Why would anyone be interested in meeting their donor?

Why would anyone be interested in meeting their donor?

anon
anon

November 28th, 2010, 12:14 am #1

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
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anon2
anon2

November 28th, 2010, 12:29 am #2

This is one of those questions that IMHO 1/2 of the girls will want to, and 1/2 will not.
I am guessing that the ones that want to meet them have a one/all of these reasons...
They want more info about medical history, are so open about the process they want her to be poss involved just in case they think the child might be curious where the tiny bit of dna came from, or maybe they are themselves just curious what the woman actually is like so they can have traits to compare the child to?
Sure there will be more reasons added by another reply.
This is just me(and I will be tell child only) I do not want to meet her. I am thankful for the technology, and of course thankful to her for being a donor...but from everything I have read...why would I want to lament (yes I would)over yet another thing that will most likely add more stress to an already questionable future explaining this?
Again...just me
Good luck to you
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anon2
anon2

November 28th, 2010, 12:32 am #3

There are some on here that have used a known donor, so I am sure they will have some interesting replies for your question.
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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

November 28th, 2010, 12:39 am #4

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
not all donors are donating purely for money. There are a lot of caring donors out there.

For recipients who plan to tell their children, the children may have questions & being able to ask them of the donor might be beneficial.

You would be surprised how often this issue is discussed regarding tell vs. no tell, & if tell, how to deal with completely anonymous donations should the child or children want to speak to the donor.

I didn't feel the need to meet my donor or communicate with her, but after having 1 child & becoming successful with another cycle, I did suddenly feel like if my children had questions, it would be nice to have the potential to provide them with some answers. My donor had expressed willingness to communicate with recipients, so through the agency, we exchanged full names & e-mail addresses. I've never communicated with her, but having her full name & birth date gives me some comfort should my boys have questions regarding medical history or why she donated. I realize e-mail addresses can & do change, but just having her name is enough. And I guess I do believe if she was an uncaring person only in it for the money with no regard for helping others, she would have refused any contact on her profile.

It is illegal to sell eggs. The compensation is for pain & suffering. Our donor was in college & working. Maybe she used the money from our 2 fresh cycles to pay for school. Who knows. I see nothing shameful being compensated decently for something like this. She strikes me as a nice person & she was willing to exchange names should the boys have questions. That's enough for me now, but I am grateful it's even an option. Like I said, many recipients bump up against this issue once pg. or after giving birth & it does raise concerns for some people. While there are recipients who do want to meet their donors b/c they want to feel a connection in something so life changing, for others it has to do more with being able to provide answers to future children or existing children in the future, which is where I fall in the scheme of things.
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Joined: June 6th, 2007, 6:25 pm

November 28th, 2010, 12:45 am #5

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
...no seems to have a problem with that...

jmo
btw...i used a friend of mine and she didnt want compensation but we insisted...she went through a lot ....we gave it to her gladly!
just wanted to be clear that i do not see it as selling anything...
Last edited by Colleen60 on November 28th, 2010, 2:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: May 15th, 2010, 12:08 pm

November 28th, 2010, 1:27 am #6

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
I believe that having the information demystifies the whole thing.

The trend in adoption now is open/semi-open. It's human nature to want to know one's heritage. For adopted kids, it can be very, very painful to know that they were given up, but these days, I don't know anybody who would consider hiding that fact from their adopted child.

I know ppl who have had the opportunity as adults to get to know relatives they never knew existed, and it was such a joy for them.

As an older parent with a very small family, few sibs, cousins or nieces/nephews, I value every connection I can give my child.

I'm not criticizing ppl who feel differently, and I'm not interested in debating anybody. This is my pov.
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 1:08 am

November 28th, 2010, 1:54 am #7

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
I've had 2 donors - I've met both and keep in contact with them, the first one only on facebook and my DE child born from using her eggs never comes into our conversations but I always know that if I have a medical problem I could contact her. My 2nd donor I know extremely well, I know everything about her and she definitely didn't do it for money. I am very thankful to my donors but I do not wish them to be part of my babies life other than being a friend. I don't know if I will ever tell my children, I am undecided at the moment but I do know that my donors would respect my wishes - they are both very educated, professional people who were very happy to help.
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Joined: April 27th, 2007, 10:46 am

November 28th, 2010, 2:24 am #8

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
met her last year. Because I can imagine myself in their place several years from now. If I were the child of a donor, I would want to meet her. So I want our kids to have this option.

We have also kept in contact with our surrogate, and would like our kids to meet her if they wanted to.

We set up a Web site for our family with photos of the kids taken from when they were born up to the present. I post photos or videos every few days. Both our donor and surrogate have been loggin in and keeping  in touch.

Though I know that the money was important to them when they helped us, the fact they have maintained contact and are interested in the kids clearly indicates that it's not just the money.

If our son or daughter wanted to be a donor, I would encourage it if they wanted to be a known donor. I'm not sure how I would feel if they wanted to be anonymous though.
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anon
anon

November 28th, 2010, 2:55 am #9

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
n/t
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Joined: September 6th, 2009, 7:55 am

November 28th, 2010, 3:03 am #10

This is just a question that I have. Let's face it, most donors do donations for money. Would you really want your child to know that the donor sold her eggs. This might stir up a lot of different emotions, sorry ahead of time.
made it clear that donor conceived offspring have no real issues with their donor conception IF (a) they are made aware of it as a natural part of their growing up (there are some great kids story books published by the U.K donor conception group that explain it as a child's story) and (b) they have the opportunity to meet or obtain information about their genetic parent should they choose to. Much like adoption. I have multiple friends who were adopted (being a mid-1960s girl when single parents were mainly expected to relinquish their children) and they have all - without exception - attempted to locate their genetic parents (with varying successes).

I also joined the donor conception support group in my local area, which puts people investigating the use of donor sperm and/or donor eggs in touch with others in the same situation and with donor conceived adults who are willing to share their experience. The "need to know" element of finding your genetic heritage and the donor's reason for donating was such a strong theme for the adults in that group who were donor conceived. Reading 2 books written on the subject (which researched donor conception from it's earliest times to the present) also said the same thing.

So - as with the other posters - it's my view and I'm not trying to sledge anyone who might take a different perspective. But having learned what I have learned about what these future adults usually want to know (and are likely to feel) in terms of information on their genetics, there is no way I could proceed without a known donor. I just wouldn't do it to the future person I'm creating. That genetic link is such a strong pull - if it wasn't, the issue of DE wouldn't be such a socially and emotionally charged struggle for many women (me included). I can't see how I could experience these emotions about genetic linkage and not think that a future young adult might feel them too.

My identity disclosure sperm donor in Australia (I am Australian although working on contract in Asia) yielded no information to me personally but would have been required to have some contact with my offspring after they turned 16 (at the child's request only). The sperm donor I've been using in the U.S has offered so much more - a lovely opportunity to hear why he and his wife donate (she is also an egg donor and they are both organ and blood donors), what they think and believe. A whole half hour audio interview. It has helped me a lot to know the genetic parent is such a warm and thoughtful person with such an open and accepting family. They are willing to meet adult offspring in the future. I would want the same for an egg donor.

But that's just me. To think that this whole process won't stir up emotions for everybody involved seems like wishful thinking to me. I expect there to be plenty emotions - they exist for me right now and may (or may not) for any eventual young adult that the child becomes - and I'm trying to make sure any information they wish to obtain is theirs by right. If they end up wanting to know nothing, then that's their choice. If they -as I have been advised - are likely to want genetic information, then I want to provide that opportunity to them.

No matter what people choose, I can see that everyone here wants to be the best parent they are capable of being...

Al
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