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Epsi
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Joined: December 8th, 2010, 5:33 am

February 21st, 2011, 3:25 pm #161

[+] Spoiler
Dang. 8(
Hello. Let's play some music.
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Entice
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Joined: August 1st, 2010, 4:04 am

February 21st, 2011, 6:17 pm #162

[+] .....
God...fucking dammit.
My computer sucks.
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

February 22nd, 2011, 12:14 am #163

[+] replies...
Make sure you read 36 first...
[+] Spoiler
Verminator wrote:NO. SWEET JESUS NO. THIS SORT OF THING ISN'T ALLOWED TO HAPPEN.

Kadabra and Alakazam are lethal. Absolutely lethal. To lose A Pokémon, especially your starter, in that kind of encounter is just downright cruel. Just...damn.
I am so scared for Sabrina right now...she could cause many problems. :ohdear:
shneeblefish wrote:Ouch... always sucks to lose a starter... and to a crit, no less. Dem crits are absolutely lethal, no matter how you look at them.
Yeah...starter deaths are the worst. So far both my deaths have been to crits too...
Epsilon wrote:Dang. 8(
My thoughts, and expression, exactly...
Entice wrote:God...fucking dammit.
I think I may have said that out loud when it happened myself.
Thanks for commenting everyone, I'm still sad about the whole thing since it just happened last night. Writing that chapter was tough. Writing the next one will be too.
Now, I have a hole to fill in my team. I'm not sure what to do, so advice would be loved. Here are my currents thoughts on my options:
[+] Thoughts
There really isn't anyone in my box that'd be useable, since I've had really bad luck running into Pokemon, so whoever it is will have to be new, probably.

Get the gift Eevee and evolve it into Jolteon
Jolteon is one of the best electric types in the game, so this is a pretty solid option. Another plus is it learns Pin Missle, so Sabrina might not be as difficult. Chris will have one of these as well, so it might be a little awkward and strange to write about sometimes. But that isn't a big negative. What is a big negative is I already used my Thunderbolt TM on Fleance, so the only electric moves Jolteon can learn are Thundershock and Thunder. Thundershock is weak and Thunder can be unreliable.

Get an Abra at the Celadon City Game Corner
Kadabra's a pretty strong Pokemon. A big negatives here is I wouldn't be able to get an Alakazam, as I lost my link cable long ago.

Get a Scyther/Pinsir at the Celadon City Game Corner
This Pokemon really just give the run cool points. I don't think neither learn any bug moves in Gen 1, so they won't be a lot of help against Sabrina and her psychics. Plus, I definitely don't have the money to buy them yet so...probably not this one.

Get Snorlax
This Pokemon is beasty, so it is a good solid option. But it comes with the drawback of me not getting it till much later, and having to grind it up. And, if I'm not mistaken, Snorlax is a PAIN to grind. Besides - what if I don't catch it? Then I'm just SOL, and wasted time not training someone else.

...Something else?


Advice would be loved if anyone has any thoughts or ideas.


Anyway, I hope to post a new chapter tonight, so stay posted!

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Psyche
Conqueror of the Blackthorn Gym
Conqueror of the Blackthorn Gym
Joined: April 27th, 2010, 10:13 pm

February 22nd, 2011, 12:30 am #164

Sorry for not posting in a while;
[+] Spoiler
;_; Seeing someone lose their Pikachu in a Yellow run hits me hard, I know how you feel.

Also on a happier note, congrats on taking over the featured story runs :o
edit;
[+] Spoiler
And I'd highly recommend Jolteon as a replacement, it's what I did and I couldn't have been happier with the results :O The only other electric types around are Voltorb and Magnemite iirc... and you'd have to wait longer for those. If you don't mind not having an electric type, Snorlax isn't bad at all.
Why don't YOU have a furret yet?
Crystal story run!
(COMPLETE)Yellow cartridge run!
Avatar Credits: One day I'll name all the Nuzlockers that contributed but today is not that day. Also /vp/ and dA.
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Entice
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Joined: August 1st, 2010, 4:04 am

February 22nd, 2011, 4:47 am #165

[+] Spoiler
Do something nice for him? I'd hate to just read that you buried him then left right afterwards, Percy deserves more then that. My heart sank into my stomach when I read that, The Abra family is absolutely terrifying when they're not on your team.
My computer sucks.
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Velvet
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Joined: January 29th, 2011, 6:14 am

February 22nd, 2011, 6:30 am #166

[+] ...
[+] ......
......

...N-no... Why... :crying:

That... that bastard! What... what was he -- how could he have -- is Sabrina working with...?!

...It's... it's just too much to take in... H-how is Will supposed to handle this...?

...I get the feeling he's going to make a much darker turn now than he might have otherwise. :ohdear:
[+] As for your question...
...I don't know for certain. As a big fan of the Eeveelutions, I'd be leaning towards Eevee/Jolteon... Though the poor dear would pretty clearly be having to cope with being a replacement. Of course, anyone who joins the main party at this point would be facing that, but in the case of a Eevee, who would be specifically evolved for that purpose...

Story-wise, an Abra would also be an interesting choice. Given what one of their kind just did, they might face acceptance issues from the rest of the team... and from Will. Given that they'd be coming from the Game Corner, though, you could probably tie it nicely into the main plot... a rescue instead of being bought, perhaps...?

...I don't know. As I said, I'm probably leaning most towards Eevee, but I know that's largely my love for the breed talking.
Still Waters -- A Fire Red Nuzlocke Story Run
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

February 22nd, 2011, 11:12 am #167

[+] replies
Psyche wrote:
[+] Spoiler
;_; Seeing someone lose their Pikachu in a Yellow run hits me hard, I know how you feel.

Also on a happier note, congrats on taking over the featured story runs :o
[+] Spoiler
And I'd highly recommend Jolteon as a replacement, it's what I did and I couldn't have been happier with the results :O The only other electric types around are Voltorb and Magnemite iirc... and you'd have to wait longer for those. If you don't mind not having an electric type, Snorlax isn't bad at all.
Yes...I was afraid my Pikachu would share a similar fate to what yours did. :(
And, on a much happier note, thank you!

I think I am going to do Jolteon...he did seem to work pretty well in your run.
Entice wrote:Do something nice for him? I'd hate to just read that you buried him then left right afterwards, Percy deserves more then that. My heart sank into my stomach when I read that, The Abra family is absolutely terrifying when they're not on your team.
Yes, I will. There's a whole chapter that is coming dedicated to the burial of Percy...it's just taking me awhile to write.
Velvet wrote:......

...N-no... Why... :crying:

That... that bastard! What... what was he -- how could he have -- is Sabrina working with...?!

...It's... it's just too much to take in... H-how is Will supposed to handle this...?

...I get the feeling he's going to make a much darker turn now than he might have otherwise. :ohdear:
[+] As for your question...
...I don't know for certain. As a big fan of the Eeveelutions, I'd be leaning towards Eevee/Jolteon... Though the poor dear would pretty clearly be having to cope with being a replacement. Of course, anyone who joins the main party at this point would be facing that, but in the case of a Eevee, who would be specifically evolved for that purpose...

Story-wise, an Abra would also be an interesting choice. Given what one of their kind just did, they might face acceptance issues from the rest of the team... and from Will. Given that they'd be coming from the Game Corner, though, you could probably tie it nicely into the main plot... a rescue instead of being bought, perhaps...?

...I don't know. As I said, I'm probably leaning most towards Eevee, but I know that's largely my love for the breed talking.
Yes...James...is not a good person.
The Sabrina side-plot is rather interesting, for now I'm just hinting at it.
...I'm not sure yet how Will is going to move past this...things may get so much more darker.
I think I am going to go with Jolteon. It will be a few chapters before the Eevee is introduced into William's team; for now he needs time to recover.
Thanks for the comments yall! Hopefully happier times are ahead...

New chapter. Not the burial chapter yet; instead this is a plot chapter. Be prepared for a mini-plot-bomb.

Chapter Thirty-Seven
[+] Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Seven: A Feeling

No.

Agatha, member of the Elite 4 and master of Ghost-Type Pokemon felt it. That feeling. The one she had felt periodically all her life.

Something was about to go horribly wrong. Something that could, or would change the fates and lives of many people.

Agatha was sitting in the highest room of the Pokemon Tower, a room were mist clung to the floors and the ceilings. The tiles and walks were decaying, or at least they seemed to be, one could never be sure what was and what wasn’t real inside the Pokemon Tower.

Agatha sat in the center of the room, on the ground, crisscrossed, mediating. While she had always been short, she had once been beautiful. Even now, while old, a hint of beauty was evident in her aging features. Her white hair was stunning, her eyes held wisdom and many years of pain. Her skin was neither pale nor tan, a perfect in between. Agatha wore purple and black robes that fit loosely around her body. She had always maintained a thin figure, now was no exception.

Her left hand was placed over her chest, and the right hand was wrapped around the cane in her lap. She had needed that cane to walk ever since she had been trapped under rubble of rock.

That feeling was still with her; it was a dark and horrible feeling. She had been around ghost and psychic type Pokemon all her life. Her mother had been a great ghost type user, and she had become one herself. She could not see and predict the future like Sabrina could, but she did have intuitions about things. And…she could communicate with the spirits – something Sabrina was too afraid to even consider.

The first time she felt that feeling was when she was sitting next to her father while he was fishing. She felt a cold chill press over her heart, and she warned her father to be careful. He laughed at the little girl, and told her there was nothing to be worried about. Five seconds later, a Gyarados grabbed his hook line and pulled him over and under.

Her father’s body was never found.

The second time she had felt that feeling was many years later, while she waited in a bathroom for a pregnancy test to finish. She watched and waited, eager and excited. Her husband and her had been trying to have a baby for a year now.

But then, Agatha got that horrible feeling. A chill that went down her spine. She was suddenly sure that she was not pregnant.

Five seconds later, the strip turned pink. She was pregnant.

She did not have the feeling for another fifteen years.

She was watching her oldest son pick out his starter Pokemon with her husband when she felt the feeling again. His hand levitated over each of the three balls, but they stopped at one.

And then chills went down her spine.

“This one,” her eldest son had said, as he picked up the ball containing the Squirtle.

The feeling did not come again for several months. She was sitting behind a desk, filling out some paperwork, when it came. She dropped the pencil, and she gasped out loud. It chills penetrated deep into her body; this was the worst she had ever felt it. She knew then that something truly terrible was about to happen.

Thirteen minutes later, she received the call.

“All of his Pokemon are dead,” the broken voice said over the line. Agatha found that she could not answer. She hung up the phone.

The feeling came again three years later, when she was in the middle of battling a challenger in her gym in Lavender Town.

Her Genger had just sent an opposing Slowbro to sleep, and was about to finish the battle off. Suddenly, chills went down her spine, and she nearly fell over. She was sure something was about to happen to her Genger. She was afraid the Slowbro was about to suddenly wake up and pull out a powerful attack.

But nothing did happen. Genger easily knocked the Slowbro out with his next attack, and the challenger recalled his Pokemon before it could die. Agatha frowned, it was the first time her intuition had been wrong. Or so she thought.

An attendant came running out of her office while the challenger considered their next Pokemon.

“Professor Oak is on the phone for you ma’am,” the attendant had said.

“You fool, not now! I’m in the middle of a challenge,” Agatha had snapped.

“But, he’s said it’s urgent!”

“I don’t care how urgent it is,” Agatha had replied angrily. “It cannot be that important!”

But that was when the roof caved in.

Rocks fell and piled up to the ground. The challenger was utterly crushed, but Agatha was lucky enough to only have her right leg being squished beneath a boulder.

She had looked up and found a man sitting atop a Moltres smiling at her. He had smiled at her, and had said in a menacing voice,

"Hello Mother..."

Agatha shuddered at the memories. That wasn’t the last time she had felt that feeling; she had felt it again at the Battle of Threes. But since the battle…that feeling had been absent in Agatha’s life.

But now it was back. Chills ran up and down her spine, and Agatha’s heart beat irregularly. But she did not get up. She remained seated where she was. She knew there was nothing she could do about it now.

A few seconds later, suddenly, and unexpectedly, the feeling was gone.

Agatha had no idea what had happened.

But it had been bad.
[/i]
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Velvet
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Joined: January 29th, 2011, 6:14 am

February 22nd, 2011, 11:23 am #168

[+] ...Oh.
...Well. That's... interesting. Fits together quite nicely, overall, but is still surprising.

One thing that caught my attention is the line "All of his pokemon are dead." Did they mean all as in 'all six of the group he's using to challenge the Elite Four' or all as in all? Because the latter conjures up images of Jimmy driving his team so hard that he only had six by the time he reached the final challenge... or somebody stepping in to dispose of the others while he's distracted with the challenge.

I think one of your italic tags is broken early on, though. Right where it says that the tiles seemed to be decaying. Also, she mentions having a 'thing figure' instead of a thin figure... :sweatdrop:

So... did she sense the events of the last chapter...? Or did something else, even more horrible, that we can't even imagine, just take place...?
Still Waters -- A Fire Red Nuzlocke Story Run
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NathanS
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Joined: December 11th, 2010, 2:54 am

February 22nd, 2011, 4:59 pm #169

Very interesting stuff, nice to see Chris getting some depth, though Jimmy still seems a bit mustache twirly. Still very strong writing.
The World of The War

* * * * *
Up to Chapter Three, Part Five
Fight at The Gym
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

February 22nd, 2011, 11:52 pm #170

[+] Replies
Velvet wrote:
[+] ...Oh.
...Well. That's... interesting. Fits together quite nicely, overall, but is still surprising.

One thing that caught my attention is the line "All of his pokemon are dead." Did they mean all as in 'all six of the group he's using to challenge the Elite Four' or all as in all? Because the latter conjures up images of Jimmy driving his team so hard that he only had six by the time he reached the final challenge... or somebody stepping in to dispose of the others while he's distracted with the challenge.

I think one of your italic tags is broken early on, though. Right where it says that the tiles seemed to be decaying. Also, she mentions having a 'thing figure' instead of a thin figure...

So... did she sense the events of the last chapter...? Or did something else, even more horrible, that we can't even imagine, just take place...?
Thanks Velvet, I'm glad you found the mini-plot bomb surprising. I hope it made sense to everyone else, and didn't seem strange or random... :ohdear:

Jimmy only actually got six Pokemon - he didn't bother getting more than that. At the time, it was a hassle to care for more than six, since the PC system had not been invented yet.

And thanks for catching the typos...again. :sweatdrop: Especially the italic tag, that was a silly mistake. May not update so early in the morning again, lol :laughing:

And, finally, Agatha was sensing the events of the last chapter. Sorry if I didn't make that clear enough, but that event is going to add a whole bunch of darkness into William's life. He may be rather unpleasant to write about the next few chapters...which is perfectly understandable.
NathanS wrote:Very interesting stuff, nice to see Chris getting some depth, though Jimmy still seems a bit mustache twirly. Still very strong writing.
Thanks NathanS. And thank you for letting me know that Jimmy was coming across a bit flat - there are reasons for his evil, he is not just evil for being the sake of it. I just haven't really gotten the reason to show that yet, but I will - I promise! :smile:
HOPEFULLY new chapter tonight everyone. School is getting to be a bit rocky this week, so the next few days might have an erratic updating schedule...not that it wasn't erratic already...
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Epsi
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Conqueror of the Goldenrod Gym
Joined: December 8th, 2010, 5:33 am

February 23rd, 2011, 5:29 am #171

meh, get some sleep and wake up tomorrow.
[+] Spoiler
You-know-what is in the works, hopefully done late thurs. Check your pm's.
Hello. Let's play some music.
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QKNC
Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Joined: October 10th, 2010, 9:32 am

February 23rd, 2011, 8:05 am #172

[+] Spoiler
I just read the chapter where Percy died. ;____;

Anyway, so I see that Agatha was Lavender Town's gym leader, once upon a time. She also appears to be Jimmy's mother, thus making her Oak's... ex? Assuming this since they don't seem to be on good terms :v: Anyway, keep it up! Good read as always :>
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Velvet
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Joined: January 29th, 2011, 6:14 am

February 23rd, 2011, 8:54 am #173

[+] QKNC:
It'd hard to say for sure at this point, but... Considering that they've had at least three children, the eldest went off the rails into flat-out evil and is pretty much despised by the whole world, while the other two vanished after the big final battle against him years ago... And there's been a massive cover-up,with Oak going "La la la Jimmy who's Jimmy I have no sons la la la", and we don't know what her opinion was of that or whether she had any say whatsoever... Well, marriages have collapsed over less.
Still Waters -- A Fire Red Nuzlocke Story Run
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

February 26th, 2011, 1:25 am #174

I think this is the longest I've gone without updating...sorry y'all. This won't be repeated too often. Explanation is at the bottom. But first...
[+] Replies
Epsilon wrote:meh, get some sleep and wake up tomorrow.
Thanks Ep, I took this advice and I'm glad I did. I needed the sleep...
QKNC wrote:I just read the chapter where Percy died. ;____;

Anyway, so I see that Agatha was Lavender Town's gym leader, once upon a time. She also appears to be Jimmy's mother, thus making her Oak's... ex? Assuming this since they don't seem to be on good terms :v: Anyway, keep it up! Good read as always :>
Thanks QKNC! There will be more on Agatha at the end of this Part, and she'll be featured several times in the next Part.
Velvet wrote:It'd hard to say for sure at this point, but... Considering that they've had at least three children, the eldest went off the rails into flat-out evil and is pretty much despised by the whole world, while the other two vanished after the big final battle against him years ago... And there's been a massive cover-up,with Oak going "La la la Jimmy who's Jimmy I have no sons la la la", and we don't know what her opinion was of that or whether she had any say whatsoever... Well, marriages have collapsed over less.
Agatha and Oak's relationship will be explored in more depth in the next part. I won't spoil how much she knows for you right now...but I will say they are divorced.
Thanks for the comments and speculations guys! :)
And now...for the actual chapter. This was difficult to write; I've been working on it all week. I still have mixed feelings about it. Let me know what y'all think.


Chapter Thirty-Eight
[+] Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Eight: The Starter Pokemon

”Break free Percy – use thundershock!”

The Nidoran grunted as he felt the electric volts course through his body. This Pokemon was strong, stronger than anything else he had encountered in the wild. And it was brave – brave enough to pick a fight with him! He was after all a Pokemon with a horn attached to his head; a horn that could pick through a chest with enough force.

The electric volt sent the Nidoran backwards through the air, off of the Pikachu he had tackled. He struggled to get up, his body trembling as electrical currents still tortured him and caused him pain. He grunted, and spat, ready to continue the battle…

But then he felt something spherical hit him. His surondings vanish, and he found himself in darkness. Not scary darkness, but instead a quiet, peaceful, resting darkness. Like sleep.

The Nidoran fought with the ball the trainer had thrown at him, and tried to break free. He could feel the ball shaking, and he knew he was running out of time.

The Nidoran refused to be captured. He told himself he must be brave.

The Nidoran continued to struggle with the ball, trying to break free as quickly and as fiercely as he could.

But, as the Nidoran fought, a small question formed inside his mind.

Was it brave to resist capture?

The Nidoran’s struggle became weaker.

The Nidoran knew a trainer, probably for the purpose of an adventure, was capturing him. An adventure filled with danger and peril. An adventure, where one could prove their bravery…

The ball started shaking slower; he was close to being captured.

The Pikachu he had fought with had been brave. The Nidoran was brave.

But he wanted to be brave like
that Pikachu.

The ball stopped shaking. The Nidoran had been caught.


----------------------------------------

Fleance snapped out of the memory as he returned to the present, his eyes blinking rapidly.

He was standing behind William, who was watching the making of a grave. He still held Percy in his arms. Tears rolled down William’s face, but he did not make any noise. He was silent. The rest of William’s Pokemon, except Tybalt, stood behind William as well, all of them with their heads bowed down to the ground.

Tybalt was digging the grave. He dug fiercely into the ground, dirtying his sharp white claws. Piles of dirt surrounded the hole the Charmeleon was making in the ground.

“That’s deep enough Tybalt,” William said softly, his voice distant. But the Charmeleon ignored William, and kept digging. He dug and dug, using his sharp claws to make the grave into a perfect shape. The planes of the grave dove straight down, without any bumps or unevenness to it. Finally, Charmeleon climbed out of the hole, which was now a perfectly shaped rectangle. He was covered in dirt and mud. His eyes were angry.

The fire Pokemon walked up to William, and nodded once.

“Thank you Tybalt,” William said, closing his eyes. The Charmeleon nodded, but he kept his eyes averted, refusing to look at the dead body of Percy. He walked on past William to Fleance. The Nidoking put a comforting arm on the Charmeleon’s shoulder, and growled softly.

Tybalt closed his eyes, fighting with all his strength to not cry.

William walked forward slowly to the grave, and he gently placed his Pikachu inside. The grace was perfect for Percy, Tybalt had made it just the right size and shape. William was thinking that inside this grave, Percy would be cozy, but not too pressed for space.

William bit down on his lower lip hard as he slowly rose from the ground, and he tried to keep his jaw from trembling. His hands felt empty and naked without the body of his Pikachu in them.

Tybalt came over to help William cover the Pikachu, but William brushed him away, and bent down to the ground himself. Using his own hands, William manually refilled the grave with dirt. It took him many, many minutes.

When he was finished, he stood up, and looked down at the freshly made grave. Tears were still silently falling down his face, and there was no inner monologue or voice going on inside his head.

He refused to talk to himself.

Brabantio walked up beside the grave and bent down low. His eyes were wide open, and drops of tears were falling out of them. The Ivysuar’s body trembled, though whether it was from emotional pain or the act he was committing was unsure. A few seeds popped out of the flower on his back, and the seeds sunk into the brown soil. William knew that in a few weeks, flowers would be popping up.

Virgilia walked over as Brabantio turned away. Her eyes were wide as well, but she was not crying. She was on the verge of it, but she was not crying. She had never seen Surge cry; therefore she too would refuse to cry. Or at least she would try not to.

Instead of releasing water from her eyes, she instead opened up her mouth and let a small, weak stream of water come out, effectively watering the seeds that the Ivysuar had just planted.

When Virgilia turned away from the grave, William could see she was still releasing water from her body. It was now coming from her eyes though.

Fleance walked from behind William and provided his tribute for the grave. A tombstone. But it was not a gray, depressing tombstone. Instead, it was one full of life. Grass and flowers were growing out of its cracks, and the tombstone was a bright gray color – almost white.

Fleance drove it into the ground of Percy’s grave. Then, taking his claws, the Nidoking made three slashes across the rock. A horrible screeching noise filled the air.

William did not wince. Fleance turned away from the grave, his eyes closed, thinking in deep thought of what had happened.

He was thinking that Pikachu had been brave. And now, he deserved to be honored for the rest of time for his actions.

William still stood just a few feet in front of the grave. The pain was evident and clear on his face, and tears streamed down his cheeks.

Desdemona fluttered onto William’s shoulder, and she started to hum a soft song. It was like the lullaby she had hummed back in the cave, except a bit lighter, and it seemed to play along with the wind that blew through the air. The Butterfree’s eyes could not and did not produce tears. But her song did.

Every Pokemon on William’s team was crying silently along with William. Even Tybalt, who had refused to cry. Even Fleance, who was the bravest of them all.

They all cried silently along with William.

William stood there, staring at the grave of his partner. His starter Pokemon. The one that had been with him the longest. Finally, a tiny voice broke the silence inside his mind.

How am I to go on?

William slowly sunk to the ground, where he sat crisscrossed. William propped his arm on his knee, and rested his head on his shoulder. Desdemona fluttered off his shoulder and into the air, where she continued to hum her song. The rest of the team stood behind William, in silence, all of them paying their final respects to Percy, the Pikachu.

-------------------------

Several yards away, a female Pidgeotto watched the entire process. Her baby Pidgey was with her; he had just hatched last week. The Pidgeotto raised her wing, and pointed to the tombstone. She pointed and called the baby Pidgey’s attention to the three claw marks on the tombstone. She chirped and explained to the baby Pidgey that those three claw marks where the Marks of Bravery, bestowed upon the grave from a Nidoking. They symbolized respect and bravery. They symbolized heroism and skill. They meant loyalty.

They also warned all Pokemon to not touch or disturb the grave. They warned Pokemon that the one who rested their deserved ultimate respect from all. They warned Pokemon that should they dare disturb that grave, then the Nidoking would hunt that Pokemon down and kill it in the most slow and painful way possible.

The Marks of Bravery were rarely given out. Some Nidoking were known to never bestow these marks on a grave. It was too high of an honor for most Pokemon.

The Pidgeotto explained all of this to her baby Pidgey, and the small bird Pokemon chirpped and nodded. The baby Pidgey understood his mother’s lesson. He would not to disturb the grave.

The Pidgeotto nodded in satisifaction, and then the two wild Pokemon flew away. But the baby Pidgey couldn’t help but think about the Pikachu. He must have been quite a Pokemon to deserve such an honor.

-----------------------------------------------------

James was sitting in front of the desk in the head office of the Team Rocket Base that was beneath Celadon City. The walls were a plain steal color, and the floor was a stainless white. The room was a lit by luminescent lights.

James was nervous. Very nervous. Team Rocket’s Head Boss did not take failure well.

“So…so you see sir…that’s what happened…that’s what happened Giovanni…” James said, swallowing nervously.

Giovanni, who sat behind the desk, kept a controlled expression. His eyes were angry though; his emotions could always be seen in his eyes. The leader of Team Rocket wore a black suit that matched his dark mood.

“How exactly is it that you failed?” Giovanni asked the blue hair executive.

“I…I don’t know sir…the…the Pikachu jumped in front of the Psybeam…it stopped it from killing William…and…and then…William was free of the psychic hold…and…he let lose his Pokemon…and…”

“And you lost?” Giovanni asked, his voice dangerously cold. “You had Sabrina’s Second Strongest Pokemon – and you lost?”

“About that sir…why couldn’t she have lent us her strongest-”

“Don’t ask questions!” Giovanni snapped, slamming his fist on his desk. “If you were anything less than an executive, I would have killed you for making such a statement. I still might.”

“Y-yes sir,” James stuttered, “I’m s-s-sorry sir…”

Giovanni’s face remained neutral and calm, but his eyes still showed his anger.

“Give me a reason why I should not kill you.”

James gulped.

“Well…I…I help provided you…with…with that information…”

“Yes, you did.” Giovanni said gravely. “But now that I have that knowledge…what further use do you have to me? What have you done to prove your worth?”

James was silent for a long minute.

“Your silence if unfortunate for you James.”

“No!” James exclaimed. “Please don’t kill me! I’m sorry I only manage to kill only one of his Pokemon – I’ll do better next time, I swear! Next time-”

“WAIT!” Giovanni snapped. “What did you say? You managed to kill one of his Pokemon? Which one?”

“Uh…his Pikachu...it looked dead to me…”

“His Pikachu is dead?” Giovanni asked, displaying surprise on his face, the first emotion that had been put there since James had set foot in his office.

“Y-yes.”

“His starter Pokemon?” Giovanni asked again, but this time not to James, but to himself. His eyes were distant, as if he was looking back on some old memory. Finally, Giovanni displayed another emotion on his face. His mouth slowly broke out into a cruel smile.

“Excellent.”
[+] A Few Thoughts and Explanation
:=/:
This was hard to write. I started working on it Tuesday, and edited bits and pieces and added bits and pieces as the week went on. Hopefully the next few chapters will be easier to write.
Anyway, school was like hell this week. There aren't too many weeks like this normally, but the next few months will have weeks like this pop up occasionally. I intend to be better prepared for them when they do, but there will be times when I may struggle to update on a daily basis like I prefer too. You can always check my member's profile thing to see my latest status about the newest chapter if you're worrying, or shoot my a PM asking about it. Again, I am really sorry it took me so long to update, hopefully it won't happen again too many times.
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Verminator
Conqueror of the Azalea Gym
Conqueror of the Azalea Gym
Joined: November 29th, 2010, 3:13 pm

February 26th, 2011, 2:09 am #175

That was a fitting tribute. Losses like this one are hard to bounce back from.

One thing that got me was how
[+] Spoiler
it's implied Team Rocket and Jimmy Oak are distinct from one another - or at least the fact that Jimmy isn't Giovanni. The presence of not one but two nefarious forces running around in the plot sets up some interesting potential scenarios. I could be wrong, however.
Hey! Verminator doesn't advertise!
Except for here.
[+] Spoiler
Banner by Kynim, whose art is currently being investigated as a possible cancer cure.
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Entice
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Joined: August 1st, 2010, 4:04 am

February 26th, 2011, 3:11 am #176

Verminator wrote:That was a fitting tribute. Losses like this one are hard to bounce back from.

One thing that got me was how
[+] Spoiler
it's implied Team Rocket and Jimmy Oak are distinct from one another - or at least the fact that Jimmy isn't Giovanni. The presence of not one but two nefarious forces running around in the plot sets up some interesting potential scenarios. I could be wrong, however.
I agree with this completely. I love what you did with the three slashes on the tombstone, as well as what the others did. it shows just how deeply all the characters care for each other. Again, a great chapter, you always leave me wanting more.
[+] Spoiler
That's what she said.
[+] Spoiler
Yeah I went there.
My computer sucks.
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Firestar
Indigo League Champion
Indigo League Champion
Joined: December 2nd, 2010, 12:31 am

February 26th, 2011, 5:09 am #177

That was...

...

...



I wish this forum had an applause emoticon.

I was reading Verm's latest update, and of course we both comment there. I remembered the brief PM's we exchanged about Warriors. I opened the spoiler containing the teaser... and I thought...

Well, a couple chapters couldn't hurt.

It was 8:30 EST. It is now 11:30 EST.

This run is so indescribably good. It is a fantastic mix of Warriors (yeah I went there, and I mostly say that because of the killing you do), Inheritance (even shares a title with Book Two), and an extremely well-written chiller-thriller. As schneeblefish pointed out, the odd grammatical error populates your writing. (Like the last line of your latest update. :xd: )

But it doesn't matter. With all due respect to Jack, Verminataor, Petty, dare I even say Nuzlocke, and all the other great runs I read, this is now my favorite run on the entire forum. You have created a nest of plot twists, interloping, and familial relationship that so reminds me of Inheritance it's fucking crazy. You have a bright future ahead of you as a writer. This is a talent that you need to cultivate. Paolini was under the age of 20 when he started Eragon, and I don't know how old you are Bob, but... yeah. I'm pretty impressed. Just look at the success of Inheritance. I think you could pull off a great story like that.

And now, on to the actual analysis of the run...


[+] tl;dr= Not for the faint of heart!
Feels odd to start out like this, but there's broken code in one of your latest chapters (actually I think it's the one... well, I don't want to say it. You know what I mean) You missed one letter, so it's no big deal, but I just thought I'd let you know.

Characterizing Pokémon is always a risky business because they can go and die and fuck up everything you've written, wasting you and your reader's time and attention. My story run (which I am in preliminary planning of, and which you have inspired me to lavish great care on) and my screenshot story run (which I may abandon) were both going to focus on the Pokémon, but I may abandon this line of thinking (for sure for the prelim one, The Catalyst, and for When They Come For Me... I'm not sure... as I said I may abandon it).

Into the actual events now:

It seems way far back, but I saw what you did there with the Zubats and the Golbat in Mt. Moon (Firestar's Quest, anyone? :coolface: ). I smiled; it was a great employment of that idea.

As you've stated, your battle scenes are a tad weak. Sometimes I felt myself skimming over them, and turning points just seem to... happen, no matter how hard I can see you try to build them up. My only advice, as a far inferior writer (and I used to think I was good! :xd: ) would be to read other runs and pick and choose from other styles. Of course, you'll be getting plenty of that, with your much deserved appointment to Featured Runs guy. :wooper:

Also a while back, I correctly guessed that Val's gift was a Moon Stone. It was pretty obvious IMO, so just bear that in mind, I guess. Besides that, all of your other clues have been well laid and hard to pick up on. Really though, no problem; take all of my nitpicks (there's one ore two more yet to come) with a grain of salt; right now I can only aspire to write such a deep, developed run.

Your development of Chris was quite impressive, along with your whole involvement of Erika and Jade. Actually giving Chris some positive emotions was refreshing and welcome; it's always enjoyable to see a character grow up. I know he's the champion, but I am dearly hoping that Chris is going to be a friendly rival from here on out. I think William really needs the support after Percy.

Kinda closing in on my finish, so this is where I have to mention the spelling errors. This run is on the meaty side word-wise, so it's not surprising to see the errors, but of course, let me encourage you to edit, edit, edit. I'm sure you are, but let me give you a tip that may be no use to you, as I don't know exactly how you're writing this (I'm assuming you write in Notepad and copy paste on to the reply box): First paste into Microsoft Word/OpenOffice/anything with a spellcheck and get on your hands and knees scouring for those errors. It'll fuck up the format, but you'll still have the original in the home program, and I find these little red squiggly lines are supremely helpful. Of course, disregard this if you're actively employing a spell checker.

Another small note: don't rush your updates (may be another reason for the odd error or two). I did notice a couple updates that were weak content wise and size wise, including the one where you expressed a desire to add more but said you had to go. If that ever happens again, table it for the next couple of days. Making the whole update better is well worth the wait. That being said, you did mention rewriting entire sections, so feel free to disregard this as well.

That's all for me. I'm far too tired to get into any plot predictions; it's now 12, and I'm running out of gas, with school and indoor soccer earlier. Despite my nitpicks, let me remind you of the talent I think you possess, and the fact that this is now my favorite Nuzlocke run. Shit like that doesn't happen overnight (ok, in this case it did... shoot me. :psyduck: ) Your run pulled me in and I couldn't stop, and even if there were 30 more updates to read I would've kept going.

There's much more I'd like to talk about, but I would be at my computer for another hour, so I'll mention it later.

Also...



[+] In Memoriam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqi1UTGjqso

I played this song on repeat after Percy died. I felt it was pretty fitting.

Also note the fact that the bridge (if you listen to the song, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about and why it's so freaky) started playing exactly at the part where Fleance snapped out of his memory. I got goosebumps.

Oh, btw, you're Shakespeare naming theme is...

wait, I'm going to write for another 15 minutes if I go into this. I'll get to it later; I need some sleep. :xd:




RIP Percy
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Velvet
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Conqueror of the Cerulean Gym
Joined: January 29th, 2011, 6:14 am

February 26th, 2011, 7:02 am #178

[+] Thoughts on Thirty-Eight...
Fleance's flashback was a good way to open this chapter. Just... the insight on what he was feeling when he was captured, and why he became willing to submit to the ball... And then, of course, we snap back to the present.

...There really isn't much to say, honestly. You handled the burial very deftly, weaving together how the whole team was responding to losing Percy. The Marks of Bravery were a nice touch, as well.

So Giovanni is alive/not Jimmy, huh... Well. If Jimmy isn't working with/exploiting Team Rocket's resources somehow... (Head Boss seems like a redundant title; maybe Jimmy's a Mid-Boss Sub Boss? [/crack theory]) ...then that really sucks, since that means there are two evil masterminds running around Kanto, making it doubly screwed.

But... what is Giovanni's interest in Will, anyway? Is everybody just out to kill him? And what did hearing that Will'd lost his starter remind him of...?

In before 'Giovanni is another of Oak's sons who turned evil after disappearing'. Because everyone who knows likes to blame Oak genetics for everything.[/random guess]

As for updating, don't push yourself! Writing this good takes time, after all -- and so does real life, which sort of trumps fiction by default. :sweatdrop:
Still Waters -- A Fire Red Nuzlocke Story Run
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TrainerBOB
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Conqueror of the Ecruteak Gym
Joined: January 7th, 2011, 1:40 am

February 26th, 2011, 3:26 pm #179

[+] replies!
Verminator wrote:hat was a fitting tribute. Losses like this one are hard to bounce back from.

One thing that got me was how
[+] Spoiler
it's implied Team Rocket and Jimmy Oak are distinct from one another - or at least the fact that Jimmy isn't Giovanni. The presence of not one but two nefarious forces running around in the plot sets up some interesting potential scenarios. I could be wrong, however.
Thanks Verminator, it will indeed be difficult to replace Percy, though I think Jolteon will do the job well.
Entice wrote: I love what you did with the three slashes on the tombstone, as well as what the others did. it shows just how deeply all the characters care for each other. Again, a great chapter, you always leave me wanting more.
Thanks Entice! I was thinking that there needed to be some way to protect Percy from being scavenged by wild animals, and no one would mess with a Nidoking, so I thought it fit nicely.
Firestar wrote:That was...

...

...



I wish this forum had an applause emoticon.

I was reading Verm's latest update, and of course we both comment there. I remembered the brief PM's we exchanged about Warriors. I opened the spoiler containing the teaser... and I thought...

Well, a couple chapters couldn't hurt.

It was 8:30 EST. It is now 11:30 EST.

This run is so indescribably good. It is a fantastic mix of Warriors (yeah I went there, and I mostly say that because of the killing you do), Inheritance (even shares a title with Book Two), and an extremely well-written chiller-thriller. As schneeblefish pointed out, the odd grammatical error populates your writing. (Like the last line of your latest update. )

But it doesn't matter. With all due respect to Jack, Verminataor, Petty, dare I even say Nuzlocke, and all the other great runs I read, this is now my favorite run on the entire forum. You have created a nest of plot twists, interloping, and familial relationship that so reminds me of Inheritance it's fucking crazy. You have a bright future ahead of you as a writer. This is a talent that you need to cultivate. Paolini was under the age of 20 when he started Eragon, and I don't know how old you are Bob, but... yeah. I'm pretty impressed. Just look at the success of Inheritance. I think you could pull off a great story like that.

And now, on to the actual analysis of the run...
[+] tl;dr=Not for the faint of heart
Feels odd to start out like this, but there's broken code in one of your latest chapters (actually I think it's the one... well, I don't want to say it. You know what I mean) You missed one letter, so it's no big deal, but I just thought I'd let you know.

Characterizing Pokémon is always a risky business because they can go and die and fuck up everything you've written, wasting you and your reader's time and attention. My story run (which I am in preliminary planning of, and which you have inspired me to lavish great care on) and my screenshot story run (which I may abandon) were both going to focus on the Pokémon, but I may abandon this line of thinking (for sure for the prelim one, The Catalyst, and for When They Come For Me... I'm not sure... as I said I may abandon it).

Into the actual events now:

It seems way far back, but I saw what you did there with the Zubats and the Golbat in Mt. Moon (Firestar's Quest, anyone? ). I smiled; it was a great employment of that idea.

As you've stated, your battle scenes are a tad weak. Sometimes I felt myself skimming over them, and turning points just seem to... happen, no matter how hard I can see you try to build them up. My only advice, as a far inferior writer (and I used to think I was good! ) would be to read other runs and pick and choose from other styles. Of course, you'll be getting plenty of that, with your much deserved appointment to Featured Runs guy.

Also a while back, I correctly guessed that Val's gift was a Moon Stone. It was pretty obvious IMO, so just bear that in mind, I guess. Besides that, all of your other clues have been well laid and hard to pick up on. Really though, no problem; take all of my nitpicks (there's one ore two more yet to come) with a grain of salt; right now I can only aspire to write such a deep, developed run.

Your development of Chris was quite impressive, along with your whole involvement of Erika and Jade. Actually giving Chris some positive emotions was refreshing and welcome; it's always enjoyable to see a character grow up. I know he's the champion, but I am dearly hoping that Chris is going to be a friendly rival from here on out. I think William really needs the support after Percy.

Kinda closing in on my finish, so this is where I have to mention the spelling errors. This run is on the meaty side word-wise, so it's not surprising to see the errors, but of course, let me encourage you to edit, edit, edit. I'm sure you are, but let me give you a tip that may be no use to you, as I don't know exactly how you're writing this (I'm assuming you write in Notepad and copy paste on to the reply box): First paste into Microsoft Word/OpenOffice/anything with a spellcheck and get on your hands and knees scouring for those errors. It'll fuck up the format, but you'll still have the original in the home program, and I find these little red squiggly lines are supremely helpful. Of course, disregard this if you're actively employing a spell checker.

Another small note: don't rush your updates (may be another reason for the odd error or two). I did notice a couple updates that were weak content wise and size wise, including the one where you expressed a desire to add more but said you had to go. If that ever happens again, table it for the next couple of days. Making the whole update better is well worth the wait. That being said, you did mention rewriting entire sections, so feel free to disregard this as well.

That's all for me. I'm far too tired to get into any plot predictions; it's now 12, and I'm running out of gas, with school and indoor soccer earlier. Despite my nitpicks, let me remind you of the talent I think you possess, and the fact that this is now my favorite Nuzlocke run. Shit like that doesn't happen overnight (ok, in this case it did... shoot me. ) Your run pulled me in and I couldn't stop, and even if there were 30 more updates to read I would've kept going.

There's much more I'd like to talk about, but I would be at my computer for another hour, so I'll mention it later.

Also...
[+] In Memoriam
played this song on repeat after Percy died. I felt it was pretty fitting.

Also note the fact that the bridge (if you listen to the song, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about and why it's so freaky) started playing exactly at the part where Fleance snapped out of his memory. I got goosebumps.

Oh, btw, you're Shakespeare naming theme is...

wait, I'm going to write for another 15 minutes if I go into this. I'll get to it later; I need some sleep.




RIP Percy
Oh wow - thank you so much Firestar, you are really too kind and nice!
[+] TrainerBOB's reply to Firestar's reply
I'm glad you've enjoyed it, I'm going to remember this post and the next time I'm having a bad day I'm going to come and read it. :)

I actually wasn't thinking of Firestar's Quest when I wrote the Zubat scene, but it does have many similarities. There is a theory out there (one that is probably true) that all stories are linked together in one web, and each writer subconsciously draws on stories they have read and places similarities into their stories. Literature Professors believe that no story is original, they are all linking together and drawing from one and other. Just look at the Inheritance series (another set of books we've both seemed to have read) and you'll see that the plot draws many parallels to Star Wars.

And I completely agree with what you say about my battle scenes, I always feel they do come across as weak. This is universal in all my writing. Even when I write gun fights or fantasy sword battles I get a little irritated because I feel they are unclear and weak. I think that is one of the positives of me writing a Nuzlocke run; I'm getting loads of practice writing battle scenes. But to date, I still feel the battle scene with Brock was my best in this run so far. I need to write something that betters it...

Chris's development actually surprised me; I was planning on him being a consistent jackass throughout the entire run. But when his Raticate died...him to continue to act that way seemed...not right. His development and growing up made a little bit more sense to me. He's going to become slightly more dominant in his role as a character, but sadly not anytime soon. There are so many characters for me to keep up with. I mention him and he'll even get a few of his own chapters probably in the next part; but you'll probably won't hear from him for the rest of this part.

As far as my mistakes and errors go, I agree that I do make far too many. I am working to improve, and please, never feel shy to point one out. I know I make them far too often. I actually use Microsoft Word...but the spelling and grammar thing is kind of whacky on mine. It often underlines words in red that aren't spelled wrong (really? 'The' is spelled wrong Word? REALLY?) Plus, with using words like Pokeballs and Pokemon, there are a lot of red lines on my screen, so sometimes the actual misspellings hide. I'm just lazy, and don't run spell check :xd: I'm going to start doing that on all my new updates though, seeing as so many are slipping by. Sometimes, they can be funny though :laughing:

I'm starting to slow down my updates now, and I only put a chapter up when I really feel it is ready, or at least as close as it will come to getting ready. That is why the last one took my so long to update. I'm starting to see that while speed is important, it is definitely not everything.

And finally - I love that song, and many of the other ones by My Chemical Romance! I can see how it fitted the latest chapter...and I understand how it gave you goodsebumps...
Again, thank you so much Firestar, your comments and speculations help, and your kind words warm my heart. I will continue to write and aim to please :)
I hope you do decide to proceed ahead with a Story Run, and I greatly look forward to reading it :)
Velvet wrote:Fleance's flashback was a good way to open this chapter. Just... the insight on what he was feeling when he was captured, and why he became willing to submit to the ball... And then, of course, we snap back to the present.

...There really isn't much to say, honestly. You handled the burial very deftly, weaving together how the whole team was responding to losing Percy. The Marks of Bravery were a nice touch, as well.

So Giovanni is alive/not Jimmy, huh... Well. If Jimmy isn't working with/exploiting Team Rocket's resources somehow... (Head Boss seems like a redundant title; maybe Jimmy's a Mid-Boss Sub Boss? [/crack theory]) ...then that really sucks, since that means there are two evil masterminds running around Kanto, making it doubly screwed.

But... what is Giovanni's interest in Will, anyway? Is everybody just out to kill him? And what did hearing that Will'd lost his starter remind him of...?

In before 'Giovanni is another of Oak's sons who turned evil after disappearing'. Because everyone who knows likes to blame Oak genetics for everything.[/random guess]

As for updating, don't push yourself! Writing this good takes time, after all -- and so does real life, which sort of trumps fiction by default.
Thanks Velvet, I couldn't quite figure out a good way to open the chapter from William's point of view, so I went to Fleance instead. As far as Giovanni goes...no comment for now :wink: I am sure this next chapter will add to the general confusion that is surrounding him.
Thank you everyone for all the nice words and support! You are all amazing! I woke up around 5 this morning, and before going back to bed, I decided to check on this. All the comments snapped me awake, and I decided to finish up the next chapter right away! So, here it is! There are a few plot twists in this chapter, and I finally reveal something that has been speculated about for a while...

Chapter Thirty-Nine
[+] Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Thirty-Nine:

Erika was sitting behind her desk, eyeing the small hand-held mirror as she carefully applied her black mascara. It was a slow day at the gym. These were the days Erika liked. She focused intently on the brush as she moved it across her tiny eyelashes. Oh, how she would give to have longer, more attractive eyelashes like Jan-

No. She would not think the name.

Erika bit down on her lower lip hard and an angry expression on her face formed. Focus Erika she told herself. Focus on the mascara.

A small knock came at the door, Erika’s hand jerked, ripping off a few eyelashes with the force.

“WHAT?” She screamed. One of her trainers timidly opened the door and poked her head inside. Her face was deathly pale.

“Miss…there are a few trainers here to see you…”

“Are they challengers?”

“N-no…” the trainer stuttered. “They…they said they just want to talk to you.”

“Then let tell them to get the hell out.” Erika snapped.

The trainer remained with her head poked in the door, and she said in a soft voice,

“I can’t do that.”

Erika turned to look at her trainer, and she felt rage build up inside. She wanted to scream – who was this trainer, a pathetic trainer that worked in the gym – to deny an order she gave? What was so god damned important about these trainers that they couldn’t be sent away?

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN?” Erika yelled, gaping her mouth so wide open that it became less attractive and more ugly.

The trainer flinched, and she replied in a shaking voice,

“I…I can’t say.”

Erika glared at her trainer, who was literally shacking.

“Fine. Let them in. But they’re going to have to wait until I finish my god damned mascara!”

The trainer quickly slipped away, and four men entered the room. Erika didn’t pay any attention to them as she started to re-apply her mascara, but they quickly made themselves known.

One of them grabbed the mirror out of her hands and threw it onto the ground, where he crushed it beneath his foot.

“HEY!” Erika exclaimed. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” The man ignored the question, and he said in a quiet voice.

“You are coming with us.” Erika blinked at the order, and examined the four men. They were all tall and big, but none of them had any outstanding features that were noticeable. They seemed to all be wearing tourist clothing, along with large sunglasses that covered their eyes.

“Do you know who I am?”

“Do you know who we are?” The man in front of the group asked, sneering at her. “If you haven’t caught on yet – this is a kidnapping Erika. We’re Team Rocket. And you are coming with us.”

------------------------------------

“Is this what he looked like?” Jenny asked, holding up a scanned drawing. William was sitting in Officer Jenny’s office in the police department of Celadon City, where he was reporting his latest run in with Team Rocket. The office was like the one in Cerulean City, gray and dull. There was a small, square window high up on the wall, but it was grainy and dirty, thus failing to let much light into the room.

“Yes…that’s him…” William said slowly, surprised, blinking as he stared at the scanned, hand drawn image of James.

Jenny tossed the picture onto her desk, which already held massive piles of paper.

“He’s been appearing up around Kanto, performing all kinds of murders and crimes. We haven’t been able to catch him, but he has been eye-witnessed by several people.” Officer Jenny frowned and kept talking. “This is the first time he’s been seen with a Kadabra though. If he has a Pokemon like that under his control, who knows what kind of mischief he could be getting into.”

“I think killing my Pikachu qualifies for more than mischief,” William said coldly, his gaze penetrating Officer Jenny. Jenny gulped nervously, realizing she had misspoken.

“Yes, yes of course…” She stuttered, feeling embarrassed. “I…I am sorry for your loss…by the way…William. Where…where is the body?”

“I buried him outside of the city,” William said, his voice lacking any emotion. At his words, Jenny adapted a stern look on her face, and she said angrily.

“That’s against the law William,” she said angrily. “All dead Pokemon are supposed to be given to Pokecenters or Police Departments so they can be shipped to the Pokemon Tower where they will be buried there. We can’t have-” But she stopped talking when she saw the angry, frightening look in William’s eyes.

“Would you like to try to make me go dig him back up?”

Jenny felt a cold sweat break out on her face. She had never seen a look like that in her life; there was so much anger in his eyes and…and Jenny felt like her life may be in danger.

“No – no! That…that won’t be necessary…we’ll…we’ll let it go…”

“Good.” William said curtly. “Unless there is anything else, I’ll be going now.” William stood up abruptly, leaving the chair. Officer Jenny felt loss for words. As William opened the door, she blurted out for reasons she wasn’t sure of,

“Where are you going now?” William turned back to her with a single eyebrow raise; pointing out that it wasn’t really any of her business. But he answered her question all the same.

“The Pokecenter. I have a phone call to make.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

“Oh William…” Jade said as she stared at her son’s face on the screen. Her eyes were watering up, and her lower lip trembled. “I’m…I’m so sorry…”

William, who was conversing with his mother on the screen, was looking down, refusing to meet his mother’s eyes.

“Life happens sometimes,” he said coldly.

“Yes…but life rarely happens that cruelly.” Jade said, trying her best to not cry. She knew that would not help her son; there was no doubt in her mind that he had seen enough crying already.

William just shrugged.

“I…I guess you’ll want to talk to Professor Oak as well?” Jade asked her son. “He…he’ll want to give you condolences-”

“I’m not calling Oak.”

“But-but why?” She asked, surprised.

“Because I don’t give a crap about Professor Oak,” William said bluntly, raising his head to look at his mother in the eyes for the first time in a while since they had started the conversation.

“William! I know your upset, but you should always show Professor Oak respect-”

“Why?” William asked. “Does he deserve it? Do liars deserve respect?”

Jade felt her heart chill as she looked at her son, and in the instant she knew that he knew so much more than she thought.

“…William…”

“I got to go now mom, I’m going to go challenge Erika.”

“…Okay…” Jade said, feeling sick. “Just…just be careful.”

“I already know.” William said coldly.

And then, before Jade could even tell her son that she loved him, and hung up, and the screen went black.

Jade sat at the computer screen for a long time, and she felt chills run down her spine. Her son was getting dangerously involved. She knew it. She could feel it. He knew now that he had been lied to much of his life. Jade had done it out of protection for William, but now he was resenting her for it.

She wasn’t sure if she could blame him.

She stood up, feeling shaken and broken inside, and she moved mechanically to the kitchen. The yellow wall paper did nothing to cheer her mood, and she sat at the brown table sad and depressed.

Suddenly, a knock came at the door.

“Come in,” Jade said. “It’s unlocked.”

The door opened up, and Professor Oak entered the house. He looked troubled and disturbed; he was still wearing his lab coat.

“…Yes Professor Oak?” Jade asked, confused at the random visit.

“Don’t put up the pretense now Janine,” Oak said, now looking angry and frustrated. “I told you when you married my son to call me Samuel.”

Despite the situation, Jade smiled, and she indicated Professor Oak to enter the kitchen and sit down.

“It’s been a long time since someone has called me Janine…I think I actually like my new name better now.”

“Oh?” Professor Oak asked as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. “Why’s that?”

“Because it’s something I chose, and not something my father forced upon me.”

Professor Oak winced, and he asked her in a quiet voice.

“Did you ever contact Koga?”

“No,” Jade said sternly and instantly. “I can’t take the risk.”

Professor Oak nodded, and he drummed his fingers on the table. Jade raised her eyebrows at him, and asked,

“Would you like something to drink…Samuel? A cup of tea? A glass of water?”

“No, no…I’m fine…” he said, still looking awkward. Finally, he sighed, and said in a horrid, rushed voice.

“Jade he’s looking for you. Jimmy is looking for you.”

“I know,” she said simply, surprised that this was what the Pokemon Professor had come to visit her for.

“No…no you don’t understand…” Professor Oak said, groaning as he did so. “He…he called me…”

“And he visited you,” Jade said sternly. “Something else you decided to not tell me about.”

Professor Oak winced, and he said quickly,

“Yes, yes, but I’m telling you now!” Jade raised her eyebrows, and singled for him to continue. “He knows you’re not in Hoenn Jade. He thinks you’re here. In Kanto. He’s just not sure where yet.”

Jade did not tremble; she did her best to keep a controlled expression.

“This information would have been more useful the instant you knew it Professor.”

Professor Oak winced when she said his titled name. He tried to open his mouth, but she kept talking.

“I think you know more than you’re letting on Samuel. I think you know where Jimmy is, whom he is involved with, and what exactly he is planning. You’re just not telling anyone.”

Professor Oak bit down on his lip, and he found himself unable to answer her question. Instead, he pulled out a Pokeball from his pocket, and gently placed it on a table.

“Here…this is for you. It contains an Eevee inside – the government just sent it to me.”

Jade shook her head.

“No Professor. I told you a long time ago, I’m never training a Pokemon again. Not after…not after what Jimmy did.”

“I know, I know Jade. But please, just listen to me!” Professor Oak said, exasperated. “You need to get out of here. It won’t take him too long before he discovers you are here. Take this Pokemon for protection and go!

Jade looked at the ball for a long moment, her eyes troubled. Finally, she looked to Professor Oak, and asked him,

“Why are you doing this?”

“This is what my youngest would have wanted me to do.”

“So?” Jade asked. “You’ve done a great deal of things that your youngest would have not approved of.”

“I could say the same about you.” Professor Oak responded gently.

Jade jerked her head away from him, and looked back down to the ball. She tapped the center circle, and let out the Eevee.

The Eevee jumped forth on the table, and blinked as he looked around at his surroundings.

“Hello,” Jade said, feeling awkward. The Eevee turned to Jade, and he walked up to his trainer. He yawned, and the rubbed her head against her chest affectionately.

Professor Oak got up, and without another word, he left. Jade did not watch him leave, instead she stayed focused on the new Eevee.

“Listen…Eevee” Jade said slowly “…I have a son…and he’s in a lot of danger…I want to go help him. Will…will you come with me?”

The Eevee looked up to Jade, and he nodded enthusiastically.

“O-okay then. You need a name…I guess. How…how about…Eros?”

The Eevee nodded excitedly.

“Okay…” Jade found herself repeating the same word. She picked up the Pokeball, and recalled back Eros into his ball.

She then got up, and began making preparations. She wanted to leave as soon as possible; she would have to move fast to catch up to William.

Professor Oak was wrong. Leaving Kanto and hiding would not have been what his youngest son would have wanted her to do.

He would have wanted her to help their son.
[+] Thoughts
There isn't much to say...just that I am much happier with this chapter then I've been in awhile. I hope I caught most of the spelling and grammatical errors this time, but again, no one be shy to point one out!
No team status thingy, but expect one next chapter to show the levels!
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Firestar
Indigo League Champion
Indigo League Champion
Joined: December 2nd, 2010, 12:31 am

February 26th, 2011, 7:13 pm #180

Woo time for another long reply! :laughing:
[+] Here we go
Feels nice to have brightened your day (and coming days)! It was much deserved praise.

You know, I actually had that thought in the back of my head when I was reading that part. It was obviously parallel to FQ, but there was no way for me to know if you directly ripped it or if it just happened to be in your subconscious. In that case, wow. Though let me tell you a short anecdote: in Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 (a book about censorship and book burning), he named two of the main characters 'Montag' and 'Faber'. Not until years later did Bradbury realize that those two names were ripped from the names of paper and pencil producing companies. :wooper:

The battle scenes: yeah, if you're working on them, then they will eventually get better. Unfortunately my battle scenes aren't so great as well, so I can't give you any pointers here, so yeah.

With Chris, I absolutely love when a writer says something like this. The best situations truly write themselves sometimes. Good to hear that you followed your instinct there, and even better to hear that Chris isn't out of the story.

Like with the battles, since you're paying attention to the errors, they'll eventually be rectified. I've seen that you've slowed down, which is great. Only one last small thing about those errors: click 'add to dictionary' for names like 'Silph' and words like 'Pokémon'. The spell checker will treat them like correct words from then on, which will slightly help you. As for Word's crazy spell check... I can agree there. Sometimes they'll mark sentences wrong that are completely fine.

Glad to see you are a MCR fan, yes, let me again assure you, the praise was well-deserved. As for my run, I hope it does meet my expectations as well!

Now other things: Yeah, I love your Shakespeare theme. Eagerly awaiting 'Friar Laurence' and some other awesome characters.

As for the story... more plot twists emerge. I have a feeling Jade is going to be killed off trying to get to William. Going across the region with one Pokémon when you know there's a mastermind looking to kill you isn't really the best idea. With Erika, wow. You've certainly made her a really dark character. Of course, it looks like Team Rocket has got her, which at least gives meaning to the Game Corner conquering.

My two cents: Val isn't dead. Don't know exactly how, but she's not dead. I do feel that her intertwining to the Oak family is minimal though. I feel she's simply a love interest for William.

Forgot what else I was going to say, as I stopped at this point to get ready for the day. Awaiting more chapters eagerly!
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