too late.”
[+] A Few Thoughts
Sorry for not waiting longer Firestar! I was eager to get this chapter out, and you appeared to be offline so I went ahead and posted. Sorry again, :ohdear: but I'll continue to PM you if you'd like :)

Erika's death doesn't really bum me out. :=/: Sorry Erika, but as Velvet said, you were kind of a bitch.
Anyway, I'm never really sure how to handle evolutions, so each one has been treated a little differently. Hoped you all enjoyed this one :)
James and Jessie's encounter was easy, which is why there wasn't more of it. The next chapter will be the last one regarding the Team Rocket base.
[+] Team's Status
Tybalt (Charizard) 36
Fleance (Nidoking) 34
Desdemona (Butterfree) 30
Brabantio (Ivysuar) 28
Virgilia (Wartortle) 26

BOX:
Donalbain (Diglet) Level 19
Mercutio (Zubat) Level 6
Henry (Ratatta) Level 4
Romeo (Pidgey) Level 15
Bianca (Nidoran, Female) Level 18

DEAD:
Juliet (Spearow)
Percy (Pikachu) Level 5-Level 26
[+] Date for next chapter
May be a few days :ohdear: as the next few days are going to be fairly chaotic in real life. Hopefully it will be up by Friday...but it might not be. Check my Member Profile for status updates!
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Firestar
Indigo League Champion
Indigo League Champion
Joined: December 2nd, 2010, 12:31 am

March 1st, 2011, 5:17 pm #198

First of all, no problem! My darn brother just had to be on the computer for ten minutes longer, didn't he. It's my pleasure to do the edits, so don't feel guilty at all, and I'd like to continue it.

But anyways, wow, what an update... Erika's death wasn't that shocking but still masterfully conveyed. Points for using a word I didn't know and for giving us a cliffhanger on the Giovanni fight. That will be quite the chapter- you have lots of explaining to do concerning Team Rocket's role in the story! (Unless, of course, you'd like to keep us in the dark for a little while longer =P)

And I think varying the ways the evolutions happen is fine, and Tybalt's was also well explained and made sense. I loved how the team went around and congratulated him, too! I swear if anything happens to Des...

On the edge of my seat for the next installment!
[+] Prediction
I think Jade is going to interrupt the Giovanni/William fight.
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Epsi
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Joined: December 8th, 2010, 5:33 am

March 1st, 2011, 6:15 pm #199



jk - I'm sure you probably thought of that.


Hello. Let's play some music.
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

March 2nd, 2011, 12:01 am #200

[+] replies!
Firestar wrote:First of all, no problem! My darn brother just had to be on the computer for ten minutes longer, didn't he. It's my pleasure to do the edits, so don't feel guilty at all, and I'd like to continue it.

But anyways, wow, what an update... Erika's death wasn't that shocking but still masterfully conveyed. Points for using a word I didn't know and for giving us a cliffhanger on the Giovanni fight. That will be quite the chapter- you have lots of explaining to do concerning Team Rocket's role in the story! (Unless, of course, you'd like to keep us in the dark for a little while longer =P)

And I think varying the ways the evolutions happen is fine, and Tybalt's was also well explained and made sense. I loved how the team went around and congratulated him, too! I swear if anything happens to Des...

On the edge of my seat for the next installment!
[+] Prediction
I think Jade is going to interrupt the Giovanni/William fight.
Thank you Firestar! I'll continue to PM you when I go to update!
I'm looking forward to starting the next chapter; though it will be a day or three before its posted. I think the dialogue is going to be...very fun to write.
I'm glad you enjoyed the evolution,
And as far as your prediction goes...we'll see :)
Epsilon wrote:

jk - I'm sure you probably thought of that.
All shall be explained soon enough :)
I figured this would be what would make people somewhat surprised at her death. Let Erika be a warning, I will continue to kill off characters even though it may seem they still have a role to play in the game.
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