In the trenches...what I am doing is not working

In the trenches...what I am doing is not working

Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

February 5th, 2012, 7:02 pm #1

Kids threw blueberries on the floor during lunch and I said they needed to pick them up. They pretty much refused though I offered them several choices for receptacles to put them in. I took their lovies and put them in timeout and said they were staying up till the blueberries were picked up. Then I set the timer for 8 minutes and said they were getting a slap on the leg every time it went beep beep. So far, the blueberries remain on the floor, they've gotten two slaps on the leg each and the timer is going again. They are pretty much in hysterics and alternating rage and refusing to pick up. They get distracted and start to play but the sobbing starts again when I take them back to task. What would you do?
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

February 5th, 2012, 7:12 pm #2

Why do they do this? They can clean that mess up in a minute tops and that includes dawdling. I am trying not to constantly nag because that does not work but even 2-3 mentions of the slap to come, they blow me off.
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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

February 5th, 2012, 7:13 pm #3

Kids threw blueberries on the floor during lunch and I said they needed to pick them up. They pretty much refused though I offered them several choices for receptacles to put them in. I took their lovies and put them in timeout and said they were staying up till the blueberries were picked up. Then I set the timer for 8 minutes and said they were getting a slap on the leg every time it went beep beep. So far, the blueberries remain on the floor, they've gotten two slaps on the leg each and the timer is going again. They are pretty much in hysterics and alternating rage and refusing to pick up. They get distracted and start to play but the sobbing starts again when I take them back to task. What would you do?
I am not opposed to spanking but I suspect most of your responses are going to be very anti-spanking.

What I have learned from people who are very serious about discipline (and have lovely children!) is that you can never back down when a stubborn child is testing you. It's a battle of the wills. Honestly I would continue to up the ante until they comply. That's just me. You have to win. I know that's not popular with permissive parenting models which state that you should avoid battles of the will (well you can avoid them all you want but eventually, you will have to face off!) Whether you ultimately decide later that spanking is not for you, right now you have issued them a threat of leg swats and you need to carry through with it. Just my opinion. Like I said, I'm sure I'll be the only one!

Mine are too young to swat but I can see what's in my future already. They are extremely defiant and willful. I feel for you.



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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

February 5th, 2012, 7:13 pm #4

Kids threw blueberries on the floor during lunch and I said they needed to pick them up. They pretty much refused though I offered them several choices for receptacles to put them in. I took their lovies and put them in timeout and said they were staying up till the blueberries were picked up. Then I set the timer for 8 minutes and said they were getting a slap on the leg every time it went beep beep. So far, the blueberries remain on the floor, they've gotten two slaps on the leg each and the timer is going again. They are pretty much in hysterics and alternating rage and refusing to pick up. They get distracted and start to play but the sobbing starts again when I take them back to task. What would you do?
Truth be told, if it were DD and it had gone this far I'd have picked up the blueberries by now. And while I was doing it, I'd say how sad it was there we couldn't play XYZ right now because I was having to pick up her mess. And a couple of hours later I'd be eating blueberries with DH and talking about how good they are and what a pity it is that DD can't have any because she threw them down last time. And I'd probably repeat that with a cookie later in the evening.

Tomorrow I'd offer blueberries but mention that if what happened yesterday happened again, they wouldn't get some food treat because I didn't want them on the floor.

I like to keep punishments of a natural consequence sort when possible, because I think it makes more sense to the kid. And as you see, I like to harp on and on about things.

Stay calm. They do know how to push buttons, don't they?
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

February 5th, 2012, 7:17 pm #5

I am not opposed to spanking but I suspect most of your responses are going to be very anti-spanking.

What I have learned from people who are very serious about discipline (and have lovely children!) is that you can never back down when a stubborn child is testing you. It's a battle of the wills. Honestly I would continue to up the ante until they comply. That's just me. You have to win. I know that's not popular with permissive parenting models which state that you should avoid battles of the will (well you can avoid them all you want but eventually, you will have to face off!) Whether you ultimately decide later that spanking is not for you, right now you have issued them a threat of leg swats and you need to carry through with it. Just my opinion. Like I said, I'm sure I'll be the only one!

Mine are too young to swat but I can see what's in my future already. They are extremely defiant and willful. I feel for you.


I think there is always a better solution. But damned if I can think of it right now. They really need a nap, Sarah is sick, and we are having this fight. :/
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

February 5th, 2012, 7:19 pm #6

Truth be told, if it were DD and it had gone this far I'd have picked up the blueberries by now. And while I was doing it, I'd say how sad it was there we couldn't play XYZ right now because I was having to pick up her mess. And a couple of hours later I'd be eating blueberries with DH and talking about how good they are and what a pity it is that DD can't have any because she threw them down last time. And I'd probably repeat that with a cookie later in the evening.

Tomorrow I'd offer blueberries but mention that if what happened yesterday happened again, they wouldn't get some food treat because I didn't want them on the floor.

I like to keep punishments of a natural consequence sort when possible, because I think it makes more sense to the kid. And as you see, I like to harp on and on about things.

Stay calm. They do know how to push buttons, don't they?
I feel like giving in at this point sends a bad message to them. I hate that spanking is the most expedient but I don't know what else to do.
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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

February 5th, 2012, 7:21 pm #7

I think there is always a better solution. But damned if I can think of it right now. They really need a nap, Sarah is sick, and we are having this fight. :/
I don't like it either but I disagree that there is ALWAYS a better way. Maybe there is USUALLY a better way. Sometimes a spanking really is the best action.

When I was a child, I was really wanting to avoid a spanking and especially a repeat spanking! I would ask, are you swatting hard enough to make it really unpleasant and something they want to avoid? Not talking about beating them with a lead pipe or anything, but a love tap ain't gonna be a deterrent.

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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

February 5th, 2012, 7:30 pm #8

two-three minutes later. I did up the ante though and put two of their favorite toys in a trash bag and asked if they wanted them back. Then they cleaned up post haste. Dunno why Sacred Blankie and Sarah's "family" (all the pink stuffed toys in the house) being in timeout didn't motivate. The swats did not motivate. But the threat of tossing toys did. I feel a little like Mommy Dearest. But at least with the threat, bam they hastily got to work and were happy to get the toys back. Crap. Why can timeout for toys not work so well?
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Joined: August 6th, 2011, 6:43 am

February 5th, 2012, 7:33 pm #9

Kids threw blueberries on the floor during lunch and I said they needed to pick them up. They pretty much refused though I offered them several choices for receptacles to put them in. I took their lovies and put them in timeout and said they were staying up till the blueberries were picked up. Then I set the timer for 8 minutes and said they were getting a slap on the leg every time it went beep beep. So far, the blueberries remain on the floor, they've gotten two slaps on the leg each and the timer is going again. They are pretty much in hysterics and alternating rage and refusing to pick up. They get distracted and start to play but the sobbing starts again when I take them back to task. What would you do?
Well I never had that exact problem myself with my DD. She is just very compliant. But if I do have that problem with the upcoming little one, ahh heck I'm just assuming I will as his dad is a stubborn defiant mule....LOL I would just put them in timeout until they comply. I'm not a spanker. If you look at the previous responses from Dee she just doesn't give in and it seems to work for her. She has zero tolerance for misbehaving and she just sends them off to their room or wherever until they are ready to comply. She actually recently posted about how she deals with it. I think the thing is....don't give in, get yourself earplugs.



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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

February 5th, 2012, 7:36 pm #10

two-three minutes later. I did up the ante though and put two of their favorite toys in a trash bag and asked if they wanted them back. Then they cleaned up post haste. Dunno why Sacred Blankie and Sarah's "family" (all the pink stuffed toys in the house) being in timeout didn't motivate. The swats did not motivate. But the threat of tossing toys did. I feel a little like Mommy Dearest. But at least with the threat, bam they hastily got to work and were happy to get the toys back. Crap. Why can timeout for toys not work so well?
It sounds like they are brave in the face of physical pain, but the threat of never seeing toys again worked like a charm. There you go!

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