So I've been REALLY quiet lately....

So I've been REALLY quiet lately....

Joined: July 5th, 2006, 6:35 pm

June 20th, 2012, 12:53 am #1

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



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Joined: November 10th, 2004, 4:12 am

June 20th, 2012, 1:28 am #2

You have truly been through SO much. I cannot imagine twins and a singleton AND a divorce all happening. I just went through a job shake-up (me and my DH both) with just our 1 DS and it felt like the world caved in for a bit...nothing like you've been through.

I do not think you are going to receive any harsh judgment from anyone on this board. Divorce happens to the best of us and, truly, I believe all the more (now being a mom) that having children brings a LOT of latent issues to the surface in a relationship. No one here is going to judge you for what was obviously a decision you did not make lightly. Honestly, you sound incredibly brave to me to be going it alone as you have.

Not much more I can add other than welcome back and wish you the best. Never worry about being gone from this board for an extended period -- we all do it, me more than most! You are always welcome back.

Hugs to you and good luck to you.

sas
Last edited by sangelas on June 20th, 2012, 1:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: August 20th, 2009, 7:03 pm

June 20th, 2012, 1:36 am #3

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



Lots of tough stuff outlined there. I'm so sorry you are in such a whirlwind. I give you lots of credit for taking charge of your life. I pray that the turbulence winds down sooner rather than later, you can regroup and move forward. Only you know what is best for your life. Trust the process. We are here for you.

xo
cat
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Joined: June 2nd, 2007, 7:45 am

June 20th, 2012, 1:51 am #4

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



And survived though there were some very dark times, I'm the first to admit.
Hang in there, it will get better.
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Joined: March 14th, 2007, 6:46 pm

June 20th, 2012, 2:08 am #5

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



I'm so sorry that you are going through so much. This board is very supportive and I hope you will come here when you need that support. Please know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Tracey
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Joined: September 30th, 2007, 7:22 pm

June 20th, 2012, 2:09 am #6

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



Hang in there. You are very brave.



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Joined: October 22nd, 2010, 7:15 am

June 20th, 2012, 2:54 am #7

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



We all come with our own set of circumstances, joys, pains, challenges and each and every time I see the sensitive way that the topics are handled.

Sure sometimes we've seen criticisms and even some toes have gotten stepped on, but there is always someone who reaches out to smooth things over, to embrace and encourage and to support through some of the toughest times. And it's for those reasons that I always come back here (even when it feels like I don't even have time to breathe

I am sorry that you are going through such a challenging time. I am glad that you are working with a counselor, and that you see beauty in your tough circumstances - the beauty of your children.

I wish you the best as your life settles and I hope that you are well on your way to calm, peaceful and happier times than you have had recently.

Hugs!!!

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Joined: August 22nd, 2008, 3:29 pm

June 20th, 2012, 3:25 am #8

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



I'm so happy to hear from you and receive an update. We become such a family on these boards and I wonder what is going on when we don't hear from our board buds...thanks for taking the time to share a bit of your journey.

Each of us has an inner guiding system and we have to follow where it is telling us to walk....your path right now may be difficult but hopefully at the end of it you will find a life that resonates more with your soul.

I think often about the two embryos we donated as well but our clinic is under no obligation to share what happened to them...hopefully they have become babies to a loving couple...but I have had to let it go and just trust that whatever happens is meant to be and there will be lessons for all who come in contact with our little promises.

The fact that you realize how blessed you were to have your DD and your twins whiile another mom is grieving a cycle that did not bring her a baby is a gift...hold it closely and the pain she feels over getting a BFP but no baby will be one of the highlights of those embryos passing.

I wish you all the best and just keep looking at the bigger picture, listen to your heart and follow it's lead. Everything will work out...you will find a good job, a place to be happier in the world and your children will be happy to have a more peaceful, joyfilled mom too. IT'S ALL GOOD!

BLESSINGS FROM HOPE
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

June 20th, 2012, 5:13 am #9

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



This all sounds so HARD! I am so sorry. I'm glad you wrote and I hope you'll keep doing so. I truly hope you find a way to feel better and that you and your family find a way to keep peace as much as possible. Good luck with your job search.
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Joined: December 23rd, 2010, 2:11 am

June 20th, 2012, 10:48 am #10

I check the boards often, but so much has been happening lately that I just feel embarrased or ashamed so I haven't posted. My twins turned two years old yesterday and sadly I wasn't with them. DH and I are divorcing and it was all initiated by me. I'm not sure how I feel from day to day because my life has just changed so much. I'm in the process of trying to find a job, but because I have 3 young children and have been out of the work force for so long it's not been easy. I've been seeing a counselor now for the last 4-5 months now because this all started when I was suffering with deep depression. As I stated before this was all done because of me, so as unsure as I feel, there was a reason. I just really felt inclined to write because I haven't done it in a long while. I know some won't agree that I'm doing the right thing, so I accept any negative comments I receive. I miss my family everyday because I see how it affects everyone, but being so unhappy for so long is the only reason that makes me continue on this difficult road I am currently on. So my friends, I'm not expecting much response, but I just thought I'd post since it's been such a long time since I have. Life is beautiful because of my children that I was blessed with. Also, we donated our remaining embryos from our last cycle that resulted in our twins. Sadly the couple became pregnant, but nothing came of it. That was pretty devastating for me because I just had so much hope for these embryos and I felt so guilty that they had to experience the excitement of a BFP, but nothing to result from it. Seriously, so very devastating! I'm so grateful for what came of that cycle or me because I obviously was blessed with two amazing little people. I miss my kids so much when I'm not with them. Our oldest DD just turned 5 y/o and it just amazes me how she has become such a unique individual. She has been very challenging lately, but she is very much like her father. It's just sort of surreal how my life has changed in just a matter of years. I went from thinking I'd never be a mom to having three kids and then being where I am currently. So I just wanted to post letting those who do know me about what's going on in my life.



Wow, you are going through so much and I am sorry to hear your news but understand that we all make important decisions in life.
I hope that things will feel less of a hardship for you as time goes on.
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