the doctor rang last night to apologise

the doctor rang last night to apologise

Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

February 28th, 2012, 2:04 am #1

Hi,
Short recap. Last thurs a doctor said to me 'are you his carer...' I said 'no his mother'. He responded 'oh I am suprised' in a suprised tone. When he left the room for a very short time I said to P 'what was that comment about?".

I found this comment and the awkward silence afterwards something that kept going round in my head. Hence, I rang the clinic and made a complaint.

The doctor rang last night and apologised. I asked him directly what he meant. He did not say but did say that 'it was a stupid thing to say and I wish I had not said anything. By the time I realised this I had no where to go with it so didn't continue with the conversation'.

I told him the following: '(our story very briefly), I expect people on the street to say things but not a medical professional. If you ever have to ask a woman her relationship to a child then always assume she is the mother. She will correct you if that is wrong. Someone this morning made the grandmother comment to me and said ''taking your grandchild for a walk''. My reply was ''no he is my son, it took a long time to have him - no storks available''.
The doctor said 'I sincerly apologise for any hurt I may have caused you and hope you can forgive me. I need to be more aware of people's backgrounds. I am glad you rang us and said something'.
My response was 'thankyou for ringing me I appreciate it. I accept your apology'.
That was it basically.
The only thing I didn't say to him was 'You should have known better than to make a comment like that'. I don't think I needed to spell it out that plain as it was pretty clear already.
I am glad I rang the clinic and apologised. This doctor owns the clinic.
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

February 28th, 2012, 2:13 am #2

I'm glad you made the complaint with the office and he called you to apologize. It sounds like he was sincere in his apology. I agree, until you are told otherwise it is wisest to just assume a woman with a child is the mother. She can always say she is not the mother, no harm done. I'm sure the doctor will think twice before making such a comment to anyone again.

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Joined: June 2nd, 2007, 7:45 am

February 28th, 2012, 3:09 am #3

Hi,
Short recap. Last thurs a doctor said to me 'are you his carer...' I said 'no his mother'. He responded 'oh I am suprised' in a suprised tone. When he left the room for a very short time I said to P 'what was that comment about?".

I found this comment and the awkward silence afterwards something that kept going round in my head. Hence, I rang the clinic and made a complaint.

The doctor rang last night and apologised. I asked him directly what he meant. He did not say but did say that 'it was a stupid thing to say and I wish I had not said anything. By the time I realised this I had no where to go with it so didn't continue with the conversation'.

I told him the following: '(our story very briefly), I expect people on the street to say things but not a medical professional. If you ever have to ask a woman her relationship to a child then always assume she is the mother. She will correct you if that is wrong. Someone this morning made the grandmother comment to me and said ''taking your grandchild for a walk''. My reply was ''no he is my son, it took a long time to have him - no storks available''.
The doctor said 'I sincerly apologise for any hurt I may have caused you and hope you can forgive me. I need to be more aware of people's backgrounds. I am glad you rang us and said something'.
My response was 'thankyou for ringing me I appreciate it. I accept your apology'.
That was it basically.
The only thing I didn't say to him was 'You should have known better than to make a comment like that'. I don't think I needed to spell it out that plain as it was pretty clear already.
I am glad I rang the clinic and apologised. This doctor owns the clinic.
I'm having trouble sending emails so will reply briefly here to yours...
I passed your details on and the information was warmly received.
And I;m glad my insane situation is helping keep you sane. That made me laugh aloud.
And about R's bottles, were you meaning in the night or in general? I've had a fab woman help me with some gentle sleep training that is involving night weaning; I do think R is big enough to forgo night feedings....
all the best.
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

February 28th, 2012, 3:15 am #4

Hi,
Short recap. Last thurs a doctor said to me 'are you his carer...' I said 'no his mother'. He responded 'oh I am suprised' in a suprised tone. When he left the room for a very short time I said to P 'what was that comment about?".

I found this comment and the awkward silence afterwards something that kept going round in my head. Hence, I rang the clinic and made a complaint.

The doctor rang last night and apologised. I asked him directly what he meant. He did not say but did say that 'it was a stupid thing to say and I wish I had not said anything. By the time I realised this I had no where to go with it so didn't continue with the conversation'.

I told him the following: '(our story very briefly), I expect people on the street to say things but not a medical professional. If you ever have to ask a woman her relationship to a child then always assume she is the mother. She will correct you if that is wrong. Someone this morning made the grandmother comment to me and said ''taking your grandchild for a walk''. My reply was ''no he is my son, it took a long time to have him - no storks available''.
The doctor said 'I sincerly apologise for any hurt I may have caused you and hope you can forgive me. I need to be more aware of people's backgrounds. I am glad you rang us and said something'.
My response was 'thankyou for ringing me I appreciate it. I accept your apology'.
That was it basically.
The only thing I didn't say to him was 'You should have known better than to make a comment like that'. I don't think I needed to spell it out that plain as it was pretty clear already.
I am glad I rang the clinic and apologised. This doctor owns the clinic.
He is an upstanding man to apologize. I have had a number of situations where doctors owed me or my family an apology and we never got so much as an acknowledgment for our feelings. This will be a lesson for him so he won't put his foot in his mouth with other mothers or fathers.
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Joined: February 22nd, 2007, 12:49 am

February 28th, 2012, 5:03 am #5

Hi,
Short recap. Last thurs a doctor said to me 'are you his carer...' I said 'no his mother'. He responded 'oh I am suprised' in a suprised tone. When he left the room for a very short time I said to P 'what was that comment about?".

I found this comment and the awkward silence afterwards something that kept going round in my head. Hence, I rang the clinic and made a complaint.

The doctor rang last night and apologised. I asked him directly what he meant. He did not say but did say that 'it was a stupid thing to say and I wish I had not said anything. By the time I realised this I had no where to go with it so didn't continue with the conversation'.

I told him the following: '(our story very briefly), I expect people on the street to say things but not a medical professional. If you ever have to ask a woman her relationship to a child then always assume she is the mother. She will correct you if that is wrong. Someone this morning made the grandmother comment to me and said ''taking your grandchild for a walk''. My reply was ''no he is my son, it took a long time to have him - no storks available''.
The doctor said 'I sincerly apologise for any hurt I may have caused you and hope you can forgive me. I need to be more aware of people's backgrounds. I am glad you rang us and said something'.
My response was 'thankyou for ringing me I appreciate it. I accept your apology'.
That was it basically.
The only thing I didn't say to him was 'You should have known better than to make a comment like that'. I don't think I needed to spell it out that plain as it was pretty clear already.
I am glad I rang the clinic and apologised. This doctor owns the clinic.
I remember reading some study years ago that said when doctors apologize, they are much less apt to get sued! So many are afraid or unwilling. Good for him for doing it, and good on you for complaining.

http://cleveland.injuryboard.com/medica ... eid=240042

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Joined: April 14th, 2003, 10:59 pm

February 28th, 2012, 3:46 pm #6

Hi,
Short recap. Last thurs a doctor said to me 'are you his carer...' I said 'no his mother'. He responded 'oh I am suprised' in a suprised tone. When he left the room for a very short time I said to P 'what was that comment about?".

I found this comment and the awkward silence afterwards something that kept going round in my head. Hence, I rang the clinic and made a complaint.

The doctor rang last night and apologised. I asked him directly what he meant. He did not say but did say that 'it was a stupid thing to say and I wish I had not said anything. By the time I realised this I had no where to go with it so didn't continue with the conversation'.

I told him the following: '(our story very briefly), I expect people on the street to say things but not a medical professional. If you ever have to ask a woman her relationship to a child then always assume she is the mother. She will correct you if that is wrong. Someone this morning made the grandmother comment to me and said ''taking your grandchild for a walk''. My reply was ''no he is my son, it took a long time to have him - no storks available''.
The doctor said 'I sincerly apologise for any hurt I may have caused you and hope you can forgive me. I need to be more aware of people's backgrounds. I am glad you rang us and said something'.
My response was 'thankyou for ringing me I appreciate it. I accept your apology'.
That was it basically.
The only thing I didn't say to him was 'You should have known better than to make a comment like that'. I don't think I needed to spell it out that plain as it was pretty clear already.
I am glad I rang the clinic and apologised. This doctor owns the clinic.
I am both impressed and proud of you! You took an awkward, hurtful situation and handled it with grace and dignity.

I am sure the doctor has now learned to not make assumptions about a parent's age and perhaps may always remember that moms are not always looking their best when they have a sick child! And he will always remember the lovely lady who enlightened him.
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Joined: October 22nd, 2010, 7:15 am

February 28th, 2012, 9:13 pm #7

Hi,
Short recap. Last thurs a doctor said to me 'are you his carer...' I said 'no his mother'. He responded 'oh I am suprised' in a suprised tone. When he left the room for a very short time I said to P 'what was that comment about?".

I found this comment and the awkward silence afterwards something that kept going round in my head. Hence, I rang the clinic and made a complaint.

The doctor rang last night and apologised. I asked him directly what he meant. He did not say but did say that 'it was a stupid thing to say and I wish I had not said anything. By the time I realised this I had no where to go with it so didn't continue with the conversation'.

I told him the following: '(our story very briefly), I expect people on the street to say things but not a medical professional. If you ever have to ask a woman her relationship to a child then always assume she is the mother. She will correct you if that is wrong. Someone this morning made the grandmother comment to me and said ''taking your grandchild for a walk''. My reply was ''no he is my son, it took a long time to have him - no storks available''.
The doctor said 'I sincerly apologise for any hurt I may have caused you and hope you can forgive me. I need to be more aware of people's backgrounds. I am glad you rang us and said something'.
My response was 'thankyou for ringing me I appreciate it. I accept your apology'.
That was it basically.
The only thing I didn't say to him was 'You should have known better than to make a comment like that'. I don't think I needed to spell it out that plain as it was pretty clear already.
I am glad I rang the clinic and apologised. This doctor owns the clinic.
I believe that those sort of things go a long way.

1st an apology so that you feel a bit better and that could mean continuing your relationship with their office.

2nd a more sensitive approach can be created so that others don't have to deal with such inappropriate comments.

Good for you for taking this step, and somehow, I feel that as a result of what you did, I might be less likely to allow something inappropriate to go unreported (I mentioned in an earlier e-mail that I let something inappropriate pass by a time before because I did not have the employee's name to report him for his terrible behavior - it was a nurse in the ER).

Great job!

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Joined: February 25th, 2010, 8:30 pm

February 29th, 2012, 2:31 am #8

Hi,
Short recap. Last thurs a doctor said to me 'are you his carer...' I said 'no his mother'. He responded 'oh I am suprised' in a suprised tone. When he left the room for a very short time I said to P 'what was that comment about?".

I found this comment and the awkward silence afterwards something that kept going round in my head. Hence, I rang the clinic and made a complaint.

The doctor rang last night and apologised. I asked him directly what he meant. He did not say but did say that 'it was a stupid thing to say and I wish I had not said anything. By the time I realised this I had no where to go with it so didn't continue with the conversation'.

I told him the following: '(our story very briefly), I expect people on the street to say things but not a medical professional. If you ever have to ask a woman her relationship to a child then always assume she is the mother. She will correct you if that is wrong. Someone this morning made the grandmother comment to me and said ''taking your grandchild for a walk''. My reply was ''no he is my son, it took a long time to have him - no storks available''.
The doctor said 'I sincerly apologise for any hurt I may have caused you and hope you can forgive me. I need to be more aware of people's backgrounds. I am glad you rang us and said something'.
My response was 'thankyou for ringing me I appreciate it. I accept your apology'.
That was it basically.
The only thing I didn't say to him was 'You should have known better than to make a comment like that'. I don't think I needed to spell it out that plain as it was pretty clear already.
I am glad I rang the clinic and apologised. This doctor owns the clinic.
I am certain you have prevented this from ever happening again with this doctor. I had one extremely comfortable incident with a minister back in September and I really regret not sending her an e-mail to let her know how inappropriate her comment was. I so wish I would have taken your approach.
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