Losing My Damn Mind

Sawyer Beckett
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Sawyer Beckett
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Joined: May 24th, 2014, 12:14 pm

December 3rd, 2014, 1:31 am #1

Sawyer needed to find Violet. He was pretty sure he needed that more than anything else in his life, but he had also been spending a lot of time with Sera and her general dramatic enthusiasm had gotten to him a bit. But he was determined, and that was a rare sight to be seen. He had started looking for her in hospital wing, mostly to rule that out right away, and then it was off to the library because she was a Ravenclaw and also because most students this time of year spent a lot of time in the library. Instead of finding his colorful haired friend he found a plethora of studying students and a pair of younger students making out. He stopped for a moment, “Seriously? The library during the end of the year? That was your best plan?” He was going to leave it at that as he stepped away, but then he stepped back again, “Room of requirements.” What could he say? He was in a weird mood.

Finally, he was off to the towers. He hated climbing all of the stairs. He hated it mostly because it took forever and it gave him way to much time to think. Think about Mercy, think about Violet. Think about everything. He missed the days when he didn’t give a damn about anyone. Days when he could just fuck with people and he could be dating Sera and playing his games and everything would be simple. Clean.

He looked ecstatic as he got to the last flight of stairs and ran up them two at a time. When he reached the top he was out of breathe, he really should smoke less, but what really bothered him was realizing he was not in fact journeying towards the Ravenclaw tower, but was in the clock tower instead. “Fuck!” He yelled a little bit too loudly. Sawyer rarely ventured to the upper floors. He had a knack for Divination so sometimes found himself up here, although he liked to claim he was just a master at bullshitting, but not to the towers. And he had gone and gotten himself lost. Seven years in and he got lost.

He was not one to give up though, not completely at least. He wanted to find Violet, but didn’t really want to move more so instead he sauntered around just screaming “VIOLET!” At the top of his lungs. Sawyer did this for a solid few minutes before he heard footsteps. He swung around and was glad when he caught a familiar face. “Violet.” He said with a smirk. It was strange, when Sawyer was confused it sort of resembled a normal person a little bit drunk.

“I told her I liked her.” Sawyer blurted out. He honestly had a million things he could be talking about. He was leaving school soon, his Mother had offered him a job that he wasn’t going to take but did find intriguing, he was figuring out how to see exactly how far he could push Sera. But this was it. Violet was the only person in his life that knew about Mercy, and he couldn’t keep it to himself. After a long pause he also added, still trying slightly to catch his breathe after the stairs and the yelling, “How are you?”
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Violet Corner
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Violet Corner
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December 3rd, 2014, 4:23 am #2

A day or two had passed since what she'd like to refer to as the seizure potion incident and Violet had finally felt strong enough to wander the upper levels of the school by herself. She still felt a bit strange, too much noise often caused her to feel woozy, which was normal after certain bouts of sickness, at least for her. So she tended to stray as far away from the general population as possible.

It was something that had been going very well for her until she'd heard a familiar voice shouting her name from the metaphorical rooftops. Rubbing her head slightly and swearing under her breath, she clomped down the halls towards the sound. Unfortunately, the closer it got, the worse it gone. She'd honestly been hoping that it would have been an echo effect mostly, but no, it just had to be real, literal noise coming out of her best friend's lungs because he couldn't just look around for her like a normal person. Of course not.

"Do you always do that or is it just for me?", she asked upon stepping into the room. "Honestly, I think half the bloody school heard you scream my name just then. And why the hell do you think they're gonna think you're screaming it for, hmm?" She rolled her eyes at him before perching herself on a window sill. "Seriously, half the school already thinks we dated, I'd rather not add sex to that mix as well." She took a deep breath, rubbed her forehead and frowned. "Just how long were you screaming my name anyway?", she asked, suddenly feeling rather breathless.

While Violet had started out feeling rather confused by all the name screaming, it didn't take her long to find out why. Of course, she blamed it on Sawyer's randomly rare tendency to spew truths like a drunken man at a funeral whenever he was confused. Usually it was quite the humorous party favor for her and Parker, but now something about it felt rather sad and almost brutal.

"You told her you liked her..." Her jaw dropped. She had not thought he'd have that in him at all. Immediately she launched herself off the sill and onto him, tackling him to the ground in the process. "Forget about me for the moment. Tell me everything!", she exclaimed. "And I mean everything, every single little possibly fucked up detail or else..."

"Or else I won't get off at all and we'll have to spend the rest of my days up here like this."

Thanks so much Chelsea
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Sawyer Beckett
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Sawyer Beckett
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December 4th, 2014, 3:42 am #3

“It’s just for you darling.” Sawyer responded with a wink. The more she spoke the more a mischievous grin crept onto his face. He hadn’t even thought about what other students might think. Because all he wanted was Violet. But the prospect, and her being against it, was too much for him to resist. “Don’t worry. If we were having sex it would sound a lot more like Violet!” This time he screamed her name instead of his regular voice it was an incredibly loud moan followed by a fit of laughter. When the laughs died down he got a mock serious expression on his face, “Besides, if we fictionally dated we definitely fictionally hooked up. I have a reputation to uphold.” He watched her dismay over the situation, “I’m not quite sure. Time flies when you’re having fun.”

Sawyer didn’t get weird over school ending, he didn’t get weird over much of anything at all. But this was it. He got weird when he felt like he was losing at anything, but this was so much worse. Because he couldn’t deal with it by being angry or manipulative. He just had to deal. Sera was helping, but it wasn’t enough.

He was going to be sassy as she repeated his words, but he didn’t have time. He was on the ground before he knew it. Usually, he would make some sort of sarcastic and probably dirty comment, but suddenly his taste for that had gone away. He actually looked like he was physically struggling for words. He wasn’t used to talking about times things didn’t work out for him. He sighed and looked at Violet. “She came over to my place and…” He didn’t want to go into it, because frankly not much actually happened. Sawyer had a personal milestone, but besides that they were hanging out. “…long story short? She says she not now.” If this were anyone else he would have mocked them. Mimed the way Mercy said she didn’t want to be a secret or a mistake. But he couldn’t.

He groaned and closed his eyes. A tiny spark of his normal self emerged though as he looked again at Violet. “But…you threatening to not get off me isn’t a successful threat. There’s a pretty good chance this is all because I’ve hit a dry spell and it’s making me crazy.” That wasn’t true. The dry spell part was, but not that he thought that was his problem. “So really I shouldn’t have told you anything.” When he first started his sass sounded a little forced, but by the end Sawyer sounded normal again. Ish. “In fact that’s kind of a reward.” He managed a cheeky grin.
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Violet Corner
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Violet Corner
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December 5th, 2014, 4:49 pm #4

She rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "Sometimes I wish you would have asked me out," she mused as she slowly began to pace the room. "That way I could've publically declined and then no one would think that these rumors were much more than bullshit." She doubted it would've worked though. They hung out way too much for people to think she wouldn't fuck him. Which was almost amusing to her since she didn't really consider him to be someone she would have sex with. Theirs was a friendship she'd rather not have that sort of intimacy ruin. "But thanks for showing me the audible difference between a sex Violet and an I need you Violet. Definitely needed that added to my mental database." She did laugh though, it was hard not to laugh when someone else was laughing. "Also, wonderful moan."

Violet wasn't looking forward to endings. Be it school or her own. Endings might have been beginnings to her once upon a time, but now, they were just that, endings. A finish to a life she didn't feel had been properly lived.

From her position on top of him it was quite easy to read his facial expressions. And what she was reading was almost tragic. He looked like he'd been given some of the worst news of his life. As she listened to his story, she knew why. Because he had gotten turned down. There had finally been something that Sawyer wanted more than anything, something he was willing to get the right way and then he'd been turned down. "Fuck," she muttered, staring down at him. "Are you okay?"

She punched him playfully in the arm. "Don't. Go. There." She rolled her eyes again. "Because I'm starting to feel a bit sympathetic towards you and it's also been a very long couple of days for the both of us." She sighed before continuing. "And as someone who's also having a bit of a dry spell..." She frowned. "You are not going to make me finish that sentence."

Thanks so much Chelsea
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Sawyer Beckett
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Sawyer Beckett
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December 5th, 2014, 11:10 pm #5

Sawyer laughed when Violet rolled her eyes, and laughed even harder when he realized why. “I could always still go ahead and do that, but if it has to be in public post-Sera would work better for me.” Sawyer had to have the weirdest relationship with the female population. He had a weakness for them, while also having a superiority complex over them. He had impulse control problems and yet the girls he was closest with he had never so much as seen undress. He wasn’t complaining, he wasn’t not complaining either though. “Your welcome. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it.” He teased giving her a smirk. He mocked flattery, “Thank you. I try.”

He couldn’t imagine life without Violet. Not one bit. He couldn’t tell you exactly why. Sure, she was his best friend, but he had friends that he would also be the first suspect should they die under mysterious circumstances. But Violet had hit him in a way he didn’t understand, but couldn’t forget.

Sawyer’s somewhat strange and jovial mood had quickly turned sour. But at least it was Violet who he was with. He didn’t mind her seeing him that way. He wanted to, Sawyer wanted to be on his game all of the time, but he had decided sometime ago that there would be exceptions. Violet was it. “I’m fine.” He said, half sighing half speaking. He didn’t know how to express how he felt because he knew it was stupid to get upset over getting rejected. He had been rejected before, although not when it mattered. But this happened to people all the time and they don’t act this way. Or maybe they did, he didn’t know or care. All Sawyer knew was he wasn’t one of those people. “At least there’s Sera.” He tried to shrug, although it didn’t work as well from the ground.

She punched him, and oddly enough it lightened his mood a bit. When she was done speaking he stopped for a minute. Weighing her words in his head. After a few moments he looked at her. “It’s not funny to get my hopes up.” He was sort of joking, but despite the fact that Sawyer would jump at the chance to sleep with Violet, it was not true the other way around. Despite some deliberation about it, he figured the only possible way she could have meant that was as a joke. It didn’t sound like it, but it had to be. But he did raise an eyebrow, “…but…if you’re not…” She had to be. But it was worth a shot. “Then go with that sympathy.”

He was teasing, a pout on his face. It disappeared for a moment though as he looked at her. He had been so swept up in his own mess that he had forgotten about a rumor he heard. A rumor he figured was true since it involved Violet having problems. He frowned as he looked up at her.
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Violet Corner
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Violet Corner
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December 7th, 2014, 7:34 pm #6

Violet gave him a pointed look and laughed. "Of course it'd have to be in public or else there's no proof that we aren't a thing." Merlin, the things he said sometimes made her wonder if this hadn't been his second time as a seventh year. But she knew he'd most likely said something like that to get her goat in the first place, so decided not to put too much thought into it. "But fine, I can wait until you're done with this one. Do try and squeeze me in before the next flavor though? You know some strawberry before another vanilla girl." She poked him in the stomach and snorted. "How often do you practice?"

She searched his face trying to determine if he was indeed fine or not. But she soon gave up, deciding with him that there were simply going to be times when she just wouldn't be sure. "If you say so," she muttered, pouting. "Seriously though, you've got me Sawyer, for better or for worse I'm here for you... Maybe not forever but for as long as I can." She'd be with him forever if she could but she knew that was impossible. What happened to her could never be unchanged and she had come to peace with that fact. She just hoped that he wouldn't miss her too much when she was gone. And that he'd be able to come to terms with all this as well. "But I suppose you're right, at least there's Seraphine Creevey and the ever present possibility of some girl keeping your bed warm." She rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't trying to get your hopes up," she muttered. "But it's whatever really. Better we forget this now than do something about it later." She'd just had a seizure and was pretty damn sure that sex should not be a thing she should suddenly start having. But honestly, it was more fear based than anything. Just like half the things she'd randomly decided she should stop doing. "I just had a seizure in potions the other day," she explained, feeling as if he at least deserved that. "And I don't want to embarrass myself or worse."

She sighed before attempting to once again make light of the situation. "Besides, I just told Parker that there was almost no chance of us ever having sex and I figure I owe it to him to keep that promise."

Thanks so much Chelsea
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Sawyer Beckett
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Sawyer Beckett
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December 8th, 2014, 12:16 am #7

“I should really be offended by how much you want everyone to know that.” He wasn’t though. Because honestly Sawyer was pretty sure Violet could say anything to him and he’d be like ‘yeah. good point.’ He laughed as she referred to girls as flavors. “I’ll pencil you in.” Sawyer didn’t really know when all this shit started, all of his antics. He felt like he had always been this way, although that really wasn’t the case. And he often devoted a lot of his time to the girls he was with. It wasn’t genuine, and if it was it was still bad. “Not all my girls are short term though. I’m not that much of a jerk.” Really that primarily left Athena though, which was probably more fucked up than the girls he only bothered with for a short time. She poked him in the stomach and he cringed away from her, but laughed. “On a pretty regular basis.” He was just being weird and sarcastic.

Sawyer didn’t really know how he felt, he had never felt this before. He had lost the upper hand before, but after some angry sulking and often destructive behavior he was always back to normal. But he didn’t want either of those things this time, he was just blah. He frowned when she told him she’d be there for him, and reminded him it wasn’t permanent. But he managed a smile. “I know.” This was so weird, this friendship. But it was perfect and good. “This is probably the one good thing I’ve got.” He wasn’t being down though. Sawyer loved his life, but he could admit how fucked up it was at times. But this was the most normal and healthy thing he had ever been apart of. He sighed dramatically, “Sera’s far too wholesome for that to be true.” He was adamant on changing that though.

He pouted slightly. He knew he and Violet would never happen, but being verbally denied still bruised his ego slightly. His pout turned into a frown when she confirmed what happened in potions. “Are you alright?” He wrapped his arms around her then. “It would be impossible for you to embarrass yourself in front of me.” Sawyer was incredibly judgmental. He analyzed everything everyone did and often thought he was better. Some people really should be more embarrassed about things than they were. But not Violet. Never Violet.

Sawyer rolled his eyes at the mention of Parker. “Of course you did.” Even if she was clearly trying to lighten the mood, Sawyer couldn’t help but hating Parker for that. It was fun to blame him. But that would do no good in helping the situation. Instead he pulled his arms back and quickly rolled so he was on her. A hand was at either side of her head, “But I did just hear that there was almost no chance.” He smirked. But with a laugh he pushed himself up and got off of her. He was playing. He leaned his back against a nearby wall. The bridge of his nose was still messed up from his fight, “Why were you with that little psycho freak anyway?”

Sawyer watched Violet. He was genuinely concerned about her, but opted to not say anything. He wanted to know what caused the seizure, or rather if that was a bad sign or just more of the same. He wanted to know she still had time, he wanted to know how to make things better. He was sure his concern was on his face, but he tried to hide it. And he resisted asking all the questions he had.
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Violet Corner
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December 8th, 2014, 4:20 am #8

"You should but you're not," Violet answered knowingly. Parker was right, there wasn't much Violet could say around or to Sawyer and not get away with. It was just another part of their strange partnership. They could be different with each other and typically were. "Glad you're willing to pencil in little old me. It's nice to know that you've still got a bit of a soft spot for strawberries." She bet Parker just loved that. But his second statement made her pause. "Sawyer... Could I ask you a question about Athena without you wanting to put me in a chokehold or pull out your hair?"

She was still worried about him though and with good reason. Sawyer normally was a bit of a time bomb in the making, all chance and happenstance but put Sawyer in a vulnerable state and that bomb started ticking. "Are you sure you're alright?", she asked, obviously concerned. "It's okay not to be you know... Because I am here and I'm here because I care about you."

She arched a brow at him. "What's with you and wholesome girls? Got some kink for virgins?"

She shrugged. There really wasn't a right way to answer his question. She wasn't okay but she'd never really been okay. "I'm okay as I've always been I suppose." She tried to brush it off like it was some other bit of unimportant information but it was hard. She was feeling a bit too vulnerable at the moment to pretend that anything was okay. "Have you ever had someone you were fucking seize on you?", she asked sounding and feeling incredibly skeptical. "I doubt it highly." She didn't care what he said, he'd never dealt with her when she was like that and she didn't want him too.

"He makes for good conversation and he was worried that I was starting to take over his special place in your partially rotted heart so I had to say something." And for some reason that had been one of the first things to come to mind. He rolled on top of her and she froze for a second finding it almost impossible to breathe. But a second later and he was off again and a decent span away from her to boot. "What was that for?", she asked once she'd regained her breath. "Nevermind why I was spending time with Parker. What was that for?"

"Answer the question and I'll answer any other questions you may have."

Thanks so much Chelsea
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Sawyer Beckett
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Sawyer Beckett
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December 8th, 2014, 4:39 am #9

It seemed there were too extremes when it came to Sawyer. One type of person could say something that offended him and they’d find themselves in hot water rather quickly, but another could get away with it easily. The later was reserved for a solemn few, Violet being the most sassy friend he had it was most often apparent with her. “Strawberries are my favorite.” He responded quickly. But in truth he’d drop just about anything in a second for Violet. She was his friend and quite possibly the most entertaining person in his world. But her question caught him off guard, he grumbled a bit, but obliged. “No guarantees, but go for it.” Sawyer refused to really admit it, but Athena was probably a pivotal point in his life. She was the first person he really found himself invested in who got away. It mostly had spurred a great deal of anger in him, but he wasn’t about to deny Violet.

Sawyer had never sounded annoyed with Violet, not once. But for some reason a small spark hit him. “I’m fine.” He was defensive for a moment. Just a sudden moment. He didn’t know how to not be fine. He frowned, “I know you do. And you don’t have to worry.” He added, the flare of defensiveness gone from his voice. He couldn’t be angry with Violet, who was being really good to him, just because he was frustrated.

He made a disgusted face, “I hate that word.” He really did. There was no reason for it, he just thought it sounded gross. He shrugged, “It’s not on purpose.” Although there was a disturbing sense of pride that he felt at the prospect, it was not like a goal for him.

Sawyer didn’t want anything to happen to Violet. But he wondered if she wasn’t dealing with shit if they would really get along. But they had to. He had known her before he knew about her sickness, and he thought she was pretty cool. Why wouldn’t it work the other way around? Except Sawyer didn’t really know and like people long term. His oldest friends were Rose and Macy, and they really did their own thing a lot. And second to them was Parker who he hated half the time. Would Sawyer really like Violet this much if he thought it would last forever? He hoped so, but he honestly couldn’t say yes. Because that wasn’t the case.

He realized he was frowning when she distracted him with her question. “No.” He couldn’t even imagine that. But it wasn’t the thought of that happening to him that bothered him, it was the fact that she was worried about it happening to her. “Is that why you’re so concerned?” That would be terrifying, it really would be, but she couldn’t let that stop her. “Violet this shit is literally killing you. You can’t let it ruin the time you have left.” Yeah. Apparently that was a possibility, but he hated the idea she was missing out because she was afraid something would happen.

Sawyer made a face when she told him he had a rotted heart. He was only kidding though. He honestly was just messing with her, because that was what they did. He shrugged when she asked him why he rolled over. “Shits and giggles?” He was answering her, but it was also phrased a bit like a question. “Maybe I wanted to be on top of you just once.” He was being a sarcastic ass now.
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Violet Corner
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December 8th, 2014, 5:15 am #10

"And who's your favorite strawberry?", she asked, a smugness to her voice. She really did love to tease Sawyer. And it wasn't just because she knew she could get away with it. In fact, knowing was simply a bonus. She'd never once seen it as a jumping off point or an excuse to say absolutely anything that crossed her mind. Which was why she was so nervous about the question she felt the need to ask. It was why she asked for permission to discuss the subject before going right out and asking. She didn't want to hurt him after all. "What went wrong with you and Athena?", she asked. "And please give me an honest answer, you know I'd never judge."

She arched a brow at him but said nothing. He didn't seem fine, not to her. But he didn't seem broken either, not quite. However, he did seem to be reaching the breaking point and she honestly wished she knew how to deal with that. Violet hated seeing him hurting like this.

"Almost all of the entire male population hates that word," she shot back with a snort. "But okay, if it isn't on purpose like you say then it must be a really hilarious accident."

She nodded her head slowly. "Yeah, it is." It was why she was concerned about doing most things a lot of teenagers her age were experiencing. Most of it just seemed way to scary to her. "I haven't had sex before, with anyone because I'm so fucking terrified of this thing that's killing me that I am letting it rule over my whole life." She closed her eyes for a minute and clenched her fists. "I hate being scared Sawyer but I really don't know how not to be when it comes to..." She shook her head. "Well you know what I mean..."

She arched a brow, stood up and walked over to take a seat beside him again. "Would it be weird if we ever were on top of each other?", she asked randomly. "I mean hypothetically speaking."

Thanks so much Chelsea
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