it's hard to accept I am done with pregnancies

it's hard to accept I am done with pregnancies

Joined: June 12th, 2013, 1:30 pm

November 16th, 2014, 1:19 pm #1

I am having, Iguess all the feelings I would have had, had I gone with my plan A (crafted at age 7)
nine kiids, which would mean as in all things,nature would have stopped me at 40 or 42 or in some cases 49 (I truly know someone who had a baby then)

so here I am, by the miracle of medicine I had a baby at 45 and a baby at 49.

my body is starting to hurt more at 50 you know, joints and stuff no biggie.
DH and I laughed last night cause we ate pizza and pop and had heartburn, no college snarfing for us these days.

and having kids. we are enjoying them so so much. they are AWESOME.
I could and WOULD have more if we had time, money, if my husband did not suffer an illness (depression which for those of you who know, this IS an issue as surely as if he had MS or something, it's ongoing)

I just don't think even if we were younger it would be a good choice to have more, money wise and for DH's sake.

Still. I LOVE being a mother. LOVE it. I feel I missed my calling and found it at 45.

anyone else have this happen? thoughts?
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Joined: May 18th, 2006, 3:27 pm

November 16th, 2014, 2:31 pm #2

Well, if circumstances improve, remember you've got plenty of time. Look at me, haha! Obviously I haven't accepted it... Just enjoy your kiddos and hold onto the dream.
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Joined: September 29th, 2013, 1:44 pm

November 16th, 2014, 3:22 pm #3

I am having, Iguess all the feelings I would have had, had I gone with my plan A (crafted at age 7)
nine kiids, which would mean as in all things,nature would have stopped me at 40 or 42 or in some cases 49 (I truly know someone who had a baby then)

so here I am, by the miracle of medicine I had a baby at 45 and a baby at 49.

my body is starting to hurt more at 50 you know, joints and stuff no biggie.
DH and I laughed last night cause we ate pizza and pop and had heartburn, no college snarfing for us these days.

and having kids. we are enjoying them so so much. they are AWESOME.
I could and WOULD have more if we had time, money, if my husband did not suffer an illness (depression which for those of you who know, this IS an issue as surely as if he had MS or something, it's ongoing)

I just don't think even if we were younger it would be a good choice to have more, money wise and for DH's sake.

Still. I LOVE being a mother. LOVE it. I feel I missed my calling and found it at 45.

anyone else have this happen? thoughts?
There are some good therapies for depression and things can be better. One of my friend's husband has had major depression (the inherited kind) all his life. He is now on new medicine and he is thoroughly enjoying his life and is fun to be around. I wish that I knew the name of the med but perhaps a different psychiatrist would be able to help your husband.

Yes, kids are great and give so much purpose to life. I think that many of us would have more if things worked out.

B
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

November 17th, 2014, 4:36 pm #4

I am having, Iguess all the feelings I would have had, had I gone with my plan A (crafted at age 7)
nine kiids, which would mean as in all things,nature would have stopped me at 40 or 42 or in some cases 49 (I truly know someone who had a baby then)

so here I am, by the miracle of medicine I had a baby at 45 and a baby at 49.

my body is starting to hurt more at 50 you know, joints and stuff no biggie.
DH and I laughed last night cause we ate pizza and pop and had heartburn, no college snarfing for us these days.

and having kids. we are enjoying them so so much. they are AWESOME.
I could and WOULD have more if we had time, money, if my husband did not suffer an illness (depression which for those of you who know, this IS an issue as surely as if he had MS or something, it's ongoing)

I just don't think even if we were younger it would be a good choice to have more, money wise and for DH's sake.

Still. I LOVE being a mother. LOVE it. I feel I missed my calling and found it at 45.

anyone else have this happen? thoughts?
I did go through a period of being sad that my twin pregnancy would be the only one I would know, especially because a twin pregnancy has so many stresses (even though mine went almost completely uneventfully after the SCH early on till delivery), and I went through a brief period of determination to go back for my frosties, because I was sad I didn't have a girl. But Bobby's neurobehavioral problems and the stress of being an under-supported working mom to twins quietly obliterated that over time.

It's one thing to be a healthy middle-aged person when you have a lot time and resources to devote to your well-being, and it's a whole 'nuther one to try to be healthy when it's so hard to get regular exercise, your diet is erratic, and your quickest access to comfort is the cookie jar. The idea of doing anything that would make me more tired or physically uncomfortable like a pregnancy feels unthinkable now.

As much as I love my twins, they have been an education in why most couples only have two children. Getting out from under the expense of day care is going to be such a relief. Still, I wish my kids would have the support of a larger family the way I did.

I love being a mother, but I don't think I have found my calling. Being a mom satisfies my urge to be a mother, but it doesn't create some larger sense of fulfillment in my life. I still feel frustrated about the things I had to stop doing to become a mother. But I still can't imagine having resigned myself to a life not having known motherhood without at least trying. My children have enriched my life beyond expression, and I only hope I can be a good enough mother to help them grow into healthy adults.

Best wishes!

Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: January 19th, 2007, 7:18 pm

November 18th, 2014, 3:50 am #5

I am having, Iguess all the feelings I would have had, had I gone with my plan A (crafted at age 7)
nine kiids, which would mean as in all things,nature would have stopped me at 40 or 42 or in some cases 49 (I truly know someone who had a baby then)

so here I am, by the miracle of medicine I had a baby at 45 and a baby at 49.

my body is starting to hurt more at 50 you know, joints and stuff no biggie.
DH and I laughed last night cause we ate pizza and pop and had heartburn, no college snarfing for us these days.

and having kids. we are enjoying them so so much. they are AWESOME.
I could and WOULD have more if we had time, money, if my husband did not suffer an illness (depression which for those of you who know, this IS an issue as surely as if he had MS or something, it's ongoing)

I just don't think even if we were younger it would be a good choice to have more, money wise and for DH's sake.

Still. I LOVE being a mother. LOVE it. I feel I missed my calling and found it at 45.

anyone else have this happen? thoughts?
so I empathize.

I have nostalgic twinges at times, but I know that 2 is our realistic limit & I had a hyst. a year & a half ago. It took me a year or so to be ready but the misery of my frequent, heavy cycles became too much of a burden & was hampering my ability to be fully present for my kids. So it truly is over for me, which may make it different. But yes, I do get twinges of longing/envy when I hear someone is pg., etc. I think for me, it is more that I struggled so mightily to have my b@ys & I loved it so much that I feel a bit sad it is behind me. Still, I know we are done & two was our realistic limit.
Last edited by ariadne2 on November 18th, 2014, 4:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: June 12th, 2013, 1:30 pm

November 19th, 2014, 1:31 pm #6

the childcare lady said some wise things to me. several of the children she watches (young ones) parents have made the decision to be "one and done" she applauded it.
She said the hardest thing she had seen were people who did not realistically think through if they had the resources emotionally let alone financially for more kids.

and that can come at ANY time after one, two or three.

I think right now with medical needs we have and zero family support it would be VERY hard to have more. one was hard two without support has been pretty intense ESPECIALLY if DH has a bout of depression. (not his fault, as you know, this is medical and I knew it going into marriage)

it helps a little. it's harder to know we have frosties.
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

November 19th, 2014, 6:50 pm #7

My eyes would have bugged out of my head when I was a younger woman if I knew that at some point in my life I would be eager to try for a third child, but knowing that there is a potential full genetic sibling for your children in a freezer just eats at you. My understanding is that the Octomom scandal occurred in part because Suleiman couldn't bear to let any of her frosties go, and her doctor was crazy enough to transfer them all. You know, I don't get the sense my siblings who had two children ever anguished about it, and one family had the resources to have plenty more, though they married late enough that there probably wouldn't have been a bunch more kids coming. And one sister had three, but that was an oopsie. There something about knowing there's that potential child there that creates a longing. Maggie (in VA)
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

November 19th, 2014, 7:57 pm #8

I wanted THOSE embryos to get a chance to be my children. It was a strong pull.
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Joined: November 19th, 2014, 10:27 pm

November 19th, 2014, 10:36 pm #9

My eyes would have bugged out of my head when I was a younger woman if I knew that at some point in my life I would be eager to try for a third child, but knowing that there is a potential full genetic sibling for your children in a freezer just eats at you. My understanding is that the Octomom scandal occurred in part because Suleiman couldn't bear to let any of her frosties go, and her doctor was crazy enough to transfer them all. You know, I don't get the sense my siblings who had two children ever anguished about it, and one family had the resources to have plenty more, though they married late enough that there probably wouldn't have been a bunch more kids coming. And one sister had three, but that was an oopsie. There something about knowing there's that potential child there that creates a longing. Maggie (in VA)
Some of her lies got busted during the trial where her RE lost his license. One lie was that she was "just" using up her frozen embryos. That turned out to be false, she still has 29 frozen embryos in storage! Turns out she was doing fresh cycles and not using the frozens first. The ASRM wants REs to use frozens before transferring any new fresh ones.


http://content.usatoday.com/communities ... G0XtmK9KSM

The other lie that came out of the trial - she had been claiming that she only had 6 embryos transferred, and 2 split to become identical twins. But in the records she had transferred either 10 or 12, and none of the octoplets are identical twins from split embryos.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

November 20th, 2014, 1:22 am #10

It seems like a shame for them to just sit frozen or be destroyed...so many potential people!
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