What keeps you feeling positive & optimistic with another BFN? (pg, m/c ment)

What keeps you feeling positive & optimistic with another BFN? (pg, m/c ment)

kris
kris

January 4th, 2012, 7:18 am #1

Just curious what you all think about when you get down about IF. I have a lot to be thankful for, including my health (aside from this IF issue, of course), my friends, my integrity, the interests and experiences that bring me joy, and certainly not least, my wonderful husband. I know that, and I think about how blessed and grateful I am in that way every single day.

I'm sure many of you feel the same way, but even given that, do you still feel that awful crash with yet another BFN? I'm really feeling it now, so upset. I wonder for those of you with more experience under your belts, what makes you feel optimistic and positive again after repeated BFNs?

I realize my journey has been relatively short compared to many of you -- TTC 5-6 months now, started seeing RE in Nov, and already moved on to a new RE (D.anzer at SCRC). I'm 35 but turning 36 in a few weeks. In Nov, with an FSH of 18, got pg naturally but miscarried (chemical). I was devastated, but focused on feeling optimistic that I was able to even get that far with a pg in the first place.

This month, everything was looking absolutely perfect. Perfect lining size with triple pattern, low FSH, good E2, good follicle dev and all great timing for each. We did a trigger (no other stims) and an IUI 13 days ago. Felt the same background level cramping I did with the other pg, thought it was a good sign of implantation, even a little (very faint) spotting.

But, two BFNs - yesterday and today, and the spotting is increasing...my usual sign of AF.

Trying to focus on being optimistic and putting that energy towards the next cycle, but honestly, I'm crushed, and just really sad. It's so endlessly frustrating and I just get so pissed off at my own body for not working. Why can't this just WORK already?! Do you ever feel that way? What keeps you focused to gear up again when you get another BFN?
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Sara H
Sara H

January 4th, 2012, 4:28 pm #2

One of the big things was having other fall-back plans.

We know we wanted to be parents, so we had other paths for getting there.

I did research on adoption and was getting our house in order if we started on that path as far as being ready for a home study.
We were on an "embryo adoption" list at our clinic and were ready to try that.
We had looked into foreign adoption as well..

So, knowing that we had these other options took so much pressure off us! It was like bring on a iffy bridge and having two other bridges next to you that you could step over to at any time! Or, liking being on a boat with extra lifeboats ready to go at a moments notice!

For us it took a lot of pressure of each BFN, and we had over 36 of them!

Each one still sucked, each one still hurt. But, they were better!

And, I was just like you. After I was with the right Dr. and they got my FSH down I had good cycle after good cycle with no success. IF that happens ask if you can do low stims or do something to change the pattern. Might help.

Also, and this is going to sound harsh but true: I give daily to an online site for breast cancer where you click every day to give.(My grandmother is a 50 year survivor!) Every day there is a short story about someone with cancer and how they stay positive. And every day I read those, some by young moms with cancer and I think: "My situation stinks, but at least I don't have cancer and have to make the choices they do! If they can stay positive so can I! I am not fighting for my life! I have options and other ways to be a mom!"

I did eventually find success, very recently. I honestly believe a positive attitude helped so much!

Good luck!
Sara H
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Nadia80
Nadia80

January 4th, 2012, 4:32 pm #3

Just curious what you all think about when you get down about IF. I have a lot to be thankful for, including my health (aside from this IF issue, of course), my friends, my integrity, the interests and experiences that bring me joy, and certainly not least, my wonderful husband. I know that, and I think about how blessed and grateful I am in that way every single day.

I'm sure many of you feel the same way, but even given that, do you still feel that awful crash with yet another BFN? I'm really feeling it now, so upset. I wonder for those of you with more experience under your belts, what makes you feel optimistic and positive again after repeated BFNs?

I realize my journey has been relatively short compared to many of you -- TTC 5-6 months now, started seeing RE in Nov, and already moved on to a new RE (D.anzer at SCRC). I'm 35 but turning 36 in a few weeks. In Nov, with an FSH of 18, got pg naturally but miscarried (chemical). I was devastated, but focused on feeling optimistic that I was able to even get that far with a pg in the first place.

This month, everything was looking absolutely perfect. Perfect lining size with triple pattern, low FSH, good E2, good follicle dev and all great timing for each. We did a trigger (no other stims) and an IUI 13 days ago. Felt the same background level cramping I did with the other pg, thought it was a good sign of implantation, even a little (very faint) spotting.

But, two BFNs - yesterday and today, and the spotting is increasing...my usual sign of AF.

Trying to focus on being optimistic and putting that energy towards the next cycle, but honestly, I'm crushed, and just really sad. It's so endlessly frustrating and I just get so pissed off at my own body for not working. Why can't this just WORK already?! Do you ever feel that way? What keeps you focused to gear up again when you get another BFN?
I don't think I have a creative answer...but I could say for myself that after 7 years of ttc...I Still have hope....I hope ur ttc journey is much less than mine.:)I just believe that our bodies were not born with the natural ability to just conceive so easily..so we have to tune it ..lol....diet changes herbs etc... Our bodies are so complex that I do believe it has a mind of its own...here's an example.... My old neighbor in uk was ttc ...she didn't get an AF at alll after her last baby 15 years ago... I left the uk back in 2006. I returned to the uk last summer 2011...I found she had a ds !!! She said that she woke up one morning and found an AF...two months later...bfp...throughout her 15 yes she never really tried the things we do on this board..accu,herbs,diet changes..I have no explanation....but it gave me hope.....

Kris...it's the success stories u hear about that make u realize it's not over...u have to keep hope....u wanna hear something silly...sometimes when Im in my kitchen I always imagine those really fancy oak highchairs in the corner of my kitchen and my baby mushin bananas..lool...it helps....itt does....



Keep up ur hope...keep ur posts on this board..filled with wonderful..bright ladies ...



Xoxo
Nadia....may your journey for ttc be brief..
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Mrs. A
Mrs. A

January 4th, 2012, 7:16 pm #4

Just curious what you all think about when you get down about IF. I have a lot to be thankful for, including my health (aside from this IF issue, of course), my friends, my integrity, the interests and experiences that bring me joy, and certainly not least, my wonderful husband. I know that, and I think about how blessed and grateful I am in that way every single day.

I'm sure many of you feel the same way, but even given that, do you still feel that awful crash with yet another BFN? I'm really feeling it now, so upset. I wonder for those of you with more experience under your belts, what makes you feel optimistic and positive again after repeated BFNs?

I realize my journey has been relatively short compared to many of you -- TTC 5-6 months now, started seeing RE in Nov, and already moved on to a new RE (D.anzer at SCRC). I'm 35 but turning 36 in a few weeks. In Nov, with an FSH of 18, got pg naturally but miscarried (chemical). I was devastated, but focused on feeling optimistic that I was able to even get that far with a pg in the first place.

This month, everything was looking absolutely perfect. Perfect lining size with triple pattern, low FSH, good E2, good follicle dev and all great timing for each. We did a trigger (no other stims) and an IUI 13 days ago. Felt the same background level cramping I did with the other pg, thought it was a good sign of implantation, even a little (very faint) spotting.

But, two BFNs - yesterday and today, and the spotting is increasing...my usual sign of AF.

Trying to focus on being optimistic and putting that energy towards the next cycle, but honestly, I'm crushed, and just really sad. It's so endlessly frustrating and I just get so pissed off at my own body for not working. Why can't this just WORK already?! Do you ever feel that way? What keeps you focused to gear up again when you get another BFN?
I completely understand your frustration. I experienced loads of it while I was TTC. But what helped me cope was that I had a back-up plan. And not just "thoughts in the air" but an actual written list of first we do this and if that doesn't work then we do that and if that doesn't work then we do next thing.

That worked for me/us because DE and adoption were options for us. So it never totally felt like the absolute end of the road. I also was grateful for the fact that I at least had the health and the means to be able to try again. But, in that singular moment of a BFN, yeah, it was hard and it sucked.

You have to let yourself "mourn" the cycle and give yourself some freedom from the cycle chains. Have a drink, cry, eat bon bons, whatever. Indulge yourself so that you can re-energize. And don't cut yourself short on enjoying your birthday! Hang in there.
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mel
mel

January 4th, 2012, 7:59 pm #5

Just curious what you all think about when you get down about IF. I have a lot to be thankful for, including my health (aside from this IF issue, of course), my friends, my integrity, the interests and experiences that bring me joy, and certainly not least, my wonderful husband. I know that, and I think about how blessed and grateful I am in that way every single day.

I'm sure many of you feel the same way, but even given that, do you still feel that awful crash with yet another BFN? I'm really feeling it now, so upset. I wonder for those of you with more experience under your belts, what makes you feel optimistic and positive again after repeated BFNs?

I realize my journey has been relatively short compared to many of you -- TTC 5-6 months now, started seeing RE in Nov, and already moved on to a new RE (D.anzer at SCRC). I'm 35 but turning 36 in a few weeks. In Nov, with an FSH of 18, got pg naturally but miscarried (chemical). I was devastated, but focused on feeling optimistic that I was able to even get that far with a pg in the first place.

This month, everything was looking absolutely perfect. Perfect lining size with triple pattern, low FSH, good E2, good follicle dev and all great timing for each. We did a trigger (no other stims) and an IUI 13 days ago. Felt the same background level cramping I did with the other pg, thought it was a good sign of implantation, even a little (very faint) spotting.

But, two BFNs - yesterday and today, and the spotting is increasing...my usual sign of AF.

Trying to focus on being optimistic and putting that energy towards the next cycle, but honestly, I'm crushed, and just really sad. It's so endlessly frustrating and I just get so pissed off at my own body for not working. Why can't this just WORK already?! Do you ever feel that way? What keeps you focused to gear up again when you get another BFN?
Believe me, it is not always easy to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook, but for me, if I don't, then I am left without any hope and then what's the point of continuing. Being in a negative frame of mind has no benefit and only brings me and everyone around me down. Like you said, there is a lot to be grateful for. Actually, the quote from my tea today was "Gratitude is the open door to abundance."

I'm also having a birthday in a few weeks...turning 37, so admittedly, the negative thoughts are coming more frequently, but I'm working through it as best I can.

After receiving this diagnosis, I was and still am determined to prove that my body is capable of doing this. I've had 2 m/c in the last 5 months, and am still grieving my most recent m/c from a month ago. I have my moments of pessimism, but I just allow them to be moments, and I try really hard to not let them consume me. The last several months I have been trying to be positive. In doing so, it has really helped me to continue on this journey. I even put a sticky note on my computer at work (PMA - positive mental attitude) to remind myself to be that way. I think you have to allow yourself to be sad, but not let it consume you and then be positive that your body can do this.

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Alli
Alli

January 4th, 2012, 8:34 pm #6

Just curious what you all think about when you get down about IF. I have a lot to be thankful for, including my health (aside from this IF issue, of course), my friends, my integrity, the interests and experiences that bring me joy, and certainly not least, my wonderful husband. I know that, and I think about how blessed and grateful I am in that way every single day.

I'm sure many of you feel the same way, but even given that, do you still feel that awful crash with yet another BFN? I'm really feeling it now, so upset. I wonder for those of you with more experience under your belts, what makes you feel optimistic and positive again after repeated BFNs?

I realize my journey has been relatively short compared to many of you -- TTC 5-6 months now, started seeing RE in Nov, and already moved on to a new RE (D.anzer at SCRC). I'm 35 but turning 36 in a few weeks. In Nov, with an FSH of 18, got pg naturally but miscarried (chemical). I was devastated, but focused on feeling optimistic that I was able to even get that far with a pg in the first place.

This month, everything was looking absolutely perfect. Perfect lining size with triple pattern, low FSH, good E2, good follicle dev and all great timing for each. We did a trigger (no other stims) and an IUI 13 days ago. Felt the same background level cramping I did with the other pg, thought it was a good sign of implantation, even a little (very faint) spotting.

But, two BFNs - yesterday and today, and the spotting is increasing...my usual sign of AF.

Trying to focus on being optimistic and putting that energy towards the next cycle, but honestly, I'm crushed, and just really sad. It's so endlessly frustrating and I just get so pissed off at my own body for not working. Why can't this just WORK already?! Do you ever feel that way? What keeps you focused to gear up again when you get another BFN?
Back up plan plus my faith. We knew it would be 3 IUI's, then 3 IVF's (with ET), then we'd move on to either DE or adoption. That was our emotional limits. Some women can do IVF's beyond 3, but I knew I could not mentally.
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Joined: September 29th, 2010, 9:51 pm

January 5th, 2012, 12:27 am #7

Just curious what you all think about when you get down about IF. I have a lot to be thankful for, including my health (aside from this IF issue, of course), my friends, my integrity, the interests and experiences that bring me joy, and certainly not least, my wonderful husband. I know that, and I think about how blessed and grateful I am in that way every single day.

I'm sure many of you feel the same way, but even given that, do you still feel that awful crash with yet another BFN? I'm really feeling it now, so upset. I wonder for those of you with more experience under your belts, what makes you feel optimistic and positive again after repeated BFNs?

I realize my journey has been relatively short compared to many of you -- TTC 5-6 months now, started seeing RE in Nov, and already moved on to a new RE (D.anzer at SCRC). I'm 35 but turning 36 in a few weeks. In Nov, with an FSH of 18, got pg naturally but miscarried (chemical). I was devastated, but focused on feeling optimistic that I was able to even get that far with a pg in the first place.

This month, everything was looking absolutely perfect. Perfect lining size with triple pattern, low FSH, good E2, good follicle dev and all great timing for each. We did a trigger (no other stims) and an IUI 13 days ago. Felt the same background level cramping I did with the other pg, thought it was a good sign of implantation, even a little (very faint) spotting.

But, two BFNs - yesterday and today, and the spotting is increasing...my usual sign of AF.

Trying to focus on being optimistic and putting that energy towards the next cycle, but honestly, I'm crushed, and just really sad. It's so endlessly frustrating and I just get so pissed off at my own body for not working. Why can't this just WORK already?! Do you ever feel that way? What keeps you focused to gear up again when you get another BFN?
We too had a plan of action for meds, procedures, RE's . . . we had a list and we've gone through them each step of the way. I have even gone on to say we'll give it x years with x doctor with x cycles and x procedures, and then move forward.

I also keep my eye on the prize and avoid letting negative people/thoughts rent space in my head.

Best of Luck!
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kris
kris

January 5th, 2012, 7:55 pm #8

Just curious what you all think about when you get down about IF. I have a lot to be thankful for, including my health (aside from this IF issue, of course), my friends, my integrity, the interests and experiences that bring me joy, and certainly not least, my wonderful husband. I know that, and I think about how blessed and grateful I am in that way every single day.

I'm sure many of you feel the same way, but even given that, do you still feel that awful crash with yet another BFN? I'm really feeling it now, so upset. I wonder for those of you with more experience under your belts, what makes you feel optimistic and positive again after repeated BFNs?

I realize my journey has been relatively short compared to many of you -- TTC 5-6 months now, started seeing RE in Nov, and already moved on to a new RE (D.anzer at SCRC). I'm 35 but turning 36 in a few weeks. In Nov, with an FSH of 18, got pg naturally but miscarried (chemical). I was devastated, but focused on feeling optimistic that I was able to even get that far with a pg in the first place.

This month, everything was looking absolutely perfect. Perfect lining size with triple pattern, low FSH, good E2, good follicle dev and all great timing for each. We did a trigger (no other stims) and an IUI 13 days ago. Felt the same background level cramping I did with the other pg, thought it was a good sign of implantation, even a little (very faint) spotting.

But, two BFNs - yesterday and today, and the spotting is increasing...my usual sign of AF.

Trying to focus on being optimistic and putting that energy towards the next cycle, but honestly, I'm crushed, and just really sad. It's so endlessly frustrating and I just get so pissed off at my own body for not working. Why can't this just WORK already?! Do you ever feel that way? What keeps you focused to gear up again when you get another BFN?
It's funny because I am such a planner, I generally like knowing what my next two or three steps will be, though I do mix things up a bit and love spontaneity in my life. This issue, however, has really thrown me off. It's new and fresh and I'm still trying to get into the groove -- find my place in it. I hadn't even thought about applying my usual "what's the plan here?" approach to life to IF!! Duh. I've done some of that, like major diet overhauls, wheatgrass, acupuncture, supps, more yoga, etc., and that's helped me feel a teeny bit more empowered...but those are more ongoing improvements, they don't soften the crash of failed IUIs and cycles.

Thanks for all your thoughts, I really do appreciate it. I think having a mini-plan will help a lot, like doing 3 IUIs, then 3-4 IVFs, or whatever the numbers may be. When things get challenging, I always think about what's the worst that could happen, and then find a way to make peace with that. Then I know even when things get really hard, it's all manageable one way or another.

The thing is -- and this is where my major panic comes in, where I feel a little stuck right now -- is that I'm completely unable to make peace with my worst-case scenario, not being able to have our own biological children. To me, it's my ultimate worst-case scenario. I can't accept DEs or adoption...right now at least.

I am trying to keep my mind and heart open, though, because I know I might feel differently about those options later on, but right now, I just can't go there and neither can my DH. And that makes it hard to have peace that we WILL have our family, the way we wanted it. I know that might sound stubborn, but we're just not there yet and very badly want this to work somehow.

Anyway, just retested my FSH and E2, results later today and then we'll know my plan for this cycle.

Thanks again.
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Erin
Erin

January 6th, 2012, 1:16 am #9

I think much the way you do- I need to prepare for the worst and have a "plan B" and "C" available at the ready in case plan "A" fails. I also could not even think about DE for a long time- it just felt like an unacceptable option for me personally. I don't think it's stubborn- I think it's human nature to want a bio child. But, I will say that I feel significantly better overall now that I've accepted that DE may be a possibility for me in the long run. I feel more at peace knowing I have another way to a family in case plan A doesn't work. It took a long time for me to get there, and I have to say that what really tipped the balance for me was lurking on the "DE success" sister board. For some reason, looking through that board I've been reminded that in the end, what I really want here is a child, and whether or not they have my genes is kind-of secondary. I still struggle with it, and I'm still pursuing OE IVF, but again, it's nice to know the option would be there since I really do agree with the advice of the PPs. Give yourself time, and if you're up for it, check out the DE board. You very likely will not need to go beyond OE, but just in case, it is good to have more reassurance that you'll have your family, even if it's not the way you envisioned it (and really, who envisioned getting pregnant with a doctor and several nurses in the room anyways?! We come to accept a lot in this process... ). Best wishes and take care.
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kris
kris

January 6th, 2012, 8:32 pm #10

and if we need to go there, i'll check that out. thanks for the response. still holding out hope for our own children. i started my very first round of stims yesterday, with plans to try another IUI so maybe this one will work. you never know. at least i'm starting to feel more positive again...that cycle rollercoaster, ugh! but you're so right that we've adjusted to so much, just being in this process alone. last month was my first iui and it was the weirdest thing ever. but we do everything we can, right?!
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