How thoughtless and oblivious

How thoughtless and oblivious

anon
anon

November 9th, 2010, 1:21 am #1

can people be? What do you say and how do you keep it together when someone tells you that they're pregnant (again) with their third child because they thought that they wanted another one but now aren't really sure. It's like they're talking about having bought another pair of shoes and having buyer's remorse!

I'm so burned out! Why would someone volunteer this information during a casual transaction in a store? I wanted to say so many things, but don't even remember what I said.
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Joined: October 22nd, 2010, 7:15 am

November 9th, 2010, 2:04 am #2

and UGH again?!? I wish there had been some soul searching PRIOR to becoming pregnant. Now that they are well on that road, we just have to pray that there is some soul searching going on now and that they find the longing in their hearts to bring forth life, like so many of us have. What an honor to become a parent, and what a downer for somebody to take it lightly. But if they find that they seriously don't want a child, I would hope they'd do the unselfish thing and allow somebody else to love and raise the child (although I hate the thought of giving up a baby, in some cases, I imagine it's necessary to save the baby). If, however, they were just making random thoughtless comments then I hope they realize that their attitudes can really be destructive to the spirit of a child. And I am a firm believer that the destruction does not begin outside the womb, but can start with negativity surrounding the precious little one inside the womb.
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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

November 9th, 2010, 3:22 am #3

can people be? What do you say and how do you keep it together when someone tells you that they're pregnant (again) with their third child because they thought that they wanted another one but now aren't really sure. It's like they're talking about having bought another pair of shoes and having buyer's remorse!

I'm so burned out! Why would someone volunteer this information during a casual transaction in a store? I wanted to say so many things, but don't even remember what I said.
When I found out it would be twins, all I could think is "WhathaveIdoneWhathaveIdoneWhathaveIdone?? I will never be able to meet their needs as I could for only one child. I will never be able to be the mother I dreamed of being. I am going to shortchange my babies. No matter how good I am, it won't be good enough." I am getting over that because at this point, my little ones and I simply have to play the hand we've been dealt and I have to be the best mommy I can be. I don't know how she presented her concerns, but maybe she is feeling something similar. (And yes, I was shocked to have such a visceral negative reaction to something I had worked so long and hard for...I know this is not really the appropriate board to dwell on any emotions like that - and really, I do not anymore - but wanted to share what thoughts she may be having. It could well be out of love for her current children and coming child that she is feeling ambivalent).
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Orchid
Orchid

November 9th, 2010, 4:51 am #4

And it never even occurs to them that it is a heartbreak to think about from someone else's perspective.

It is a very strange phenomenon. Being pregnant can be terrifying and even women who try for years get freaked out and have regrets when they are pregnant.

I am actually preparing myself for this reaction. Which would be absurd after 5 years of TTCing and all kinds of failures and sadness and frustration. But I think it can happen. The whole 'what have I done' thing that Blessedthistle brings up. Almost all people who say things like that don't actually mean it. Babies are very abstract until they are live creatures in your arms.

But it is very insensitive. People just have no idea that pain they cause. I'm sorry you felt bad.



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W
W

November 9th, 2010, 10:47 pm #5

can people be? What do you say and how do you keep it together when someone tells you that they're pregnant (again) with their third child because they thought that they wanted another one but now aren't really sure. It's like they're talking about having bought another pair of shoes and having buyer's remorse!

I'm so burned out! Why would someone volunteer this information during a casual transaction in a store? I wanted to say so many things, but don't even remember what I said.
insecure about themselves and the decisions they make and/or have some sort of dysfunction in their lives that disallows them any certainty in their actions. really, it's pretty common and unfortunately about everywhere one goes.

W

and of course...NOT everyone is this way, however a vast majority are. and in my observations it applies to a wide range of topics beyond reproduction. if you are clever yourself, you will learn to note these types of remarks and if you pay careful attention, they can give you some insight into another's short comings. people, plenty of time, reveal a lot more than they realize, mistaking that their remarks are little less than idle chatter.
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W
W

November 9th, 2010, 10:57 pm #6

the other day in the midst of another married couple. the husband laughingly says..."I've been trying to get rid of HER for years"! oh, he thought that was grand funny. I was myself, pretty offended, for HER. what does that say about their marriage? joking or not. what does that say about the level of respect and compassion they have for one another? if their children had heard that, what would they think? it's bad, thoughtless behavior and poor manners. if he had been my husband, he would have been in for a knock down drag out, followed shortly by a registered letter from the best attorney money can buy. yikes! ...and by the way, my dh would never talk like that, he's far more considerate, thank God!

just another example of how lots of people seem to take things for granted, things that SHOULD be sacred.

W
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