hello friends, how do I get DS to stop ignoring me?

hello friends, how do I get DS to stop ignoring me?

Joined: February 24th, 2004, 6:44 pm

April 13th, 2012, 2:13 am #1

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

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Joined: March 25th, 2008, 8:46 pm

April 13th, 2012, 2:21 am #2

start asking him questions re desirable things once after telling him "I have a question for you." If he doesn't respond, that's it. He doesn't get it, you choose, whatever but no second chances. Period. Kinda tough love but I found with food throwing, tough love was all that finally worked.

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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

April 13th, 2012, 3:39 am #3

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

Start whispering and not yelling. If he misses out on something as he is not listening then so be it. It seems like he is in his own little world. I think maybe its a man thing. If Dr Who is on the TV my man is 'not there' at all.
YOur DS is probably thinking about something else in a really concentrated way.
Good luck with it, I'm hoping someone here has some good ideas for you, best, THK
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Joined: August 12th, 2004, 4:42 pm

April 13th, 2012, 4:09 am #4

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

I don't have experience with this, so take this for what it's worth. I'm wondering if it would help to get right down in front of his face when you talk to him, eyeball to eyeball, even taking his face in your hands as you speak to him. And then don't move until you get an answer. His world has to stop still until he deals with you and your question (no turning or walking away). ??

Maya

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Joined: April 10th, 2008, 1:25 am

April 13th, 2012, 4:29 am #5

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

He is at an age that he understands the control he has, you have to take it back. Send him to his room until he is ready to answer. Warn him ahead of time when mommy or daddy speaks to you you should answer right away or you will be sent to your room until you are ready to answer.

Have zero tolerance for this behavior and do not raise your voice at all. If he refuses to go to his room pick him up and take him there. Tell him he does not come out until he apologizes and answers the question. After a few times of this, you will simply have to ask him, Do you want to go to your room?

Its a game now to him, because he has the control and he figures you can't make him speak. If he does not choose you make the choice and he is not allowed to make a change after you have made the choice.

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Joined: September 26th, 2008, 9:06 pm

April 13th, 2012, 5:05 am #6

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

And I might say 'Yes or no, babyboat!'

I afree this is frustrating.
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Joined: August 22nd, 2008, 3:29 pm

April 13th, 2012, 6:23 am #7

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

who recommend that you get down and look your son in his face and speak with him. (speaking clearly but quietly works great) Some children are self absorbed, especially around age 4. Although I never had a child actually ignore me, we did have one son who would get totally involved with whatever he was doing, or playing and he often didn't hear us. He was a very smart child and is currently studying science at University. While he has a high IQ, his social skills still need some work. Teaching children to look at people when they speak and then respond accordingly is just part of good social behavior ...to do otherwise is disrepectful.

So try getting down at his level and talking quietly to him and hopefully this will do the trick. The only other thing that I would recommend is try to do something with him....say if you come into the room and he is playing with his lego...get down on the floor and see what he is building, spend some time talking to him about what he's building, or just watch and maybe play along side him....then see if that connection makes it easier for you to then transition him to the next activity better...like dinner, or bed etc.

I do have one son who if I want to really talk to...I ask him if he wants to go out and shoot some hoops with me or kick the soccer ball around...he seems to need to be doing something active, before he can open up to me...or maybe being active just helps him process his thoughts better. Observing what your son is doing when you are asking him a question may be the key here. good luck....raising little men is so interesting and can be so rewarding.

Blessings from Hope
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Joined: February 6th, 2007, 1:08 am

April 13th, 2012, 11:14 am #8

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

go and get his hearing tested fully. I don't know if they do that at the 4 year check in USA, they don't here or in UK, they just say things that they hear and give them a tick. I have a son who is now 23 who passed all his hearing tests and only with my persistence and paying privately I got a full hearing check done by an audiologist who found he was 80% deaf in each ear. He behaved just as your son does and if I looked at him straight he could "hear" better as he actually used lip reading.

If after checking his hearing with an audiologist (assuming this hasn't already been done), I would stop all TV and tell him why, getting engrossed in TV can switch them off to anything happening beyond the TV. I would start punishments too and say, "OK, if you want to ignore me no xyz, you can do abc (that he doesn't like doing) e.g. clean shoes, tidy room etc.

Maybe he thinks you are a softie, kids play on that so you just have to show him you are no longer. I'm a real "tough" parent - ask THK, but they know No means NO and etc.

Good luck.



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Joined: February 9th, 2008, 3:37 am

April 13th, 2012, 3:55 pm #9

DS is 4 years old. This has been going on for a while but it is getting more frequent... He does not have a hearing problem. He had his well visit and his hearing is just fine. I know that he gets mesmerized by something, anything, or he is totally NOT thinking about me or what I'm saying to him. I always precede my question (or comment) with his name, often times saying his name 2-3-4-5 times (often getting louder and louder) and then I often just give up... if I say what I need to anyway, he ignores me. Examples: Hey DS, how was your day at school? pause Did you have a good day at at school? pause Hey DS, what did you do at school? pause What was your favorite part of school today? pause. nothing. Or, like tonite, I asked him which toothbrush he wants to use. no answer. again, no answer. again, no answer. Finally, having become so agitated, I yelled his name, he was startled and then began to cry. I did not want to make him cry, but geez, I tried to get his attention. Then I tried to explain why I yelled, and it did no good (of course).

If I have to ask him something when the TV is on, I pause it. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. The questions could be something worthwhile to him but he still ignores me. My DH is fed up, he ignores DH too and DH is not happy about that. I'm not sure how to deal with this. When I ask DS a question over and over and over, many times I will say, "hmm, no answer? ok, then I guess the answer is no" to which I often get a whining "yessssssss". so it's not that he doesn't hear me, he is ignoring me... I do this one several times a day. Sometimes he just walks away when I ask him something and I look at the ceiling shaking my head.

So, it's not like he ignores me just when I ask him to put toys away or something, sometimes it is when the question will even benefit HIM. How to deal with this behavioral issue?

what I do when they seem to ignore me is to get their undivided attention.I turn all distractions off,get down to their eye level and be sure they are listening~I also be sure to get a response~
This happens so don't worry!

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Joined: August 22nd, 2008, 3:29 pm

April 13th, 2012, 4:50 pm #10

go and get his hearing tested fully. I don't know if they do that at the 4 year check in USA, they don't here or in UK, they just say things that they hear and give them a tick. I have a son who is now 23 who passed all his hearing tests and only with my persistence and paying privately I got a full hearing check done by an audiologist who found he was 80% deaf in each ear. He behaved just as your son does and if I looked at him straight he could "hear" better as he actually used lip reading.

If after checking his hearing with an audiologist (assuming this hasn't already been done), I would stop all TV and tell him why, getting engrossed in TV can switch them off to anything happening beyond the TV. I would start punishments too and say, "OK, if you want to ignore me no xyz, you can do abc (that he doesn't like doing) e.g. clean shoes, tidy room etc.

Maybe he thinks you are a softie, kids play on that so you just have to show him you are no longer. I'm a real "tough" parent - ask THK, but they know No means NO and etc.

Good luck.



unless you have an audiologist test his ears you simply won't know...maybe there are some ranges of sound that he doesn't register. We just found out that our 22 year old daughter has had some hearing damage after playing piano (in a small practise room at the University..that echoes...she was working on her ARCT and was practising up to 3 hours at one time)...we were shocked to hear this so you just never know.

Also, yeah...sounds like you may be very gentle with him since when you actually raised his voice it caused him to cry...although I'm very nurturing and love to connect physically with my kids with lots of hugs and kisses..my kids know the line and being rude and disrepectful is not acceptable.

So I would definately rule out the hearing issue...and also look at his comprehension. Not knowing your son at all, his speech, his soical skills, behavior, how he is with other adults etc...only you will know...listen to your gut about this. As I mentioned in my earlier post it could be that he is quite intelligent and gets self absorbs and isn't able to focus on anything else. Our little people live in the moment to such a degree that it is difficult even at 4 to shift gears and do what someone wants us to do. Also, four is a big year for building lots of independence and it could be his way of saying..this is my time. One of my little guys used to say to me all the time...'you aren't the boss of me' when I would ask him to do something around this age. I would agree that I wasn't the boss of him...but I was his mom and I am in charge of keeping the family running smoothly and whether he wanted to do something or not was irrelevant at certain times...we do have to give them lots of lead time as well before we ask them to do something...give them...say in 5 minutes I need you to brush your teeth and put on your jammies and then be firm when that time is up...it sets the tone for the next time.

This parenting thing is so hard....I also felt so bad when my kids were acting up and I took the hard line and then later found out they were coming down with a flu...or something...now if my little ones are not themselves I try to rule out health issues first as most kids want to obey and be helpful.

Good luck with finding the answers to get your son to respond.

Blessings from Hope

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