Which clinic will you choose? Why ( mentioned ethnic/ race/colour)

Which clinic will you choose? Why ( mentioned ethnic/ race/colour)

Bharani
Bharani

June 12th, 2011, 9:51 pm #1

Please know I really need your sincere opinion. I am in no way to offend someone in any way what I will write below.
Option 1) My clinic has, with the donor they work with, West Indian and some that has the skin tone I want and that means we are similar so that child(ren) will not be so different. However, the total cost is expensive. I failed with this clinic one DE. There treatment is not tailored to patient. They use one way of approach. He is always in a rush. It is in my city that means no traveling, no missing so many work days, no out patient monitoring which is by itself headach.

Option 2) I am thinking to work with my next cycle with Ukraine clinic. I think cost is reasonable. But there is travelling and hotel cost, lose of pay check for those days, monitoring fees. But the most worries I have, I don't think they will get the skin tone like medium to medium dark tone complexion. I worry if the child(ren) become more light skin than the rest of the family like more caucasian skin tone. And if this will out weight the cost I am worrying about. What do I do? For me as I said so many times, I want my dream. I don't mind. And previously my clinic didn't have what I want but now they do. Do I travel far or stay here with my previous re?
Any other inputs if you have I appreciate. I am lonely on this matter, dh doesn't talk alot and family members don't know about de but knows about infertility problems.

I hope I didn't offend any one. Dh worries if the kid(s) become so different people will know. I am inclined more the Ukraine since I failed one cycle with this clinic. My confident level is not that.
Thanks
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Joined: April 16th, 2011, 4:28 pm

June 12th, 2011, 11:17 pm #2

I have followed your journey since you and I began at about the same time with DE.

Personally, I would try the other clinic.

Have you tried CNY or clinics in NYC area that may have a donor pool? I would call the clinics on SART to see if they have donors that might be a fit for you.


Good luck and blessings

Ann
Last edited by willbamom on June 12th, 2011, 11:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Dee.S
Dee.S

June 12th, 2011, 11:22 pm #3

Please know I really need your sincere opinion. I am in no way to offend someone in any way what I will write below.
Option 1) My clinic has, with the donor they work with, West Indian and some that has the skin tone I want and that means we are similar so that child(ren) will not be so different. However, the total cost is expensive. I failed with this clinic one DE. There treatment is not tailored to patient. They use one way of approach. He is always in a rush. It is in my city that means no traveling, no missing so many work days, no out patient monitoring which is by itself headach.

Option 2) I am thinking to work with my next cycle with Ukraine clinic. I think cost is reasonable. But there is travelling and hotel cost, lose of pay check for those days, monitoring fees. But the most worries I have, I don't think they will get the skin tone like medium to medium dark tone complexion. I worry if the child(ren) become more light skin than the rest of the family like more caucasian skin tone. And if this will out weight the cost I am worrying about. What do I do? For me as I said so many times, I want my dream. I don't mind. And previously my clinic didn't have what I want but now they do. Do I travel far or stay here with my previous re?
Any other inputs if you have I appreciate. I am lonely on this matter, dh doesn't talk alot and family members don't know about de but knows about infertility problems.

I hope I didn't offend any one. Dh worries if the kid(s) become so different people will know. I am inclined more the Ukraine since I failed one cycle with this clinic. My confident level is not that.
Thanks
I am african american and like west indian there are many tones in our rainbow and thus shows the genetic link. I would not want to give birth to a child that looked caucasion and we did not because it would raise so many questions and also cause the child to feel so much different. The most important thing is the child's well fair and you don't want the child questioning there belonging in your family. None of this is 100% you can have a failure at any clinic, the thing is to talk to your doctor about your concerns, or wait it out for the 2nd clinic until a donor of your skin tone comes available. I waited over 1 yr to find a donor that was closer to our skin tone for the childs' sake and to ward off questions from others.
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Joined: January 31st, 2011, 3:38 am

June 12th, 2011, 11:46 pm #4

Please know I really need your sincere opinion. I am in no way to offend someone in any way what I will write below.
Option 1) My clinic has, with the donor they work with, West Indian and some that has the skin tone I want and that means we are similar so that child(ren) will not be so different. However, the total cost is expensive. I failed with this clinic one DE. There treatment is not tailored to patient. They use one way of approach. He is always in a rush. It is in my city that means no traveling, no missing so many work days, no out patient monitoring which is by itself headach.

Option 2) I am thinking to work with my next cycle with Ukraine clinic. I think cost is reasonable. But there is travelling and hotel cost, lose of pay check for those days, monitoring fees. But the most worries I have, I don't think they will get the skin tone like medium to medium dark tone complexion. I worry if the child(ren) become more light skin than the rest of the family like more caucasian skin tone. And if this will out weight the cost I am worrying about. What do I do? For me as I said so many times, I want my dream. I don't mind. And previously my clinic didn't have what I want but now they do. Do I travel far or stay here with my previous re?
Any other inputs if you have I appreciate. I am lonely on this matter, dh doesn't talk alot and family members don't know about de but knows about infertility problems.

I hope I didn't offend any one. Dh worries if the kid(s) become so different people will know. I am inclined more the Ukraine since I failed one cycle with this clinic. My confident level is not that.
Thanks
I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I think you really have to listen to the little voice inside you.

I'm Hispanic, and skin tone and ethnicity were very important to me as we searched for a donor. It was very difficult to find a clinic with a sizeable number of Latina donors, so we chose the agency route. But that is extraordinarily expensive, I know.

As for your specific needs - I think your preferance is a West Indian donor. I believe there are clinics in the West Indies, in Barbados, in particular. Now, I have no idea how good they are, but other ladies might have experiences. So, maybe you do end up traveling, but perhaps some clinics might be better able to meet your very reasonable needs.

Be well and best to you.
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Bharani
Bharani

June 12th, 2011, 11:53 pm #5

I have followed your journey since you and I began at about the same time with DE.

Personally, I would try the other clinic.

Have you tried CNY or clinics in NYC area that may have a donor pool? I would call the clinics on SART to see if they have donors that might be a fit for you.


Good luck and blessings

Ann
you mean in Ukraine? Thanks, I tried CNY and I don't have good experience.
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Bharani
Bharani

June 12th, 2011, 11:59 pm #6

I am african american and like west indian there are many tones in our rainbow and thus shows the genetic link. I would not want to give birth to a child that looked caucasion and we did not because it would raise so many questions and also cause the child to feel so much different. The most important thing is the child's well fair and you don't want the child questioning there belonging in your family. None of this is 100% you can have a failure at any clinic, the thing is to talk to your doctor about your concerns, or wait it out for the 2nd clinic until a donor of your skin tone comes available. I waited over 1 yr to find a donor that was closer to our skin tone for the childs' sake and to ward off questions from others.
For me since my dh have dark skin and I am olive skin or lighter skin tone, we have family members who have fair skin. But still I think you know what I am talking the South East Indian fair skin is not the caucasian skin tone. I really appreciate your sincere comment, mostly I don't want to put there life in question. But lately i started thinking the reasons I failed is maybe dh is not 100% happy each time we go to transfer, he worries. Athough the last one was mix.
So you pay the money to cover that area!
Thank
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Bharani
Bharani

June 13th, 2011, 12:02 am #7

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I think you really have to listen to the little voice inside you.

I'm Hispanic, and skin tone and ethnicity were very important to me as we searched for a donor. It was very difficult to find a clinic with a sizeable number of Latina donors, so we chose the agency route. But that is extraordinarily expensive, I know.

As for your specific needs - I think your preferance is a West Indian donor. I believe there are clinics in the West Indies, in Barbados, in particular. Now, I have no idea how good they are, but other ladies might have experiences. So, maybe you do end up traveling, but perhaps some clinics might be better able to meet your very reasonable needs.

Be well and best to you.
So I am looking at which other group have similar skin tone.. I want Hispanic too. Since there are similarities.
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Joined: January 31st, 2011, 3:38 am

June 13th, 2011, 12:08 am #8

Well, you still might check out the Barbados clinics. I did a very quick Google search, and they claim to attract international donors. Barbados seems to be part of the emerging fertility tourism industry, so you might check some of them out on line.

Are you looking at agencies as well, or are you focusing on clinics with in-house donor pools?

This is a difficult enough process as it is, and having to find someone who matches your ethnicity, even a little, makes it even harder. I had a hard time with that and it was very discrouraging. I called one agency in Texas that had many Hispanic donors, but the owner said so many horribly offensive and racist things about Hispanics, and Mexicans in particular, that we refused to work with them.

Good luck, hun.
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Bharani
Bharani

June 13th, 2011, 12:12 am #9

and arrogant! They will learn their arrogance some other way. Do you know if Barbados have good reputation and if it is cheaper? Do you have their contact info? how many clinics are in Barbados?
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 1:08 am

June 13th, 2011, 12:22 am #10

Please know I really need your sincere opinion. I am in no way to offend someone in any way what I will write below.
Option 1) My clinic has, with the donor they work with, West Indian and some that has the skin tone I want and that means we are similar so that child(ren) will not be so different. However, the total cost is expensive. I failed with this clinic one DE. There treatment is not tailored to patient. They use one way of approach. He is always in a rush. It is in my city that means no traveling, no missing so many work days, no out patient monitoring which is by itself headach.

Option 2) I am thinking to work with my next cycle with Ukraine clinic. I think cost is reasonable. But there is travelling and hotel cost, lose of pay check for those days, monitoring fees. But the most worries I have, I don't think they will get the skin tone like medium to medium dark tone complexion. I worry if the child(ren) become more light skin than the rest of the family like more caucasian skin tone. And if this will out weight the cost I am worrying about. What do I do? For me as I said so many times, I want my dream. I don't mind. And previously my clinic didn't have what I want but now they do. Do I travel far or stay here with my previous re?
Any other inputs if you have I appreciate. I am lonely on this matter, dh doesn't talk alot and family members don't know about de but knows about infertility problems.

I hope I didn't offend any one. Dh worries if the kid(s) become so different people will know. I am inclined more the Ukraine since I failed one cycle with this clinic. My confident level is not that.
Thanks
I think I once sent you a photo of my donor who was half Indian and half caucasian, my husband was African so I guessed that any child/children born would be dark curly hair with darkish skin so the ethnicity of the donor was not too much of an issue for me. My first donor was fully caucasian - my first DE baby has the dark eyes, dark curly hair. However, the twins born from second DE are very different and although both donor and hubby had the dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin my twins are fair skinned, fair curly hair, one brown eyed, one blue eyed - no one would ever guess they weren't my genetic children.

So, in answer to your question, I think it is very important to have a donor with similar colourings to you and your husband and I would probably go for a good clinic in the US and maybe look on surromomsonline for a donor who matches you and introduce her to the clinic of your choice.

Oh, by the way, the previous lady my donor donated for was Sri Lankan and her husband was quite dark Hindu Indian, they had a little girl and that little girl is very white - she often gets comments on how white the baby is - and this was with Indian/Caucasian donor and very dark Indian husband.
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