Shady Grove's In-house Donor Pool

Shady Grove's In-house Donor Pool

Joined: August 17th, 2011, 2:17 pm

November 4th, 2011, 3:28 pm #1

Another question regarding SG (and donor quality in general):

I'm at the beginning stage of the egg donor path, and I've already realized that it's probably unlikely that I'll be able to have a donor whom I feel is ideal for us. I started out the whole process by poring over donor agency websites and getting stars in my eyes about all the wonderful options before I understood how the cost structure falls in place. Now DH and I are deciding whether to use SG's inhouse donor pool or use an agency (either with SG or our local RE).

I know there have been insightful threads on here about how much resonance is felt with the donor, so I don't mean to repeat the conversation, but I need a little help working through this issue.

I'm caught up right now in the quality of the essays on SG's site. There are so many misspellings and grammatical errors! It's shocking to me. Intelligence is very important to DH and me. We are both highly educated, but neither of us cares about status or material success (and unfortunately our income and wealth reflect that!). So we are not looking for intelligence so we can produce some some power broker baby, but we both have a love for language and curiosity and continual learning, and we want to pass that on to our child/ren. I feel concerned at the low quality of the profiles at SG. A typo here and there is one thing, but this seems beyond that. Either they don't know correct grammar and spelling or they did not take much care in creating their profiles. Either way, it gives me pause.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I know that education does not = intelligence, and that at least some of what DH and I want for our child/ren comes from the "nurture" side of the equation. I have many relatives who did not go to college, and some of them are smart as whips and others kind of sunk into their circumstances without developing their smarts very much. But I think the potential was there for either scenario. So I don't want to dismiss a potential donor just because they can't distinguish "there" from "their," even though it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. The obvious answer is to go to an agency instead, as they have more well-educated donor, but there's the aforementioned lack of financial resources.

Do we go broke to get an educated donor we feel great about or do we conserve our funds for our family's future needs and use a donor we're merely OK with? That's a question only DH and I can answer. I'm just curious if anyone else struggled with this issue and what you decided and how it turned out.

Didn't intend for this to be so long! And I hope I don't offend anyone with my emphasis on the superiority of being educated. It's just where I am right now, and I'm looking for insight and perspective. Thanks for any thoughts!
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

November 4th, 2011, 3:51 pm #2

I could write you back ten paragraphs on this but I have to keep it brief because I am at work right now.

But briefly, I am moving forward at SG after considering all of the options - high and low end donor agencies, recruiting a donor, a friend being my donor, international donor, and a clinic based program like SG. Money is not an issue but my piece of mind is. After looking at all of the options, "one-stop-shopping" in the US at a place like SG seemed like the best fit for us.

My DH and I have 5 degrees between us. Intellectual achievement is important to us. So I shared your concerns about the lack of education in the donor pool at SG. I had similar impressions of other clinics' in-house donor pools as well. A talk with the social worker made me see that many donors are young women who are not yet done with figuring out where their life will take them or have had the means to get them there. And...genetics is not fate so I kept an open mind.

Guess what? When it was time to pick, the first donor I looked at that fit my search criteria had an advanced degree. It was fate and I immediately made the reservation.

You never know...

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Joined: March 23rd, 2007, 3:03 pm

November 4th, 2011, 4:01 pm #3

Another question regarding SG (and donor quality in general):

I'm at the beginning stage of the egg donor path, and I've already realized that it's probably unlikely that I'll be able to have a donor whom I feel is ideal for us. I started out the whole process by poring over donor agency websites and getting stars in my eyes about all the wonderful options before I understood how the cost structure falls in place. Now DH and I are deciding whether to use SG's inhouse donor pool or use an agency (either with SG or our local RE).

I know there have been insightful threads on here about how much resonance is felt with the donor, so I don't mean to repeat the conversation, but I need a little help working through this issue.

I'm caught up right now in the quality of the essays on SG's site. There are so many misspellings and grammatical errors! It's shocking to me. Intelligence is very important to DH and me. We are both highly educated, but neither of us cares about status or material success (and unfortunately our income and wealth reflect that!). So we are not looking for intelligence so we can produce some some power broker baby, but we both have a love for language and curiosity and continual learning, and we want to pass that on to our child/ren. I feel concerned at the low quality of the profiles at SG. A typo here and there is one thing, but this seems beyond that. Either they don't know correct grammar and spelling or they did not take much care in creating their profiles. Either way, it gives me pause.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I know that education does not = intelligence, and that at least some of what DH and I want for our child/ren comes from the "nurture" side of the equation. I have many relatives who did not go to college, and some of them are smart as whips and others kind of sunk into their circumstances without developing their smarts very much. But I think the potential was there for either scenario. So I don't want to dismiss a potential donor just because they can't distinguish "there" from "their," even though it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. The obvious answer is to go to an agency instead, as they have more well-educated donor, but there's the aforementioned lack of financial resources.

Do we go broke to get an educated donor we feel great about or do we conserve our funds for our family's future needs and use a donor we're merely OK with? That's a question only DH and I can answer. I'm just curious if anyone else struggled with this issue and what you decided and how it turned out.

Didn't intend for this to be so long! And I hope I don't offend anyone with my emphasis on the superiority of being educated. It's just where I am right now, and I'm looking for insight and perspective. Thanks for any thoughts!
3 years ago when we started the infertility process we started with Shady Grove and tried with OEs without success and then looked into their DE program. At the time, we were extremely disapointed with the selection of in house donors and didn't have the energy or finances to go through an agency. We switched to the DE program at GIVF and was very impressed with the selection of donors - there was a broader range of the characteristics that fit what we were looking for and we got to see adult and baby photos and there just seemed to be more information for each donor than at SG.

At the time that we cycled with GIVF, the stats were lower than Shady Grove's, but not enough for us to stay with SG. We had success on our first try with GIVF and now have 2 year old twins.

tigger
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

November 4th, 2011, 4:16 pm #4

I looked at GIVF donor pool compared to SG and had the opposite experience. I think it just depends on the timing and who is in the pool at any given time. I did a introductory visit at both SG and GIVF and had a good first impression of both. If I had seen potential donor match for me at GIVF I would have gone with them at the time.
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Joined: March 23rd, 2011, 7:51 pm

November 4th, 2011, 4:28 pm #5

Another question regarding SG (and donor quality in general):

I'm at the beginning stage of the egg donor path, and I've already realized that it's probably unlikely that I'll be able to have a donor whom I feel is ideal for us. I started out the whole process by poring over donor agency websites and getting stars in my eyes about all the wonderful options before I understood how the cost structure falls in place. Now DH and I are deciding whether to use SG's inhouse donor pool or use an agency (either with SG or our local RE).

I know there have been insightful threads on here about how much resonance is felt with the donor, so I don't mean to repeat the conversation, but I need a little help working through this issue.

I'm caught up right now in the quality of the essays on SG's site. There are so many misspellings and grammatical errors! It's shocking to me. Intelligence is very important to DH and me. We are both highly educated, but neither of us cares about status or material success (and unfortunately our income and wealth reflect that!). So we are not looking for intelligence so we can produce some some power broker baby, but we both have a love for language and curiosity and continual learning, and we want to pass that on to our child/ren. I feel concerned at the low quality of the profiles at SG. A typo here and there is one thing, but this seems beyond that. Either they don't know correct grammar and spelling or they did not take much care in creating their profiles. Either way, it gives me pause.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I know that education does not = intelligence, and that at least some of what DH and I want for our child/ren comes from the "nurture" side of the equation. I have many relatives who did not go to college, and some of them are smart as whips and others kind of sunk into their circumstances without developing their smarts very much. But I think the potential was there for either scenario. So I don't want to dismiss a potential donor just because they can't distinguish "there" from "their," even though it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. The obvious answer is to go to an agency instead, as they have more well-educated donor, but there's the aforementioned lack of financial resources.

Do we go broke to get an educated donor we feel great about or do we conserve our funds for our family's future needs and use a donor we're merely OK with? That's a question only DH and I can answer. I'm just curious if anyone else struggled with this issue and what you decided and how it turned out.

Didn't intend for this to be so long! And I hope I don't offend anyone with my emphasis on the superiority of being educated. It's just where I am right now, and I'm looking for insight and perspective. Thanks for any thoughts!
For us we needed east Indian ethnicity , so that trumped everything else . That being said , I just wanted to say what seems important in the beginning may feel different when you start to think of everything and move further along in the process . If funds are not infinite ( like most people) keep in mind that proven vs not proven is very crucial . If you find your dream donor and she does not deliver the goods, whats the point . Also highly educated donors will be not only harder to find and more expensive , they will also be older( they have to be to get all those degrees) . Only way you could consider an older highly educated donor would be if she is proven . Otherwise taking an unproven older donor can be risky .
I plan to tell my babies at an appropriate age about using a donor and for me , I didnt want to be too much of a disparity between us and the donor . I thought it would not be good to share with them that though we are x and y ( educated etc ) the donor was not so much . So there has to be compatibility between you and your donor and it is perfectly reasonable to look for a donor with your qualities .
Another point I wanted to make , whichever route you take , keep in mind that there are success guarantee programs . I think SG itself has some kind of guarantee and most inhouse donors are either multiple proven or chosen to be good that way . That may not be the case with agency donors . Good luck with your search .
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

November 4th, 2011, 5:09 pm #6

Another question regarding SG (and donor quality in general):

I'm at the beginning stage of the egg donor path, and I've already realized that it's probably unlikely that I'll be able to have a donor whom I feel is ideal for us. I started out the whole process by poring over donor agency websites and getting stars in my eyes about all the wonderful options before I understood how the cost structure falls in place. Now DH and I are deciding whether to use SG's inhouse donor pool or use an agency (either with SG or our local RE).

I know there have been insightful threads on here about how much resonance is felt with the donor, so I don't mean to repeat the conversation, but I need a little help working through this issue.

I'm caught up right now in the quality of the essays on SG's site. There are so many misspellings and grammatical errors! It's shocking to me. Intelligence is very important to DH and me. We are both highly educated, but neither of us cares about status or material success (and unfortunately our income and wealth reflect that!). So we are not looking for intelligence so we can produce some some power broker baby, but we both have a love for language and curiosity and continual learning, and we want to pass that on to our child/ren. I feel concerned at the low quality of the profiles at SG. A typo here and there is one thing, but this seems beyond that. Either they don't know correct grammar and spelling or they did not take much care in creating their profiles. Either way, it gives me pause.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I know that education does not = intelligence, and that at least some of what DH and I want for our child/ren comes from the "nurture" side of the equation. I have many relatives who did not go to college, and some of them are smart as whips and others kind of sunk into their circumstances without developing their smarts very much. But I think the potential was there for either scenario. So I don't want to dismiss a potential donor just because they can't distinguish "there" from "their," even though it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. The obvious answer is to go to an agency instead, as they have more well-educated donor, but there's the aforementioned lack of financial resources.

Do we go broke to get an educated donor we feel great about or do we conserve our funds for our family's future needs and use a donor we're merely OK with? That's a question only DH and I can answer. I'm just curious if anyone else struggled with this issue and what you decided and how it turned out.

Didn't intend for this to be so long! And I hope I don't offend anyone with my emphasis on the superiority of being educated. It's just where I am right now, and I'm looking for insight and perspective. Thanks for any thoughts!
Before I decided to go overseas, I was w/GIVF, and I was impressed with the quality of the essays of the donors I looked at -- but I wondered at the time whether the DE coordinators might be vetting their compositions, even if they were just telling them to run spell check, you know? Just something to think about. In the end we went to the Czech Republic where you get minimal information and just get to specify a wish list. I remember saying something about educational level, but it was hard for me. Formal education in our society equates so inconsistently with intelligence, inquisitiveness, or even knowledge, for that matter. B&F seem to be bright enough, but since all their intellect is channeled into hooliganism, it's hard to be sure whether this will translate into anything like academic success. Take care, Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

November 4th, 2011, 6:21 pm #7

There were six kids in our family with the same parents; two with genius IQs, three average, and one low.

My DH, God rest his soul, scraped his way through high school because he'd rather be out in the wilderness hunting, trapping, and fishing. Among other things, he was intelligent, business savvy, insightful, artistic and a fantastic carpenter/builder. His grammar, usage, handwriting, and spelling were simply awful when he wrote.

Education does not equal intelligence or high IQ. A five year old can have a higher IQ than a thirty-five year old with a PHD. While DH was never tested and never spent a day in college, I am certain that his IQ would have tested higher than my above average IQ.

My stance is to not worry too much about it. To a certain extent, we are all rolling the dice with DE.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

November 4th, 2011, 7:31 pm #8

Another question regarding SG (and donor quality in general):

I'm at the beginning stage of the egg donor path, and I've already realized that it's probably unlikely that I'll be able to have a donor whom I feel is ideal for us. I started out the whole process by poring over donor agency websites and getting stars in my eyes about all the wonderful options before I understood how the cost structure falls in place. Now DH and I are deciding whether to use SG's inhouse donor pool or use an agency (either with SG or our local RE).

I know there have been insightful threads on here about how much resonance is felt with the donor, so I don't mean to repeat the conversation, but I need a little help working through this issue.

I'm caught up right now in the quality of the essays on SG's site. There are so many misspellings and grammatical errors! It's shocking to me. Intelligence is very important to DH and me. We are both highly educated, but neither of us cares about status or material success (and unfortunately our income and wealth reflect that!). So we are not looking for intelligence so we can produce some some power broker baby, but we both have a love for language and curiosity and continual learning, and we want to pass that on to our child/ren. I feel concerned at the low quality of the profiles at SG. A typo here and there is one thing, but this seems beyond that. Either they don't know correct grammar and spelling or they did not take much care in creating their profiles. Either way, it gives me pause.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I know that education does not = intelligence, and that at least some of what DH and I want for our child/ren comes from the "nurture" side of the equation. I have many relatives who did not go to college, and some of them are smart as whips and others kind of sunk into their circumstances without developing their smarts very much. But I think the potential was there for either scenario. So I don't want to dismiss a potential donor just because they can't distinguish "there" from "their," even though it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. The obvious answer is to go to an agency instead, as they have more well-educated donor, but there's the aforementioned lack of financial resources.

Do we go broke to get an educated donor we feel great about or do we conserve our funds for our family's future needs and use a donor we're merely OK with? That's a question only DH and I can answer. I'm just curious if anyone else struggled with this issue and what you decided and how it turned out.

Didn't intend for this to be so long! And I hope I don't offend anyone with my emphasis on the superiority of being educated. It's just where I am right now, and I'm looking for insight and perspective. Thanks for any thoughts!
...to the point that I was not 100% thrilled with the perfectly intelligent donors I chose for my vitrified cycle at GIVF. They were bright and industrious people for all appearances (sperm and egg donor) but I admit, I wanted to be bowled over. Luckily I was very much so in my choice of embryo donors for my next (successful) cycle, and though it may in fact be nurture more than nature (who can say?) but I have a bright, curious, happy little guy and a frighteningly precocious little girl, despite being born at 25w6d and spending 4 months in the NICU. I'd have a really hard time overlooking glaring errors. I hope you can find a donor who really resonates with you regardless of their educational status.
Last edited by Blessed_Thistle on November 4th, 2011, 7:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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julie
julie

November 4th, 2011, 8:12 pm #9

Another question regarding SG (and donor quality in general):

I'm at the beginning stage of the egg donor path, and I've already realized that it's probably unlikely that I'll be able to have a donor whom I feel is ideal for us. I started out the whole process by poring over donor agency websites and getting stars in my eyes about all the wonderful options before I understood how the cost structure falls in place. Now DH and I are deciding whether to use SG's inhouse donor pool or use an agency (either with SG or our local RE).

I know there have been insightful threads on here about how much resonance is felt with the donor, so I don't mean to repeat the conversation, but I need a little help working through this issue.

I'm caught up right now in the quality of the essays on SG's site. There are so many misspellings and grammatical errors! It's shocking to me. Intelligence is very important to DH and me. We are both highly educated, but neither of us cares about status or material success (and unfortunately our income and wealth reflect that!). So we are not looking for intelligence so we can produce some some power broker baby, but we both have a love for language and curiosity and continual learning, and we want to pass that on to our child/ren. I feel concerned at the low quality of the profiles at SG. A typo here and there is one thing, but this seems beyond that. Either they don't know correct grammar and spelling or they did not take much care in creating their profiles. Either way, it gives me pause.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I know that education does not = intelligence, and that at least some of what DH and I want for our child/ren comes from the "nurture" side of the equation. I have many relatives who did not go to college, and some of them are smart as whips and others kind of sunk into their circumstances without developing their smarts very much. But I think the potential was there for either scenario. So I don't want to dismiss a potential donor just because they can't distinguish "there" from "their," even though it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. The obvious answer is to go to an agency instead, as they have more well-educated donor, but there's the aforementioned lack of financial resources.

Do we go broke to get an educated donor we feel great about or do we conserve our funds for our family's future needs and use a donor we're merely OK with? That's a question only DH and I can answer. I'm just curious if anyone else struggled with this issue and what you decided and how it turned out.

Didn't intend for this to be so long! And I hope I don't offend anyone with my emphasis on the superiority of being educated. It's just where I am right now, and I'm looking for insight and perspective. Thanks for any thoughts!
I kept taking a look at the pool while I waited to be cleared and there were 3-4 donors I thought were great but they got snapped up quickly. When we finally could choose a donor there was a more limited pool but we found somebody we liked and then she disappeared so we had to choose again. Again had less to choose from but one popped onto the system the day after we were looking again and she sounded pretty good. For me college education was a key and for DH it was (believe it or not) skin tone. He is very fair and wanted our child to have a shot at being able to stay out in the sun. Anyway, our donor was there in the morning and all 3 recips were complete by the next day. I do think the good ones go fast.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

November 4th, 2011, 9:07 pm #10

There were six kids in our family with the same parents; two with genius IQs, three average, and one low.

My DH, God rest his soul, scraped his way through high school because he'd rather be out in the wilderness hunting, trapping, and fishing. Among other things, he was intelligent, business savvy, insightful, artistic and a fantastic carpenter/builder. His grammar, usage, handwriting, and spelling were simply awful when he wrote.

Education does not equal intelligence or high IQ. A five year old can have a higher IQ than a thirty-five year old with a PHD. While DH was never tested and never spent a day in college, I am certain that his IQ would have tested higher than my above average IQ.

My stance is to not worry too much about it. To a certain extent, we are all rolling the dice with DE.
We would be equally rolling the dice with OE. There are so many factors affecting how we turn out that you just can't control it. Also, even eye colour is a polygenetic trait, far more complex than a+b=c, not to mention somethng more complex like intelligence. Having said that, I also tried to find an intelligent donor for the same reasons as you.
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