How do you muster the strength/courage to try again at IVF? (BFN mentioned)

How do you muster the strength/courage to try again at IVF? (BFN mentioned)

Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

August 3rd, 2012, 2:51 pm #1

Hi ladies,

I am always so impressed at the strength and courage so many of you show by going through one or more attempts at IVF. I began AF this morning (even though I have been taking Endometrin twice per day since an IUI 12 days ago). It's already so hard to go through this disappointment and I don't know if I can endure this again.

There are so many questions with all of this. Am I working with the right RE, high stims or low stims, BCP or not, etc.?

My current RE is out of state and he is such a sweet man (especially compared to my first RE). However, I question some things. For example, he did not test my FSH the cycle I attempted IVF. He also is suggesting that my next attempt at IVF utilizes high stims again but this time with BCP.

As you all know, there is so much that goes into this process and I'm not sure that I can put myself through this again. Maybe it is because I am assuming that my beta will be a BFN (went in for blood draw this morning) and I just need a little time to deal with this.

So, what gets all of you through this crazy roller coaster?

Thanks ladies. As always, I so greatly appreciate everyone's responses. BABY DUST TO ALL!!
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Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

August 3rd, 2012, 3:48 pm #2

Sorry, I forgot to also ask what other options you have attempted besides IVF. Thanks again!
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

August 3rd, 2012, 3:58 pm #3

Hi ladies,

I am always so impressed at the strength and courage so many of you show by going through one or more attempts at IVF. I began AF this morning (even though I have been taking Endometrin twice per day since an IUI 12 days ago). It's already so hard to go through this disappointment and I don't know if I can endure this again.

There are so many questions with all of this. Am I working with the right RE, high stims or low stims, BCP or not, etc.?

My current RE is out of state and he is such a sweet man (especially compared to my first RE). However, I question some things. For example, he did not test my FSH the cycle I attempted IVF. He also is suggesting that my next attempt at IVF utilizes high stims again but this time with BCP.

As you all know, there is so much that goes into this process and I'm not sure that I can put myself through this again. Maybe it is because I am assuming that my beta will be a BFN (went in for blood draw this morning) and I just need a little time to deal with this.

So, what gets all of you through this crazy roller coaster?

Thanks ladies. As always, I so greatly appreciate everyone's responses. BABY DUST TO ALL!!
I came up with a game plan when I started my IVF procedures. I'm older so my chances with IVF were low. I wanted to try two IVF cycles with my OE and then move on to a guaranteed cycle with DE. I had a budget set in my head.

I did move on to the DE cycle and have my beautiful little baby that I love so much. I don't regret trying with my own eggs and it was a heck of a lot of money to spend but if I would have known before hand how much I would love my little baby I would have moved right on to the donor eggs. Now I just look at it as the path to get my baby

The phone calls from the nurse for my BFN cycles were just awful. I just cried so hard. I really thought I had a chance it would work. It is such a long emotional process and so hard to have it just end in a quick phone call. I had four embryos transferred on my first cycle. I honestly felt like four little babies died inside me

I would encourage you to consider DE as a possible option. I hope you feel better. Just know that you are not alone.
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Joined: September 29th, 2010, 9:51 pm

August 3rd, 2012, 4:59 pm #4

Hi ladies,

I am always so impressed at the strength and courage so many of you show by going through one or more attempts at IVF. I began AF this morning (even though I have been taking Endometrin twice per day since an IUI 12 days ago). It's already so hard to go through this disappointment and I don't know if I can endure this again.

There are so many questions with all of this. Am I working with the right RE, high stims or low stims, BCP or not, etc.?

My current RE is out of state and he is such a sweet man (especially compared to my first RE). However, I question some things. For example, he did not test my FSH the cycle I attempted IVF. He also is suggesting that my next attempt at IVF utilizes high stims again but this time with BCP.

As you all know, there is so much that goes into this process and I'm not sure that I can put myself through this again. Maybe it is because I am assuming that my beta will be a BFN (went in for blood draw this morning) and I just need a little time to deal with this.

So, what gets all of you through this crazy roller coaster?

Thanks ladies. As always, I so greatly appreciate everyone's responses. BABY DUST TO ALL!!
First off hugs. That BFN is never easy - whether first, third or hundredth time. We gave ourselves designated time limits. I started when I was 29 - 2 years, 2 RE's later I was lucky I squeezed out a healthy egg on a clomid, gonal f, IUI combo. My 2nd RE was very supportive of trying whatever (sadly the others at her clinic were not and they gave me the boot when I was ttc#2). I only ever got 1 or 2 eggs so we did not attempt IVF. I tried every natural/holistic thing out there for ttc#1 and 2. Including mayan massage, naturopath, vitamins, acupuncture, reiki . . . When I was 34 we decided to make the trek to Cooper/Check. But we did declare an end date - Oct 2010-Oct 2011. I knew it would be hard to get off the train (just try one more time) so when a year went by and I didn't have success we scheduled an "exit" visit w/ Check and were on our way. I did learn a lot from Check and he really did help me get to where I wanted to be, emotionally and mentally. I went back to the first RE because he was close to my home and I wanted to try a round of clomid one more time. By then I had not gotten AF for a full year and the follicle that grew was empty. A few months prior to that I had started HRT and my life improved dramatically. We also attended DE info sessions. I think that was the turning point for me. Feeling so low that I just wasn't producing the eggs that I wanted to I walked down the hall of that hotel lobby to the info session and stepped into a room filled with people - ladies, men, people needing/wanting to know more about DE. I was stunned really. I didn't feel so alone. There is something to be said by the physical presence of other people. With much soul searching and support from my husband we are beginning the DE process. I've officially made peace with my body. It took almost 5 years and 4 months to the day of the first DE speech I ever received.
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Erin
Erin

August 3rd, 2012, 5:26 pm #5

Hi ladies,

I am always so impressed at the strength and courage so many of you show by going through one or more attempts at IVF. I began AF this morning (even though I have been taking Endometrin twice per day since an IUI 12 days ago). It's already so hard to go through this disappointment and I don't know if I can endure this again.

There are so many questions with all of this. Am I working with the right RE, high stims or low stims, BCP or not, etc.?

My current RE is out of state and he is such a sweet man (especially compared to my first RE). However, I question some things. For example, he did not test my FSH the cycle I attempted IVF. He also is suggesting that my next attempt at IVF utilizes high stims again but this time with BCP.

As you all know, there is so much that goes into this process and I'm not sure that I can put myself through this again. Maybe it is because I am assuming that my beta will be a BFN (went in for blood draw this morning) and I just need a little time to deal with this.

So, what gets all of you through this crazy roller coaster?

Thanks ladies. As always, I so greatly appreciate everyone's responses. BABY DUST TO ALL!!
I hope you're wrong and the period isn't a period afterall, but I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It is an incredible pain every single time. As for how to keep going despite that, for me it was simply that I couldn't accept the alternatives. I was always acutely aware that to stop doing IVF meant choosing another reality- childlessness, adoption, DE- and I was not ready for any of these options (even though I think they can be great ones, more on this later). My tubes are scarred so TTC naturally was never a real option for me, and I felt the pressure of time and increasing age and knew that my best chance for success was doing everything I could to get pg when I was as young as possible. I essentially kept going b/c there was no other palatable option for me at the time.

Now, if you're asking how to stay sane during the process, I'm not entirely sure I did (of course, I'm not really sure that I ever was sane, but that's another story... ). I think that trying to remember that going through this is impossible and more than anyone should have to bear when trying to have a child is important- giving yourself a break for not feeling sane was important for me. Talking to others who know what it's like (like on this BB!) and perhaps an IF therapist can help too. Also, doing small nice things for yourself- linger in a coffeeshop, get your nails done, read a trashy magazine in the sun, take a walk in nature- it's important to do these things to re-energize yourself and to be reminded that all of life does not suck. Finally, I always spent time on our sister DE boards and looked into adoption. Although I wasn't ready to do it myself (I was actually getting there during my last cycle) I found it helpful to look over there and see that there was another excellent option available if and when I became ready for it.

As I said, it's an impossibly painful situation to go through and it's often a prolonged process which doesn't help. Wishing you luck and sending you strength.

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Nancy
Nancy

August 3rd, 2012, 5:28 pm #6

Hi ladies,

I am always so impressed at the strength and courage so many of you show by going through one or more attempts at IVF. I began AF this morning (even though I have been taking Endometrin twice per day since an IUI 12 days ago). It's already so hard to go through this disappointment and I don't know if I can endure this again.

There are so many questions with all of this. Am I working with the right RE, high stims or low stims, BCP or not, etc.?

My current RE is out of state and he is such a sweet man (especially compared to my first RE). However, I question some things. For example, he did not test my FSH the cycle I attempted IVF. He also is suggesting that my next attempt at IVF utilizes high stims again but this time with BCP.

As you all know, there is so much that goes into this process and I'm not sure that I can put myself through this again. Maybe it is because I am assuming that my beta will be a BFN (went in for blood draw this morning) and I just need a little time to deal with this.

So, what gets all of you through this crazy roller coaster?

Thanks ladies. As always, I so greatly appreciate everyone's responses. BABY DUST TO ALL!!
Hi-I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down. BFNs are really hard, I think most especially (at least for me) when you get them after a treatment cycle, since you have so much hope pinned on it. You ask a good question, how do you go on¡Kit¡¦s hard, but I think setting a timeline, schedule (e.g. we¡¦ll do it 3 times), and budget is really helpful like the others have said. I this advice a year ago on this board, and took it to heart and it really helps. So this is what we have done¡Kbased on these three factors, we have 2 more tries to go before I turn 40 in 4 months, and that¡¦s it (at least I think it is!). But, since setting our ¡§schedule¡¨, it keeps me focused on what we are trying to do and ready to move on to the next cycle after BFN. I really think it helps to have a plan, and also a plan for what you will do if it doesn¡¦t work. DE is not an option for us, and adoption really isn¡¦t either¡Kone thing I didn¡¦t know about until I joined this board was donor embryo, which is what I think our next step will be if IVF doesn¡¦t work. This is another beautiful option for some people, and it seemed to make the most sense for us. We are not there yet but on the donor embryo waiting list.

I too have done the natural route, I was not ready to do IVF or IUI until I really understood what was going on with my body, then I jumped on board immediately! I can¡¦t say the natural treatments worked that much for me (no BFP yet), but I guess they did have a postivie results of sorts¡KI did (and still do) acupuncture and herbs, it seemed to bring my FSH down to borderline / normal levels (on the high end of normal), and it totally regulates my cycle. I take wheat grass/greens, melatonin, ubiquinol, and mitochondrial enhancers¡K(I just started taking the mitochondrial enhancers so we¡¦ll see if it helps).

For me, the toughest thing is knowing if what I doing is the ¡§right¡¨ thing. It really sucks that we have to be guinea pigs with our bodies, time, and finances to try and get it right. It¡¦s not fair at all, and for me that is probably the hardest thing to get over (even more than the BFNs) because in the back of my mind I am always thinking ¡§What if it¡¦s the wrong protocol?¡¨ or ¡§what if my supplements are causing XYZ problem?¡¨ and for some of us we may never have an answer. I have now seen 4 different REs and 2 OBGYNs, and each one thinks differently; some think WAY differently, some are closer in others to thinking than the others¡Kfor example, I don¡¦t know why your RE doesn¡¦t take your FSH, but in my experience not all do. Based on my experience at Cooper, where they seem to take the most b/w of any clinic I have seen, it seems like you should get your FSH checked. But, most places don¡¦t tailor your meds to your FSH level, so that is probably why he doesn¡¦t take it. So, again that is a hard thing to deal with because not even the doctors are in agreement.

I know you are struggling with the high-stim/low-stim approach, it¡¦s a hard decision to make. Maybe if you put together ¡§your plan¡¨, it will become clearer to you which route to go (e.g. if you think you can only do it two more times, then you know you can try each option at least once). I know that is helping me in make my decision¡K

Take care of yourself today and this weekend! I hope you are feeling better soon!

Nancy
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Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

August 3rd, 2012, 7:16 pm #7

Hi ladies,

I am always so impressed at the strength and courage so many of you show by going through one or more attempts at IVF. I began AF this morning (even though I have been taking Endometrin twice per day since an IUI 12 days ago). It's already so hard to go through this disappointment and I don't know if I can endure this again.

There are so many questions with all of this. Am I working with the right RE, high stims or low stims, BCP or not, etc.?

My current RE is out of state and he is such a sweet man (especially compared to my first RE). However, I question some things. For example, he did not test my FSH the cycle I attempted IVF. He also is suggesting that my next attempt at IVF utilizes high stims again but this time with BCP.

As you all know, there is so much that goes into this process and I'm not sure that I can put myself through this again. Maybe it is because I am assuming that my beta will be a BFN (went in for blood draw this morning) and I just need a little time to deal with this.

So, what gets all of you through this crazy roller coaster?

Thanks ladies. As always, I so greatly appreciate everyone's responses. BABY DUST TO ALL!!
I already feel so much better after reading your responses. I really appreciate the advice. I think it's such a good idea to look at other options and have a plan.

Thank you again for sharing your personal stories. I'm sure that these stories will benefit not only myself but others on this board.
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Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

August 3rd, 2012, 7:21 pm #8

Hi-I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down. BFNs are really hard, I think most especially (at least for me) when you get them after a treatment cycle, since you have so much hope pinned on it. You ask a good question, how do you go on¡Kit¡¦s hard, but I think setting a timeline, schedule (e.g. we¡¦ll do it 3 times), and budget is really helpful like the others have said. I this advice a year ago on this board, and took it to heart and it really helps. So this is what we have done¡Kbased on these three factors, we have 2 more tries to go before I turn 40 in 4 months, and that¡¦s it (at least I think it is!). But, since setting our ¡§schedule¡¨, it keeps me focused on what we are trying to do and ready to move on to the next cycle after BFN. I really think it helps to have a plan, and also a plan for what you will do if it doesn¡¦t work. DE is not an option for us, and adoption really isn¡¦t either¡Kone thing I didn¡¦t know about until I joined this board was donor embryo, which is what I think our next step will be if IVF doesn¡¦t work. This is another beautiful option for some people, and it seemed to make the most sense for us. We are not there yet but on the donor embryo waiting list.

I too have done the natural route, I was not ready to do IVF or IUI until I really understood what was going on with my body, then I jumped on board immediately! I can¡¦t say the natural treatments worked that much for me (no BFP yet), but I guess they did have a postivie results of sorts¡KI did (and still do) acupuncture and herbs, it seemed to bring my FSH down to borderline / normal levels (on the high end of normal), and it totally regulates my cycle. I take wheat grass/greens, melatonin, ubiquinol, and mitochondrial enhancers¡K(I just started taking the mitochondrial enhancers so we¡¦ll see if it helps).

For me, the toughest thing is knowing if what I doing is the ¡§right¡¨ thing. It really sucks that we have to be guinea pigs with our bodies, time, and finances to try and get it right. It¡¦s not fair at all, and for me that is probably the hardest thing to get over (even more than the BFNs) because in the back of my mind I am always thinking ¡§What if it¡¦s the wrong protocol?¡¨ or ¡§what if my supplements are causing XYZ problem?¡¨ and for some of us we may never have an answer. I have now seen 4 different REs and 2 OBGYNs, and each one thinks differently; some think WAY differently, some are closer in others to thinking than the others¡Kfor example, I don¡¦t know why your RE doesn¡¦t take your FSH, but in my experience not all do. Based on my experience at Cooper, where they seem to take the most b/w of any clinic I have seen, it seems like you should get your FSH checked. But, most places don¡¦t tailor your meds to your FSH level, so that is probably why he doesn¡¦t take it. So, again that is a hard thing to deal with because not even the doctors are in agreement.

I know you are struggling with the high-stim/low-stim approach, it¡¦s a hard decision to make. Maybe if you put together ¡§your plan¡¨, it will become clearer to you which route to go (e.g. if you think you can only do it two more times, then you know you can try each option at least once). I know that is helping me in make my decision¡K

Take care of yourself today and this weekend! I hope you are feeling better soon!

Nancy
It's that unknown and questioning everything that makes this process very difficult. I wish that most of the doctors agreed on at least the majority of things but it seems like there is such a lack of consensus. It would be so much easier if things were predictable. Yes, a guinea pig is exactly the animal I feel like lately!

Thanks so much, Nancy! Best wishes to you, too!
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Alli
Alli

August 4th, 2012, 12:16 am #9

I already feel so much better after reading your responses. I really appreciate the advice. I think it's such a good idea to look at other options and have a plan.

Thank you again for sharing your personal stories. I'm sure that these stories will benefit not only myself but others on this board.
And know there is a plan B, C, etc. This helped me from having an "all or nothing" gamble outlook. We were going to try IVF 3 times, then move on to donor embryo or DE, if my body still wouldn't cooperate, we'd do adoption. Just know that you will get to the end point eventually. It's hard not to be scared about making a wrong decision about protocol. I say make a decision, stick with it, and try try again. So many of us have been there
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Laura
Laura

August 4th, 2012, 12:53 am #10

Hi ladies,

I am always so impressed at the strength and courage so many of you show by going through one or more attempts at IVF. I began AF this morning (even though I have been taking Endometrin twice per day since an IUI 12 days ago). It's already so hard to go through this disappointment and I don't know if I can endure this again.

There are so many questions with all of this. Am I working with the right RE, high stims or low stims, BCP or not, etc.?

My current RE is out of state and he is such a sweet man (especially compared to my first RE). However, I question some things. For example, he did not test my FSH the cycle I attempted IVF. He also is suggesting that my next attempt at IVF utilizes high stims again but this time with BCP.

As you all know, there is so much that goes into this process and I'm not sure that I can put myself through this again. Maybe it is because I am assuming that my beta will be a BFN (went in for blood draw this morning) and I just need a little time to deal with this.

So, what gets all of you through this crazy roller coaster?

Thanks ladies. As always, I so greatly appreciate everyone's responses. BABY DUST TO ALL!!
I really wish I had an answer for you. DH and I decided we would never do IVF and started saving aggressively for adoption after my Dx, so it was only a matter of getting enough money before moving on. During that time, we actually got excited about adopting and even though we got a lucky egg, we decided we're still going to adopt the next one.

Definitely take some time to grieve this cycle and then the suggestions about making plans sound like a good place to start. Take care!
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