Can we do something about this? (Well intentioned thoughts from long time member)

Can we do something about this? (Well intentioned thoughts from long time member)

Old Timer
Old Timer

March 26th, 2011, 3:34 am #1

I've been a member of this community for five years after getting told I was menopausal at age 28. The advice I've received has been enormously helpful to me and women like me -- those with no children, not by choice. We are not looking to add to our family because we have none. We are not trying to regain our fertility after making previous decisions to alter or limit it.

Nothing has changed or improved in my situation: still no children, still feeling humiliated, still feeling like I'm barely alive. And sadly, I know I am not alone.

I'm not sure if it's the diagnosis or the fact that I was dealt this hand at such a young age... but this board (which used to be such a safe haven for so many years) has become a source of frustration and pain. It seems every day a new post appears from women who -- while they may be facing infertility -- are not even on the same PLANET as most of us. I won't cite specific examples because I do not wish to lambast particular posters who are "new" or just looking for an education. I wish no one had to face infertility... but for some of us, this board really is a support group where the focus has shifted from a "rescue mission" to a "recovery mission", if you will. I know I am speaking for the handful of women who I've "met" on this board, communicate with privately, and echo my thoughts.

Just as there is a lovely "Over 40" board, maybe we could use an "Under 30" board? Being told you are menopausal at 28 is blow, and I would think our feelings/concerns are unique to others who may be facing menopause because they waited (for whatever reason) to access their fertility. Or perhaps we could create a board that is exclusively for those of us who have never found success in spite of moving mountains and are forced to survive in this (often brutal) world forever wondering what we did to deserve this. Think of it as a High FSH Veterans board?

I'm sure someone out there will be ticked off by my post. Sorry for that. But I was nominated to "speak for the group" who has been here much, much too long.

Thanks for reading this. Maybe we can create a community what better suits the needs of the population.

Take care everyone.
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Janine
Janine

March 26th, 2011, 3:45 am #2

I think several new posters are confused. I'm certain their FSH reading of 8 is high to them, but... you said it best... not on the same planet.

I think it's time for an evolution. Your point about the age differential and the accompanying reality is a good one and I agree we should break the community down that way. It's not that other women couldn't come to visit the new board; it'd just save us from having to educate 38 year old moms of three come here for support as they TTC#4, find success on IUI #1 and vaporize into the atmosphere.

Thanks for addressing this. I support you.
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

March 26th, 2011, 3:55 am #3

I've been a member of this community for five years after getting told I was menopausal at age 28. The advice I've received has been enormously helpful to me and women like me -- those with no children, not by choice. We are not looking to add to our family because we have none. We are not trying to regain our fertility after making previous decisions to alter or limit it.

Nothing has changed or improved in my situation: still no children, still feeling humiliated, still feeling like I'm barely alive. And sadly, I know I am not alone.

I'm not sure if it's the diagnosis or the fact that I was dealt this hand at such a young age... but this board (which used to be such a safe haven for so many years) has become a source of frustration and pain. It seems every day a new post appears from women who -- while they may be facing infertility -- are not even on the same PLANET as most of us. I won't cite specific examples because I do not wish to lambast particular posters who are "new" or just looking for an education. I wish no one had to face infertility... but for some of us, this board really is a support group where the focus has shifted from a "rescue mission" to a "recovery mission", if you will. I know I am speaking for the handful of women who I've "met" on this board, communicate with privately, and echo my thoughts.

Just as there is a lovely "Over 40" board, maybe we could use an "Under 30" board? Being told you are menopausal at 28 is blow, and I would think our feelings/concerns are unique to others who may be facing menopause because they waited (for whatever reason) to access their fertility. Or perhaps we could create a board that is exclusively for those of us who have never found success in spite of moving mountains and are forced to survive in this (often brutal) world forever wondering what we did to deserve this. Think of it as a High FSH Veterans board?

I'm sure someone out there will be ticked off by my post. Sorry for that. But I was nominated to "speak for the group" who has been here much, much too long.

Thanks for reading this. Maybe we can create a community what better suits the needs of the population.

Take care everyone.
I was actually just talking to someone the other day about how I wish there was a Veterans Board. It seems like people either get pg. and move on to the pg. and playgroup boards, or they just disappear without really saying goodbye. I've been active on these boards since 2006 and in the last year have shifted more to lurking.

I also think your idea of an under 30 board is a good one. I don't know what is involved in setting up a board, but maybe you can get it up and running and be the moderator. Keep us posted.

xoxo, Tracy

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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 26th, 2011, 3:56 am #4

I've been a member of this community for five years after getting told I was menopausal at age 28. The advice I've received has been enormously helpful to me and women like me -- those with no children, not by choice. We are not looking to add to our family because we have none. We are not trying to regain our fertility after making previous decisions to alter or limit it.

Nothing has changed or improved in my situation: still no children, still feeling humiliated, still feeling like I'm barely alive. And sadly, I know I am not alone.

I'm not sure if it's the diagnosis or the fact that I was dealt this hand at such a young age... but this board (which used to be such a safe haven for so many years) has become a source of frustration and pain. It seems every day a new post appears from women who -- while they may be facing infertility -- are not even on the same PLANET as most of us. I won't cite specific examples because I do not wish to lambast particular posters who are "new" or just looking for an education. I wish no one had to face infertility... but for some of us, this board really is a support group where the focus has shifted from a "rescue mission" to a "recovery mission", if you will. I know I am speaking for the handful of women who I've "met" on this board, communicate with privately, and echo my thoughts.

Just as there is a lovely "Over 40" board, maybe we could use an "Under 30" board? Being told you are menopausal at 28 is blow, and I would think our feelings/concerns are unique to others who may be facing menopause because they waited (for whatever reason) to access their fertility. Or perhaps we could create a board that is exclusively for those of us who have never found success in spite of moving mountains and are forced to survive in this (often brutal) world forever wondering what we did to deserve this. Think of it as a High FSH Veterans board?

I'm sure someone out there will be ticked off by my post. Sorry for that. But I was nominated to "speak for the group" who has been here much, much too long.

Thanks for reading this. Maybe we can create a community what better suits the needs of the population.

Take care everyone.
Who are TTC in their late 30's and early 40's didn't "purposely" wait. I don't post on this board b/c I don't belong here. My 'infertility' is directly related to my age. No, I was not menopausal at 28, and my heart goes out to you. But there are other reasons folks end up finding this board. And my heart goes out to everyone who wants a child and is having trouble ttc, especially ttc #1. I'm sorry that you feel your pain is greater than mine or anyone else's because our situation is different. I can assure you it's not.

I only popped in here tonight to check on another person who posts on both the Over 40 board and here, and I'm surprised to read this.

I hope you find success.
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 12:57 am

March 26th, 2011, 4:01 am #5

I was actually just talking to someone the other day about how I wish there was a Veterans Board. It seems like people either get pg. and move on to the pg. and playgroup boards, or they just disappear without really saying goodbye. I've been active on these boards since 2006 and in the last year have shifted more to lurking.

I also think your idea of an under 30 board is a good one. I don't know what is involved in setting up a board, but maybe you can get it up and running and be the moderator. Keep us posted.

xoxo, Tracy
That I am an over 40 gal and do post on both this and the over 40 board. I think doing an under 30 board would just enhance the experience by targeting those unique concerns. I do think this main board is great as a starting point and that is why I still check in here as well.

xoxo, Tracy


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Molly
Molly

March 26th, 2011, 4:02 am #6

I've been a member of this community for five years after getting told I was menopausal at age 28. The advice I've received has been enormously helpful to me and women like me -- those with no children, not by choice. We are not looking to add to our family because we have none. We are not trying to regain our fertility after making previous decisions to alter or limit it.

Nothing has changed or improved in my situation: still no children, still feeling humiliated, still feeling like I'm barely alive. And sadly, I know I am not alone.

I'm not sure if it's the diagnosis or the fact that I was dealt this hand at such a young age... but this board (which used to be such a safe haven for so many years) has become a source of frustration and pain. It seems every day a new post appears from women who -- while they may be facing infertility -- are not even on the same PLANET as most of us. I won't cite specific examples because I do not wish to lambast particular posters who are "new" or just looking for an education. I wish no one had to face infertility... but for some of us, this board really is a support group where the focus has shifted from a "rescue mission" to a "recovery mission", if you will. I know I am speaking for the handful of women who I've "met" on this board, communicate with privately, and echo my thoughts.

Just as there is a lovely "Over 40" board, maybe we could use an "Under 30" board? Being told you are menopausal at 28 is blow, and I would think our feelings/concerns are unique to others who may be facing menopause because they waited (for whatever reason) to access their fertility. Or perhaps we could create a board that is exclusively for those of us who have never found success in spite of moving mountains and are forced to survive in this (often brutal) world forever wondering what we did to deserve this. Think of it as a High FSH Veterans board?

I'm sure someone out there will be ticked off by my post. Sorry for that. But I was nominated to "speak for the group" who has been here much, much too long.

Thanks for reading this. Maybe we can create a community what better suits the needs of the population.

Take care everyone.
I am one of those who have tried so many years and had so many failures. I also started close to your age at 30 years old. You should check out the www.ivfconnections.com. It has a board for ivf veterans and you cannot post anything about cycling and pregancy. It is a board for those who no longer find support in the general board and for those who had the misfortunes of many failures and disappointments.
I agree with you that this board sometimes get a little too rah rah for me. I mean dont get me wrong it is nice to see high fshers get pregnant but it gets annoying when it becomes very cheerleading like.
I also agree that newbies should post else where. Fsh of 11.3 is NOT high.
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Janine
Janine

March 26th, 2011, 4:03 am #7

Who are TTC in their late 30's and early 40's didn't "purposely" wait. I don't post on this board b/c I don't belong here. My 'infertility' is directly related to my age. No, I was not menopausal at 28, and my heart goes out to you. But there are other reasons folks end up finding this board. And my heart goes out to everyone who wants a child and is having trouble ttc, especially ttc #1. I'm sorry that you feel your pain is greater than mine or anyone else's because our situation is different. I can assure you it's not.

I only popped in here tonight to check on another person who posts on both the Over 40 board and here, and I'm surprised to read this.

I hope you find success.
Old Timer's point seems to be that many recent posters also have age-related IF and (unlike you) they DO post here.

And you're right that our situations are different. That's why we need a new board. Thanks for illustrating what I think was Old Timer's point.
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SoCalgirl_80
SoCalgirl_80

March 26th, 2011, 4:11 am #8

I've been a member of this community for five years after getting told I was menopausal at age 28. The advice I've received has been enormously helpful to me and women like me -- those with no children, not by choice. We are not looking to add to our family because we have none. We are not trying to regain our fertility after making previous decisions to alter or limit it.

Nothing has changed or improved in my situation: still no children, still feeling humiliated, still feeling like I'm barely alive. And sadly, I know I am not alone.

I'm not sure if it's the diagnosis or the fact that I was dealt this hand at such a young age... but this board (which used to be such a safe haven for so many years) has become a source of frustration and pain. It seems every day a new post appears from women who -- while they may be facing infertility -- are not even on the same PLANET as most of us. I won't cite specific examples because I do not wish to lambast particular posters who are "new" or just looking for an education. I wish no one had to face infertility... but for some of us, this board really is a support group where the focus has shifted from a "rescue mission" to a "recovery mission", if you will. I know I am speaking for the handful of women who I've "met" on this board, communicate with privately, and echo my thoughts.

Just as there is a lovely "Over 40" board, maybe we could use an "Under 30" board? Being told you are menopausal at 28 is blow, and I would think our feelings/concerns are unique to others who may be facing menopause because they waited (for whatever reason) to access their fertility. Or perhaps we could create a board that is exclusively for those of us who have never found success in spite of moving mountains and are forced to survive in this (often brutal) world forever wondering what we did to deserve this. Think of it as a High FSH Veterans board?

I'm sure someone out there will be ticked off by my post. Sorry for that. But I was nominated to "speak for the group" who has been here much, much too long.

Thanks for reading this. Maybe we can create a community what better suits the needs of the population.

Take care everyone.
Some of us -- and we used to be the majority -- have a unique situation that deserves special sanctuary. There is an incredibly difference among women who have kids and now high FSH and those with the death sentence only. A new board is needed.
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Erin
Erin

March 26th, 2011, 4:14 am #9

I've been a member of this community for five years after getting told I was menopausal at age 28. The advice I've received has been enormously helpful to me and women like me -- those with no children, not by choice. We are not looking to add to our family because we have none. We are not trying to regain our fertility after making previous decisions to alter or limit it.

Nothing has changed or improved in my situation: still no children, still feeling humiliated, still feeling like I'm barely alive. And sadly, I know I am not alone.

I'm not sure if it's the diagnosis or the fact that I was dealt this hand at such a young age... but this board (which used to be such a safe haven for so many years) has become a source of frustration and pain. It seems every day a new post appears from women who -- while they may be facing infertility -- are not even on the same PLANET as most of us. I won't cite specific examples because I do not wish to lambast particular posters who are "new" or just looking for an education. I wish no one had to face infertility... but for some of us, this board really is a support group where the focus has shifted from a "rescue mission" to a "recovery mission", if you will. I know I am speaking for the handful of women who I've "met" on this board, communicate with privately, and echo my thoughts.

Just as there is a lovely "Over 40" board, maybe we could use an "Under 30" board? Being told you are menopausal at 28 is blow, and I would think our feelings/concerns are unique to others who may be facing menopause because they waited (for whatever reason) to access their fertility. Or perhaps we could create a board that is exclusively for those of us who have never found success in spite of moving mountains and are forced to survive in this (often brutal) world forever wondering what we did to deserve this. Think of it as a High FSH Veterans board?

I'm sure someone out there will be ticked off by my post. Sorry for that. But I was nominated to "speak for the group" who has been here much, much too long.

Thanks for reading this. Maybe we can create a community what better suits the needs of the population.

Take care everyone.
New board is needed. I left last year because I got tired of supporting and educating everyone else who then left. Hoping a new board is established.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 26th, 2011, 4:29 am #10

I am one of those who have tried so many years and had so many failures. I also started close to your age at 30 years old. You should check out the www.ivfconnections.com. It has a board for ivf veterans and you cannot post anything about cycling and pregancy. It is a board for those who no longer find support in the general board and for those who had the misfortunes of many failures and disappointments.
I agree with you that this board sometimes get a little too rah rah for me. I mean dont get me wrong it is nice to see high fshers get pregnant but it gets annoying when it becomes very cheerleading like.
I also agree that newbies should post else where. Fsh of 11.3 is NOT high.
"I also agree that newbies should post else where. Fsh of 11.3 is NOT high."
Whoa is that an incredibly rude line and yes I am a very old timer on these boards who mostly lurks at this point. Where should they start then? This is a general high fsh board, there are many specific ones that branch off and I'm sure that you can start another to suit you. And as far as fsh of 11.3 not being high, well when you are being told by your doctor that it is sky high and you have no chance of conceiving with your own eggs, well it is high and yes my fsh is at least twice that number but geez have some compassion.

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