My sister is pregnant and Im not sure how to feel..

My sister is pregnant and Im not sure how to feel..

J
J

December 20th, 2011, 9:21 pm #1

Hi,

I have known I'd need IVF for 15 years, now 30 yrs old. My sister has been trying to get pregnant and after some trouble concieving for a few years they have managed it naturally. She has just called to tell me. At frist I felt really excited then as she started telling me about her symptoms etc I started to get tearful (hid this from her)as everything she is describing is what I would like to feel. To top it off, she will be due the same month as we have our IVF next year. It will be great if the IVF works out, but if it fails, I just know its going to be so emotional welcoming her new baby while carrying that awful feeling of loss a failed cycle brings. My husband is away working for the first 5 months of the year so I am going to be on my own hearing all the news of the pregnancy (which dont get me wrong I want to hear, but I just know its going to be so hard) and I am worried about how I will cope.

She was telling me how my mum reacted and I soo wish to giev my mum that reaction too.

I am so happy for her, but I guess just feeling selfish about wishing it was me too. Its hard enough when its girls from work walking proudly around with their bumps.

Has anyone had this experience too? Please tell me how you copes/dealt with it. Should I tell my sister im going to find it difficult or keep quiet? I don't want to ruin her telling me everything like sisters should but Im also worrying about blubbering on her!

Any advice appreciated x
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Joined: September 30th, 2007, 7:22 pm

December 20th, 2011, 9:35 pm #2

was she sensitive to it all, or was she just gushing? i think half the battle is having sympathetic friends or family members.

my best friend of 25+ years and i struggled through infertility together. she got pregnant with twins a good year before i did. it was really, really difficult for me because of course i didn't know if i would ever succeed. i spoke to her almost every day of her pregnancy and she was very sensitive to not gush or carry on too much, especially if i was having a bad day. in return, if i was having a good day or feeling positive, i would say, "ok, it's a good day, give me all the pregnancy talk you've got!" i think she really appreciated it. i didn't want to lose her as a friend during the most important time of her life. well, losing her wasn't an option. we are eachother's life lines. i got pregnant 6 months after her babies were born. i went to visit when they were just 10 days old. that was hard too but i sucked it up because this is one of the most important relationships of my life.

so i think if you are just honest with your sister, and she is sensitive to your needs, you will get through it just fine. and you will have your day. you are nice and young and i'm sure you will have success. good luck to you. i'm sorry this is so hard, but it will pay off later when you have your baby and your relationship with your sister is stronger than ever! at least, that's my hope for you!
Last edited by BabyCotton on December 20th, 2011, 9:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

December 21st, 2011, 4:43 pm #3

Hi,

I have known I'd need IVF for 15 years, now 30 yrs old. My sister has been trying to get pregnant and after some trouble concieving for a few years they have managed it naturally. She has just called to tell me. At frist I felt really excited then as she started telling me about her symptoms etc I started to get tearful (hid this from her)as everything she is describing is what I would like to feel. To top it off, she will be due the same month as we have our IVF next year. It will be great if the IVF works out, but if it fails, I just know its going to be so emotional welcoming her new baby while carrying that awful feeling of loss a failed cycle brings. My husband is away working for the first 5 months of the year so I am going to be on my own hearing all the news of the pregnancy (which dont get me wrong I want to hear, but I just know its going to be so hard) and I am worried about how I will cope.

She was telling me how my mum reacted and I soo wish to giev my mum that reaction too.

I am so happy for her, but I guess just feeling selfish about wishing it was me too. Its hard enough when its girls from work walking proudly around with their bumps.

Has anyone had this experience too? Please tell me how you copes/dealt with it. Should I tell my sister im going to find it difficult or keep quiet? I don't want to ruin her telling me everything like sisters should but Im also worrying about blubbering on her!

Any advice appreciated x
I have not had the issue with someone as close as my sister being pregnant but I have watched several friends and co-workers get pregnant, give birth and even get pregnant a second time since we have been trying to conceive. My SIL and BIL got pregnant with an "oops" baby and spent lots of time complaining during the early stages of the pregnancy. My niece was born in April. When she was born I was in the 2WW and a couple of days later I got a BFP. Then two weeks later I had an early m/c. There were times when it was impossible to be around them and the baby when I was feeling down I just avoided them and other times I was feeling okay and would even volunteer to babysit. When I didn't show up or left the Christening early they understood. In general, I would say it is easier to be around my niece than other babies b/c I feel the "auntie" connection. The first thing I would say is don't beat yourself up about how you feel about this...feelings are just that...not good or bad. It is completely normal to feel sad, mad, jealous etc. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about my feelings and that just made it all worse. I think it is important to acknowledge the feelings you are having and not bury them. I was honest with my SIL and BIL and told them I was indeed very happy for them and their beautiful little girl, but I was also very, very sad for my DH and myself and they should not take the times of distance as anger or resentment but just my needing a little space. Come here to vent anytime. It must be so difficult with your DH being away. PS: one of the good things about this is when I do feel okay and I have the baby no one dares take that adorable little girl out of "infertile Auntie's" arms. ((hugs))
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