Speaking of sheep.........

Speaking of sheep.........

Dennis
Dennis

August 6th, 2010, 11:25 am #1

An old farmer was observed doing the dirty deed with one of his sheep by a neighbor lady. She promptly called the authorities who came out and arrested the man on charges of public indecency and illegal sexual intercourse.

On the day of his trial the neighbor woman testified as follows:

DA: Ma'am, tell us what you saw on the day in question.

Neighbor: "Sir, I looked out my window towards his barn and saw him having sex with one of his sheep. After he took himself out of the sheep it turned around and licked his private parts too! Oh, it was terrible.

I hesitate to think the damage seeing something like that could have done to my grandchildren had they been visiting that day and seen what I saw. This man is a danger to the community and should be put away for good!"

The lady's testimony was completely accurate and murmers of assent with her suggestion buzzed around the courtroom. The old farmer figured it was the state pen for him until he heard one old boy on the jury lean over and say to another, "Yep, that's right! A really good sheep will do that for you."



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mooster
mooster

August 7th, 2010, 6:32 am #2

A friend of mine and I went over to this dude's house and he told us he puts peanutbutter on his willy and his dog licks it off. "NOOOO!" we said. He offered to show us. He smears up with the peanutbutter, and whistles his dog over. The dog commences. Then the dog takes a big bite. The guys screams, holds his crotch, doubles over and starts hopping around like a bunny rabbit. Then we see blood coming out and he's still hopping and leaving spots of blood all over the floor. It was quite hillarious and he deserved it.

We were only about 8 or 9 years old at the time so it wasn't really sexual as much as it was a rude trick to play on the dog. As I got older and looked back on it, I thought it was perverted and stopped hanging out with him. He was an odd duck in more than just that. I keep expecting him to turn up in the news one day wearing an orange jumper and a crazed expression.

I hate to perpuate stereotypes about Missouri, but I also knew a dude who's sister would blow him. We were hanging out in a treehouse and he told his sister, "Shut up or I'll make you suck my dick." Then he turned to us and told us that he makes her do that whenever she gets annoying. insert psycho music The girl smarted off or something and he whips out his willy and sure enough makes her give him a blowie. Very, very odd, I never forgot it. She was actually a very cute girl and gave me my first blowjob and my second or third lay. It wasn't a sibling dominance thing with me, of course, she wanted to do it and I couldn't think of any reasonable objection. That guy did end up on the news with an orange jumper and a crazed expression. He got caught making meth or something.

True stories and I would emphatically like it noted that I was never close friends with any of them other than occasionally with that guy's sister.

Peace,
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Dennis
Dennis

August 7th, 2010, 10:37 am #3

It all happened in the Ozarks, I hope. Otherwise the joint is waaaaaay worse than I thought it could be!
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mooster
mooster

August 7th, 2010, 11:02 am #4

But in defense of non-inbred Missourians, it was two isolated incidents that I simply happened to have been witness to. I don't currently know anyone who has a single story like that, and I have two. I have lot of stories that no one else has. I'm an unusual/interesting event magnet and damn glad to be one, actually. Not a bad 'curse' to have. Makes life interesting.

But you do have good point. In the Ozarks I'd bet EVERYONE has THREE stories like that.

Peace,
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celtredleg
celtredleg

August 7th, 2010, 4:20 pm #5

lots of people have storys, from lots of places, just they wont admit it. Or even refuse to admit they even happened.

Like the guy back home eho used to go scew on of the horses on the edge of town. I never saw it, I was just a bit to wierded out to go se, but most every body I knew had just to see if he really would do it. He still lives there, and so do most of them. I wonder if any of them would admit to that incident well multiple incidents at all? I bet not.
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Dennis
Dennis

August 8th, 2010, 12:17 am #6

Geez, that guy is fortunate that the horse was willing! One well placed hoof and you're damaged beyond repair!!
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celtredleg
celtredleg

August 8th, 2010, 1:24 am #7

stump broke they call it, where what ever your favorite critter is, it knows when to head over to the proper stump or barrel or what ever. The fact that there is a word for it means it probably happens more often that it should.

Besides the biggest human dick is pretty small next to any horse, so it probably didnt bother the horse all that much. But I will certainly defer to anybody with superior knowledge.

So what is more sick, banging the horse or sheep, or banging your sister? Or gerbiling?

So many sick people, so few loony bins.
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Dennis
Dennis

August 9th, 2010, 10:43 am #8

Which is worse? They all sound equally bad to me!
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Loki Luv, MD°
Loki Luv, MD°

August 10th, 2010, 1:24 am #9

`
Give 'em a set O' "wings", and shove 'em out the bomb bay doors !

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... ...SPLAT !!!
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celtredleg
celtredleg

August 10th, 2010, 2:09 am #10

An old farmer was observed doing the dirty deed with one of his sheep by a neighbor lady. She promptly called the authorities who came out and arrested the man on charges of public indecency and illegal sexual intercourse.

On the day of his trial the neighbor woman testified as follows:

DA: Ma'am, tell us what you saw on the day in question.

Neighbor: "Sir, I looked out my window towards his barn and saw him having sex with one of his sheep. After he took himself out of the sheep it turned around and licked his private parts too! Oh, it was terrible.

I hesitate to think the damage seeing something like that could have done to my grandchildren had they been visiting that day and seen what I saw. This man is a danger to the community and should be put away for good!"

The lady's testimony was completely accurate and murmers of assent with her suggestion buzzed around the courtroom. The old farmer figured it was the state pen for him until he heard one old boy on the jury lean over and say to another, "Yep, that's right! A really good sheep will do that for you."


The police pulled over a pick-up that they had been told looked like the driver had loaded a dead body into. When the cops pulled him over, he said yes I do have a dead body on board, but I didnt killer. he went on to say that he was walking a trail in a local park when he found her on the trail bloddy and dead. So like a good citizen he pulled her off the trail, and deciding she would not mind, he had sex with her a time or two. Then he decided that he wanted to spare her family the price of a funeral, so he went home in her car, grabbed a big plastic bag, some duct tape, and a 10 lb weight. She was almost 60 years old.

I am boggled. I dont think you would get much more for the murder than you will for humping a corpse and then trying to dump it in the ocean. It might keep people from messing with you in prison. What are you in for? Well I found this dead old lady by the side of the road, and was pretty horny so I fucked her a few time but the cops caught me when I was taking her home.

Even better, they decided to drop him off in the state loony bin, which is like 1 mile to a mile and a half down the road from me. We have very poor relations with them, as they insist they are a treatment facility, not a jail, so criminaly insane whack jobs wander off from time to time, and they dont want to violate thier right to privacy soi they dont inform the community or the police.

What a wonderfull evening.

owen, who will sleep with the .357 loaded instead of just beside the bed.
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