Ohhh...

Ohhh...

Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

April 27th, 2012, 5:16 pm #1

I just found out that my donor had both a failed fresh and frozen cycle with her previous couple!

What do I do?

I am just horrified!

I am awaiting my clinic's feedback.

The one thing I tried to do was get a proven donor, and I did not follow this faithfully. I could just die.
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minniet
minniet

April 27th, 2012, 5:29 pm #2

I know I was stupid, but it was so hard to find her, and our clinic felt her egg production was good and her hormonal profile. She was only 25.

I could just die.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

April 27th, 2012, 5:47 pm #3

OK, not a very well known saying outside the DE community but we at least know it well. You made an informed choice after much research...no need to feel dense at all. *insert futile yet well-meaning hug here*

Do you think under the circumstances, the potential surrogate would be willing to take less compensation for this cycle until after 2ww since there is a fair chance that you will be cycling again? One thing to consider - maybe the other recipient had not really been put through her paces re testing prior to cycling? I am surprised at how often some fairly basic (well, at this point it seems basic) testing is not done before pursuing DE.
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minniet
minniet

April 27th, 2012, 5:50 pm #4

So I can stop shaking.

My nurse just found out, so she is waiting to get Doc's feedback. I have no idea what next steps are...

Other couple was at Stanford, my doc says they do not have good stats, but he knows and respects the docs. I have no idea.

I am just completely lost now.

Do we transfert this to me or surro?

Do we consider looking for another donor?

How can this possibly have happened to me?

I specifically looked for a "proven donor". Honestly, when the fresh failed, I probably would have bailed, but my husband felt like we should proceed, so I followed the clinic's approval...I do not blame my husband, but I should have known better.

I just thought maybe we would never find a donor ever...
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

April 27th, 2012, 6:06 pm #5

I hate to see you so distraught about this. I hope the Xanax kicks in soon. Anyway, we all have a bunch of "should have known better" moments in our ttc journeys. You have frozens that you're considering tx'ing to a GC or yourself, right?

With previous failed cycles with those frosties, I would not go forward with a GC. I would want everything as good as it possibly could be for a tx w/a GC. And even then, I'm sure you know things don't always work as planned, but all you can do is put all the pieces in place and hope for the best.

You know, hard as it is, you probably do need another donor, regardless who will carry the baby. But there is another donor for you out there.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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Piper
Piper

April 27th, 2012, 6:26 pm #6

So I can stop shaking.

My nurse just found out, so she is waiting to get Doc's feedback. I have no idea what next steps are...

Other couple was at Stanford, my doc says they do not have good stats, but he knows and respects the docs. I have no idea.

I am just completely lost now.

Do we transfert this to me or surro?

Do we consider looking for another donor?

How can this possibly have happened to me?

I specifically looked for a "proven donor". Honestly, when the fresh failed, I probably would have bailed, but my husband felt like we should proceed, so I followed the clinic's approval...I do not blame my husband, but I should have known better.

I just thought maybe we would never find a donor ever...
I don't even know what to say.

I am just so sad and disappointed...

Please, please know that you are in my thoughts and I want this for you so badly.
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BBG
BBG

April 27th, 2012, 7:57 pm #7

I just found out that my donor had both a failed fresh and frozen cycle with her previous couple!

What do I do?

I am just horrified!

I am awaiting my clinic's feedback.

The one thing I tried to do was get a proven donor, and I did not follow this faithfully. I could just die.
How could the clinic or agency say she was proven before there was a viable pregnancy confirmed?

I'm so sorry. The others are right - we all have had these moments where we feel like kicking ourselves, but this process is SO COMPLICATED with so many factors that have to be considered and so many requirements that have to be juggled. It's a wonder any of us ever get through it.

Look, if you want advice, I probably would not go to the expense of a surrogate with these questionable embryos. I'd either move on to a new donor altogether, or I would have the embryos CGH tested first. Maybe your clinic could give you a deeply discounted FET cycle for you (I'm not convinced it's you or your uterus at fault now) and then your risks would be rather low.

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minniet
minniet

April 27th, 2012, 9:00 pm #8

Agency (Peas in a Pod) defined proven as having completed a cycle with eggs. (Yah...I didn't like that either, but she was so young and did so well under stims...) I wonder if there is pcos involved here. And she was still not so $$$ as proven (fee was $7000 for donor)

Clinic said that her performance looked good, but it was up to us as to whether we should proceed knowing she failed the fresh. Hubbie and I proceeded since she looked good enough for the clinic and she had frozens from the other cycle and we did not know the other couple's history and Stanford does not have great stats.

There is some blame to go all around.

I will wait for doc's response, but maybe they can cut us a deal to transfer these embies into me (with absolutely little hope they will work out) and then we can also look for another donor...hard to believe.

I think the agency may forego fees if a donor does not work first time? Have to look at contract.

I certainly hope that the agency did not allow us to proceed with fresh if they had this information, but I think in fact the other couple did the frozen at the same time as we did our fresh. Had I known it was that close, I would have waited on the outcome before proceeding. Honestly, they were a bit cagey about the FET of the other couple, and I do not know why...to prompt me to proceed (though I was the one pushing to move it along) or simply because they did not have the info yet.

They have been honest with me all along, so until I know otherwise, I will give them the benefit of the doubt.
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Bethlyn
Bethlyn

April 27th, 2012, 9:06 pm #9

I know I was stupid, but it was so hard to find her, and our clinic felt her egg production was good and her hormonal profile. She was only 25.

I could just die.
Both of my fresh cycles failed (with my two favorite, unproven) donors, but they BOTH went on to provide successful cycles to their next recipient's on FET's... yes the FET's. Don't lose hope minniet, don't lose hope.
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cotton
cotton

April 27th, 2012, 9:26 pm #10

I just found out that my donor had both a failed fresh and frozen cycle with her previous couple!

What do I do?

I am just horrified!

I am awaiting my clinic's feedback.

The one thing I tried to do was get a proven donor, and I did not follow this faithfully. I could just die.
My clinic says proven means: successful cycle + good number of eggs. Proven can also mean has child(ren) of her own.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You should have known this up front. You've been through too much.

((((( hugs )))))
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