I am going to apply for xxJUICY_FRUITxx on Dec. 1st. I have finished the application for her. I have created a pet lookup & petpage for her. I have never adopted this way & I scoured the web & read all the help pages I could find for what to put into Adoption Application. So now I would be grateful if you all would look through it & tell me what I need to change, add, or take out.
My Disco JubJub is hosting the lookup & the Adoption Application.
Please, any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance, LilyRose
I would use the word and instead of &. It seems more professional.
Unnecessary comma.I personally, don't have any side accounts
Period after one. Start a new sentence. I don't see how this sentence related to the paragraph.one, I do have friends & they help me if I don't know something or if I need help with anything.
Why is that sad?They are all NeoPound babies which I find very sad, but I am very happy that I got them.
Specify it was through the pound, if that is what you meant.I first got Estri (Estrelli7a) by a complete lucky click.
ThinksShe also things she deserves the very best
I am now assuming you are referring to the pound, not the site NeoPound. If that is the case, just say pound instead of NeoPound.One of my friends found her in the NeoPound, adopted her,
Beginnings, sistersIt is just his beginings that tainted him. He is very protective of his sister
and there is tooI don't like that & to much chance of him getting seriously hurt.
for you, please knowfeel for you. Please know
You keep making the battledome out to be a bad thing when a lot of fosters think of it as something positive to do.The only reason I battle him in the 1-Player dome is because he kept asking to fight.
Continue this sentence.I don't leave them sick or with their hit point below
Most fosters think what they are doing is nice, and not a terrible thing for their neopets to go through. I am sure they would prefer you adopted out the draik if you were to quit instead of letting her rot. But if you adopt, I suppose you could do what you liked with her.I understand all the sadness that she has already been through, and so I will provide everything she needs to be happy. I promise to be a friend to my new Neopet and never ever ever put her through the pain of neglect or abandonment again.
I would scrap your first paragraph in the plans section and state you would not change her gender or color.
In the story you say the facility was not for draiks, and yet she was in a section specifically for draiks.
No comma after draiks.Draiks, were played with, well fed,
You have some other spelling mistakes. Run it through spell check.