So frustrated!

So frustrated!

Maggie
Maggie

August 11th, 2011, 3:18 pm #1

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
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Anonymous
Anonymous

August 11th, 2011, 3:30 pm #2

find out what is important for us.

Like for me it was proven, health history,education and coloring.

GL
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Anonymous
Anonymous

August 11th, 2011, 3:45 pm #3

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
Find out if she will cycle again in a few months and reserve her then do everything possible test and healthy life to be ready she is worth the wait..
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

August 11th, 2011, 4:20 pm #4

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
If she cycles with another couple first, you'll find out how well she responds. I know it's frustrating to wait (oh, boy, do I know!), but if she is a first-time donor, you'll be finding out whether she's a good choice *on the other couple's dime*. In the meantime, if your clinic is willing to work with donors outside their in-house pool, you could be looking at agencies and other prospects. GL and take care! Maggie (in VA)
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minniet
minniet

August 11th, 2011, 4:23 pm #5

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
Been at this seriously for 6 months...last week we thought we found a new good fit donor, and another couple jumped ahead of us. At least we are in line after them! It's so hard! I totally sympathize.
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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

August 11th, 2011, 4:25 pm #6

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
Just wait for her. It will probably be 6 weeks before her retrieval and then she'll need to wait at least one period after that. You might wait 3 months for her but that's not bad. If you have to find another donor through an agency, it would take you at least that long to get things in order. This way, the clinic already knows her and you will get to see how she stimulates for the first couple.

This decision is for the rest of your life so another 3 months is not that long in the overall scheme of things.

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Maggie
Maggie

August 11th, 2011, 4:31 pm #7

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
THank you so much everyone for being so understanding! This proccess is so hard and it's like after so much disappointment in the past it's like my patience just wears thin. I didn't even think about seeing if she will cycle again
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

August 11th, 2011, 6:49 pm #8

Just wait for her. It will probably be 6 weeks before her retrieval and then she'll need to wait at least one period after that. You might wait 3 months for her but that's not bad. If you have to find another donor through an agency, it would take you at least that long to get things in order. This way, the clinic already knows her and you will get to see how she stimulates for the first couple.

This decision is for the rest of your life so another 3 months is not that long in the overall scheme of things.
We are waiting on a donor, and hope the sched goes this way. It's tough finding a good agency to work with, so if you are officially lined up at your clinic, this could work out perfectly for you.

But still, it's so frustrating!
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Joined: April 27th, 2007, 10:46 am

August 11th, 2011, 11:11 pm #9

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
Our donor got taken by another couple, but it didn't work out and she became available again. I saw her photo on a Friday afternoon but the agency was closed, so I waited until they opened on Monday morning and grabbed her. I sent a check to the agency by overnight mail to reserve her.

I agree that you should get on a wait list. In the meantime, you'll see how well she responds to the clinic's protocol.
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hopefulindelaware
hopefulindelaware

August 18th, 2011, 7:36 pm #10

After years of fertility treatments that were no where near successful, I finally warm up to the idea of possibly doing donor egg. Finally...I look at the donors my clinic has to offer and none of them appeal to me, as I take one final look one stands out to me and immediately changes my entire attitude on this process. My husband and best friend were able to choose her off the list because she looked so much like me. I call the clinic this morning and although she has been available for over a year someone else chose here ten minutes before me!! I am so frustrated...it's like nothing can go my way. If I pick one of the other donors I definitely feel like I am settling for less. I just fell like giving up!! Has anyone else experienced this, where you feel like the perfect one was taken at the last minute?? How long before you found the right one and were you completely satisfied? I hate to sound so superficial but I want them to be pretty, I want them to also resemble me. When does the disappointment end, am I being too picky?
Hi Maggie,

Just wanted to commiserate. The same thing just happened to us. It's so frustrating to finally get to the place where you are ready to move forward, and then the option you've gotten excited about gets snatched away.

In my case, it's my DH who is more upset than me. He's been slow to make peace with the DE option "I love YOU, I want to see you in our baby, etc." It was this one donor (just like in your case, she looked like me) that got him over the edge into "yes." Now that she is off the table, I fear he's going to sink back into uncertainty. We'll see.

Anyway, just wanted to send a virtual hug and let you know you're not alone. I hope you're feeling better now.
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