Tough day (preg, m/c, OE child ment)

Tough day (preg, m/c, OE child ment)

Joined: February 23rd, 2012, 7:57 am

April 9th, 2012, 4:45 am #1

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

April 9th, 2012, 4:59 am #2

I guess for now I would try to block all that out. Try to think about how lucky you are to have your DD and think about the additional baby you will have in the future.

It is very sad to think about all the babies and children born into homes where they are not taken well care of. But you can't fix all of the world's problems. So try to focus on those things you can control.
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

April 9th, 2012, 12:12 pm #3

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
Wow that is couple of very tough days. It is just so unfair sometimes. I have no advice except to not beat yourself up or feel guilty about how you are feeling. Your feeling are not good or bad, they are just what they are and they are normal given your situation. Two years ago when we were almost two years into our TTC journey without any success my BIL and SIL announced they were pregnant and very upset about it (both were forty and they had a 9 year old and a 7 year old). It was difficult but I just avoided them when possible because I couldn't take listening to them complain about being pregnant again. Now I have a one year old niece that I just love to death. You are very generous to be loaning your baby furniture to your friend. I hope sometime soon you will be asking for it back because you need it. Try to do something nice for yourself if you can (massage, pedicure or whatever makes you feel good.
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

April 9th, 2012, 1:11 pm #4

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
We have had a similar situation in the past few weeks in our family in which my sister has 'inherited' an inlaw relative's baby, which was born into very bad circumstances. We all desperately hope the birth parents will sign over the guardianship permanently. It is so hard to struggle for so long and then to see a child go unappreciated.

Does your friend who is borrowing your clothes know that you are hoping for another? Maybe vaguely let her know that if you were to get lucky again... you'll need them back.

I can imagine that will be be painful.

Stay strong. This, too, shall pass.

Have you made any plans yet toward doing DE?
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

April 9th, 2012, 3:51 pm #5

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
That sounds really hard. I have been temporarily attending our nanny's Baptist church, which is large and has a nursery, while my small, very liberal church does not. And it's like a case study to demonstrate the points the authors make in "Red Families v. Blue Families: Legal Polarization and the Creation of Culture." There is a whole world of random and unwise procreation going on there amongst young people who have no business doing so, and I can only imagine how it would get to me if I were younger and ttc. As it is, it just makes me wryly reflect on all the people who call older, responsible women "selfish" for having kids.

Anyway, how are you going to get through it? You just are. But be very kind to yourself. Don't be one of those people determined to soldier through everything as though nothing were wrong -- those people almost always eventually implode or, worse, take it out on their loved ones. Look at your schedule, see if there are things that just too much, and see whether they can reasonably be postponed or rescheduled. Do you have DD all the time, or could you have a time when you could take a good bath and take care of your skin and nails?

{{Hugs}}

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

April 9th, 2012, 4:26 pm #6

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
That is a lot to deal with all at once.

Sending loving, supportive, prayerful thoughts and energies your way. Feel free to vent here as mush as it helps. We're here for you.

HUG FOR YOU!

CL
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

April 10th, 2012, 12:59 pm #7

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
Hi Emily,
Heck what a horrendous few days. I'm sorry to hear you are surrounded at all junctions.
Listen petal do not give your DD's stuff away. Its not your fault your friend hasn't got stuff for a new baby or whatever.
Keep her things. I feel sad for you.
Its hard when you are surrounded by babies and people's silly nonghead attitudes to their own children and others. I really feel for you.
Take their attitudes and let them just wash over you.
Do whatever you have to to take your mind off things right now. e.g. go to the movies, or go to a play or museum (how boring am I!).
We are here for you.
Don't give the things away honey. Be strong. Say to whoever it is 'sorry I can't give you these things they mean too much to me and thats just the way it is. You will have to make other arrangements.'
Be strong, we are 100% beside you, take care, best, THK
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Joined: May 10th, 2011, 11:57 pm

April 10th, 2012, 6:05 pm #8

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
That sounds like a really rough time. I agree with THK: don't give the things away if you're not ready. You need to protect your own feelings and not just take care of everyone around you. (I know, easier said than done!) Hope you are feeling a bit better by the time you see this. (I have no idea what time of day/night it is for you!)

Big hugs,
Jen in TN
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Joined: February 23rd, 2012, 7:57 am

April 10th, 2012, 9:11 pm #9

Boy is this a tough week...

My brother's ex girlfriend gave birth to his baby yesterday. It was a 'keep a boy baby' but it didn't work. They are friendly, but in no way together. Makes me so angry as they are both so young and can barely function themselves, let alone look after a child. It will grow up in a government benefit funded home and it just makes me so angry that silly young girls can get pregnant so easily when they certainly shouldn't be parents yet.

Not only this, but my SIL had a miscarriage on Friday and she was RELIEVED!!! She already has two and they don't think they want a third and definitely not while they have two under 4. God, I'm so angry. DH's family refuse to talk about our situation at all. They are fix it people, so if they can't fix it, they just ignore it. And yet, my SIL is getting such a huge amount of support and we are all expected to rally around her. I know that she is grieving too even if she is relieved, but come on! All we got was a "that's no good".

And to top it off, I have another pregnant friend coming around tomorrow to pick up most of DD's baby furniture and clothes as she is onto baby number 4 which was unexpected and they had already given away or sold all their baby things before surprise number 4 came along.

I don't know how I'm going to cope and seeing all of DD's things drive away will rip my heart out. She is a close friend and I want to help. I have all this beautiful furniture that should be used and I trust that it will be very well taken care of, but just knowing that I din't need it and seeing it go to use with another baby is breaking my heart.

DH is coming off antidepressants as he was on them temporarily after the earthquake (he's a cop and saw some pretty awful stuff), so he is finding this weekend very hard too and he is usually my rock. So far I have held it together, but I'm starting to lose it.

How do I get through tomorrow after such a horrible few days?

TTC for 3.5 yrs from age 27
4 rounds on clomifene
2 MC
About to start IVF when...
DD OE 3.5yrs old now
TTC 2.5 yrs for #2
2 rounds of clomifene
1 MC
Dx with DOR Jan 2012
Using DE from sister possibly
So I did let my friend take the stuff, but she is only going to borrow it and I told her I couldn't let her have the baby clothes. I just couldn't part with that. She will take really good care of it all as she is a trusted friend.

Just like Maggie said, I got through it just by getting through it. Thanks ladies for all your support. Another day gone eh?

I still haven't made any plans with DE as I don't know yet if I'm ready, but I have made some counselling appointments with a fertility specialist so hopefully she can help me come to terms with it and then we can move on.

It's a long wait for treatment here anyway so I do have some time up my sleeve, especially if I decide to use my sister who is about 2 years away from donating. I will keep you all posted.

Thanks again, you ladies are a god send!
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

April 11th, 2012, 3:44 am #10

Well done Emily. I've mainly logged on to see how you are today and you are fine. Good idea to keep the clothes. I give a lot of R's away but keep some too.
Emily, write me again can you perthkitty @ yahoo . com
(join it all together).
I want to write you off the yellow (board). I'm glad you could help your friend and that she understands and will take care of the things.
Its been a big week hey, take it easy, best, THK
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