Held a friends 4 month old baby recently...

Held a friends 4 month old baby recently...

K
K

June 13th, 2011, 2:57 am #1

And it really made me realize. The genetic thing will not bother me at all. I'd have been happy with that baby... So for those of you looking into DE and questioning, as I did, that showed me. It won't matter in the end. I'm happy we found a donor that resembles me but I can't wait to get to the end. . Tons of luck to every one of you. (((hugs)))
Quote
Share

Joined: September 6th, 2007, 1:40 am

June 13th, 2011, 4:39 am #2

Seriously, I WOULD TAKE ANYONE'S BABY.

Not like I'm going to steal a baby...But...you know what I mean!!!!

I would be really surprised if the genetic thing bothers people. Does it?

Really and truly you just never know how you will love. Love surprises us! Love is not genetic!!!

Ugh, there are people I'm very closely related to and I feel no connection with them. But with my in-laws--it's just a spiritual thing. Or with my husband.

Damn, I wish we were living in the time adoption was easier and not my take home salary for a year.
Quote
Like
Share

K
K

June 13th, 2011, 5:18 am #3

That's exactly how it was.... I'd take (adopt not steal...lol) that baby in a split second if the parents didn't want it! I was going to continue trying with my OE but it wasn't happening soon enough. After holding this precious baby for a short time I was in love... Lol
I'm just happy I moved on to DE... And wanted to post this for anyone who was questionable for some reason about DE. adoption is too hard nowadays... But this DE option... Amazing!
Quote
Share

Joined: January 31st, 2011, 3:38 am

June 13th, 2011, 10:37 am #4

And it really made me realize. The genetic thing will not bother me at all. I'd have been happy with that baby... So for those of you looking into DE and questioning, as I did, that showed me. It won't matter in the end. I'm happy we found a donor that resembles me but I can't wait to get to the end. . Tons of luck to every one of you. (((hugs)))
This made me smile. :-) (NT)
Quote
Like
Share

Ariadne
Ariadne

June 13th, 2011, 2:15 pm #5

And it really made me realize. The genetic thing will not bother me at all. I'd have been happy with that baby... So for those of you looking into DE and questioning, as I did, that showed me. It won't matter in the end. I'm happy we found a donor that resembles me but I can't wait to get to the end. . Tons of luck to every one of you. (((hugs)))
Dh was more resistant to DE, as I've posted before (sad, angry). I knew from watching him with other kids, though, that it would be fine & it was. He always played with the little kids & babies when we were around them. I felt that, for either of us, if someone had said we could take one of those babies or toddlers home, we would have in a heartbeat.
Quote
Share

Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

June 13th, 2011, 2:31 pm #6

Seriously, I WOULD TAKE ANYONE'S BABY.

Not like I'm going to steal a baby...But...you know what I mean!!!!

I would be really surprised if the genetic thing bothers people. Does it?

Really and truly you just never know how you will love. Love surprises us! Love is not genetic!!!

Ugh, there are people I'm very closely related to and I feel no connection with them. But with my in-laws--it's just a spiritual thing. Or with my husband.

Damn, I wish we were living in the time adoption was easier and not my take home salary for a year.
I had originally wanted to adopt and only turned to DE when I learned how hard adoption was (and, no, that wasn't b/c I would only take a white infant; one of the attitudes I held before trying to adopt that makes me cringe with embarrassment now is that I totally bought into the myth that the adoption shortage was artificial, caused by couples unwilling to accept older or disabled children or ethnic minorities). And while I admit I did feel a bit of discomfort when my twins were born and they so obviously weren't my genetic offspring, I was too busy loving them to care.

But then I hosted a baby sign class for the families of the pregnant moms group I had belonged to, and it suddenly hit me that I was the only mom who didn't look like her kids. I was the only one who had used DE except for a woman who had to use a GC, and even her son looked much more like her, I suspect b/c she had more control over her donors (I cycled in the Czech Republic). The women on the pink board gave me a combination of love and b**** slapping that sort of brought me out of it. But I think I had never really grieved the loss of a genetic connection, b/c I was just so glad to have any option for being pg and having children at my age.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 6th, 2007, 1:40 am

June 13th, 2011, 6:01 pm #7

Yeah, I know stuff will come up I don't expect....And that'll be part of it. Already, because I requested embryos when I was doing that I had this nervous feeling in my 2WW about giving birth to these kids that look NOTHING like my husband and I.

So I know that will be an issue. I will have to answer strange questions, etc., etc.

My OE kid doesn't look like me. However, I have enough similarity to my husband that it is not a big shocker she's my kid. But really...she is all him.

About the race thing: I know one woman who adopted three children who were a different race and she is so savage about how bad all fertility treatments are--she doesn't want it to be covered by insurance. And she INSISTS DE is racist. It's only because people are shallow and terrible and want to buy their children and bla bla bla.

I have to sit there and listen to it because I don't discuss my process with people (which I just realized has been going on for FIVE YEARS).

It's just AGONIZING. But it's so NOT TRUE. Argh.

I think she never processed her stuff maybe? I don't hold it against her various reasons (I like her and one of her kids has a disability). But I can't speak out because I have one child and she just doesn't listen to me because she thinks I don't know anything.

In her book, I have to adopt from DSS or I am a bad person. Every time I hear her talk like this it's just...horrible. Like being stabbed in the heart.

I think it's hard to remain silent but I don't want anyone to know anything about me.

I also think there is something nice about experiencing pregnancy and I wish I could defend that aspect of IVF/DE. But I dare not say anything.
Last edited by arive on June 13th, 2011, 6:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

June 15th, 2011, 4:46 pm #8

That for all the people who say "why don't you adopt?", I could create a video game that would duplicate the experience of trying to adopt.

First, you would have to enter your age, income level, marital status, whether you're lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgendered, and how much money you can devote to adoption. For everyone over 55, I'd assign a random age between 45-55. Then they would get their choice of how they wish to try to adopt, private domestic, international, foster-to-adopt through DSS, etc. Every time in real life they would probably get rejected, they'd get a graphic of a door slamming in their face. Every time they would have to wait for months on end with little or no feedback from the institutions their adoption depended on, they'd get a calendar graphic with a snail inching through the days.

It's not that I don't know anyone who has successfully adopted; I do, and from DSS, even, but they'd be the first to tell you how lucky they were. A friend of mine is attempting to foster-to-adopt through her county DSS, and she goes for weeks and months on end without them so much as communicating to her. I think it was close to six months from the time she told me that a social worker might be contacting me for a reference before I got a letter from DSS asking for one. I gave her the glowing reference she deserved, but I wonder what good it will do now. I wish I had some useful advice for how to deal with your friend.

Take care,

Maggie (in VA)
Quote
Like
Share

Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

June 16th, 2011, 7:37 am #9

And it really made me realize. The genetic thing will not bother me at all. I'd have been happy with that baby... So for those of you looking into DE and questioning, as I did, that showed me. It won't matter in the end. I'm happy we found a donor that resembles me but I can't wait to get to the end. . Tons of luck to every one of you. (((hugs)))
HI,
Wanted to write I think you are brave holding a 4 month old. When I was ttcing I avoided babies totally. I have a DE son and he is nearly seven months now. It took a while (6 years) to get him but hes here now and the one we were waiting for that is for certain. The DE thing doesn't matter to us. Infact I have a pic of our boy and he looks just like me no joke.
You hang on in there and keep going because you will get there in the end I promise you, best, THK
Quote
Like
Share