Question for Raindrops o/t

Question for Raindrops o/t

Antonialisa
Antonialisa

June 19th, 2012, 4:39 pm #1

I hope you don't mind this question and please feel free to decline to answer if it is too personal. You mentioned to me in a post about a month ago that you also have a stepchild(ren) and that I will feel like the new baby is mine (thanks for your very kind post, btw!)

My question is, did having a baby with your DH improve your relationship with those stepchild(ren)? I can see being totally touched by the love beween the children develop and the family solidifying more. I can also imagine new complications arising.

Thanks.
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

June 20th, 2012, 6:34 am #2

Well my step-daughter is 20 years old but I have known her since her early teens. She has her own little baby now and does not live in the same state as us so we don't see her very often. Her and I shared the unique experience of being pregnant at the same time together. But our relationship has not changed since the birth of DS. And since she has her own baby she wants us to focus on her baby.

I totally feel like I am 100% the mother of my DS. In no way at all does it feel like I am a step-parent to him. And I don't feel at all that my DH is more of a parent because he has a genetic connection and I don't. He feels like my baby in the same way my OE DD felt like my baby.

I do think a new baby could help to solidify a blended family though. You just have to make sure everyone feels included and loved.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

June 21st, 2012, 2:01 am #3

Thanks for your reply. Your situation is different from mine so it is hard to compare. My stepdaughters are 8 year old twins and we have custody of them 1/2 the time so I am a de facto parent to them (although they say that I am not a "real" mother - something my DH's ex-wife emphasizes a lot with them). I think that my DH worries that the new baby will be hard on my relationship with the girls. Of course my bond will be stronger with my own baby (DE or not). THis seems inevitable but I don't think it would harm the other relationships. Just trying to explore this issue.

Thanks very much for your insights and congratulations on your beautiful baby.
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

June 21st, 2012, 3:46 am #4

I think the girls might love having a little baby brother or sister. Just try to include them and emphasize how they will be wonderful big sisters. I was worried my 14 year old daughter would be jealous of a baby in the house. She has always been mommy's little baby. Turns out her maternal instinct kicked right into gear and she absolutely loves having a baby brother. She is not jealous at all of him. Just do your best to make them feel included with the role of big sisters.
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Antonialisa
Antonialisa

June 21st, 2012, 6:15 pm #5

Yes, the girls would LOVE to have a baby sister or brother. Just seeing them with other small children, I know they will be wonderful big sisters. You are right. This is the secret. Involve them and make us one big happy family.

Thanks again.
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