Some advice on known donor (preg ment)

Some advice on known donor (preg ment)

Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

June 11th, 2012, 7:22 pm #1

Hi Ladies.. Hope all is well with everyone on the boards. I was wondering whether anyone can share their experiences with me in regards to using a known donor. I am so overwhelmed and I really need advice. We have not started our journey as of yet.

My niece has offered to be our donor. She is 100% wholeheartedly behind her request. She recently has gotten pregnant and has asked that we wait for her. We are still in discussion about the wait and she is aware of that. I would like to know whether you can share your experience with dealing with a known donor that has a child or children already. Thanks ladies. I have been feeling very overwhelmed with these thoughts..
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Joined: February 24th, 2004, 6:44 pm

June 12th, 2012, 2:36 am #2

I wasn't going to respond to your post since I did not use a known donor, but you mentioned that your niece is now pregnant... is this her first pregnancy? If so, I think it is better to use a known donor who already has children as opposed to a young woman (known donor) who is not already a mother. The reason is that if she donates to you, and you subsequently have a child, what if she then cannot have a child of her own (for whatever reason)? I would think those feelings would be even more difficult for her to deal with. There was a poster once who was a donor herself and many years later she found herself infertile and had to use an egg donor to have a baby! I can't remember her name.

So, is your question also -should you wait for her or find another donor? LOTS of things could happen that might prevent her from donating after she has her child. And most RE's would want the donor to wait a period of time after childbirth before donating (so you might be looking at cycling a year from now or more). Also, having a newborn is a challenge in and of itself... she might not be ready to donate for quite a while after she gives birth. Will her DH be able to take care of the baby while she has her MD appts (ultrasounds) and undergoes retrieval? I'm not trying to discourage you (it sounds like it, but I'm not) I think you need to think about these things.

Thanks for posting your question over here, usually you would get more replies. I hope you are able to think through the options and make a decision. Best of luck. I hope I answered your question.

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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

June 12th, 2012, 2:15 pm #3

Hi Ladies.. Hope all is well with everyone on the boards. I was wondering whether anyone can share their experiences with me in regards to using a known donor. I am so overwhelmed and I really need advice. We have not started our journey as of yet.

My niece has offered to be our donor. She is 100% wholeheartedly behind her request. She recently has gotten pregnant and has asked that we wait for her. We are still in discussion about the wait and she is aware of that. I would like to know whether you can share your experience with dealing with a known donor that has a child or children already. Thanks ladies. I have been feeling very overwhelmed with these thoughts..
My 26 yr old cousin was our donor. This is a slightly different situation from yours because although she's married, she doesn't have kids... She and her husband were 100% behind their decision to donate and were absolutely thrilled they could do this for us - they basically look at it like donating any other organ. We had many, MANY long conversations about any and all risks, including the remote possibility that she wouldn't be able to have her own kids in the future. She's a very bright girl and about as realistic as they come - if this were to happen, she has no qualms about turning to DE herself. Obviously, we hope and pray it will never come to that.

If I had asked whether this was a good idea, I am quite sure that the overwhelming response from these boards would've been NO WAY - she's not proven, she doesn't even have her own kids yet, using a family member is so tricky, etc, etc, etc... However, all her testing was excellent (FSH, AMH, resting follicle count) and she produced plenty of beautiful embryos for us (we transferred two and froze five). I am grateful everyday that we had this opportunity and I have absolutely no regrets.

That being said, I know this doesn't work for everyone. If I had to wait a year or more, as others have mentioned might be the case for you, I'm not sure that I would've. The genetic connection was meaningful to me, but it wasn't a dealbreaker... GL with your decision - it's a tough one!
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Joined: December 21st, 2011, 7:41 pm

June 12th, 2012, 3:02 pm #4

Hi Ladies.. Hope all is well with everyone on the boards. I was wondering whether anyone can share their experiences with me in regards to using a known donor. I am so overwhelmed and I really need advice. We have not started our journey as of yet.

My niece has offered to be our donor. She is 100% wholeheartedly behind her request. She recently has gotten pregnant and has asked that we wait for her. We are still in discussion about the wait and she is aware of that. I would like to know whether you can share your experience with dealing with a known donor that has a child or children already. Thanks ladies. I have been feeling very overwhelmed with these thoughts..
Ask yourself this - if you waited a year for your niece, and then it didn't work out for whatever reason, would you be kicking yourself for not moving forward sooner? It's up to you and your timeline. You might want to take a look at agency donors in the meantime - you just might find one you really click with!

Also, since you're just starting your journey you may find the following book really helpful: The Insider's Guide to Egg Donation. I wish it was out before I went through everything, as it is really good - it's on Amazon - check it out & good luck!
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Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

June 12th, 2012, 3:54 pm #5

Hi Ladies.. Hope all is well with everyone on the boards. I was wondering whether anyone can share their experiences with me in regards to using a known donor. I am so overwhelmed and I really need advice. We have not started our journey as of yet.

My niece has offered to be our donor. She is 100% wholeheartedly behind her request. She recently has gotten pregnant and has asked that we wait for her. We are still in discussion about the wait and she is aware of that. I would like to know whether you can share your experience with dealing with a known donor that has a child or children already. Thanks ladies. I have been feeling very overwhelmed with these thoughts..
Thank you Bethlyn for responding to my post. Yes this is my nieces first pregnancy. I agree with you on working with a known donor who has conceived already. I had an experience with a cousin of mines who I got the courage to ask whether she would donate. She turned me down for that same reason. She did not have a chilld at the moment and felt it may be difficult for her. I understood her concerns and decided it would be best if our donor conceived previously.
We have spoken with the RE and he told us she can donate once her cycle returns to normal which is generally 2-3 months. I am also aware that if she decides to breastfeed, which I hope she does breastfeed, she cannot donate while doing so. She has plenty of support from her DH and our family who are 100 percent behind us and are offering support in all ways. We have given this thought and its been in discussion for some time before and after the baby is born. I guess what I wanted was to those who have used known donors who had children already to share their experiences after ceonceiving their child. I thank you once again for posting.
Last edited by HopefulCely on June 12th, 2012, 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

June 12th, 2012, 4:09 pm #6

My 26 yr old cousin was our donor. This is a slightly different situation from yours because although she's married, she doesn't have kids... She and her husband were 100% behind their decision to donate and were absolutely thrilled they could do this for us - they basically look at it like donating any other organ. We had many, MANY long conversations about any and all risks, including the remote possibility that she wouldn't be able to have her own kids in the future. She's a very bright girl and about as realistic as they come - if this were to happen, she has no qualms about turning to DE herself. Obviously, we hope and pray it will never come to that.

If I had asked whether this was a good idea, I am quite sure that the overwhelming response from these boards would've been NO WAY - she's not proven, she doesn't even have her own kids yet, using a family member is so tricky, etc, etc, etc... However, all her testing was excellent (FSH, AMH, resting follicle count) and she produced plenty of beautiful embryos for us (we transferred two and froze five). I am grateful everyday that we had this opportunity and I have absolutely no regrets.

That being said, I know this doesn't work for everyone. If I had to wait a year or more, as others have mentioned might be the case for you, I'm not sure that I would've. The genetic connection was meaningful to me, but it wasn't a dealbreaker... GL with your decision - it's a tough one!
Leigh, would we be able to chat via email? I would love to speak to you further. My email is hopefulforbaby0710@gmail.com
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Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

June 12th, 2012, 4:49 pm #7

Ask yourself this - if you waited a year for your niece, and then it didn't work out for whatever reason, would you be kicking yourself for not moving forward sooner? It's up to you and your timeline. You might want to take a look at agency donors in the meantime - you just might find one you really click with!

Also, since you're just starting your journey you may find the following book really helpful: The Insider's Guide to Egg Donation. I wish it was out before I went through everything, as it is really good - it's on Amazon - check it out & good luck!
I am not really asking should I wait. I just wanted experiences on those who have used known donors who had children already.
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Joined: September 16th, 2005, 6:27 pm

June 12th, 2012, 6:29 pm #8

Hi Ladies.. Hope all is well with everyone on the boards. I was wondering whether anyone can share their experiences with me in regards to using a known donor. I am so overwhelmed and I really need advice. We have not started our journey as of yet.

My niece has offered to be our donor. She is 100% wholeheartedly behind her request. She recently has gotten pregnant and has asked that we wait for her. We are still in discussion about the wait and she is aware of that. I would like to know whether you can share your experience with dealing with a known donor that has a child or children already. Thanks ladies. I have been feeling very overwhelmed with these thoughts..
My brother's wife donated for us. I know it is really hard to wait when you are ready to go. I don't know if I could have waited. However, our experience has been wonderful. She is a wonderful aunt to both of our children and I like that there is no mystery for our son about his genetic origins moving forward. She did not yet have children but we made sure that all fertility tests were run on her and my brother and that they COULD have children before proceeding (obviously your niece CAN). They now have a daughter that is 14 months younger than our son. It was pretty stressful for me when they were trying for a baby I must admit. BUT, that being said, I love having a known donor that is part of our child's life. It is just the way our family is and it is very normal - at least it's our normal. With a donor that has the right mindset, this can be a wonderful situation. I did not see having/not having a child affect her emotional attachment either way. She has always been "aunt" - very clearly an aunt. We talk openly about who he looks like in her family, my husband's family and even my family. It is something that we are very comfortable with - but it took some time for us all to get there. Sometimes it is almost "over talked" about but as he gets older it is also just not that exciting anymore - it's old news I hope everything works out the way that you want! It sounds like your niece is really on board if she is asking you to wait!

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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

June 13th, 2012, 3:04 am #9

Leigh, would we be able to chat via email? I would love to speak to you further. My email is hopefulforbaby0710@gmail.com
I'm just seeing this and it's past my bed time. I'll send you an email tomorrow! (or you can write me before then: slhardie@gmail.com)
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Joined: February 14th, 2012, 7:22 pm

June 13th, 2012, 1:34 pm #10

Thanks for sharing...I really appreciate that
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