I'm back! (adoption mentioned)

I'm back! (adoption mentioned)

Joined: February 24th, 2006, 7:42 am

December 8th, 2010, 11:40 am #1

Hi everyone

Some of you may remember me. We had 11 years of infertility 16 IUI's and 6 ICSI/IVF, the last cycle being with donor Egg. With that cycle I had a chem pregnancy. Straight after that cycle we adopted our beautiful son at 4 months. He is now going on 4 and we are wanting to adopt/have another child. With our son we have an open adoption and on Sunday Dylan't birth mom said that she would be a surrogate for us. She has just turned 36 and has had a total of 4 children (1 she has managed to keep). Now the dilemma. Firstly I am covered medically for childbirth, but she won't be. So if we go with IUI that would keep the cost down, but we would have to pay all medical bills. If I carry the baby, we will have to pay for fertility treatments, but I will be covered for childbirth and will experience pregnancy. I am age 47. Any insight for me.

Thanks
Regards
Brandy
(Durban, South Africa)
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Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

December 8th, 2010, 3:39 pm #2

My quick Google suggests that South Africa is a pretty surrogacy-friendly country, but surrogacy is so awesomely expensive, even at its best. Re IUI, does traditional vs. gestational surrogacy affect the enforceability of the agreement?

I guess a lot depends on your physical health and what gynecological issues you were experiencing when you were still ttc. I was 48 and perimenopausal when I conceived and bore twins with DE IVF, and there are plenty more women on these boards who did the same, so age itself isn't necessarily an obstacle. Also, I know South Africa is a lower cost DE IVF destination for fertility tourists, and I'm presuming that's true for you, too(?).

I read a statistic once that 90% of women who try DE IVF will become pg if they attempt three cycles (although I'm not remembering whether that 90% will achieve a live birth, which I tend to doubt; there are a lot of data junkies on this list who may have a better grip on that). Honestly, I think it depends a lot on how emotionally tied you are to wanting your next baby to be your adopted child's genetic sibling. If you aren't, especially if DE IVF is relatively affordable and your health is good, I'd be more inclined to give it at least a couple of tries with my own body.

But I'll be interested to read what everyone else thinks, especially those with more in-depth knowledge of foreign surrogacy law.

Good luck!

Maggie (in VA)
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LizLA
LizLA

December 8th, 2010, 4:15 pm #3

Hi everyone

Some of you may remember me. We had 11 years of infertility 16 IUI's and 6 ICSI/IVF, the last cycle being with donor Egg. With that cycle I had a chem pregnancy. Straight after that cycle we adopted our beautiful son at 4 months. He is now going on 4 and we are wanting to adopt/have another child. With our son we have an open adoption and on Sunday Dylan't birth mom said that she would be a surrogate for us. She has just turned 36 and has had a total of 4 children (1 she has managed to keep). Now the dilemma. Firstly I am covered medically for childbirth, but she won't be. So if we go with IUI that would keep the cost down, but we would have to pay all medical bills. If I carry the baby, we will have to pay for fertility treatments, but I will be covered for childbirth and will experience pregnancy. I am age 47. Any insight for me.

Thanks
Regards
Brandy
(Durban, South Africa)
your beautiful little boy.


GL
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Joined: February 24th, 2006, 7:42 am

December 8th, 2010, 4:51 pm #4

My quick Google suggests that South Africa is a pretty surrogacy-friendly country, but surrogacy is so awesomely expensive, even at its best. Re IUI, does traditional vs. gestational surrogacy affect the enforceability of the agreement?

I guess a lot depends on your physical health and what gynecological issues you were experiencing when you were still ttc. I was 48 and perimenopausal when I conceived and bore twins with DE IVF, and there are plenty more women on these boards who did the same, so age itself isn't necessarily an obstacle. Also, I know South Africa is a lower cost DE IVF destination for fertility tourists, and I'm presuming that's true for you, too(?).

I read a statistic once that 90% of women who try DE IVF will become pg if they attempt three cycles (although I'm not remembering whether that 90% will achieve a live birth, which I tend to doubt; there are a lot of data junkies on this list who may have a better grip on that). Honestly, I think it depends a lot on how emotionally tied you are to wanting your next baby to be your adopted child's genetic sibling. If you aren't, especially if DE IVF is relatively affordable and your health is good, I'd be more inclined to give it at least a couple of tries with my own body.

But I'll be interested to read what everyone else thinks, especially those with more in-depth knowledge of foreign surrogacy law.

Good luck!

Maggie (in VA)
Thanks Maggie. Either way it will be the birth mom's egg. Was just thinking maybe I could carry the baby still using her eggs. She seems to fall pregnant very easily, so doing IUI would probably work with her. There is nothing physically wrong with my, just 'old' lol. I have no fear of birth mom not handing the baby over, as we have such a good relationship with her and she does produce beautiful children. We have some frozen donor sperm that we will use, so the birth father will be different.

If we went the IUI route we would have to adopt the child once it was born.......I think.
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Vianna
Vianna

December 8th, 2010, 5:19 pm #5

Hi everyone

Some of you may remember me. We had 11 years of infertility 16 IUI's and 6 ICSI/IVF, the last cycle being with donor Egg. With that cycle I had a chem pregnancy. Straight after that cycle we adopted our beautiful son at 4 months. He is now going on 4 and we are wanting to adopt/have another child. With our son we have an open adoption and on Sunday Dylan't birth mom said that she would be a surrogate for us. She has just turned 36 and has had a total of 4 children (1 she has managed to keep). Now the dilemma. Firstly I am covered medically for childbirth, but she won't be. So if we go with IUI that would keep the cost down, but we would have to pay all medical bills. If I carry the baby, we will have to pay for fertility treatments, but I will be covered for childbirth and will experience pregnancy. I am age 47. Any insight for me.

Thanks
Regards
Brandy
(Durban, South Africa)
I am so happy to hear this beautiful story, SAgirl (I remember you--I was Elmild around these boards for a long time).

Try this place maybe:http://www.newlifeagency.com/

Good luck!!

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Vianna
Vianna

December 8th, 2010, 5:20 pm #6

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Joined: February 24th, 2006, 7:42 am

December 8th, 2010, 6:04 pm #7

Thanks. Will definitely look into that!
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Joined: February 24th, 2006, 7:42 am

December 8th, 2010, 6:26 pm #8

your beautiful little boy.


GL
That's the one;)
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Joined: June 2nd, 2007, 7:45 am

December 8th, 2010, 8:14 pm #9

Hi everyone

Some of you may remember me. We had 11 years of infertility 16 IUI's and 6 ICSI/IVF, the last cycle being with donor Egg. With that cycle I had a chem pregnancy. Straight after that cycle we adopted our beautiful son at 4 months. He is now going on 4 and we are wanting to adopt/have another child. With our son we have an open adoption and on Sunday Dylan't birth mom said that she would be a surrogate for us. She has just turned 36 and has had a total of 4 children (1 she has managed to keep). Now the dilemma. Firstly I am covered medically for childbirth, but she won't be. So if we go with IUI that would keep the cost down, but we would have to pay all medical bills. If I carry the baby, we will have to pay for fertility treatments, but I will be covered for childbirth and will experience pregnancy. I am age 47. Any insight for me.

Thanks
Regards
Brandy
(Durban, South Africa)
TWO options.
I would second what Maggie said; if there were gyny reasons that affected your ttc efforts back in the day, I'd head towards the surro route.
Though financially, that sounds more burdensome...
Personally, (and given that I've been burned by a birth mother changing her mind at the VERY last minute in an adoption), I'd be cautious about wading into the potentially volatile waters of surrogacy and adoption with a woman who has adopted out three (or had them removed?) children.
It sounds like you have a fabulous relationship with Dylan's birth mother; all credit to you for that (and her)....I would just be nervous about entering the potential minefield with someone carrying that history.
keep us posted and all the very very best.
Laura
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Joined: February 24th, 2006, 7:42 am

December 8th, 2010, 8:25 pm #10

I don't think the actual IUI with the birth mom will cost too much,just the birth really. Birth mom has an 18 month old baby girl who she is managing to keep. She is going through a divorce at the moment, so I know there is no chance she would be able to look after another. Her whole reason for wanting to do this, is to give Dylan a sibling. I also think that she feels that this is her way of doing some good.......even though she has given 3 families the gift of a child. I remind her of that often. She has no family and looks at us as family although she doesn't know where we live.

Here in South Africa the birth mom has 60 days to change her mind once an adoption goes through. With Dylan she had 60 days. She is such a strong woman and only thought of her children when they were given up for adoption. She was brought up in foster care and is constantly trying to build that family that she never had, by choosing awful men.

She now has a 5 days week job and is getting back on her feet.
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