Looking for experience..

Looking for experience..

jmassage
jmassage

February 18th, 2012, 5:47 pm #1

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
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Joined: July 4th, 2011, 3:21 am

February 18th, 2012, 5:50 pm #2

You'll find the input you're looking for here from these wonderful, caring ladies!

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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

February 18th, 2012, 6:13 pm #3

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
You should also try posting on the pink board PG after DE. You might get more responses from moms who already have their children. Although they look around on this board too. Wishing you luck!
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Joined: November 27th, 2011, 4:22 pm

February 18th, 2012, 6:13 pm #4

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
Hi there. Every experience is unique in so many ways, but through some set of circumstances, all of us here have decided DE is the best option. It's not an easy choice and I'm so sorry you're having to make this decision!

In my particular case, after a mc last summer, I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. FSH was 145 at the time, and is even higher now. If we want a child, DE is really the only possible option (aside from adoption, of course). I'm lucky, since I have a relative willing to donate for us, so at least there's some biological link, but I would do it even if this wasn't the case... I can't say for sure, since I haven't yet successfully completed a DE cycle, but I can't image carrying a child for 9 months and then giving birth to him/her and not feeling like that child is 100% my own!

Many other women here will be able to give you better advice, but I wanted to add my opinion. This is a great, supportive group of people. Welcome and good luck!

Leigh


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Joined: December 21st, 2011, 7:41 pm

February 18th, 2012, 7:31 pm #5

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
It's tough - I'm sorry about your chemicals - those suck.

I have high FSH as well, though it sometimes tests at the high end of normal. I'm not a mom through DE yet, but I am working on it - I never tried IVF - we did a few cycles with minimal stimulation hoping to be able to have a retrieval, but each month tests showed that I had maybe just 1-2 eggs, and we wanted better chances if we were going to do IVF. My specialist said I have a less than 5% chance of conceiving with my own eggs. I was 33 when I heard that - pretty devastating, considering all my other tests had been perfectly normal. It was very tough - I read some great books (and not so great books) about infertility. One thought really stuck with me - a doctor told a patient that if they wanted to try again with their own eggs, they could - but if they wanted to go home with a baby, then they should use donor eggs. With an 80% success rate (DE) versus 5% success rate (OE), I warmed up to the idea pretty quickly while also grieving the loss of a genetic connection to a future child. It helps that I told myself I still do have a 5% chance of conceiving with my own eggs - so it's not impossible and maybe someday later that will happen and be a nice surprise - but for now we're ready to move on and get our family started.

Going through the motions of picking out a donor has been difficult - another round of setbacks with delays etc., but after 6+ months we finally have a terrific donor selected and on Monday I start Lupron for our late March cycle. I am really excited - finally starting to smile about the idea that this is likely to work, and if even if it doesn't I'm hopeful that we'll have some frozen embryos to do transfers with later.

Like you said - at the end of the day you want to be a mother - me too. My therapist specializes in IF and is herself a parent via egg donation. She said that in all her years, every single parent has always said "this is the baby I was meant to have" - no matter how it got there. I think that the added bonus of getting to experience a pregnancy with the baby will help our bond and I know that both nature & nurture contribute to a child's development.

In response to your writing that other ladies are telling you not to give up because you are getting pregnant - I say the opposite - I had a chemical pregnancy and that was enough for me. For me, it confirmed that even though I could get pregnant, my eggs were not viable - this actually made it a little easier for me to move on to DE. My rationale was that even when my eggs do finally fertilize, they're not healthy enough to stick around and develop into a healthy pregnancy.

I get the feeling that I might be one of the few women who has not gone through OE IVF before moving onto DE - I just couldn't do it with such slim chances. My husband is in the medical field and said he would never do a procedure on a patient that had only a 5% success rate or lower, so we tended to think of the statistical rational versus the emotional attachment. We don't want to drain our savings doing OE IVF and DE IVF - so we're proceeding with the best chance of coming home with a healthy baby and keeping our fingers crossed that it works.

I wish you the best of luck - it's a tough decision to come around to, but once you find a donor you are excited about and things progress, then it's actually pretty exciting! I'm not a parent yet - but I know this child will feel like my own and I'm so happy that we have this as an option so that I can still see my husband's traits in our child. The more I learn, the more I know DE is more common then we think - I had so many donors picked out & by the time I called within hours of them being posted online they were already reserved. As science progresses I think more egg banks will be popping up and it'll be even more common.

Good luck!
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Joined: April 15th, 2011, 4:29 pm

February 18th, 2012, 7:37 pm #6

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
It's never easy deciding on DE, but some of us took longer than others to get to the point where we realized being a mom was more important than passing on our genetics (even though that seemed like the end-all-be-all at the start of the process). I was so stubborn on my OE for years and wouldn't give up, even though it was emotionally wrenching. Now, I wouldn't trade my sweet DE LO's for anything else. I can't believe what a life-changing event becoming a mom has been. Once you are pregnant and especially after hsving your babies, it's amazing how the whole fertility process, which consumed your life for (fill in the blank) years, becomes a hazy memory.
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Joined: August 18th, 2010, 6:45 pm

February 18th, 2012, 9:17 pm #7

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
While I never had high FSH, I had four failed OE IVFs and several natural pregnancies turn to mc's (for me IVF never worked, all neg one chem.) The cruelest joke was that I actually got pregnant on my own the very next cycle after my 4th failed IVF just as I started coming to terms with DE.

After my first two IVFs failed I didn't want to believe the doctor when she said, based on my poor embryo quality and quantity, I should move on to DE. So I did two more IVFs somewhere else. What a waste of time and money.

But looking back... mentally, I wasn't ready yet. Both I and my DH needed to get to the point where we were ready to let go of the genetic link to me. And once we we got comfortable we never looked back.

For me it was easier to get there. My mother was adopted, and I have step kids (one is only 8 years younger than me). For DH , it was it little tougher. But what really clicked for him was the idea that I am the child's biologic mother. It will be my body making the baby with a kick start from a donor egg.

Good luck to you and please don't hesitate to ask questions here. You are in good company.
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

February 21st, 2012, 12:01 am #8

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
You should definitely go over to the pink board and lurk at a minimum. There is a recent post by a member cotton who recently gave birth to a DE baby and she clearly articulates the love she has for this baby. It is beautiful. I'm sure if you did post others on that board would respond about their experiences. I also hard difficulty moving on from OE despite be encouraged to consider DE from my first RE visit. The RE did agree to let me try one OE cycle which was cancelled due to inadequate response (only had two follies responding to meds and clinic had a minimum of three to go to retrieval). After some time grieving the loss of the genetic connection (had some help from a counselor), we moved on to donor egg. Although I cannot speak of the the experience after birth, my experience with DE so far has been that from the time I got the fertilization reports and embryo updates, they were in my heart my embryos and potential babies. I loved them from the moment I saw them on the screen before transfer. Last spring, I did get a BFP on an DE FET that unfortunately ended in an early miscarriage. The pain of that miscarriage was great, I had lost my baby. I don't think it would have been any different if it had been OE. The joy that I felt from that brief pregnancy is what gives me the courage and strength to endure this journey until I have success. Again welcome and best of luck to you!
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

February 21st, 2012, 12:09 am #9

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
You should definitely go over to the pink board and lurk at a minimum. There is a recent post by a member cotton who recently gave birth to a DE baby and she clearly articulates the love she has for this baby. It is beautiful. I'm sure if you did post others on that board would respond about their experiences. I also hard difficulty moving on from OE despite be encouraged to consider DE from my first RE visit. The RE did agree to let me try one OE cycle which was cancelled due to inadequate response (only had two follies responding to meds and clinic had a minimum of three to go to retrieval). After some time grieving the loss of the genetic connection (had some help from a counselor), we moved on to donor egg. Although I cannot speak of the the experience after birth, my experience with DE so far has been that from the time I got the fertilization reports and embryo updates, they were in my heart my embryos and potential babies. I loved them from the moment I saw them on the screen before transfer. Last spring, I did get a BFP on an DE FET that unfortunately ended in an early miscarriage. The pain of that miscarriage was great, I had lost my baby. I don't think it would have been any different if it had been OE. The joy that I felt from that brief pregnancy is what gives me the courage and strength to endure this journey until I have success. Again welcome and best of luck to you!
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Mrs. M
Mrs. M

February 21st, 2012, 12:10 am #10

I post alot on the high FSH board, but I'm looking for some experience on becoming a mom through DE. My DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years. I have been pregnant three times all resulting in chemicals. I am currently going through one now after doing IVF. I was diagnosed with high FSH in Sept. 27 at its highest and 19 at its lowest. I know alot of women would say not to give up on my own eggs yet since I am getting pg, but if I can't carry it past 6 weeks then there is no truth to that. I can't go through another loss. I don't have the emotional capacity for it. I have undergone some immune testing bw and some other bw for clotting issues. I've had an hsg, endo biopsy and everything checks out. DH is fine as well. I have put alot of thought into DE over the months. Of course there is a part of me that gets sad thinking that the child wouldn't have a biological link to me. But at the end of the day I just want to be a mother. I sometimes think that for whatever reason maybe it is supposed to be this way. I guess I'm just looking for some stories of ladies who are moms through DE. What were your feelings going through the process?? Does the child feel like your own?? Thank you
You should definitely go over to the pink board and lurk at a minimum. There is a recent post by a member cotton who recently gave birth to a DE baby and she clearly articulates the love she has for this baby. It is beautiful. I'm sure if you did post others on that board would respond about their experiences. I also hard difficulty moving on from OE despite be encouraged to consider DE from my first RE visit. The RE did agree to let me try one OE cycle which was cancelled due to inadequate response (only had two follies responding to meds and clinic had a minimum of three to go to retrieval). After some time grieving the loss of the genetic connection (had some help from a counselor), we moved on to donor egg. Although I cannot speak of the the experience after birth, my experience with DE so far has been that from the time I got the fertilization reports and embryo updates, they were in my heart my embryos and potential babies. I loved them from the moment I saw them on the screen before transfer. Last spring, I did get a BFP on an DE FET that unfortunately ended in an early miscarriage. The pain of that miscarriage was great, I had lost my baby. I don't think it would have been any different if it had been OE. The joy that I felt from that brief pregnancy is what gives me the courage and strength to endure this journey until I have success. Again welcome and best of luck to you!
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