new here. hello and nervous

Joined: May 12th, 2013, 1:12 am

February 1st, 2014, 6:01 pm #1

Hi ladies. I've been lurking and reading for months since switching over from the other board.My heart goes out to all who share their stories and I always jump on hoping to hear those joyous stories. Where am I? 44 trying for my first child. Was at NH for almost a year (no success and just going crazy, but that's a whole other story). Now using local center in PA using DE. Been on bcp for 2 plus weeks and got the call to start lupron this week. Never did all the injections before this...so here we go. With me, no real health issues. Everything seems "normal" (whatever that really means). But, I'm 44 with all the dor characteristics. With things moving along, I'm getting really nervous. Of course, I'm optimistic that my chances are better and this could work. My husband (who always sees the bright side) is convinced this will work. I'm getting worried about how he especially (and I ) will handle it if it doesn't work. It seems like there are still so many women on here who may not be achieving success. I believe one poster said everybody she knows had to try at least twice with DE before having a baby. Do you all see it like that to? I'm not sure if a lot of women on here are from the "older" fertility age or a lot of women on here are sadly dealing with a history of complications impeding pregnancy. I hope nobody minds me inquiring, introducing myself and asking for any words of wisdom.
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Joined: December 21st, 2011, 7:41 pm

February 1st, 2014, 6:22 pm #2

Wishing you luck on your upcoming cycle! DE has a high success rate - so the odds are in your favor, and there are a lot of factors such as donor egg quality, clinic stats, clinic lab, etc There are many women who score on their first DE cycle (me!) and for some of us it takes a few more. I know women who have had multiple failed cycles and then change clinics and it works on the first try - so the clinic can be a significant factor in success. Do you know your clinic's DE success rate?

It honestly might seem like many women on his site aren't achieving success because it's possible that those who do aren't continuing to post. There's a wonderful website called "PVED" - Parents Via Egg Donation and they have a private forum that is a wealth of information for both before, during, and after DE pregnancy - it was amazingly helpful and supportive to me during my cycle and afterwards come check it out!

Good luck with your upcoming cycle- fingers crossed for you!
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Joined: November 28th, 2012, 12:12 am

February 1st, 2014, 7:04 pm #3

Hi ladies. I've been lurking and reading for months since switching over from the other board.My heart goes out to all who share their stories and I always jump on hoping to hear those joyous stories. Where am I? 44 trying for my first child. Was at NH for almost a year (no success and just going crazy, but that's a whole other story). Now using local center in PA using DE. Been on bcp for 2 plus weeks and got the call to start lupron this week. Never did all the injections before this...so here we go. With me, no real health issues. Everything seems "normal" (whatever that really means). But, I'm 44 with all the dor characteristics. With things moving along, I'm getting really nervous. Of course, I'm optimistic that my chances are better and this could work. My husband (who always sees the bright side) is convinced this will work. I'm getting worried about how he especially (and I ) will handle it if it doesn't work. It seems like there are still so many women on here who may not be achieving success. I believe one poster said everybody she knows had to try at least twice with DE before having a baby. Do you all see it like that to? I'm not sure if a lot of women on here are from the "older" fertility age or a lot of women on here are sadly dealing with a history of complications impeding pregnancy. I hope nobody minds me inquiring, introducing myself and asking for any words of wisdom.
Welcome! This is a really exciting time for you. The Lupron will be a piece of cake. Try not to over-think it. For me, moving on to DE gave me renewed hope. I'm 42 and my OE IVF cycles were rough. I only made it to transfer one of our 3 tries. It was really tough. We never cycled with odds greater than 5% per embryo. The odds with DE average 50%. It's nice to feel justifiably hopeful vs. crazy for being hopeful.

I think it's smart to try to manage your expectations so you can handle a potential negative. I know some people who were successful with their first DE cycle. Are you doing a fresh cycle? Are you transferring blasts? These things and the clinic can contribute to the odds of success. That being said, I know women who transferred marginal 3-day embies with FET at an OK clinic and they got their take home baby on the first try. It's a flip of the coin. Are doing a guarantee package? Do you expect to have embryos to freeze for future FET?

There has been a streak of bummer luck here recently. Don't let it get you down. Just before my transfer in December there was 3 successes and they've probably moved on to the PG after DE board. I agree that if you visit PVED you'll hear more positive stories. In my winter cycle group on the PVED board more than half of them were successful. All of them were younger than me. Grrr

My RE told me there's a dirty little secret about IVF that REs don't like to tell patients initially; The national average is 3 transfers to get your THB. She said they don't like to share that number because it can scare people off from IVF. She said for many women after you've done one IVF and understand the process it's less overwhelming to consider doing it more than once. I'm hoping that's true since my FET will be my third transfer.

You've got lots of reason to be hopeful. I wish you the best of luck and hope that this is your first and LAST cycle.
Last edited by GeminiWW on February 2nd, 2014, 6:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: August 22nd, 2008, 3:29 pm

February 2nd, 2014, 1:53 am #4

Hi ladies. I've been lurking and reading for months since switching over from the other board.My heart goes out to all who share their stories and I always jump on hoping to hear those joyous stories. Where am I? 44 trying for my first child. Was at NH for almost a year (no success and just going crazy, but that's a whole other story). Now using local center in PA using DE. Been on bcp for 2 plus weeks and got the call to start lupron this week. Never did all the injections before this...so here we go. With me, no real health issues. Everything seems "normal" (whatever that really means). But, I'm 44 with all the dor characteristics. With things moving along, I'm getting really nervous. Of course, I'm optimistic that my chances are better and this could work. My husband (who always sees the bright side) is convinced this will work. I'm getting worried about how he especially (and I ) will handle it if it doesn't work. It seems like there are still so many women on here who may not be achieving success. I believe one poster said everybody she knows had to try at least twice with DE before having a baby. Do you all see it like that to? I'm not sure if a lot of women on here are from the "older" fertility age or a lot of women on here are sadly dealing with a history of complications impeding pregnancy. I hope nobody minds me inquiring, introducing myself and asking for any words of wisdom.
but I have fond memories of this board and all the support I received as I waited to do our first cycle. While I was on the board in 2008 to 2009 there were lots of women who had to cycle a few times before they had success and moved to the pink board. Then there were several at the time that just had success the first time. I was hoping to be in that category and thought for sure after our perfect fresh cycle would bring us our baby. Even though my lining was excellent and we transferred two 20 out of 20 5 day blasts...one hatching and one about to hatch, I ended with a chemical m/c.

But we got back on the horse and a few months later we did a FET, thawed 3 blasts, all made the thaw and we transferred them all. We ended up having success that time and in 2009 our beautiful DS was born...I was 48 when we cycled and 49 when he was born.

Then when I was about to turn 51 we did another FET. We again thawed 3 blasts and all made the thaw so we transferred them all....since we had gone through 5 blasts to get to our one singleton we felt we weren't being too risky and the embryos we were using for our 2nd FET weren't as good as the first two cycles...however they were still really great...18 out of 20. We were over joyed to find that we were pg with twins and I had an easy pgcy, comfortable labour and healthy vaginal delivery...when I was 51.

So if you are concerned about age being an issue....relax. As long as you are healthy all should be fine and if your mindset is one that is positive that will help relieve stress. I had a mantra with all my cycles...different for each of them. With my twins I said, 'let go and let God'....it calmed me to believe that everything would unfold as it was meant and I was ready for any life lessons along the way.

All the best on your journey to your first baby...it's so exciting.

Blessings from Hope
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

February 2nd, 2014, 2:18 am #5

Hi ladies. I've been lurking and reading for months since switching over from the other board.My heart goes out to all who share their stories and I always jump on hoping to hear those joyous stories. Where am I? 44 trying for my first child. Was at NH for almost a year (no success and just going crazy, but that's a whole other story). Now using local center in PA using DE. Been on bcp for 2 plus weeks and got the call to start lupron this week. Never did all the injections before this...so here we go. With me, no real health issues. Everything seems "normal" (whatever that really means). But, I'm 44 with all the dor characteristics. With things moving along, I'm getting really nervous. Of course, I'm optimistic that my chances are better and this could work. My husband (who always sees the bright side) is convinced this will work. I'm getting worried about how he especially (and I ) will handle it if it doesn't work. It seems like there are still so many women on here who may not be achieving success. I believe one poster said everybody she knows had to try at least twice with DE before having a baby. Do you all see it like that to? I'm not sure if a lot of women on here are from the "older" fertility age or a lot of women on here are sadly dealing with a history of complications impeding pregnancy. I hope nobody minds me inquiring, introducing myself and asking for any words of wisdom.
For the idea that it may take more than one cycle. I read the statistic in, say, 2008, I think, that 90% of women (think this presumes no major gyno problems) will succeed with DE within 3 cycles. That was on a blog, so I don't know the source. Stats are considerably better than back then.

It did take me two cycles, but the first one very likely failed due to a misunderstanding on my overseas clinic's operating procedures (reduced the donor pool they worked from to probably about 6% of the donor population). So, I might well have succeeded had I thought to question how they would choose my donors around that issue.

Yes, women who have to try more may be overrepresented on this board, b/c they need more support and advice. I was 48 when I conceived and bore my twins.

Good luck as you go forward!

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: May 10th, 2011, 11:57 pm

February 2nd, 2014, 3:00 am #6

Hi ladies. I've been lurking and reading for months since switching over from the other board.My heart goes out to all who share their stories and I always jump on hoping to hear those joyous stories. Where am I? 44 trying for my first child. Was at NH for almost a year (no success and just going crazy, but that's a whole other story). Now using local center in PA using DE. Been on bcp for 2 plus weeks and got the call to start lupron this week. Never did all the injections before this...so here we go. With me, no real health issues. Everything seems "normal" (whatever that really means). But, I'm 44 with all the dor characteristics. With things moving along, I'm getting really nervous. Of course, I'm optimistic that my chances are better and this could work. My husband (who always sees the bright side) is convinced this will work. I'm getting worried about how he especially (and I ) will handle it if it doesn't work. It seems like there are still so many women on here who may not be achieving success. I believe one poster said everybody she knows had to try at least twice with DE before having a baby. Do you all see it like that to? I'm not sure if a lot of women on here are from the "older" fertility age or a lot of women on here are sadly dealing with a history of complications impeding pregnancy. I hope nobody minds me inquiring, introducing myself and asking for any words of wisdom.
Welcome! You are in a great place for support and advice. I agree with Maggie that you may not hear as many of the success stories here. Feel free to check out the pink board too. I'm not on either board as much now that I have a very active toddler.

But yes, there are those of us who are successful the first time around. Briefly, I married my current husband when I was 40, and a year later we sought treatment for infertility. After 6 failed IUI cycles (one with an ectopic pg), and much deliberation, we went straight to DE IVF rather than try OE IVF, given the odds at my age (which by then was 43). I should have been 44 when I delivered, but our son was born at 32 weeks just a few days before my 44th birthday . We had a long spell in the NICU, but no major problems, and he's a wild and wooly two-year-old now.

I wish you the bet of luck!

Jen in TN
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Stacey
Stacey

February 2nd, 2014, 3:12 am #7

Hi ladies. I've been lurking and reading for months since switching over from the other board.My heart goes out to all who share their stories and I always jump on hoping to hear those joyous stories. Where am I? 44 trying for my first child. Was at NH for almost a year (no success and just going crazy, but that's a whole other story). Now using local center in PA using DE. Been on bcp for 2 plus weeks and got the call to start lupron this week. Never did all the injections before this...so here we go. With me, no real health issues. Everything seems "normal" (whatever that really means). But, I'm 44 with all the dor characteristics. With things moving along, I'm getting really nervous. Of course, I'm optimistic that my chances are better and this could work. My husband (who always sees the bright side) is convinced this will work. I'm getting worried about how he especially (and I ) will handle it if it doesn't work. It seems like there are still so many women on here who may not be achieving success. I believe one poster said everybody she knows had to try at least twice with DE before having a baby. Do you all see it like that to? I'm not sure if a lot of women on here are from the "older" fertility age or a lot of women on here are sadly dealing with a history of complications impeding pregnancy. I hope nobody minds me inquiring, introducing myself and asking for any words of wisdom.
I got lucky and had success on the first try. We transferred one embryo. I am 43 and will be 44 at delivery. Monday I will be 12 weeks. We used rba in Atlanta. I have an OE DS who is four. It took us four years to have him. Now I believe the issue has always been my eggs even though the doctors always said I was unexplained infertility.
I have never heard of that other board...thanks for posting that.
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Joined: January 16th, 2011, 11:41 pm

February 2nd, 2014, 3:56 am #8

Hi ladies. I've been lurking and reading for months since switching over from the other board.My heart goes out to all who share their stories and I always jump on hoping to hear those joyous stories. Where am I? 44 trying for my first child. Was at NH for almost a year (no success and just going crazy, but that's a whole other story). Now using local center in PA using DE. Been on bcp for 2 plus weeks and got the call to start lupron this week. Never did all the injections before this...so here we go. With me, no real health issues. Everything seems "normal" (whatever that really means). But, I'm 44 with all the dor characteristics. With things moving along, I'm getting really nervous. Of course, I'm optimistic that my chances are better and this could work. My husband (who always sees the bright side) is convinced this will work. I'm getting worried about how he especially (and I ) will handle it if it doesn't work. It seems like there are still so many women on here who may not be achieving success. I believe one poster said everybody she knows had to try at least twice with DE before having a baby. Do you all see it like that to? I'm not sure if a lot of women on here are from the "older" fertility age or a lot of women on here are sadly dealing with a history of complications impeding pregnancy. I hope nobody minds me inquiring, introducing myself and asking for any words of wisdom.
My advice would be to go to the best clinic you can afford the first time. I was 37 when we started TTC and was told continuously it was my eggs. I had high FSH and only got 1-3 eggs with IVF. I thought DE would be a slam dunk and went to a lower cost place because I was cocky. It was a disaster with crappy embryos. We took a 9 month break intending to be childfree. We decided to try a much better clinic and paid for a guaranty program. I'm having another early miscarriage, low betas right now. It looks to me that we have a sperm and/or immune issue. I've had two low beta/non-doubling pregnancies with 3 different donors. You may get lucky with a first try or you may uncover more issues. You simply cannot prepare for that. Everyone always thinks they are special and it won't happen to them. But for some of us it does. My last comment may be a bit controversial but I think the older women who found success on the first try were never actually "infertile" in their younger days. Their eggs must aged out. I will also say that other boards/forums I am on see, to have better luck on the first try than this board. I feel like a freak elsewhere because few have failed 3x like me.
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Stacey
Stacey

February 2nd, 2014, 4:16 am #9

I got lucky and had success on the first try. We transferred one embryo. I am 43 and will be 44 at delivery. Monday I will be 12 weeks. We used rba in Atlanta. I have an OE DS who is four. It took us four years to have him. Now I believe the issue has always been my eggs even though the doctors always said I was unexplained infertility.
I have never heard of that other board...thanks for posting that.
Success mentioned above! N/t
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

February 2nd, 2014, 6:21 am #10

My advice would be to go to the best clinic you can afford the first time. I was 37 when we started TTC and was told continuously it was my eggs. I had high FSH and only got 1-3 eggs with IVF. I thought DE would be a slam dunk and went to a lower cost place because I was cocky. It was a disaster with crappy embryos. We took a 9 month break intending to be childfree. We decided to try a much better clinic and paid for a guaranty program. I'm having another early miscarriage, low betas right now. It looks to me that we have a sperm and/or immune issue. I've had two low beta/non-doubling pregnancies with 3 different donors. You may get lucky with a first try or you may uncover more issues. You simply cannot prepare for that. Everyone always thinks they are special and it won't happen to them. But for some of us it does. My last comment may be a bit controversial but I think the older women who found success on the first try were never actually "infertile" in their younger days. Their eggs must aged out. I will also say that other boards/forums I am on see, to have better luck on the first try than this board. I feel like a freak elsewhere because few have failed 3x like me.
When I underwent testing for DE, I learned that I had mild Asherman's. That was almost certainly caused by a pregnancy termination I had as a college student. So, I had had a prior pregnancy, just not one carried to term, and while DH and I almost certainly would have had fertility issues had we tried to conceive when I was younger, it was caused by an external agent. As far as I knew before testing, AMA and perimenopause occurring at a normal age were my only issues. No one in my family has experienced any fertility issues. I don't think your comment is controversial, Mrs. M., just common sense.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
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