not telling the ob/gyn

not telling the ob/gyn

wt
wt

March 11th, 2011, 7:43 pm #1

This may sound like a dumb question but I'm really just wondering if I'm missing something.

I completely understand that if you are no-tell and live in a small community, that you might not want the ob/gyn office to know because word might get around. But otherwise (I live thousands of miles from the ob/gyn and am very open about the process), are there other legal or medical reasons why people wouldn't tell?

I can think of some reasons why it would be good for the ob/gyn to know: in case there was a hormonal abnormality during the pregnancy, so that the ob/gyn wouldn't push for invasive testing like amnio based on the age of the mother, things like that.

Are there other reasons for not telling?
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Dee
Dee

March 11th, 2011, 7:48 pm #2

even with "young" donor egg pregnancies, there can still be problems. Some women who do DE still choose to have amnio. Some women reject amnio because there is a small risk involved.

There is no real need to tell an OB/GYN.

Also, even if the OB knows that you used DE, no one is his office is allowed to go around telling other people. Its against the law, period.
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Dee
Dee

March 11th, 2011, 8:37 pm #3

This may sound like a dumb question but I'm really just wondering if I'm missing something.

I completely understand that if you are no-tell and live in a small community, that you might not want the ob/gyn office to know because word might get around. But otherwise (I live thousands of miles from the ob/gyn and am very open about the process), are there other legal or medical reasons why people wouldn't tell?

I can think of some reasons why it would be good for the ob/gyn to know: in case there was a hormonal abnormality during the pregnancy, so that the ob/gyn wouldn't push for invasive testing like amnio based on the age of the mother, things like that.

Are there other reasons for not telling?
Also, I wanted to add, that even with using donor eggs, I would still worry about chromosomal abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome. So, I would choose to get amniocentesis anyway. I've known many younger people who had babies with chromosomal issues.
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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

March 11th, 2011, 8:59 pm #4

This may sound like a dumb question but I'm really just wondering if I'm missing something.

I completely understand that if you are no-tell and live in a small community, that you might not want the ob/gyn office to know because word might get around. But otherwise (I live thousands of miles from the ob/gyn and am very open about the process), are there other legal or medical reasons why people wouldn't tell?

I can think of some reasons why it would be good for the ob/gyn to know: in case there was a hormonal abnormality during the pregnancy, so that the ob/gyn wouldn't push for invasive testing like amnio based on the age of the mother, things like that.

Are there other reasons for not telling?
DE is illegal here in Germany and, although the families aren't prosecuted (only doctors who help them are) I don't want anything on record. We stayed at our old RE's office for several months for monitoring before moving on to a regular OB GYN. My RE did the tests based on the donor's age and still recommended amniocentesis. I refused. For every 1000 women who do it, 7 of them miscarry. I'm always surprised that so many women do it even when the test results show that the odds are not very bad.

I would have told if I had thought it could have made any difference to the safety of my child but I never saw any sign that it could.

Wishing you all the best.

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Joined: September 13th, 2007, 4:40 am

March 11th, 2011, 9:54 pm #5

This may sound like a dumb question but I'm really just wondering if I'm missing something.

I completely understand that if you are no-tell and live in a small community, that you might not want the ob/gyn office to know because word might get around. But otherwise (I live thousands of miles from the ob/gyn and am very open about the process), are there other legal or medical reasons why people wouldn't tell?

I can think of some reasons why it would be good for the ob/gyn to know: in case there was a hormonal abnormality during the pregnancy, so that the ob/gyn wouldn't push for invasive testing like amnio based on the age of the mother, things like that.

Are there other reasons for not telling?
Hi
We are tell and have been very open, but as part of cycling our clinic had us do DE counseling. This woman specialized in alternative family building and was amazing at presenting all of the things we needed to think about. If you met with a counselor in prep for your cycle, maybe you can contact her and ask. Or DS is 2 and nothing has come up. I will tell you that if you do a NT with blood work and you don't inform them of the donor age (or if you have had a chromosomally abnormal pregnancy in the past) your results will be skewed. I had filled it out in the form but the person had accidentally put the donors age and my name in the computer and it came back as elevated risk (because I had a chromosome related loss in the past.), once it was corrected, it came back something like 1:2000. We only found out of the mistake because I had a Genetic counselor who smelled something fishy and made some calls, I didn't even know that they factored in previous losses.
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wt
wt

March 11th, 2011, 10:27 pm #6

Also, I wanted to add, that even with using donor eggs, I would still worry about chromosomal abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome. So, I would choose to get amniocentesis anyway. I've known many younger people who had babies with chromosomal issues.
I know that there's some risk even with young mothers but statistically it's so much less. With my last child (OE), I was 38 and even at that age, I didn't bother doing the amnio because the nuchal fold and trisomy bloodwork looked so good. I guess this time I'll wait and see and then decide whether to do the amnio.
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wt
wt

March 11th, 2011, 10:29 pm #7

DE is illegal here in Germany and, although the families aren't prosecuted (only doctors who help them are) I don't want anything on record. We stayed at our old RE's office for several months for monitoring before moving on to a regular OB GYN. My RE did the tests based on the donor's age and still recommended amniocentesis. I refused. For every 1000 women who do it, 7 of them miscarry. I'm always surprised that so many women do it even when the test results show that the odds are not very bad.

I would have told if I had thought it could have made any difference to the safety of my child but I never saw any sign that it could.

Wishing you all the best.
That's a huge reason not to tell.
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wt
wt

March 11th, 2011, 10:33 pm #8

Hi
We are tell and have been very open, but as part of cycling our clinic had us do DE counseling. This woman specialized in alternative family building and was amazing at presenting all of the things we needed to think about. If you met with a counselor in prep for your cycle, maybe you can contact her and ask. Or DS is 2 and nothing has come up. I will tell you that if you do a NT with blood work and you don't inform them of the donor age (or if you have had a chromosomally abnormal pregnancy in the past) your results will be skewed. I had filled it out in the form but the person had accidentally put the donors age and my name in the computer and it came back as elevated risk (because I had a chromosome related loss in the past.), once it was corrected, it came back something like 1:2000. We only found out of the mistake because I had a Genetic counselor who smelled something fishy and made some calls, I didn't even know that they factored in previous losses.
Great advice. I actually didn't have a DE counselor because I cycled overseas. I did do a counseling session when I first started trying to conceive my first child with donor sperm.

I decided that I'm definitely "tell" in the sense that I plan to be very open with the child about his/her background. My daughter is 4 and already knows that she was conceived with donor sperm. I probably won't tell everyone else I meet but I think I will tell the ob/gyn just so that they know the full health story.

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Hopingsoon
Hopingsoon

March 12th, 2011, 12:29 am #9

This may sound like a dumb question but I'm really just wondering if I'm missing something.

I completely understand that if you are no-tell and live in a small community, that you might not want the ob/gyn office to know because word might get around. But otherwise (I live thousands of miles from the ob/gyn and am very open about the process), are there other legal or medical reasons why people wouldn't tell?

I can think of some reasons why it would be good for the ob/gyn to know: in case there was a hormonal abnormality during the pregnancy, so that the ob/gyn wouldn't push for invasive testing like amnio based on the age of the mother, things like that.

Are there other reasons for not telling?
I am completely no tell. I just told them I got pregnant with a frozen embryo which was true.
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anonymous
anonymous

March 12th, 2011, 12:55 am #10

This may sound like a dumb question but I'm really just wondering if I'm missing something.

I completely understand that if you are no-tell and live in a small community, that you might not want the ob/gyn office to know because word might get around. But otherwise (I live thousands of miles from the ob/gyn and am very open about the process), are there other legal or medical reasons why people wouldn't tell?

I can think of some reasons why it would be good for the ob/gyn to know: in case there was a hormonal abnormality during the pregnancy, so that the ob/gyn wouldn't push for invasive testing like amnio based on the age of the mother, things like that.

Are there other reasons for not telling?
I am in the tell camp, but if a woman does not wish to tell her OB that she used donor eggs, then I support her decision. Of course, others can disagree with it, but it is her decision to make, and hers alone.
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