NPR's "Making Babies" series - story on donor conception

NPR's "Making Babies" series - story on donor conception

Joined: May 15th, 2009, 12:50 am

September 18th, 2011, 10:48 pm #1

Heard this story on the radio yesterday morning:http://www.npr.org/2011/09/17/140476716 ... ir-biology
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MacRita
MacRita

September 19th, 2011, 3:14 pm #2

Thanks for posting. I was wondering when/if npr would cover this.

I just cant get used to this sibling registry and biological mother stuff. It creates such a knot in my stomach. I can understand if you have a relationship with your donor, but...After all this suffering, grieving, fear, longing, time, money, the idea that my hopefully future child has another "mother" just about enrages me. Wouldve been nice if npr had balanced their piece.

Notwithstanding the keeping secrets toxicity, it seems to me that many donors DO simply think of this as a dna donation. Part of me wonders if these registries are yet another business idea for someone to take more money out of our vulnerable lot.

Theres got to be a better way to communicate privately to the child without making him/her feel hes part of an entirely differnt family. And no one can convince me that a 5 yr old understands nature and nurture. Adults hardly understand.

Ps--no flame or offense intended.
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LizLA
LizLA

September 19th, 2011, 3:39 pm #3

his friends- Mommy got me from that special lady egg............

In my mind it will make him not just special but also different from other kids.

It's dilemma that we all have to face it one day.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

September 19th, 2011, 4:00 pm #4

Heard this story on the radio yesterday morning:http://www.npr.org/2011/09/17/140476716 ... ir-biology
The title more properly should be "A New Openness for Donor Kids About Their *Genetics*". True, legal fathers of kids conceived with donor sperm are not their biological fathers, while moms of kids conceived through donor egg are their biological mothers, but using "genetic" would have made it correct in either case. Also, the article seems to imply that all IVF implies donor eggs, which we all know isn't true, and DE cycles are probably the great minority of IVF cycles (I would think?). Wrote a post to that effect, but I don't think I successfully jumped through all their hoops to get it accepted. Maggie (in VA)

Edited to add: my comment did get added.
Last edited by maggie1961 on September 19th, 2011, 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

September 19th, 2011, 7:47 pm #5

Amen, Maggie. nt
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minniet
minniet

September 19th, 2011, 9:35 pm #6

The title more properly should be "A New Openness for Donor Kids About Their *Genetics*". True, legal fathers of kids conceived with donor sperm are not their biological fathers, while moms of kids conceived through donor egg are their biological mothers, but using "genetic" would have made it correct in either case. Also, the article seems to imply that all IVF implies donor eggs, which we all know isn't true, and DE cycles are probably the great minority of IVF cycles (I would think?). Wrote a post to that effect, but I don't think I successfully jumped through all their hoops to get it accepted. Maggie (in VA)

Edited to add: my comment did get added.
Genetic or bio donor, not biological mother...

But I have thought about these things myself...I have no problem with a future child wanting to know info, and having everything in the open. I had several adopted friends when I was a child -- they knew they were wanted, adopted, and had zero interest in their birth parents.

I really admire adoptive parents -- watching the MTV Teen Mom show puts a deep fear in my soul about adoption -- I am not strong enough a person to hear a young woman and her family talking about being the mother of the child I am raising, and wanting involvement in their life. I wish I was that strong a person, but I am not.

Generally having a child want info about a genetic donor does not bother me, I think it is something I came to terms with when we finally accepted donor egg as our only option.
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

September 19th, 2011, 10:08 pm #7

Thanks for posting. I was wondering when/if npr would cover this.

I just cant get used to this sibling registry and biological mother stuff. It creates such a knot in my stomach. I can understand if you have a relationship with your donor, but...After all this suffering, grieving, fear, longing, time, money, the idea that my hopefully future child has another "mother" just about enrages me. Wouldve been nice if npr had balanced their piece.

Notwithstanding the keeping secrets toxicity, it seems to me that many donors DO simply think of this as a dna donation. Part of me wonders if these registries are yet another business idea for someone to take more money out of our vulnerable lot.

Theres got to be a better way to communicate privately to the child without making him/her feel hes part of an entirely differnt family. And no one can convince me that a 5 yr old understands nature and nurture. Adults hardly understand.

Ps--no flame or offense intended.
Our donor is NOT my sons' mother. That language makes me cringe. Recently I stumbled upon her identity due to an error the clinic made (they pretty much gave me all the identifying information as they forgot to black it out). So I know who she is. Unfortunately, she is not who I thought she was and I am dreading the boys someday wanting to find her. But as my friend said, maybe she won't be the same person in 16 years than she is today. Ugh is right. As if it's not heart breaking enough dealing with IF and now NPR is calling donors "mothers" and "fathers".
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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

September 19th, 2011, 10:11 pm #8

The title more properly should be "A New Openness for Donor Kids About Their *Genetics*". True, legal fathers of kids conceived with donor sperm are not their biological fathers, while moms of kids conceived through donor egg are their biological mothers, but using "genetic" would have made it correct in either case. Also, the article seems to imply that all IVF implies donor eggs, which we all know isn't true, and DE cycles are probably the great minority of IVF cycles (I would think?). Wrote a post to that effect, but I don't think I successfully jumped through all their hoops to get it accepted. Maggie (in VA)

Edited to add: my comment did get added.
You know, there are SOOOOO many twins in our city that I just can't believe that most of those are natural or through IVF's/IUI's with own eggs. I think that DE cycles are getting more and more common, although now with the whole egg freezing technology, our kids may be part of a few decades of a "blip" in the world of ART. That would be really strange, and really hard to cope with I think.
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just wondering
just wondering

September 19th, 2011, 11:01 pm #9

Our donor is NOT my sons' mother. That language makes me cringe. Recently I stumbled upon her identity due to an error the clinic made (they pretty much gave me all the identifying information as they forgot to black it out). So I know who she is. Unfortunately, she is not who I thought she was and I am dreading the boys someday wanting to find her. But as my friend said, maybe she won't be the same person in 16 years than she is today. Ugh is right. As if it's not heart breaking enough dealing with IF and now NPR is calling donors "mothers" and "fathers".
Sorry, I'm curious by what you mean about the donor is not who you thought she was? Do you mean that you were able to google her and find out unsavory things about her? Or was she flat-out misrepresented by the clinic? That would certainly be very upsetting.
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LizLA
LizLA

September 19th, 2011, 11:07 pm #10

Our donor is NOT my sons' mother. That language makes me cringe. Recently I stumbled upon her identity due to an error the clinic made (they pretty much gave me all the identifying information as they forgot to black it out). So I know who she is. Unfortunately, she is not who I thought she was and I am dreading the boys someday wanting to find her. But as my friend said, maybe she won't be the same person in 16 years than she is today. Ugh is right. As if it's not heart breaking enough dealing with IF and now NPR is calling donors "mothers" and "fathers".
Don't know much about my donor and I like it just like that.

Also can't imagine my son calling/looking for his "mother".
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