I am livid at our son's teacher.... need other's perspective

I am livid at our son's teacher.... need other's perspective

Joined: June 5th, 2011, 4:39 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 8:45 pm #1

Hello All,

Here is the deal. My DS is still not potty trained for BM due to stubborness. His entire personality changes from a vibrant child to a shy child as soon as I drop him off. He rounds his shoulders and flexes his head and just becomes someone that I don't know. I have observed this over the past few months. This is a boy who pretends that he is the lead singer of Van Halen at home.

I have concluded that he is focusing so hard on not pooping all day long that he has learned to shut down and this entire pooping thing is affecting his self confidence. At home, he will freely poop in his underwear or pullups all day long. We can never get him to sit on the toilet without a major fight/meltdown.

So today, I arrived to pick him up and I can not find him in the classroom. His teacher said "He is in the bathroom cleaning himself". He can not clean up a major poop event. He is only 4. So when I open the door, it smelled so bad and poop was up his back and on his hands/legs and wall. My DS tired so hard as he had his new underwear on but upon close inspection, I found all the mess.

His teacher reported that she could not help him as it was pick up time for the parents to come. So she made a poor judgement call to have him clean himself alone but I am so pisssed. This comes after many instances of my DH and mother's disapproval of her. I have always been a fan of her but was going to approach the head of school today to discuss the appropriate classroom placement as his current teacher wants him again next yr and I was all for it a few months ago but when DH, DS and my mother think otherwise.. I was starting to listen. Now this. Ugh.

My children are in Montessori school and the teachers tend to move around from preschool to kindergarten and so forth. I am concerned that if I jeopardize my relationship w/ this teacher, she could end up still being my son's teacher in the future if she moves to be the kindergarten teacher or the lower elementary (1st-3rd) or upper elementary teacher (4th-6th) in the future. Any advice on how to handle this situation??

The issues that my DH and mother have cited have to do w/ her lack of chemistry w/ them and strictness and DS's unhappiness in her classroom. It is hard to know if DS is really unhappy or not cause if you ask him one day if he likes his teacher he will say yes and then if you ask him the next day it could be a no.

TIA,

FB
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Joined: December 4th, 2005, 5:25 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 9:15 pm #2


Surely some sincere questions about her thoughts would not jeopardize your relationship with her unless she is unreasonable. I know you are angry right now, but in a few days, when your feelings subside, maybe you can try to put some of your concerns in some neutral language to try to get a sense of whether this teacher can find ways to help your son around his potty issues.

As for stubbornness, have you been able to determine why it is he becomes stubborn around the potty?

Also, just wondering specifically about Montessori, for my own reasons.

I was extremely impressed with a very prestigious Montessori school in my area (it is nationally known--considered one of the best in country).

However, I have been concerned about too much pressure and a bit of a too much, too soon atmosphere (even though the teachers are outstanding and truly passionate and bright and lovely).

It's hard to put my finger on, but I wondered if it was fun enough, first of all. It seemed the school was a bit serious for my daughter's age (mind you, she is far younger than your son).

I am still considering the school, however. I'd love to hear some of your thoughts.

I guess I have no real advice or perspective, esp in light of my daughter's age (though I did for a while work in a daycare/kindergarten/pre-school/after-school program where some Montessori teachers were working).


I have been researching Montessori and am both impressed and questioning some of its tenets. (I am also reading up on Waldorf schools.) Do you mind my asking what about Montessori appealed to you? What have you found beneficial, valuable? What do you think your ds gets out of that philosophy of education?

So sorry that happened to your ds. So sad thinking of the poor little guy with such a big messy task without the real ability to perform it. I wonder how much experience does this teacher have? Could she just not have realized how she was setting him up for failure and frustration?

So sorry!!!
xoxoxv



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Joined: June 5th, 2011, 4:39 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 9:50 pm #3

We found the montessori method on accident when we moved our of our home state 4 yr ago when DS was a newborn and our DD was 3 1/2. The montessori method focusing on the innate love children have to learn. If you set the bar high, children will naturally rise up to it. I enjoy the fact that the child works at their level while observing children who are ahead of them and behind them. Our DD is now 7 and in first grade. Her classroom consists of 1st-3rd graders and they all help each other out w/ learning.

What is amazing about montessori is that during work time, the classroom is quiet. It is uncomfortable at first as I was so used to a loud classroom where children were not as focused.

Go to this website for futher info:http://www.montessori-namta.org/A-Paradigm-Shift

This site can really educate you more that I can and it compares montessori w/ traditional education.

We moved back to our home state after only 1 1/2 yrs and we are continuing in Montessori. We have now seen 3 different montessori schools as DS was originally too young for DDs school. We have been impressed w/ all three montessori schools. The teachers of montessori tend to be older and are very dedicated to child development. The materials that are used in the school seemed old fashioned at first but I have gotten used to it and the children love the materials.


We really love Montessori as it continues to challenge our children vs traditional school. We also have experience w/ public school for DD. We put her in Montessori Kindergarten early as when we moved back in 2009, all of the good preschools were full but they had a slot for her in kindergarten and since her birthday is in Oct we were ok w/ this placement. During this yr, our DD kept up w/ the other kids and there were 3 girls who were put in kingergarten early. As the school yr progressed, we decided to keep her in kindergarten for a second yr as to not push her into 1st grade too soon. We then made the decision to try out public school for her second yr in kinder. Well, that was a big big mistake and I realized it after the first month but we stuck out the yr and then put her back in Montessori.

Our DD was not challenged at all in public kindergarten compared to Montessori kindergarten. She would do silly worksheets and had homework to do art projects for each season/holiday. It was so babyish for her skills. Her public school teacher put her in gifted/talented but it was still a joke. I could and still do kick myself for making that choice but we live and learn and DD had fun and enjoyed public school and she is now back to the Montessori method.

Now one more thing, both of my children are self motivated and independent thinkers and are "perfect" for montessori school. Not every child is a montessori child and that is ok. What is really difficult to realize is that one school may not be a good fit for each child in the family. This can be difficult as I want my children going to the same school due to convenience and bonding together.


Good luck,

FB





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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

April 23rd, 2012, 10:18 pm #4

Hello All,

Here is the deal. My DS is still not potty trained for BM due to stubborness. His entire personality changes from a vibrant child to a shy child as soon as I drop him off. He rounds his shoulders and flexes his head and just becomes someone that I don't know. I have observed this over the past few months. This is a boy who pretends that he is the lead singer of Van Halen at home.

I have concluded that he is focusing so hard on not pooping all day long that he has learned to shut down and this entire pooping thing is affecting his self confidence. At home, he will freely poop in his underwear or pullups all day long. We can never get him to sit on the toilet without a major fight/meltdown.

So today, I arrived to pick him up and I can not find him in the classroom. His teacher said "He is in the bathroom cleaning himself". He can not clean up a major poop event. He is only 4. So when I open the door, it smelled so bad and poop was up his back and on his hands/legs and wall. My DS tired so hard as he had his new underwear on but upon close inspection, I found all the mess.

His teacher reported that she could not help him as it was pick up time for the parents to come. So she made a poor judgement call to have him clean himself alone but I am so pisssed. This comes after many instances of my DH and mother's disapproval of her. I have always been a fan of her but was going to approach the head of school today to discuss the appropriate classroom placement as his current teacher wants him again next yr and I was all for it a few months ago but when DH, DS and my mother think otherwise.. I was starting to listen. Now this. Ugh.

My children are in Montessori school and the teachers tend to move around from preschool to kindergarten and so forth. I am concerned that if I jeopardize my relationship w/ this teacher, she could end up still being my son's teacher in the future if she moves to be the kindergarten teacher or the lower elementary (1st-3rd) or upper elementary teacher (4th-6th) in the future. Any advice on how to handle this situation??

The issues that my DH and mother have cited have to do w/ her lack of chemistry w/ them and strictness and DS's unhappiness in her classroom. It is hard to know if DS is really unhappy or not cause if you ask him one day if he likes his teacher he will say yes and then if you ask him the next day it could be a no.

TIA,

FB
I found this link and thought it had some good info, but you may know all this already:

http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/potty ... fusals.htm

Before you talk to the teacher or principal, you should have a clear idea of what it is you wanted the teacher to do instead. Was she in a position to leave the other children alone in order to devote time to your child in the bathroom? If she had done so, then the other parents may have been angry at her, so she's in a no win situation. Did you want her to leave him in his poopy pants until pick up, when you could deal with it? Does this happen a lot at school? If so, you should have a plan for what should be done when he goes in his pants. In fact I'm kind of surprised that an action plan was not already discussed since he does this at home too. It's important for the teacher to know what you expect so that she can follow your plan. Many professionals advocate having a child take responsibility for his toilet accidents, so in her mind, she probably felt she was doing exactly the right thing.

The thing about switching teachers is that you don't know that the replacement is going to be more to your liking either. If the problem is with your child's potty training refusal, then that is going to follow him wherever he goes, and changing out teachers won't necessarily help unless she has a brilliant strategy for dealing with it. I didn't really find her actions so egregious. I get the sense that she struggled with a dilemma of how to serve the needs of the other kids as well as your child at an awkard time in the day. It sounds like something that can be planned for in the future and everyone will be secure knowing what to expect. Unless there is more to the story, I don't really see why you would switch teachers over this. I think that if you like her and your son seems to like her and she seems to like your son, then I wouldn't be swayed by a lack of chemistry on the part of your DH or your mom. Your opinion counts too. I also don't think strictness is a bad thing, but that's just me.

ETA: You said that his personality changes when you go to drop him off. That's a bigger indicator than they way he answers questions about liking his teacher. What is causing his demeanor to change? Is it every single day? You didn't mention if the pooping in pants happens at school and how it is usually handled, or if this was a first time occurrence. I would want to know if his changed demeanor is because the pooping happens a lot at school and he is stressed by his teacher's response to it, or if it's because he feels embarrassed in front of the other kids (a factor that isn't present at home when he poops freely, and also won't change even if you switch teachers) or something else.

Have you consulted a doctor about how to handle this? I would get an action plan going and meet with the teacher and the principal and also discuss with your little guy. Hopefully he can start to enjoy school more fully as he works through this!



Last edited by biogal on April 23rd, 2012, 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 4th, 2005, 5:25 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 10:23 pm #5

We found the montessori method on accident when we moved our of our home state 4 yr ago when DS was a newborn and our DD was 3 1/2. The montessori method focusing on the innate love children have to learn. If you set the bar high, children will naturally rise up to it. I enjoy the fact that the child works at their level while observing children who are ahead of them and behind them. Our DD is now 7 and in first grade. Her classroom consists of 1st-3rd graders and they all help each other out w/ learning.

What is amazing about montessori is that during work time, the classroom is quiet. It is uncomfortable at first as I was so used to a loud classroom where children were not as focused.

Go to this website for futher info:http://www.montessori-namta.org/A-Paradigm-Shift

This site can really educate you more that I can and it compares montessori w/ traditional education.

We moved back to our home state after only 1 1/2 yrs and we are continuing in Montessori. We have now seen 3 different montessori schools as DS was originally too young for DDs school. We have been impressed w/ all three montessori schools. The teachers of montessori tend to be older and are very dedicated to child development. The materials that are used in the school seemed old fashioned at first but I have gotten used to it and the children love the materials.


We really love Montessori as it continues to challenge our children vs traditional school. We also have experience w/ public school for DD. We put her in Montessori Kindergarten early as when we moved back in 2009, all of the good preschools were full but they had a slot for her in kindergarten and since her birthday is in Oct we were ok w/ this placement. During this yr, our DD kept up w/ the other kids and there were 3 girls who were put in kingergarten early. As the school yr progressed, we decided to keep her in kindergarten for a second yr as to not push her into 1st grade too soon. We then made the decision to try out public school for her second yr in kinder. Well, that was a big big mistake and I realized it after the first month but we stuck out the yr and then put her back in Montessori.

Our DD was not challenged at all in public kindergarten compared to Montessori kindergarten. She would do silly worksheets and had homework to do art projects for each season/holiday. It was so babyish for her skills. Her public school teacher put her in gifted/talented but it was still a joke. I could and still do kick myself for making that choice but we live and learn and DD had fun and enjoyed public school and she is now back to the Montessori method.

Now one more thing, both of my children are self motivated and independent thinkers and are "perfect" for montessori school. Not every child is a montessori child and that is ok. What is really difficult to realize is that one school may not be a good fit for each child in the family. This can be difficult as I want my children going to the same school due to convenience and bonding together.


Good luck,

FB




My dd was needing me, so I didn't get a chance to make it more coherent!

Thanks for all the info. I have been reading in-depth, and have friends with children who attended this school, but I appreciate hearing other personal stories.

One thing you say here is one of my primary motives for looking into this type of school. My dd gravitates very powerfully to older children. She has one 7-year-old friend who is a true teacher for her (this very lovely and precocious girl is home-schooled). She has several other older friends. One boy she has connected deeply with is 8 years old. He loves her and spends time with her and delights in her "learning" from him. I began to ask myself what she would lose if she begins to interact mainly with children only her own age. Thanks for speaking to that, in particular. (And, thanks for the Web site--not sure I've seen it before--thanks.)

If you have any materials in particular you would recommend, I'd love to hear about them. I have begun looking at available things, but haven't brought any home yet.

What you said about sibs from one family not neccessarily both being a fit, by the way, was true of a friend of mine whose dd went through this school I have been looking at, but whose brother did not do as well. My friend wound up taking him out. Lucky for her the schools were not too far apart from one another (in my case, it is quite a drive to this school). But, still, what a challenge to have children in different schools (though happens eventually with upper grades, naturally).

One thing struck me in your note about setting the bar high and children naturally rising to that bar -- has it been something of a discrepancy then, that your ds has not risen to the "bar" in this one case (potty)? How have you reconciled this with the ideology that you otherwise believe in? I imagine you are thinking that this issue is somehow outside of other school behaviors even though he is choosing to engage in it during school?

Again, I imagine that a neutral, sincere questioning of the teacher would not cause her to feel defensive. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom on that.

Out of curiosity, I searched "potty training issues" and found this article:http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/potty ... fusals.htm

This guy suggests making the child take full responsibility. (Though some of this advice here seems a bit contradictory.) Maybe the teacher was trying that with your ds?

Not sure that is helpful. I myself have not started yet, and this issue seems like a tremendous one even without additional stresses of refusal. I'm probably tuning into this, not only because I have such empathy for your ds, and can relate to your wanting to stay on good terms with someone I am frustrated with, but because I know I need to get myself up to speed on all things potty soon.

I wish you lots of luck working through this.


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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

April 23rd, 2012, 10:28 pm #6

I also thought the teacher's motivation came from this advice about having the child take responsibility.

I think where the advice seemed contradictory is that you do one thing if the child is pooping, but you do another thing if the child is RETAINING, because you don't want retained feces as it can cause medical issues. It takes priority, in other words, so if the kid has to wear a diaper in order to get the poop out, then that's what you have to do.



Last edited by biogal on April 23rd, 2012, 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: August 12th, 2004, 4:42 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 10:43 pm #7

Hello All,

Here is the deal. My DS is still not potty trained for BM due to stubborness. His entire personality changes from a vibrant child to a shy child as soon as I drop him off. He rounds his shoulders and flexes his head and just becomes someone that I don't know. I have observed this over the past few months. This is a boy who pretends that he is the lead singer of Van Halen at home.

I have concluded that he is focusing so hard on not pooping all day long that he has learned to shut down and this entire pooping thing is affecting his self confidence. At home, he will freely poop in his underwear or pullups all day long. We can never get him to sit on the toilet without a major fight/meltdown.

So today, I arrived to pick him up and I can not find him in the classroom. His teacher said "He is in the bathroom cleaning himself". He can not clean up a major poop event. He is only 4. So when I open the door, it smelled so bad and poop was up his back and on his hands/legs and wall. My DS tired so hard as he had his new underwear on but upon close inspection, I found all the mess.

His teacher reported that she could not help him as it was pick up time for the parents to come. So she made a poor judgement call to have him clean himself alone but I am so pisssed. This comes after many instances of my DH and mother's disapproval of her. I have always been a fan of her but was going to approach the head of school today to discuss the appropriate classroom placement as his current teacher wants him again next yr and I was all for it a few months ago but when DH, DS and my mother think otherwise.. I was starting to listen. Now this. Ugh.

My children are in Montessori school and the teachers tend to move around from preschool to kindergarten and so forth. I am concerned that if I jeopardize my relationship w/ this teacher, she could end up still being my son's teacher in the future if she moves to be the kindergarten teacher or the lower elementary (1st-3rd) or upper elementary teacher (4th-6th) in the future. Any advice on how to handle this situation??

The issues that my DH and mother have cited have to do w/ her lack of chemistry w/ them and strictness and DS's unhappiness in her classroom. It is hard to know if DS is really unhappy or not cause if you ask him one day if he likes his teacher he will say yes and then if you ask him the next day it could be a no.

TIA,

FB
Imagining your little guy having to struggle with a task he wasn't developmentally ready to handle. I agree with the others that you need to discuss with the teacher the appropriate way to handle such things in the future (doesn't have to be antagonistic). Ask her advice on how to work together to serve your son's needs; help him along the path to being able to use the toilet.

I really feel for you. It must be very difficult to see your little boy feeling demoralized.

Maya

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Joined: April 14th, 2007, 8:23 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 10:58 pm #8

Hello All,

Here is the deal. My DS is still not potty trained for BM due to stubborness. His entire personality changes from a vibrant child to a shy child as soon as I drop him off. He rounds his shoulders and flexes his head and just becomes someone that I don't know. I have observed this over the past few months. This is a boy who pretends that he is the lead singer of Van Halen at home.

I have concluded that he is focusing so hard on not pooping all day long that he has learned to shut down and this entire pooping thing is affecting his self confidence. At home, he will freely poop in his underwear or pullups all day long. We can never get him to sit on the toilet without a major fight/meltdown.

So today, I arrived to pick him up and I can not find him in the classroom. His teacher said "He is in the bathroom cleaning himself". He can not clean up a major poop event. He is only 4. So when I open the door, it smelled so bad and poop was up his back and on his hands/legs and wall. My DS tired so hard as he had his new underwear on but upon close inspection, I found all the mess.

His teacher reported that she could not help him as it was pick up time for the parents to come. So she made a poor judgement call to have him clean himself alone but I am so pisssed. This comes after many instances of my DH and mother's disapproval of her. I have always been a fan of her but was going to approach the head of school today to discuss the appropriate classroom placement as his current teacher wants him again next yr and I was all for it a few months ago but when DH, DS and my mother think otherwise.. I was starting to listen. Now this. Ugh.

My children are in Montessori school and the teachers tend to move around from preschool to kindergarten and so forth. I am concerned that if I jeopardize my relationship w/ this teacher, she could end up still being my son's teacher in the future if she moves to be the kindergarten teacher or the lower elementary (1st-3rd) or upper elementary teacher (4th-6th) in the future. Any advice on how to handle this situation??

The issues that my DH and mother have cited have to do w/ her lack of chemistry w/ them and strictness and DS's unhappiness in her classroom. It is hard to know if DS is really unhappy or not cause if you ask him one day if he likes his teacher he will say yes and then if you ask him the next day it could be a no.

TIA,

FB
yet slumps/rounds his shoulders at school.

Is this strictly related to potty-ing at school?
or
Is this related to his outlook overall of his school environment?

I agree with BBG's perspective below re the teacher in a lose lose situation.

At same time...I'm concerned about the 2 personalities you describe. Understandably...I know that kids can behave entirely differently at school vs. home...but it's sad to hear that he is Van Halen at home and slumps shoulders at school. I also feel very sad that he was left to tend to this alone. At same time...I'm concerned that some kind of action plan is not in place for your little guy...However, if teacher had action plans set for all to whom are potty-ing I guess she'd never get anything done. Gosh. I just dont know!

I would talk with teacher first...always before you go to her director

I would also chat with your son to try and get some kind of 4 year old overall perspective of what is going on in the classroom...does he like it? Is she a good fit for him...is it possibly he is feeling humiliated by the whole potty-ing situation at schooletc...

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Joined: June 5th, 2011, 4:39 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 11:03 pm #9

My dd was needing me, so I didn't get a chance to make it more coherent!

Thanks for all the info. I have been reading in-depth, and have friends with children who attended this school, but I appreciate hearing other personal stories.

One thing you say here is one of my primary motives for looking into this type of school. My dd gravitates very powerfully to older children. She has one 7-year-old friend who is a true teacher for her (this very lovely and precocious girl is home-schooled). She has several other older friends. One boy she has connected deeply with is 8 years old. He loves her and spends time with her and delights in her "learning" from him. I began to ask myself what she would lose if she begins to interact mainly with children only her own age. Thanks for speaking to that, in particular. (And, thanks for the Web site--not sure I've seen it before--thanks.)

If you have any materials in particular you would recommend, I'd love to hear about them. I have begun looking at available things, but haven't brought any home yet.

What you said about sibs from one family not neccessarily both being a fit, by the way, was true of a friend of mine whose dd went through this school I have been looking at, but whose brother did not do as well. My friend wound up taking him out. Lucky for her the schools were not too far apart from one another (in my case, it is quite a drive to this school). But, still, what a challenge to have children in different schools (though happens eventually with upper grades, naturally).

One thing struck me in your note about setting the bar high and children naturally rising to that bar -- has it been something of a discrepancy then, that your ds has not risen to the "bar" in this one case (potty)? How have you reconciled this with the ideology that you otherwise believe in? I imagine you are thinking that this issue is somehow outside of other school behaviors even though he is choosing to engage in it during school?

Again, I imagine that a neutral, sincere questioning of the teacher would not cause her to feel defensive. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom on that.

Out of curiosity, I searched "potty training issues" and found this article:http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/potty ... fusals.htm

This guy suggests making the child take full responsibility. (Though some of this advice here seems a bit contradictory.) Maybe the teacher was trying that with your ds?

Not sure that is helpful. I myself have not started yet, and this issue seems like a tremendous one even without additional stresses of refusal. I'm probably tuning into this, not only because I have such empathy for your ds, and can relate to your wanting to stay on good terms with someone I am frustrated with, but because I know I need to get myself up to speed on all things potty soon.

I wish you lots of luck working through this.

We started potty training around 2 1/2 and he sat on the baby potty well for a few times and then he was no longer interested so we gave up until age 3. Then we felt alot of pressure from the school to potty train him and DS shut down and it has been awful for the last yr.

This is an area of the montessori teaching that DS falls behind and truly has a developmental delay. It is so frustrating not to be able to have your child use the bathroom.

I have been at Target buying pullups b/c DS has to poop and feeling like a failure when I see a couple buying pullups for their 10 yr old normally looking son. So some other people have things worse.

Thanks,
FB
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Joined: June 5th, 2011, 4:39 pm

April 23rd, 2012, 11:13 pm #10

I found this link and thought it had some good info, but you may know all this already:

http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/potty ... fusals.htm

Before you talk to the teacher or principal, you should have a clear idea of what it is you wanted the teacher to do instead. Was she in a position to leave the other children alone in order to devote time to your child in the bathroom? If she had done so, then the other parents may have been angry at her, so she's in a no win situation. Did you want her to leave him in his poopy pants until pick up, when you could deal with it? Does this happen a lot at school? If so, you should have a plan for what should be done when he goes in his pants. In fact I'm kind of surprised that an action plan was not already discussed since he does this at home too. It's important for the teacher to know what you expect so that she can follow your plan. Many professionals advocate having a child take responsibility for his toilet accidents, so in her mind, she probably felt she was doing exactly the right thing.

The thing about switching teachers is that you don't know that the replacement is going to be more to your liking either. If the problem is with your child's potty training refusal, then that is going to follow him wherever he goes, and changing out teachers won't necessarily help unless she has a brilliant strategy for dealing with it. I didn't really find her actions so egregious. I get the sense that she struggled with a dilemma of how to serve the needs of the other kids as well as your child at an awkard time in the day. It sounds like something that can be planned for in the future and everyone will be secure knowing what to expect. Unless there is more to the story, I don't really see why you would switch teachers over this. I think that if you like her and your son seems to like her and she seems to like your son, then I wouldn't be swayed by a lack of chemistry on the part of your DH or your mom. Your opinion counts too. I also don't think strictness is a bad thing, but that's just me.

ETA: You said that his personality changes when you go to drop him off. That's a bigger indicator than they way he answers questions about liking his teacher. What is causing his demeanor to change? Is it every single day? You didn't mention if the pooping in pants happens at school and how it is usually handled, or if this was a first time occurrence. I would want to know if his changed demeanor is because the pooping happens a lot at school and he is stressed by his teacher's response to it, or if it's because he feels embarrassed in front of the other kids (a factor that isn't present at home when he poops freely, and also won't change even if you switch teachers) or something else.

Have you consulted a doctor about how to handle this? I would get an action plan going and meet with the teacher and the principal and also discuss with your little guy. Hopefully he can start to enjoy school more fully as he works through this!


We have not initiated an action plan as he has only had 2 accidents at school all yr. I have repeatly told this teacher that he is not potty trained w/ BM but I guess you have to see to believe it. The last time he pooped it was just a little bit. I think putting an action plan in place is best. Such as calling an office lady in to assist if this happens during a busy time to help clean up my son.

My son poops 3 times in the evening at night as he works so hard at holding it all day long. I am the breadwinner and a very busy job so I do my best. My DH works at night so he is not around to help and when he is it does not go well.

As far as replacing her, I was referring to next yr. I was already planning on talking w/ the head of school about the proper placement for next school yr as I am beginning to see that my son and her may not be a great fit and his needs are important as I hate seeing him change personalities.

Thanks for your insight and mature post as I was still so emotional when I posted.

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