Coping with First Loss (PG and M/C mentioned), TMI

Coping with First Loss (PG and M/C mentioned), TMI

Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

April 29th, 2012, 5:13 pm #1

Hello everyone,

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for my first attempt at IVF (after 9 months of trying unsuccessfully naturally). I went in for blood work and ultrasound (had implantation spotting several days before but AF never kicked in). Long story short, it turned out I was pregnant. My hormone levels were all considered fine at the time. HCG kept rising appropriately over the next couple weeks but my progesterone was decreasing. My nurse said that as long as it stayed above 10, they were not worried.

I had a "great" ultrasound appointment when I was 5 weeks and 4 days but the bad news came a couple days ago (6 weeks, 4 days) when there was no heartbeat detected and it looked like there had been no additional growth. My P4 was now around 8 and HCG had not risen adequately. Yesterday, I started to bleed and have clotting, cramping (which is still going on and I wonder how long this will last??).

I am so numb about this whole thing and wonder how to cope. I was cautiously optimistic this entire time but of course feel totally heartbroken and worried that I will never get a chance to be pregnant again. Any words of wisdom?

I am thankful that I was able to conceive naturally and hope that this is a good sign for the future (I am 36 years, 7 months). It's just hard to think positively right now.

Thanks so much for any thoughts/advice.

BrewersFan

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MargieD
MargieD

April 29th, 2012, 6:48 pm #2

You have every right to be optimistic - especially on a natural cycle!!

I, too, got pregnant and m/c-ed before a heartbeat was detected back in March. Mine was on an IVF cycle. I, too, was devastated. I was also very surprised at myself at how emotional I became. I know people who m/c-ed late and I found myself grieving as much as they did. It took me off-guard how emotional I felt.

There were times when I felt like giving up but I have had people reassure & remind me that because I DID get pregnant - I have much to be optimistic about! For one thing - they learned that my P4 & E2 levels were crazy - and next time - we will be proactive - using the right mixture of drugs. (I might have started E2 pills too late...)

That brings me to your story. I don't understand - your RE wanted your P4 to be above 10? Could you clarify this? With us women with high FSH - we need to monitor our P4 & E2 (estrogen) numbers more closely. I believe Dr. C.heck likes to see P4 OVER 50!! Maybe that's something you could look into more?

Anyway - back to dealing with all of this - the only advice I can tell you is to give yourself some time to deal with this. Unfortunately, I wish there was a better and/or faster way of dealing with it - but there isn't.

As for the bleeding & cramping - it affects women differently. Mine was about a week, but I've heard that it can last longer for other women.

Be good to yourself...
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Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

April 29th, 2012, 8:11 pm #3

Thanks for your response. I am so sorry for your loss as well. I completely agree about how emotional all of this is. It is a such a rollercoaster.

My P4 was decreasing over the weeks it was tested. I questioned my nurse about this and she just said not to worry since it was above 10 and the number can fluctuate. Wow, above 50 (per Dr. Check)? My E2 was not tested after the initial blood work.

Thank you again and be good to yourself, too!
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Laura
Laura

April 29th, 2012, 11:57 pm #4

Hello everyone,

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for my first attempt at IVF (after 9 months of trying unsuccessfully naturally). I went in for blood work and ultrasound (had implantation spotting several days before but AF never kicked in). Long story short, it turned out I was pregnant. My hormone levels were all considered fine at the time. HCG kept rising appropriately over the next couple weeks but my progesterone was decreasing. My nurse said that as long as it stayed above 10, they were not worried.

I had a "great" ultrasound appointment when I was 5 weeks and 4 days but the bad news came a couple days ago (6 weeks, 4 days) when there was no heartbeat detected and it looked like there had been no additional growth. My P4 was now around 8 and HCG had not risen adequately. Yesterday, I started to bleed and have clotting, cramping (which is still going on and I wonder how long this will last??).

I am so numb about this whole thing and wonder how to cope. I was cautiously optimistic this entire time but of course feel totally heartbroken and worried that I will never get a chance to be pregnant again. Any words of wisdom?

I am thankful that I was able to conceive naturally and hope that this is a good sign for the future (I am 36 years, 7 months). It's just hard to think positively right now.

Thanks so much for any thoughts/advice.

BrewersFan
I recently mc'ed twins, conceived naturally on my first medicated cycle. And no matter what, it is always heartbreaking and you'll guess if you could have done something different. If you never saw a hb (I didn't either) then it probably wasn't a p4 problem. When your p4 is low it can cause a spontaneous mc but wouldn't stop growth.

The silver lining is that you seem to be passing it on your own, and it happened very early on, saving you from needing a more invasive procedure. Once the bleeding started, it took a week for me to pass all of the tissue (it is quite a lot of tissue and a very yucky process; my OB gave me percocet for the pain), and then another week to stop bleeding. I saw my OB weekly until my uterus had shrunk back to normal size and my beta went down to zero. After both were fine, my OB said I could start trying again the next cycle. I ovulated about 2 days after I stopped bleeding and got AF 2 weeks later. I had a normal cycle after that; didn't get pg, but had a normal LP, AF and am now gearing up to O in a few days. So even though it was awful to have a loss, it has seem to reset my cycles at least for now. Supposedly you are very fertile for a few cycles after a mc, so it should be a good sign that you can get pg again.

I was also told that having a p4 over 10 was ok, but I asked for an oral p4 Rx just to make me feel better and my OB was fine with that. It did mask my mc symptoms though, so I didn't start passing any tissue until I stopped taking it, about 3 weeks after the growth stopped.

Good luck with everything. Keep us posted with how you're doing.

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Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

April 30th, 2012, 2:21 am #5

Hi Laura,

I'm so sorry for your loss, too. I appreciate your response and letting me know about your experience. I have felt so alone since only a few people know what is going on. That's great that it seems your cycles are back in sync. I am already looking forward to that.

Thanks again so much and best wishes to you.
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mel
mel

April 30th, 2012, 3:50 pm #6

Hello everyone,

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for my first attempt at IVF (after 9 months of trying unsuccessfully naturally). I went in for blood work and ultrasound (had implantation spotting several days before but AF never kicked in). Long story short, it turned out I was pregnant. My hormone levels were all considered fine at the time. HCG kept rising appropriately over the next couple weeks but my progesterone was decreasing. My nurse said that as long as it stayed above 10, they were not worried.

I had a "great" ultrasound appointment when I was 5 weeks and 4 days but the bad news came a couple days ago (6 weeks, 4 days) when there was no heartbeat detected and it looked like there had been no additional growth. My P4 was now around 8 and HCG had not risen adequately. Yesterday, I started to bleed and have clotting, cramping (which is still going on and I wonder how long this will last??).

I am so numb about this whole thing and wonder how to cope. I was cautiously optimistic this entire time but of course feel totally heartbroken and worried that I will never get a chance to be pregnant again. Any words of wisdom?

I am thankful that I was able to conceive naturally and hope that this is a good sign for the future (I am 36 years, 7 months). It's just hard to think positively right now.

Thanks so much for any thoughts/advice.

BrewersFan
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Losses, whether early or late, are very difficult.

This last year, I had two early losses and they are devastating. My experience was much like yours. For me, it took 2-3 weeks for the bleeding to finally stop and it took almost 4 weeks for my beta to go down to zero. That process was difficult, because I wanted to move on, but it was a constant reminder.

As the previous posters have said, on the positive side, you conceived naturally (which is a very good sign!). My dr also said P4 above 10. Next time, get on P4 support and ask them to check E2 levels also. For me, I needed both P4 and E2 supplementation.

I don't have words of wisdom, except to say - allow yourself to grieve this loss and be good to yourself. Your chance will come again. Sending hugs and peace your way.
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Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

May 1st, 2012, 1:54 am #7

I really appreciate that you took the time to respond to me and to share your experience (I am so sorry for your losses). I want to send you hugs and peace, too. These responses from everyone have really helped me deal with all of this and start to feel hopeful for the future.
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teresa
teresa

May 1st, 2012, 2:28 pm #8

Hello everyone,

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for my first attempt at IVF (after 9 months of trying unsuccessfully naturally). I went in for blood work and ultrasound (had implantation spotting several days before but AF never kicked in). Long story short, it turned out I was pregnant. My hormone levels were all considered fine at the time. HCG kept rising appropriately over the next couple weeks but my progesterone was decreasing. My nurse said that as long as it stayed above 10, they were not worried.

I had a "great" ultrasound appointment when I was 5 weeks and 4 days but the bad news came a couple days ago (6 weeks, 4 days) when there was no heartbeat detected and it looked like there had been no additional growth. My P4 was now around 8 and HCG had not risen adequately. Yesterday, I started to bleed and have clotting, cramping (which is still going on and I wonder how long this will last??).

I am so numb about this whole thing and wonder how to cope. I was cautiously optimistic this entire time but of course feel totally heartbroken and worried that I will never get a chance to be pregnant again. Any words of wisdom?

I am thankful that I was able to conceive naturally and hope that this is a good sign for the future (I am 36 years, 7 months). It's just hard to think positively right now.

Thanks so much for any thoughts/advice.

BrewersFan
Brewers,
I am truly sorry for your loss. I know the pain and heartbreak you are feeling all too well and it's very difficult and very sad. Big hug to you.
As far as coping, there are many stages of grief, from sadness and crying constantly to getting mad, to wanting to know why and to having to accept that you may never know or understand why. My last loss hit me very very hard and for me, I cried every day for the entire year up to the date I was due. I don't want to scare you saying that, I just took it very hard. Now, I am a month past that date and I am feeling better mentally but everyone is different.
There are things I want to say to you about what I experienced in my own losses but I don 't want to upset you. So I will tell you that the best advice I can give you is that you need to ALLOW yourself to grieve and move through it at your own time. It's a huge loss. The other piece of advice I have is this: do NOT let anyone trivialize it because sad to say, there are people who may mean well but their words will still hurt you. I could write lists of things people said to me and it made me want to SCREAM. I had to distance myself from certain people, so choose your company very carefully and remember one thing, you have the right to grieve and not be surrounded by anyone who says anything to upset you further.
I do think it's a positive sign that you conceived naturally. Many lucky women go on soon after a loss to get pg again and have a healthy pregnancy. I pray you are one of them.
As for the bleeding, the first loss I had I bled very heavily for almost two weeks. My last loss, I had to have a D+C because I never bled at all. Went in for my 8 week u/s and after seeing a heartbeat at 6 weeks and 2 days, found there was no growth after 6 weeks and 4 days. And almost one year later, I still wonder what went wrong and why. I had testing done and still no answers.
Keeping you in my prayers, I am truly sorry for you.

Love, Teresa



















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Joined: January 12th, 2012, 6:08 pm

May 1st, 2012, 5:01 pm #9

Thank you for taking the time to respond. You have been through so much and I truly appreciate your advice. I agree with so much of what you said. It is definitely a huge loss. Also, very true about what you said regarding distancing yourself from certain people. The only people who I feel like talking to about this right now are people who have gone through it, too.

Thanks again and I will keep you in my prayers as well.

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Sara H
Sara H

May 1st, 2012, 5:06 pm #10

Hello everyone,

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for my first attempt at IVF (after 9 months of trying unsuccessfully naturally). I went in for blood work and ultrasound (had implantation spotting several days before but AF never kicked in). Long story short, it turned out I was pregnant. My hormone levels were all considered fine at the time. HCG kept rising appropriately over the next couple weeks but my progesterone was decreasing. My nurse said that as long as it stayed above 10, they were not worried.

I had a "great" ultrasound appointment when I was 5 weeks and 4 days but the bad news came a couple days ago (6 weeks, 4 days) when there was no heartbeat detected and it looked like there had been no additional growth. My P4 was now around 8 and HCG had not risen adequately. Yesterday, I started to bleed and have clotting, cramping (which is still going on and I wonder how long this will last??).

I am so numb about this whole thing and wonder how to cope. I was cautiously optimistic this entire time but of course feel totally heartbroken and worried that I will never get a chance to be pregnant again. Any words of wisdom?

I am thankful that I was able to conceive naturally and hope that this is a good sign for the future (I am 36 years, 7 months). It's just hard to think positively right now.

Thanks so much for any thoughts/advice.

BrewersFan
I know we have already chatted but I am also sending you a big hug here as well.

Take care of yourself,

Sara H
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