Application Finished - Rate & Opinion Please

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Application Finished - Rate & Opinion Please

LilyRose
n00b
Joined: 11 Nov 2010, 21:12

11 Nov 2010, 21:24 #1

I am going to apply for xxJUICY_FRUITxx on Dec. 1st. I have finished the application for her. I have created a pet lookup & petpage for her. I have never adopted this way & I scoured the web & read all the help pages I could find for what to put into Adoption Application. So now I would be grateful if you all would look through it & tell me what I need to change, add, or take out.

My Disco JubJub is hosting the lookup & the Adoption Application.

Please, any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance, LilyRose
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cegul
Elite Member
cegul
Elite Member
Joined: 27 Jul 2006, 15:39

11 Nov 2010, 21:54 #2

If the owner has not said specifically she will be using the pound, I would bet my bottom dollar she was planning on transferring anyhow.

I would use the word and instead of &. It seems more professional.
I personally, don't have any side accounts
Unnecessary comma.
one, I do have friends & they help me if I don't know something or if I need help with anything.
Period after one. Start a new sentence. I don't see how this sentence related to the paragraph.
They are all NeoPound babies which I find very sad, but I am very happy that I got them.
Why is that sad?
I first got Estri (Estrelli7a) by a complete lucky click.
Specify it was through the pound, if that is what you meant.
She also things she deserves the very best
Thinks
One of my friends found her in the NeoPound, adopted her,
I am now assuming you are referring to the pound, not the site NeoPound. If that is the case, just say pound instead of NeoPound.
It is just his beginings that tainted him. He is very protective of his sister
Beginnings, sisters
I don't like that & to much chance of him getting seriously hurt.
and there is too
feel for you. Please know
for you, please know
The only reason I battle him in the 1-Player dome is because he kept asking to fight.
You keep making the battledome out to be a bad thing when a lot of fosters think of it as something positive to do.
I don't leave them sick or with their hit point below
Continue this sentence.
I understand all the sadness that she has already been through, and so I will provide everything she needs to be happy. I promise to be a friend to my new Neopet and never ever ever put her through the pain of neglect or abandonment again.
Most fosters think what they are doing is nice, and not a terrible thing for their neopets to go through. I am sure they would prefer you adopted out the draik if you were to quit instead of letting her rot. But if you adopt, I suppose you could do what you liked with her.

I would scrap your first paragraph in the plans section and state you would not change her gender or color.

In the story you say the facility was not for draiks, and yet she was in a section specifically for draiks.
Draiks, were played with, well fed,
No comma after draiks.


You have some other spelling mistakes. Run it through spell check.
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LilyRose
n00b
Joined: 11 Nov 2010, 21:12

11 Nov 2010, 22:17 #3

Whoa! :o I didn't think I was that bad. Thanks a bunch. I will make those changes.
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LilyRose
n00b
Joined: 11 Nov 2010, 21:12

11 Nov 2010, 22:41 #4

OK, got those changes made. Thanks again. Anyone else, wanna look? links are still the same.
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kazunee
Foster Parent
kazunee
Foster Parent
Joined: 11 Oct 2009, 22:07

11 Nov 2010, 23:22 #5

Hey there, I'm also applying for Julie. I just skimmed through it and I think it looks very good! ^^

Amee!
minineo :: neo :: da
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LilyRose
n00b
Joined: 11 Nov 2010, 21:12

14 Nov 2010, 00:14 #6

Thank you again.
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Jumbie
n00b
Joined: 28 Mar 2010, 20:46

23 Jan 2011, 03:25 #7

I applied as well for Sephie. Good luck :D
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