Having a hard week (cancer, miscarriages mentioned)

Having a hard week (cancer, miscarriages mentioned)

Violet
Violet

April 25th, 2012, 2:00 am #1

Hi,
I have been posting but have not shared much of my story with all of you.
We are getting close to our retrieval date (about one week away). The clinic is doing the first ultrasound on the donor on Fri. or Sat.
DH and I are under a lot of stress. We argue every cycle we have had and there have been many cycles and two losses (four years). I think that DH has ADHD and I become impatient with him during cycles because I don't have the energy to do all I do to maintain the relationship. This cycle is even harder with the thought of using DE for the first time and its implications as well as some other health issues looming.

We have had delays with the cycle due to DNA frag this winter and so it's been a long time waiting. It was 27% fragmented and now thanks to Kacee's fabulous cocktail, it is 19%. Then a few weeks ago, we found out that DH has melanoma which he will be operated on after the cycle. I am trying to think of one thing at a time so first, the cycle and then the surgery to help myself make it through.

I am crying a lot of days now because I feel exhausted from the lupron, from DH's impatience or I am worried that the cycle won't work because our marriage has become so difficult with all we have been through with ttc, etc.

Not sure how I am going to get through the next few weeks and then DH's surgery and the wait for results for him after that. Tonight, I said maybe we should give up because I was worried that whatever baby wants to come is not going to come because she or he doesn't want to come into our house. DH said, fine. I'm sure it was out of anger but it just felt horrible.

Sorry that I have to vent. I am sad and I only have one friend that knows what we are doing.
I really wonder if I should just stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement. I know all of you have been through a lot and I trust your ideas.
Violet
Quote
Share

minniet
minniet

April 25th, 2012, 3:08 am #2

We are veterans of 7 cycles, and I can tell you, all but this cycle was a f'ing nightmare! Well, this one was a nightmare as well, but not with my wonderful dh who has now become a pro...

But still, the drugs, the stress, it is so hard.

My best advice is to not put too much stock in how you feel right now or what your dh says. Also, I honestly keep my DH out of the daily details, and I can't tell you how much he appreciates it. He hardly knew when I was starting lupron or anything - and he is very supportive, but men can't hack talking about it or dealing with anything other than what is right here and now.

I am sorry you are going through so much, I certainly can relate. If my marriage (which I am very happy with, and has had its challenges in the past) works, it is because I really try to let it go and remind myself that we are both under stress and feeling and saying things sometimes which in no way represent what we really feel. He does that more easily than me...

Your DH is just as traumatized as you, and now he is scared about the cancer.

Hugs to you both, do everything you can to keep being kind to one another even when the other is being a ****... It often really helps.
Quote
Share

Joined: October 9th, 2008, 2:53 am

April 25th, 2012, 4:10 am #3

Hi,
I have been posting but have not shared much of my story with all of you.
We are getting close to our retrieval date (about one week away). The clinic is doing the first ultrasound on the donor on Fri. or Sat.
DH and I are under a lot of stress. We argue every cycle we have had and there have been many cycles and two losses (four years). I think that DH has ADHD and I become impatient with him during cycles because I don't have the energy to do all I do to maintain the relationship. This cycle is even harder with the thought of using DE for the first time and its implications as well as some other health issues looming.

We have had delays with the cycle due to DNA frag this winter and so it's been a long time waiting. It was 27% fragmented and now thanks to Kacee's fabulous cocktail, it is 19%. Then a few weeks ago, we found out that DH has melanoma which he will be operated on after the cycle. I am trying to think of one thing at a time so first, the cycle and then the surgery to help myself make it through.

I am crying a lot of days now because I feel exhausted from the lupron, from DH's impatience or I am worried that the cycle won't work because our marriage has become so difficult with all we have been through with ttc, etc.

Not sure how I am going to get through the next few weeks and then DH's surgery and the wait for results for him after that. Tonight, I said maybe we should give up because I was worried that whatever baby wants to come is not going to come because she or he doesn't want to come into our house. DH said, fine. I'm sure it was out of anger but it just felt horrible.

Sorry that I have to vent. I am sad and I only have one friend that knows what we are doing.
I really wonder if I should just stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement. I know all of you have been through a lot and I trust your ideas.
Violet
Hi Violet,
You have a lot going on. Sometimes its good to get away by yourself and just chill as when you return the world seems calmer somehow. I used to do this when cycling and it helped a lot.
If you know you argue with your DH at cycle time then delay having whatever conversation it is until after transfer.
I feel for you as cycling is stressful even when everything goes very well, take it easy and take care of you first ok, best, THK
Quote
Like
Share

thesameboat
thesameboat

April 25th, 2012, 5:05 am #4

We are veterans of 7 cycles, and I can tell you, all but this cycle was a f'ing nightmare! Well, this one was a nightmare as well, but not with my wonderful dh who has now become a pro...

But still, the drugs, the stress, it is so hard.

My best advice is to not put too much stock in how you feel right now or what your dh says. Also, I honestly keep my DH out of the daily details, and I can't tell you how much he appreciates it. He hardly knew when I was starting lupron or anything - and he is very supportive, but men can't hack talking about it or dealing with anything other than what is right here and now.

I am sorry you are going through so much, I certainly can relate. If my marriage (which I am very happy with, and has had its challenges in the past) works, it is because I really try to let it go and remind myself that we are both under stress and feeling and saying things sometimes which in no way represent what we really feel. He does that more easily than me...

Your DH is just as traumatized as you, and now he is scared about the cancer.

Hugs to you both, do everything you can to keep being kind to one another even when the other is being a ****... It often really helps.
I am so sorry you're going through such a nervewracking time. As hard as it is, though, I think it can only add fuel to the flames if you talk about it a lot to your DH. (at least that's the way mine is) Keeping him informed of the necessary bits is enough.

Best of luck to you.
Quote
Share

Joined: September 13th, 2008, 5:13 pm

April 25th, 2012, 1:12 pm #5

Hi,
I have been posting but have not shared much of my story with all of you.
We are getting close to our retrieval date (about one week away). The clinic is doing the first ultrasound on the donor on Fri. or Sat.
DH and I are under a lot of stress. We argue every cycle we have had and there have been many cycles and two losses (four years). I think that DH has ADHD and I become impatient with him during cycles because I don't have the energy to do all I do to maintain the relationship. This cycle is even harder with the thought of using DE for the first time and its implications as well as some other health issues looming.

We have had delays with the cycle due to DNA frag this winter and so it's been a long time waiting. It was 27% fragmented and now thanks to Kacee's fabulous cocktail, it is 19%. Then a few weeks ago, we found out that DH has melanoma which he will be operated on after the cycle. I am trying to think of one thing at a time so first, the cycle and then the surgery to help myself make it through.

I am crying a lot of days now because I feel exhausted from the lupron, from DH's impatience or I am worried that the cycle won't work because our marriage has become so difficult with all we have been through with ttc, etc.

Not sure how I am going to get through the next few weeks and then DH's surgery and the wait for results for him after that. Tonight, I said maybe we should give up because I was worried that whatever baby wants to come is not going to come because she or he doesn't want to come into our house. DH said, fine. I'm sure it was out of anger but it just felt horrible.

Sorry that I have to vent. I am sad and I only have one friend that knows what we are doing.
I really wonder if I should just stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement. I know all of you have been through a lot and I trust your ideas.
Violet
I like the idea of getting some time to yourself, but maybe it would also be good to try to reconnect and recommit with DH. As hard as ttc is, your DH is having to cope with his mortality in a very immediate way, and he needs to know you're there for him, even if his ability to be there for you is compromised, KWIM? I am sending you many {{Hugs}} and am sending best wishes for both your husband's recovery and the success of your next cycle. Take care, Maggie (in VA)
Quote
Like
Share

E&H
E&H

April 25th, 2012, 1:18 pm #6

Hi,
I have been posting but have not shared much of my story with all of you.
We are getting close to our retrieval date (about one week away). The clinic is doing the first ultrasound on the donor on Fri. or Sat.
DH and I are under a lot of stress. We argue every cycle we have had and there have been many cycles and two losses (four years). I think that DH has ADHD and I become impatient with him during cycles because I don't have the energy to do all I do to maintain the relationship. This cycle is even harder with the thought of using DE for the first time and its implications as well as some other health issues looming.

We have had delays with the cycle due to DNA frag this winter and so it's been a long time waiting. It was 27% fragmented and now thanks to Kacee's fabulous cocktail, it is 19%. Then a few weeks ago, we found out that DH has melanoma which he will be operated on after the cycle. I am trying to think of one thing at a time so first, the cycle and then the surgery to help myself make it through.

I am crying a lot of days now because I feel exhausted from the lupron, from DH's impatience or I am worried that the cycle won't work because our marriage has become so difficult with all we have been through with ttc, etc.

Not sure how I am going to get through the next few weeks and then DH's surgery and the wait for results for him after that. Tonight, I said maybe we should give up because I was worried that whatever baby wants to come is not going to come because she or he doesn't want to come into our house. DH said, fine. I'm sure it was out of anger but it just felt horrible.

Sorry that I have to vent. I am sad and I only have one friend that knows what we are doing.
I really wonder if I should just stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement. I know all of you have been through a lot and I trust your ideas.
Violet
It must be very tough on you both to be cycling and worried about health issues. I always found that me and dh argued a lot during cycles and at beta time he would disappear with his friends and go drinking, wouldn't even call and ask - just vegetate. It used to upset me no end and I had many lonely nights crying after failed cycles. When we were eventually successful I sat him down and told him what he had been like and I think he actually felt guilty that I was going through it all alone and he was totally out of control and only having to play with himself for ten seconds as his part in the whole scenario.

I know its hard not to stress about all you have going on but don't give up. The joy of success is worth every failure and the baby you eventually have will be the love of your lives. ((())))
Quote
Share

Joined: September 6th, 2009, 7:55 am

April 25th, 2012, 1:33 pm #7

Hi,
I have been posting but have not shared much of my story with all of you.
We are getting close to our retrieval date (about one week away). The clinic is doing the first ultrasound on the donor on Fri. or Sat.
DH and I are under a lot of stress. We argue every cycle we have had and there have been many cycles and two losses (four years). I think that DH has ADHD and I become impatient with him during cycles because I don't have the energy to do all I do to maintain the relationship. This cycle is even harder with the thought of using DE for the first time and its implications as well as some other health issues looming.

We have had delays with the cycle due to DNA frag this winter and so it's been a long time waiting. It was 27% fragmented and now thanks to Kacee's fabulous cocktail, it is 19%. Then a few weeks ago, we found out that DH has melanoma which he will be operated on after the cycle. I am trying to think of one thing at a time so first, the cycle and then the surgery to help myself make it through.

I am crying a lot of days now because I feel exhausted from the lupron, from DH's impatience or I am worried that the cycle won't work because our marriage has become so difficult with all we have been through with ttc, etc.

Not sure how I am going to get through the next few weeks and then DH's surgery and the wait for results for him after that. Tonight, I said maybe we should give up because I was worried that whatever baby wants to come is not going to come because she or he doesn't want to come into our house. DH said, fine. I'm sure it was out of anger but it just felt horrible.

Sorry that I have to vent. I am sad and I only have one friend that knows what we are doing.
I really wonder if I should just stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement. I know all of you have been through a lot and I trust your ideas.
Violet
I am just starting the DE journey so I expect I will experience the same stress in the near future. Just wanted to let you know though, that I also have melanoma (I am stage III) so if there's any info you want for that particular bit of stress I'd be happy to chat to you (email fine also) or can point you to some good online resources.

So sorry it's all hitting you at once . Hang on for dear life and you'll come through this. When your little one gets here, he/she will obliterate all the other concerns and you'll be swept up in being s Mom

Al
Quote
Like
Share

Violet
Violet

April 25th, 2012, 4:25 pm #8

Hi,
I have been posting but have not shared much of my story with all of you.
We are getting close to our retrieval date (about one week away). The clinic is doing the first ultrasound on the donor on Fri. or Sat.
DH and I are under a lot of stress. We argue every cycle we have had and there have been many cycles and two losses (four years). I think that DH has ADHD and I become impatient with him during cycles because I don't have the energy to do all I do to maintain the relationship. This cycle is even harder with the thought of using DE for the first time and its implications as well as some other health issues looming.

We have had delays with the cycle due to DNA frag this winter and so it's been a long time waiting. It was 27% fragmented and now thanks to Kacee's fabulous cocktail, it is 19%. Then a few weeks ago, we found out that DH has melanoma which he will be operated on after the cycle. I am trying to think of one thing at a time so first, the cycle and then the surgery to help myself make it through.

I am crying a lot of days now because I feel exhausted from the lupron, from DH's impatience or I am worried that the cycle won't work because our marriage has become so difficult with all we have been through with ttc, etc.

Not sure how I am going to get through the next few weeks and then DH's surgery and the wait for results for him after that. Tonight, I said maybe we should give up because I was worried that whatever baby wants to come is not going to come because she or he doesn't want to come into our house. DH said, fine. I'm sure it was out of anger but it just felt horrible.

Sorry that I have to vent. I am sad and I only have one friend that knows what we are doing.
I really wonder if I should just stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement. I know all of you have been through a lot and I trust your ideas.
Violet
I knew you guys would make me feel better and offer some ways to get through all of this.

I think the less time I spend with DH the better. I also agree, the less I talk about the cycle does help. My friends know we are cycling but they don't know we are doing DE. As you know, that adds another big layer to all of the stress.

It was helpful to hear that although DH could been difficult during your cycles, things can get better.

Did you ever worry that the baby wouldn't come because of all the stress between you and DH?
Thanks for listening and supporting me.
Violet
Al, I might take you up on the melanoma info once DH has surgery. Thanks and so sorry you have been through so much.
Quote
Share