How many of you considered a sibling for your child .

How many of you considered a sibling for your child .

zaytune
zaytune

May 5th, 2011, 3:03 pm #1

We are in the process of getting the donor contract to start on our very first DE cycle . We( mostly I) did get our dream donor , but she has donated 4 times before us and there is a couple waiting to cycle after us , which means she will be done with the ASRM approved 6 cycles . I was wondering if we did get successful , the odds for getting a sibling for the child with the same genetics will not be good . Being 30 yrs old , she does not make that many eggs/embryos and hence less likely to have frosties . I feel tempted to reserve her for another cycle , but what if we are not successful with the first one itself . Also this cycle itself is costing about 50 grand and money is a consideration as well . I was wondering how many of you that got successful , thought of these things . The main reason I want a sibling ( other than the fact that I would love to have tons of children) is that I think it would be too much pressure for a single child being donor and all . We plan to be notell to the world , but will tell the child at an age that we havent decided on . Please share your experiences .
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Joined: November 19th, 2006, 8:22 pm

May 5th, 2011, 5:47 pm #2

I have 4 DE kids so yes, wanted siblings. DD1 is from a known donor (my SIL) but she was 32 when she donated and the subsequent FET's were BFN's. So we went and found another donor and had 3 successes. My regret is not so much different donors (which will have some issues I am sure) but more that we have one known and one unknown donor. I feel sad for my kids with the unknown donor and wonder if they will be jealous of their sister. Personally I would try for a donor that could give you a good number of embies or be willing to donate again. Just doing DE creates enough issues in itself let alone kids from different donors. less complications further down the track when the kids are teenagers!

Hope this helps and best of luck!
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Zaytune
Zaytune

May 5th, 2011, 5:58 pm #3

Thank you for sharing your experience . I had preferred to find someone younger and with history or more eggs/embryos . Unfortunately I have had a tough time with my ethnicity ( East indian) to find anyone that in anyway matched us . Culturally east Indians do not donate eggs and east Indian donors are difficult to find . I could ask this donor to cycle with us again , but I am not sure what the outcome of this first cycle will be . If we have a BFN , I am not sure if I would want to cycle with her again , whether or not we have frosties . If we got successful , it would be a different story . I am not sure if I should discuss this aspect with the agency at all .
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Joined: September 9th, 2005, 4:13 pm

May 5th, 2011, 6:06 pm #4

We are in the process of getting the donor contract to start on our very first DE cycle . We( mostly I) did get our dream donor , but she has donated 4 times before us and there is a couple waiting to cycle after us , which means she will be done with the ASRM approved 6 cycles . I was wondering if we did get successful , the odds for getting a sibling for the child with the same genetics will not be good . Being 30 yrs old , she does not make that many eggs/embryos and hence less likely to have frosties . I feel tempted to reserve her for another cycle , but what if we are not successful with the first one itself . Also this cycle itself is costing about 50 grand and money is a consideration as well . I was wondering how many of you that got successful , thought of these things . The main reason I want a sibling ( other than the fact that I would love to have tons of children) is that I think it would be too much pressure for a single child being donor and all . We plan to be notell to the world , but will tell the child at an age that we havent decided on . Please share your experiences .
Hi,

We won the lottery and a couple donated their embryos to us. The donation resulted in our two amazing kids.

I know this is not the same scenario that you discussed, but I do know what you mean about wanting the baby to have a genetic sibling. Although the genetics of it is not important to us, it may be to our kids. It also may not be important to them, but we have it covered just in case.

We felt overwhelmingly grateful for one and still can't believe we have two (genetically related or not). Best of luck to you!

MM
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Zaytune
Zaytune

May 5th, 2011, 6:24 pm #5

That is exactly what I feel . It feels good to have this board with wonderful women who understand these issues . I cannot discuss this with anyone else .
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Anonymous
Anonymous

May 5th, 2011, 7:59 pm #6

We are in the process of getting the donor contract to start on our very first DE cycle . We( mostly I) did get our dream donor , but she has donated 4 times before us and there is a couple waiting to cycle after us , which means she will be done with the ASRM approved 6 cycles . I was wondering if we did get successful , the odds for getting a sibling for the child with the same genetics will not be good . Being 30 yrs old , she does not make that many eggs/embryos and hence less likely to have frosties . I feel tempted to reserve her for another cycle , but what if we are not successful with the first one itself . Also this cycle itself is costing about 50 grand and money is a consideration as well . I was wondering how many of you that got successful , thought of these things . The main reason I want a sibling ( other than the fact that I would love to have tons of children) is that I think it would be too much pressure for a single child being donor and all . We plan to be notell to the world , but will tell the child at an age that we havent decided on . Please share your experiences .
It sounds like you are doing everything possible to maximize your chances with this precious donor by going to a top clinic. Yes I would personally try to reserve her for a future cycle too, considering how rare your donor is ethnically. I did this, much to the protests and cheerleeding ra ra ra about how I wasn't going to need 2 cycles, it was going to work out, don't think that far ahead, etc. I ignored that advice and went ahead and booked her for 2 cycles (and thank goodness! I did need 2 cycles! And did not want any other donor but her).

Keep in mind that if you do have success and want to bring the donor back for more related siblings in a year or two, most clinics will make an exception to the 6 donation limit. I would be worried though that in a couple of years she may have moved on and chooses not to donate again, or is working on her own family, or has a boyfriend/husband who doesn't approve.
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Anon
Anon

May 5th, 2011, 11:26 pm #7

We are in the process of getting the donor contract to start on our very first DE cycle . We( mostly I) did get our dream donor , but she has donated 4 times before us and there is a couple waiting to cycle after us , which means she will be done with the ASRM approved 6 cycles . I was wondering if we did get successful , the odds for getting a sibling for the child with the same genetics will not be good . Being 30 yrs old , she does not make that many eggs/embryos and hence less likely to have frosties . I feel tempted to reserve her for another cycle , but what if we are not successful with the first one itself . Also this cycle itself is costing about 50 grand and money is a consideration as well . I was wondering how many of you that got successful , thought of these things . The main reason I want a sibling ( other than the fact that I would love to have tons of children) is that I think it would be too much pressure for a single child being donor and all . We plan to be notell to the world , but will tell the child at an age that we havent decided on . Please share your experiences .
How is it costing you 50K ? I though DE cycle total could not exceed 30-32K .
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Zaytune
Zaytune

May 5th, 2011, 11:39 pm #8

It sounds like you are doing everything possible to maximize your chances with this precious donor by going to a top clinic. Yes I would personally try to reserve her for a future cycle too, considering how rare your donor is ethnically. I did this, much to the protests and cheerleeding ra ra ra about how I wasn't going to need 2 cycles, it was going to work out, don't think that far ahead, etc. I ignored that advice and went ahead and booked her for 2 cycles (and thank goodness! I did need 2 cycles! And did not want any other donor but her).

Keep in mind that if you do have success and want to bring the donor back for more related siblings in a year or two, most clinics will make an exception to the 6 donation limit. I would be worried though that in a couple of years she may have moved on and chooses not to donate again, or is working on her own family, or has a boyfriend/husband who doesn't approve.
I worry about cycling with the same donor again if the cycle does not work out , did you not have this fear ? And at what point did you do the second cycle , was it after the fresh one failed or after you were done with frosties . This donor had made 5 embryos in her last cycle , two were transferred and 3 frozen and a pregnancy resulted . Not sure what day those embryos were.
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Zaytune
Zaytune

May 5th, 2011, 11:45 pm #9

How is it costing you 50K ? I though DE cycle total could not exceed 30-32K .
Donor compensation is 10000, agency fee , lawyer fee about 5000 , travel for donor from newyork to colorado twice , once for oneday workup , the second stay about 10 days for cycle, hotel and food costs . The oneday workup itself costs around 3000 . I think about 17000 for the cycle. Plus meds , health insurance for donor etc . Our travel costs and stay as well , we do not live in colorado . In fact may exceed 50K.
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zaytune
zaytune

May 5th, 2011, 11:52 pm #10

How is it costing you 50K ? I though DE cycle total could not exceed 30-32K .
I know it sounds exorbitant and it is , but I figure the stats for CCRM are worth it . Not only are their success rates for fresh cycles pretty good , I think there is a striking difference between their success rates for FET's vs other clinics . Partly because they vitrify their embryos which gives a much better thaw rate .
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