new to this ... don't know how to start. Boston or other clinic recommendations? mc ment

new to this ... don't know how to start. Boston or other clinic recommendations? mc ment

Molly
Molly

March 3rd, 2013, 12:14 am #1

Hello,

I apologize in advance for a long post.

I'm 43 and have been TTC for 5+ years. We did a number of OE IVF cycles over the past 3 years - I was a poor responder, getting at most 4 eggss. Last cycle, I got none. Yet, I have had two spontaneous pregnancies in the past 1.5 yrs; unfortunately, both ended in MC.

It's taken me awhile, but I think I have finally wrapped by head around DE. When I look at others' babies, I long for them. And when I hold friends' babies, i dont want to give them back. I don't mean that in a creepy way. Anyways, I know I will love this baby even though, admittedly, I still mourn the loss of the genetic connection.

That said, having been on the over 40 board for years, lurking off an on, and seeing many folks "graduate" to this and the pink board, I get so excited. And then I think, "why didn't we do that already?"

I am not sure where to start and am a bit paralyzed at the moment, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. The thought of picking a donor seems a bit daunting. And, I am not sure where to go. And whether I'm better off doing frozen eggs or fresh. Or whether to pick a donor who looks like my husband or me. And I am already a bit nervous about keeping this "secret" (we will be no tell at least until the child is old enough to hear it from us first - but I feel odd keeping this secret from my parents with whom I am particilarly close and from my friends who are also doing OE IVF).

When I started this journey, I had it all planned out in my head and really want more than one child. With the passage of time, I reaize I will be honored to have one healthy child ... although ideally I'd like to have some good frozens so I can try for another baby in a few years.

I am hoping you guys can give me the emotional "push" I need to get on with DE IVF!

I am looking for clinic recommendations. I live in the Boston area and went to both MGH and B&W for OE IVF. B&W seems to have the best DE IVF rates in the area. Has anyone gone to either for DE and would you recommend it? I would be open to traveling to other clinics if there is a good reason for it (e.g., much better chance of success, significant cost savings, etc.).

I am also looking for donor recommendations. Well, recommendations on how to find a donor. B&W and MGH don't have a donor pool - they say you have to go to an agency. Can you recommmend agencies in the Boston area? Frankly, I don't even know how agencies work ... does a Boston agency typically only have local donors? Or do they have access to donors from other places?

Besides donors, have folks had success with programs that have frozen eggs?

I am going to try to start making appointements ... but I am trying to figure out with whom I should be making appointments and what questions I should be asking.

I apologize for such a long rambling note. I'm usually more decisive in my "real" life but this has me all in a tizzy. I don't know anyone personally who has done DE before (or at least who is open about having done it), so I really value any advice you can share.

Many many thanks.

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Dee
Dee

March 3rd, 2013, 2:58 am #2

I don't live in Boston, but does the Newton Wellesley hospital have a fertility center? I saw a Dr. Isaacson there for a hysteroscopy (I traveled to Boston for it), and I really liked the hospital and the people who worked there. I was very impressed.
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Molly
Molly

March 3rd, 2013, 5:35 am #3

I think some of the REs at Newton Wellsley are affiliated with B&W. Thanks.
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 3rd, 2013, 12:39 pm #4

Hello,

I apologize in advance for a long post.

I'm 43 and have been TTC for 5+ years. We did a number of OE IVF cycles over the past 3 years - I was a poor responder, getting at most 4 eggss. Last cycle, I got none. Yet, I have had two spontaneous pregnancies in the past 1.5 yrs; unfortunately, both ended in MC.

It's taken me awhile, but I think I have finally wrapped by head around DE. When I look at others' babies, I long for them. And when I hold friends' babies, i dont want to give them back. I don't mean that in a creepy way. Anyways, I know I will love this baby even though, admittedly, I still mourn the loss of the genetic connection.

That said, having been on the over 40 board for years, lurking off an on, and seeing many folks "graduate" to this and the pink board, I get so excited. And then I think, "why didn't we do that already?"

I am not sure where to start and am a bit paralyzed at the moment, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. The thought of picking a donor seems a bit daunting. And, I am not sure where to go. And whether I'm better off doing frozen eggs or fresh. Or whether to pick a donor who looks like my husband or me. And I am already a bit nervous about keeping this "secret" (we will be no tell at least until the child is old enough to hear it from us first - but I feel odd keeping this secret from my parents with whom I am particilarly close and from my friends who are also doing OE IVF).

When I started this journey, I had it all planned out in my head and really want more than one child. With the passage of time, I reaize I will be honored to have one healthy child ... although ideally I'd like to have some good frozens so I can try for another baby in a few years.

I am hoping you guys can give me the emotional "push" I need to get on with DE IVF!

I am looking for clinic recommendations. I live in the Boston area and went to both MGH and B&W for OE IVF. B&W seems to have the best DE IVF rates in the area. Has anyone gone to either for DE and would you recommend it? I would be open to traveling to other clinics if there is a good reason for it (e.g., much better chance of success, significant cost savings, etc.).

I am also looking for donor recommendations. Well, recommendations on how to find a donor. B&W and MGH don't have a donor pool - they say you have to go to an agency. Can you recommmend agencies in the Boston area? Frankly, I don't even know how agencies work ... does a Boston agency typically only have local donors? Or do they have access to donors from other places?

Besides donors, have folks had success with programs that have frozen eggs?

I am going to try to start making appointements ... but I am trying to figure out with whom I should be making appointments and what questions I should be asking.

I apologize for such a long rambling note. I'm usually more decisive in my "real" life but this has me all in a tizzy. I don't know anyone personally who has done DE before (or at least who is open about having done it), so I really value any advice you can share.

Many many thanks.
Hello,

I know it can be hard to think about DE when you've been working so hard for success with OE. I was about your age when a couple of OE IVF pregnancies didn't work out. I thought about DE, but instead tried the adoption route first, which didn't work out right away so we came back to DE a couple of years later.

We did DE through B&W and I became pregnant on our first cycle and we now have a LO as a result. I really liked the DE coordinator, who was so sweet and made sure she called me herself to report the pregnancy b/c she knew some of what we'd gone through to reach that point. The RE was fine, although I had to spend at least an hour in the waiting room for every appointment. We ended up having a different RE for our transfer, which obviously went well.

I hadn't used B&W for my OE IVF cycles but I liked the clinic. One thing to keep in mind, is that when I was there, B&W didn't do lining checks. Having spent time on this board, I knew that this is pretty routine at least some other places so I insisted on having it done (lining was great).

I wouldn't recommend the agency where we found a donor due to the way they handled some issues along the way.

Best in your journey!
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Mrs. McIrish
Mrs. McIrish

March 3rd, 2013, 3:26 pm #5

Hello,

I apologize in advance for a long post.

I'm 43 and have been TTC for 5+ years. We did a number of OE IVF cycles over the past 3 years - I was a poor responder, getting at most 4 eggss. Last cycle, I got none. Yet, I have had two spontaneous pregnancies in the past 1.5 yrs; unfortunately, both ended in MC.

It's taken me awhile, but I think I have finally wrapped by head around DE. When I look at others' babies, I long for them. And when I hold friends' babies, i dont want to give them back. I don't mean that in a creepy way. Anyways, I know I will love this baby even though, admittedly, I still mourn the loss of the genetic connection.

That said, having been on the over 40 board for years, lurking off an on, and seeing many folks "graduate" to this and the pink board, I get so excited. And then I think, "why didn't we do that already?"

I am not sure where to start and am a bit paralyzed at the moment, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. The thought of picking a donor seems a bit daunting. And, I am not sure where to go. And whether I'm better off doing frozen eggs or fresh. Or whether to pick a donor who looks like my husband or me. And I am already a bit nervous about keeping this "secret" (we will be no tell at least until the child is old enough to hear it from us first - but I feel odd keeping this secret from my parents with whom I am particilarly close and from my friends who are also doing OE IVF).

When I started this journey, I had it all planned out in my head and really want more than one child. With the passage of time, I reaize I will be honored to have one healthy child ... although ideally I'd like to have some good frozens so I can try for another baby in a few years.

I am hoping you guys can give me the emotional "push" I need to get on with DE IVF!

I am looking for clinic recommendations. I live in the Boston area and went to both MGH and B&W for OE IVF. B&W seems to have the best DE IVF rates in the area. Has anyone gone to either for DE and would you recommend it? I would be open to traveling to other clinics if there is a good reason for it (e.g., much better chance of success, significant cost savings, etc.).

I am also looking for donor recommendations. Well, recommendations on how to find a donor. B&W and MGH don't have a donor pool - they say you have to go to an agency. Can you recommmend agencies in the Boston area? Frankly, I don't even know how agencies work ... does a Boston agency typically only have local donors? Or do they have access to donors from other places?

Besides donors, have folks had success with programs that have frozen eggs?

I am going to try to start making appointements ... but I am trying to figure out with whom I should be making appointments and what questions I should be asking.

I apologize for such a long rambling note. I'm usually more decisive in my "real" life but this has me all in a tizzy. I don't know anyone personally who has done DE before (or at least who is open about having done it), so I really value any advice you can share.

Many many thanks.
Hi there, I opted not to do DE in MA as the agency costs etc were just too high for me and that was with the medical part of the IVF being covered. I would venture to guess that your insurance will not cover donor eggs at 43 in MA?? Mine Cuts me off at 40 since I'd never pass a CCCT and also has a 6 cycle limit which I've used up. If that is the case, if you are willing to travel you could go to a lower cost place and get a guarantee at Shady Grove or SDFC?? I would say that a dedicated DE cycle at B&W with an agency and totally OOP is over $35K. For that amount, you can get a guarantee elsewhere. I think RBA also has a guarantee for a similar amount. Spending $35K for one cycle at B&W with no guaranteed would raise my blood pressure, lol! GL:-)
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 3rd, 2013, 5:43 pm #6

Hi,
Not to discount the guaranteed programs at all, but our insurance did cover everything that involved me as the recipient. We did not pay anything remotely close to $35,000 for donor involved costs. I'd have to check records to see exactly, but I think it cost us maybe $9-10K. And I was in my mid-forties at the time of transfer. Always check ahead of time to see what insurance covers, of course.

GL!
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Mrs. McIrish
Mrs. McIrish

March 3rd, 2013, 5:56 pm #7

The agency fee alone is 5-6k, donor comp $5-10k depending on proven etc, B&W fee for checking out donor was $3300, and travel fees for donor if not local. Insurance does not cover that and it was going to be $20k OOP for all thise things for me to cycle at B &W in 2012 with my insurance paying for meds and the actual IVF for donor and my recipient costs/drugs. I don't see how it was only $9-$10k?? Are you talking about another area of the country and/or years ago??
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Molly
Molly

March 3rd, 2013, 7:39 pm #8

Hi there, I opted not to do DE in MA as the agency costs etc were just too high for me and that was with the medical part of the IVF being covered. I would venture to guess that your insurance will not cover donor eggs at 43 in MA?? Mine Cuts me off at 40 since I'd never pass a CCCT and also has a 6 cycle limit which I've used up. If that is the case, if you are willing to travel you could go to a lower cost place and get a guarantee at Shady Grove or SDFC?? I would say that a dedicated DE cycle at B&W with an agency and totally OOP is over $35K. For that amount, you can get a guarantee elsewhere. I think RBA also has a guarantee for a similar amount. Spending $35K for one cycle at B&W with no guaranteed would raise my blood pressure, lol! GL:-)
Hello,

Insurance won't cover anything since I am over 40. So, we are looking at B&W costs, agency fee, donor fee, plus meds. I was told to estimate roughly $35k, although I think it could get a bit higher.

Thank you!
M
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Molly
Molly

March 3rd, 2013, 7:42 pm #9

Hello,

I know it can be hard to think about DE when you've been working so hard for success with OE. I was about your age when a couple of OE IVF pregnancies didn't work out. I thought about DE, but instead tried the adoption route first, which didn't work out right away so we came back to DE a couple of years later.

We did DE through B&W and I became pregnant on our first cycle and we now have a LO as a result. I really liked the DE coordinator, who was so sweet and made sure she called me herself to report the pregnancy b/c she knew some of what we'd gone through to reach that point. The RE was fine, although I had to spend at least an hour in the waiting room for every appointment. We ended up having a different RE for our transfer, which obviously went well.

I hadn't used B&W for my OE IVF cycles but I liked the clinic. One thing to keep in mind, is that when I was there, B&W didn't do lining checks. Having spent time on this board, I knew that this is pretty routine at least some other places so I insisted on having it done (lining was great).

I wouldn't recommend the agency where we found a donor due to the way they handled some issues along the way.

Best in your journey!
Thanks for the info. We are considering B&W if we can get the finances to work. May I ask how old your donor was, whether she wsa a repeat donor, and if you ended up with any frozens?

Also, how long was the whole process from when you started looking for donor to transfer?

Any advice or thoughts that you can share ... that you wish you had yourself back then?

Thansks for your feedback.
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Molly
Molly

March 3rd, 2013, 7:54 pm #10

Hi there, I opted not to do DE in MA as the agency costs etc were just too high for me and that was with the medical part of the IVF being covered. I would venture to guess that your insurance will not cover donor eggs at 43 in MA?? Mine Cuts me off at 40 since I'd never pass a CCCT and also has a 6 cycle limit which I've used up. If that is the case, if you are willing to travel you could go to a lower cost place and get a guarantee at Shady Grove or SDFC?? I would say that a dedicated DE cycle at B&W with an agency and totally OOP is over $35K. For that amount, you can get a guarantee elsewhere. I think RBA also has a guarantee for a similar amount. Spending $35K for one cycle at B&W with no guaranteed would raise my blood pressure, lol! GL:-)
Do you have any idea whether the costs at places like Shady Grove or SDFC include their own inhouse donors?

Thanks,
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