New - Looking for support and knowledge

New - Looking for support and knowledge

Joined: April 14th, 2011, 5:29 pm

April 14th, 2011, 5:35 pm #1

Hi everyone. I'm 40 years old and have DOR. Aside form trying naturally for one year before working with an RE, my husband (43 yo) and I have gone through 4 failed IUIs over the past year. The last IUI was a failed IVF (didn't make it to retrieval). The RE had of course suggested DE IVF before, but until now I wasn't able to even consider it without getting really angry and sad. But now - after going through so much IF-wise- I think I'm ready. My husband and I still need to talk it over and decide if we're both ok with it emotionally and if we can handle the financial aspect of it all.

The thing that is making me the most afraid right now (aside from the cost.ugh.) is the fear that the first try won't work. The RE told me that it will most probably work since I'm a good host or house or whatever she called me (;p) and we'll do ICSI, but I read on lots of forums about couples having to do multiple cycles of DE IVF before they get a BFP. I can't really find good research on the stats for success. Can anyone tell me how you 'got ok' with the risk of it not working the first time. And if it doesn't work the first time, is the cost for a 2nd try significantly less because you use frozen enbryos from the donor?

Lots of question. Hope that's ok! I'm just going down so many different roads in my mind about it all.

Thanks!
Quote
Like
Share

SamanthaL
SamanthaL

April 14th, 2011, 6:38 pm #2

Hello and welcome. I am currently cycling and one of the hardest things I am also dealing with is the possibility that 1 try may not work. We are 100% OOP. We could afford to do an FET or 2, but there is no way we'd be able to start all over and do a fresh DE cycle.

Good luck to you!
Quote
Share

SamanthaL
SamanthaL

April 14th, 2011, 6:40 pm #3

Hi everyone. I'm 40 years old and have DOR. Aside form trying naturally for one year before working with an RE, my husband (43 yo) and I have gone through 4 failed IUIs over the past year. The last IUI was a failed IVF (didn't make it to retrieval). The RE had of course suggested DE IVF before, but until now I wasn't able to even consider it without getting really angry and sad. But now - after going through so much IF-wise- I think I'm ready. My husband and I still need to talk it over and decide if we're both ok with it emotionally and if we can handle the financial aspect of it all.

The thing that is making me the most afraid right now (aside from the cost.ugh.) is the fear that the first try won't work. The RE told me that it will most probably work since I'm a good host or house or whatever she called me (;p) and we'll do ICSI, but I read on lots of forums about couples having to do multiple cycles of DE IVF before they get a BFP. I can't really find good research on the stats for success. Can anyone tell me how you 'got ok' with the risk of it not working the first time. And if it doesn't work the first time, is the cost for a 2nd try significantly less because you use frozen enbryos from the donor?

Lots of question. Hope that's ok! I'm just going down so many different roads in my mind about it all.

Thanks!
Yes, FET (if you are able to) is MUCH less. My clinic is roughly $20K for a fresh cycle and maybe $3500 for FET. Those figures are not including meds.
Quote
Share

Daisy7412
Daisy7412

April 14th, 2011, 7:00 pm #4

Hi everyone. I'm 40 years old and have DOR. Aside form trying naturally for one year before working with an RE, my husband (43 yo) and I have gone through 4 failed IUIs over the past year. The last IUI was a failed IVF (didn't make it to retrieval). The RE had of course suggested DE IVF before, but until now I wasn't able to even consider it without getting really angry and sad. But now - after going through so much IF-wise- I think I'm ready. My husband and I still need to talk it over and decide if we're both ok with it emotionally and if we can handle the financial aspect of it all.

The thing that is making me the most afraid right now (aside from the cost.ugh.) is the fear that the first try won't work. The RE told me that it will most probably work since I'm a good host or house or whatever she called me (;p) and we'll do ICSI, but I read on lots of forums about couples having to do multiple cycles of DE IVF before they get a BFP. I can't really find good research on the stats for success. Can anyone tell me how you 'got ok' with the risk of it not working the first time. And if it doesn't work the first time, is the cost for a 2nd try significantly less because you use frozen enbryos from the donor?

Lots of question. Hope that's ok! I'm just going down so many different roads in my mind about it all.

Thanks!
Welcome...here's hoping that everything works out for you on the first go around --

I did a shared cycle and now wished I had taken all the eggs...I have eight frosties and because my lining was not good enough for transfer we have yet to transfer any ...here's hoping in the next few weeks. I was not to jazzed to hear I would have to wait another month but that happens sometimes when they suppress you -- but I never had lining issues before. I would go for a proven donor if possible and next time (if we have a next time..maybe we will be lucky but I am thinking about two if at possible)...I had a hard time letting go of OE but...that wasn't getting me to where I want to be. So I need to be mom...and sooner rather than later. I went through a mis and that was the worst so not looking to repeat that --

I think you have made it here and that is great. I think the whole process is about patience and perserverence. If anything -- it has taught me to walk with grace through life. I also try to be a little nicer because you never know what battles people are facing...Best of luck...
Quote
Share

Mrs. M
Mrs. M

April 14th, 2011, 8:45 pm #5

Hi everyone. I'm 40 years old and have DOR. Aside form trying naturally for one year before working with an RE, my husband (43 yo) and I have gone through 4 failed IUIs over the past year. The last IUI was a failed IVF (didn't make it to retrieval). The RE had of course suggested DE IVF before, but until now I wasn't able to even consider it without getting really angry and sad. But now - after going through so much IF-wise- I think I'm ready. My husband and I still need to talk it over and decide if we're both ok with it emotionally and if we can handle the financial aspect of it all.

The thing that is making me the most afraid right now (aside from the cost.ugh.) is the fear that the first try won't work. The RE told me that it will most probably work since I'm a good host or house or whatever she called me (;p) and we'll do ICSI, but I read on lots of forums about couples having to do multiple cycles of DE IVF before they get a BFP. I can't really find good research on the stats for success. Can anyone tell me how you 'got ok' with the risk of it not working the first time. And if it doesn't work the first time, is the cost for a 2nd try significantly less because you use frozen enbryos from the donor?

Lots of question. Hope that's ok! I'm just going down so many different roads in my mind about it all.

Thanks!
I hope your stay here is short. The ladies on this board are very supportive and knowledgable. If you can only financially afford one try you might want to consider a program like Shady Grove's shared risk with guarantee (29,000 for three way split with up to six cycles, if you don't bring home a baby you get a full refund). Like you I was told I had very high odds of success b/c my overall health status is excellent and my uterine environment very good. I was very disappointed when I got a BFN with my first DE fresh transfer in January. Donor was four time proven donor and embryo transferred was the best grade and did not implant. Add'l work-up showed nothing with me so it was just a bad embryo even through it looked great. Many people are successful on the first try with donor egg but definitely not all. I just had an FET today with one of the frosties and we have one more on ice. I thought I would only do one cycle and then be done if it didn't work however my determination to succeed has only grown stronger. If we are not successful with our frosties I need to figure out a way to afford the SG program. Good luck to you!
Quote
Share

minniet
minniet

April 14th, 2011, 11:02 pm #6

Hi everyone. I'm 40 years old and have DOR. Aside form trying naturally for one year before working with an RE, my husband (43 yo) and I have gone through 4 failed IUIs over the past year. The last IUI was a failed IVF (didn't make it to retrieval). The RE had of course suggested DE IVF before, but until now I wasn't able to even consider it without getting really angry and sad. But now - after going through so much IF-wise- I think I'm ready. My husband and I still need to talk it over and decide if we're both ok with it emotionally and if we can handle the financial aspect of it all.

The thing that is making me the most afraid right now (aside from the cost.ugh.) is the fear that the first try won't work. The RE told me that it will most probably work since I'm a good host or house or whatever she called me (;p) and we'll do ICSI, but I read on lots of forums about couples having to do multiple cycles of DE IVF before they get a BFP. I can't really find good research on the stats for success. Can anyone tell me how you 'got ok' with the risk of it not working the first time. And if it doesn't work the first time, is the cost for a 2nd try significantly less because you use frozen enbryos from the donor?

Lots of question. Hope that's ok! I'm just going down so many different roads in my mind about it all.

Thanks!
Hi Molly!

I totally relate about the finances, after years of OE tries and losses, we scratched together a cycle mostly through donations, and particularly, a lovely friend donating, but that did not work out. We saved up the money and are back at it again, with a fresh new cycle.

One thing I would encourage you to do is to make sure that the uterine environment is actually healthy. Everyone told me I had a perfect uterus, but after my unexplained failures with DE (I always got pregnant with my own eggs, but they were chemical or miscarriage), I went to an RE known for uterine evaluation. He did a new hysterosalpingram and, using a doppler ultrasound, recommended myomectomy for what we thought was a tiny fibroid. It was "so small" he was not even sure that I should have it removed.

However, as it turns out, my obgyn who did the surgery told me that it was much larger than it had imaged, and she also found an adhesion which she removed. We think this could have caused many losses with my own eggs.

Anyway, before you spend so much money on a DE cycle, make absolutely sure you have ruled everything else out.

The other thing we did was to have the sperm frag test done on my husband, which he passed very well. It's not even expensive -- maybe $350. But there are women who go through all this and then find out that their DH's sperm has low odds of creating a viable embie.

I don't say any of this to intimidate or scare you, I never thought I would have gone through so many tests and had all these procedures done, but now I wish I had demanded it all right up front.
Quote
Share

Julie
Julie

April 14th, 2011, 11:30 pm #7

I hope your stay here is short. The ladies on this board are very supportive and knowledgable. If you can only financially afford one try you might want to consider a program like Shady Grove's shared risk with guarantee (29,000 for three way split with up to six cycles, if you don't bring home a baby you get a full refund). Like you I was told I had very high odds of success b/c my overall health status is excellent and my uterine environment very good. I was very disappointed when I got a BFN with my first DE fresh transfer in January. Donor was four time proven donor and embryo transferred was the best grade and did not implant. Add'l work-up showed nothing with me so it was just a bad embryo even through it looked great. Many people are successful on the first try with donor egg but definitely not all. I just had an FET today with one of the frosties and we have one more on ice. I thought I would only do one cycle and then be done if it didn't work however my determination to succeed has only grown stronger. If we are not successful with our frosties I need to figure out a way to afford the SG program. Good luck to you!
I did 2 unsuccessful fresh cycles at another clinic and for financial reasons the only way DH would continue would be to switch to a shared risk. I did not get pregnant on my first fresh cycle with Shady Grove but did get pregnant on my FET for that cycle. I have a 4.5 month old little girl. Shared risk gave me peace of mind. Good luck with your upcoming decisions.
Quote
Share

TwinMomJ4
TwinMomJ4

April 15th, 2011, 1:11 am #8

Hi everyone. I'm 40 years old and have DOR. Aside form trying naturally for one year before working with an RE, my husband (43 yo) and I have gone through 4 failed IUIs over the past year. The last IUI was a failed IVF (didn't make it to retrieval). The RE had of course suggested DE IVF before, but until now I wasn't able to even consider it without getting really angry and sad. But now - after going through so much IF-wise- I think I'm ready. My husband and I still need to talk it over and decide if we're both ok with it emotionally and if we can handle the financial aspect of it all.

The thing that is making me the most afraid right now (aside from the cost.ugh.) is the fear that the first try won't work. The RE told me that it will most probably work since I'm a good host or house or whatever she called me (;p) and we'll do ICSI, but I read on lots of forums about couples having to do multiple cycles of DE IVF before they get a BFP. I can't really find good research on the stats for success. Can anyone tell me how you 'got ok' with the risk of it not working the first time. And if it doesn't work the first time, is the cost for a 2nd try significantly less because you use frozen enbryos from the donor?

Lots of question. Hope that's ok! I'm just going down so many different roads in my mind about it all.

Thanks!
I have 5 yo DE twins and have not posted here in a long time - I just happened to stop by tonight. When we went through the donor selection process, instead of focusing on hair color or eye color or blood type - my focus was on health (donor and family history) and on likelihood of getting enough eggs that we could freeze some and have another shot if the first time did not work.

We had first time DE success. And have never regretted a second of it. Good luck.
Quote
Share

Leigh888
Leigh888

April 15th, 2011, 12:31 pm #9

I hope your stay here is short. The ladies on this board are very supportive and knowledgable. If you can only financially afford one try you might want to consider a program like Shady Grove's shared risk with guarantee (29,000 for three way split with up to six cycles, if you don't bring home a baby you get a full refund). Like you I was told I had very high odds of success b/c my overall health status is excellent and my uterine environment very good. I was very disappointed when I got a BFN with my first DE fresh transfer in January. Donor was four time proven donor and embryo transferred was the best grade and did not implant. Add'l work-up showed nothing with me so it was just a bad embryo even through it looked great. Many people are successful on the first try with donor egg but definitely not all. I just had an FET today with one of the frosties and we have one more on ice. I thought I would only do one cycle and then be done if it didn't work however my determination to succeed has only grown stronger. If we are not successful with our frosties I need to figure out a way to afford the SG program. Good luck to you!
If you scroll down a bit, I talk about why we decided to go with a guarantee program. The thread is titled FCI v. AFC.

I am glad we went with a guarantee plan. I was always told the my ute looked good, but we had a c/p with our first DE cycle.
Quote
Share

Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

April 15th, 2011, 3:43 pm #10

Hi everyone. I'm 40 years old and have DOR. Aside form trying naturally for one year before working with an RE, my husband (43 yo) and I have gone through 4 failed IUIs over the past year. The last IUI was a failed IVF (didn't make it to retrieval). The RE had of course suggested DE IVF before, but until now I wasn't able to even consider it without getting really angry and sad. But now - after going through so much IF-wise- I think I'm ready. My husband and I still need to talk it over and decide if we're both ok with it emotionally and if we can handle the financial aspect of it all.

The thing that is making me the most afraid right now (aside from the cost.ugh.) is the fear that the first try won't work. The RE told me that it will most probably work since I'm a good host or house or whatever she called me (;p) and we'll do ICSI, but I read on lots of forums about couples having to do multiple cycles of DE IVF before they get a BFP. I can't really find good research on the stats for success. Can anyone tell me how you 'got ok' with the risk of it not working the first time. And if it doesn't work the first time, is the cost for a 2nd try significantly less because you use frozen enbryos from the donor?

Lots of question. Hope that's ok! I'm just going down so many different roads in my mind about it all.

Thanks!
I'm not sure anyone really "gets OK" with the risk of DE not working the first time. But I'll tell you what I did to deal with that fear as much as possible. First, I had read -- some day I really need to track down this stat; maybe Piper or someone else knows the source -- that 90% of women (I'm assuming this excludes women with other IF issues that may affect success) will succeed in having a baby within 3 fresh DE cycles. I wasn't sure how much I could handle this emotionally, and I do think in retrospect that 3 failed cycles would have been about my limit, so I sort of made a contract with myself to give it three tries.

Next, as far as money goes, don't spend too much money on any one cycle. I know you're blinking and thinking, "WTF? How can you do that?" At your age you're probably easily eligible for most clinic's pg guarantee programs. Try to get into one. I was close to my U.S. clinic's age limit for their DE guarantee program, but when I had my SIS in preparation, they discovered I had Asherman's Syndrome, fortunately the mildest form. The clinic performed an operative hysteroscopy on me to correct it, but then the stock market crashed and my marriage went on the rocks and my husband wouldn't agree to father a child or allow me to receive DE w/DS (which would require a written release from him). Thinking it was unlikely I could get accepted into the U.S. clinic's guarantee program anyway, I opted to go overseas to the Czech Republic for treatment.

You can have a DE cycle in the Czech Republic for about $8K including travel expenses, although due to rising clinic prices and high airfares, it may be more realistically closer to $9-10K these days. Other fertility tourism destinations women on this board have used are Ukraine, South Africa, Spain, and Argentina. You also get a nice vacation out of it. If you want a lot of control over your donor, South Africa is probably your best choice; in Spain and the Czech Republic, you do not see photos and receive only basic information about your donor, who is chosen for you based on your requests.

But had my second cycle failed, I would have probably chosen one of the lower cost U.S. clinics, CNY or Shady Grove, for my next cycle. They have split cycle programs and CNY also has very attractive prices on whole cycles.

I think most of the ladies here would advise against assuming or counting on getting frosties out of a cycle, even at a U.S. clinic (clinics in Europe typically don't hyperstim donors, so frosties are much less common, although I have 2 on ice in Zlin). Also, worry less about donor characteristics and more about donor success record. Certainly don't hand $30-35K for a single DE cycle over to a clinic, which is what I was prepared to do before my financial and marital problems prevented it (thank heaven!).

So, you can't really get OK, IMO, w/the fear of it not working the first time, but you can mitigate the expense of any single cycle, which helps a lot. Also, get as smart as you can about the whole process from hanging out here as you can. I'll always wonder if my first cycle might have succeeded if I had known the things I learned here earlier. I had bb twins as a result of my second DE cycle overseas.

GL! This is a great community for support if you're planning on doing DE!

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
Quote
Like
Share