Heart shattered need help

Heart shattered need help

Newbie
Newbie

May 2nd, 2011, 11:16 pm #1

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?

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Joined: December 2nd, 2005, 3:49 pm

May 2nd, 2011, 11:22 pm #2

I am so sorry, but go in for the beta anyway as you just never know. If you have any reason to suspect immune or uterine issues, as every question you can think of. Yes, DE does give us a greater chance at having a child, but even very young women do not conceive every time they try, either naturally or with IVF. Eggs are very complex cells and embryonic development a tricky thing. Most embryos that are created do not become children. So...all that said, I was pretty floored when our "perfect" fresh embie didn't take. I just put my nose down and geared up for the frozen cycle. Transferred 2 and have twins. Interestingly, after the thaw, those 2 were higher grade embies by a bit than the fresh one was. You really never know.
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Malory
Malory

May 2nd, 2011, 11:47 pm #3

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
(((HUGS)))

God does my heart go out to you. I feel your pain. I really do.

I know we're supposed to be used to it but it hurts like hell every damn time.

I know u don't want to hear this, but do the beta. If the fresh doesn't work, you'll go frozen. The statistics are FINALLY on our side. Hang in there Newbie. It ain't over.

another ((hug)) and fingers crossed that it works out on fresh, but even if the answer is NO - onward and upward - LOTS AND LOTS of women have gotten pg on this board on frozen embies.

HANG IN!!!

Malibugirl
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Joined: September 30th, 2007, 7:22 pm

May 3rd, 2011, 12:53 am #4

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
this is so hard, i understand. DE is supposed to be the answer for all of us, but for some reason it seems to be harder for some of us than others. it took us 4 donors to make one baby. one of those donors was a cycle where we were cancelled at retrieval because she didn't produce enough eggs for two recipients, so really 3 donors = 1 baby. additionally, i did a fresh and a frozen cycle last summer to try for number 2 and neither worked. we are going to try again soon.

forgive me if i have this wrong, but i believe you wrote in a few days ago wondering how we go on when we have failures? i thought a lot about that post and here is my answer: first, i always had another plan, a next step in my head. i never stopped moving. even a meeting with my RE (like you have on wednesday) would be a next step, something else to research or think about. another thing is that i'm the queen of explanations. i could tell you why each cycle didn't work in my mind. in the end, there is really no rhyme or reason. just please know that even for the most difficult of cases, DE CAN WORK.

so i hope i don't scare you with my stats (they are not the norm but they do happen.)

take a deep breath, write out all of your questions that you have for your RE and try to figure out next steps.

in the meantime, i'll make a wish for you that your HPT is wrong.
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CatMama75
CatMama75

May 3rd, 2011, 1:22 am #5

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
... and I hope your beta reveals better news. But if not...

You should know that most clinics save the very, very best embryos for freezing because those ones are suspected to best survive the thaw. So while you transferred good quality at your ET, I'm guessing even more promising quality awaits you.

This whole thing is sinfully unfair, no doubt about it. You don't deserve any of this, and facing (and surviving) infertility changes us forever -- win or lose. as I awaited my beta after DE #1, I tried to erase the the failures of my OE journey and tried to face DE IVFs as if i was starting from scratch. I know you feel exhausted. This sucks. But I knew (and I think you know) that my chances with DE were exponentially better than OE. And we have to just keep fighting.

My very best to you.

xoxo
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

May 3rd, 2011, 2:02 am #6

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
Hi Newbie,
I have to go somewhere but will write to you a little later today. Until then petal am thinking of you and know how darn hard this is. best, THK
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ALM
ALM

May 3rd, 2011, 2:07 am #7

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
Newbie I am so very sorry; and like others have said hope that your Beta proves the hpt wrong. If not, trudge forward. You DO have a shot at this, a good one. Hang in there......
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Joined: October 22nd, 2010, 7:15 am

May 3rd, 2011, 5:07 am #8

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
I am so sorry about the negative pregnancy test, but there are such things as false negatives. I don't know what causes them, and under what circumstances they happen, but I have heard about them.

As for FETs, as someone stated earlier, FETs can and have worked countless times. It's a hard reality because we think that since we are using DE that it is going to happen the first time around. There are so many factors that come into play when ttc naturally that can keep a couple from having a baby, and the same holds true for DE. It, however, doesn't mean that DE isn't a wonderful option and that it can't work.

Hang in there, and I wish you the best for your appointment later today.
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K
K

May 3rd, 2011, 5:41 am #9

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
Nurse I talked to today said sometimes FETs do better than fresh.... Nt
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Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

May 3rd, 2011, 7:46 am #10

Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?

My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
Dear Newbie,
Firstly, I am very sorry this cycle hasn't worked for you. It is shattering to say the least. But DE is not the magic instant bullet. It can be for some, for others it takes three goes, and for those of us desperate enough it can take more than ten times. For me it took 9 goes and one failed surrogacy to get our boy. For someone close to me she got pg first go.
So you see nothing is definite.
How to survive this all... firstly don't count on this being a definite, secondly, always have a plan B. What is your plan B now? I am sure you have one.
Give yourself time to cry and grieve and then move to plan B.
You are one day out from a beta and you have POAS. Well if the test isn't megga sensitive e.g. can show up a positive with more than 20mgs of BHCG then you may still be pg. I know the person close to me always told me 'do not POAS'. This is because she did as you have and got a negative. However, her negative turns 7 this year and he is a good boy.
If your BHCG numbers are high then you will get an early positive if low then you will get a negative.
Have a really decent cry, talk to your doctor, have you had immune testing yet if not then go for it and also get your thyroid function tested.
I think in the end I had around 7 things wrong with me preventing pregnancy but it took time to find this out. Get everything tested now is my best advice for anyone starting out. Don't spend years and years finding out tiny pieces of your puzzle.
Again, I feel for you. Our boy is 5 months now but I spent nearly 6 years ttcing and all those cycles. Protect yourself mentally and it will be easier on you. In the end I viewed each cycle like 'well if it works it works if not then I have plan b'. I grieved, cried, ate chocolate, watched distracting movies and after a little while I jolly well forced myself together and moved to the next part of my plan.
It is up to you how you view things. Realise also that the drugs you take don't help things... give youself time, space, mental space. I write all this in a sympathetic tone.
best, THK.
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