Has anyone picked a non proven donor?

Has anyone picked a non proven donor?

Joined: March 4th, 2011, 4:38 am

March 4th, 2011, 5:36 am #1

My husband and I have tried 20 IVF's with 15 transfers and 11 miscarriages. It took tons of research on our part and changing RE's a couple of times to figure things out and now that we finally have everything figured out...my eggs are not working.
We don't want to spend time on a waiting list at this point, since we've been trying for so long. We can only do this once and our Dr is being wonderful and only charging us his actual fees...he understands what we have been through and with no insurance how much we have spent to make our dream a reality.
We picked one donor that was proven, but we are 10th on her list and the other 2 donors are unproven, but they both have children and our clinic says that is a good thing. The one donor that doesn't have anyone on her list, so we would be able to go in May. She is 29, but has 2 kids...I know that 1 is 3, but not sure about the other. She looks a lot like me...only 1 inch shorter and the people that I've shared her picture said that she could be my younger sister.

We only have one shot at this and I need suggestions from women that have been there.

Thank you so much for all of your insight and help! This has been a very long road and I don't have many people that I can talk to about it...actually only 1 friend and my husband of course.
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BBG
BBG

March 4th, 2011, 6:14 am #2

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I have a bit similar history. First of all, with 11 miscarriages, I would want to be VERY sure that the problem really is poor quality eggs and not something else, or not something else in addition to poor quality eggs. If you only have one shot at this, you need to leave no stone unturned. It is easy for REs to just say it's the eggs, but there are many examples on these boards of women (like me) who did multiple DE cycles only to learn that there was something else going on that was overlooked by lazy REs.

So that's the first order of the day. I would test for immune issues and have a hysteroscopy to check your endometrium.

About proven vs. non proven donors, again, if you only have one shot at this, you want a proven donor, and one who is younger than 29. As they say, all donors were unproven at one time, and that is certainly true -- but probably not a risk you want to take. A 29 year old might be very fertile, or she might not be. Egg quality begins to decline at around age 27. If you decide to go with her, you will want an FSH, LH, E2 and P4 level as well as an u/s to determine her antral follicle count. I think now they also do an AMH test, which was not available when I was at this stage with my own cycles.

Good luck to you!

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Joined: April 11th, 2010, 3:08 pm

March 4th, 2011, 1:12 pm #3

My husband and I have tried 20 IVF's with 15 transfers and 11 miscarriages. It took tons of research on our part and changing RE's a couple of times to figure things out and now that we finally have everything figured out...my eggs are not working.
We don't want to spend time on a waiting list at this point, since we've been trying for so long. We can only do this once and our Dr is being wonderful and only charging us his actual fees...he understands what we have been through and with no insurance how much we have spent to make our dream a reality.
We picked one donor that was proven, but we are 10th on her list and the other 2 donors are unproven, but they both have children and our clinic says that is a good thing. The one donor that doesn't have anyone on her list, so we would be able to go in May. She is 29, but has 2 kids...I know that 1 is 3, but not sure about the other. She looks a lot like me...only 1 inch shorter and the people that I've shared her picture said that she could be my younger sister.

We only have one shot at this and I need suggestions from women that have been there.

Thank you so much for all of your insight and help! This has been a very long road and I don't have many people that I can talk to about it...actually only 1 friend and my husband of course.
but we are in a guarantee program. Our donor did not do all that well and we ended up with a chemical pregnancy. If I wasn't in a guarantee program, I would be very hesitant about using a non proven donor.

I am very sorry about all you have been through.

Good luck.
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Joined: January 1st, 2006, 3:50 pm

March 4th, 2011, 2:57 pm #4

My husband and I have tried 20 IVF's with 15 transfers and 11 miscarriages. It took tons of research on our part and changing RE's a couple of times to figure things out and now that we finally have everything figured out...my eggs are not working.
We don't want to spend time on a waiting list at this point, since we've been trying for so long. We can only do this once and our Dr is being wonderful and only charging us his actual fees...he understands what we have been through and with no insurance how much we have spent to make our dream a reality.
We picked one donor that was proven, but we are 10th on her list and the other 2 donors are unproven, but they both have children and our clinic says that is a good thing. The one donor that doesn't have anyone on her list, so we would be able to go in May. She is 29, but has 2 kids...I know that 1 is 3, but not sure about the other. She looks a lot like me...only 1 inch shorter and the people that I've shared her picture said that she could be my younger sister.

We only have one shot at this and I need suggestions from women that have been there.

Thank you so much for all of your insight and help! This has been a very long road and I don't have many people that I can talk to about it...actually only 1 friend and my husband of course.
If you only have one shot at DE, then make sure you have pulled out all the stops. I wouldnt go with an unproven donor simply because you do not know how she will respond to the meds, and 29 is getting up there as far as fertility is concerned. I also agree with BBGs suggestions on following up on immune issues for yourself.

You didnt say, but have you checked your partner completely? Sperm DNA Frag, etc? So many times failure to implant, or early m/c is actually a problem with the sperm's dna being fragmented but REs fail to look at anything other than the eggs or uterus as possible causes. Just because sperm may look OK under a microscope doesnt mean it actually is OK.

I also hate to do this, its obvious how much you have gone through and how much you are focusing on this DE cycle, but as wonderful an option as DE can be - even that is no guarantee. It took us four fresh donor cycles to finally get lucky. All our donors were proven, under 24, we had beautiful grade 1 blasts on day five every cycle, perfect linings and still no luck until the fourth donor. Just be prepared, that often DE works - and just as often, it doesnt.

Good luck!

Kay

" Some people built castles in the air. She constructed hers from mashed potatoes, which kept down demolition costs." Sarah Sloane, Borrowing Priviledges
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Anonymous
Anonymous

March 4th, 2011, 3:09 pm #5

My husband and I have tried 20 IVF's with 15 transfers and 11 miscarriages. It took tons of research on our part and changing RE's a couple of times to figure things out and now that we finally have everything figured out...my eggs are not working.
We don't want to spend time on a waiting list at this point, since we've been trying for so long. We can only do this once and our Dr is being wonderful and only charging us his actual fees...he understands what we have been through and with no insurance how much we have spent to make our dream a reality.
We picked one donor that was proven, but we are 10th on her list and the other 2 donors are unproven, but they both have children and our clinic says that is a good thing. The one donor that doesn't have anyone on her list, so we would be able to go in May. She is 29, but has 2 kids...I know that 1 is 3, but not sure about the other. She looks a lot like me...only 1 inch shorter and the people that I've shared her picture said that she could be my younger sister.

We only have one shot at this and I need suggestions from women that have been there.

Thank you so much for all of your insight and help! This has been a very long road and I don't have many people that I can talk to about it...actually only 1 friend and my husband of course.
I did. Unproven with one child but 28 yrs. We did it cause it was cheaper. we also had one shot. worked out great. (pregnent with a single embryo transfer because we didn't want to risk multiples) They did give us the antral count and FSH level before we picked. Which were all very good. AMH test would be good to get. very hard choice.
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Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 6:49 am

March 4th, 2011, 3:26 pm #6

If you only have one shot at DE, then make sure you have pulled out all the stops. I wouldnt go with an unproven donor simply because you do not know how she will respond to the meds, and 29 is getting up there as far as fertility is concerned. I also agree with BBGs suggestions on following up on immune issues for yourself.

You didnt say, but have you checked your partner completely? Sperm DNA Frag, etc? So many times failure to implant, or early m/c is actually a problem with the sperm's dna being fragmented but REs fail to look at anything other than the eggs or uterus as possible causes. Just because sperm may look OK under a microscope doesnt mean it actually is OK.

I also hate to do this, its obvious how much you have gone through and how much you are focusing on this DE cycle, but as wonderful an option as DE can be - even that is no guarantee. It took us four fresh donor cycles to finally get lucky. All our donors were proven, under 24, we had beautiful grade 1 blasts on day five every cycle, perfect linings and still no luck until the fourth donor. Just be prepared, that often DE works - and just as often, it doesnt.

Good luck!

Kay

" Some people built castles in the air. She constructed hers from mashed potatoes, which kept down demolition costs." Sarah Sloane, Borrowing Priviledges
I was tired last night and too brief so very glad to see that Kay picked up the slack and mentioned sperm issues! SO important. We had terrible DNA fragmentation which had been undiagnosed for years because some REs just don't seem to understand the issue or believe in it. Some REs would just advise donor sperm but we were glad ours suggested TESE. Apparently removing sperm directly from the testes can result in sperm that is not DNA damaged. DNA damage cannot be overcome by just doing ICSI.

The other thing you need is a thorough infection workup. There are infections in the female reproductive tract that may not cause any symptoms but will cause miscarriage after miscarriage. I am unfortunately blanking on the names of the ones most commonly implicated, but ask your RE.

Last edited by biogal on March 4th, 2011, 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Joined: December 8th, 2006, 6:35 am

March 4th, 2011, 7:35 pm #7

My husband and I have tried 20 IVF's with 15 transfers and 11 miscarriages. It took tons of research on our part and changing RE's a couple of times to figure things out and now that we finally have everything figured out...my eggs are not working.
We don't want to spend time on a waiting list at this point, since we've been trying for so long. We can only do this once and our Dr is being wonderful and only charging us his actual fees...he understands what we have been through and with no insurance how much we have spent to make our dream a reality.
We picked one donor that was proven, but we are 10th on her list and the other 2 donors are unproven, but they both have children and our clinic says that is a good thing. The one donor that doesn't have anyone on her list, so we would be able to go in May. She is 29, but has 2 kids...I know that 1 is 3, but not sure about the other. She looks a lot like me...only 1 inch shorter and the people that I've shared her picture said that she could be my younger sister.

We only have one shot at this and I need suggestions from women that have been there.

Thank you so much for all of your insight and help! This has been a very long road and I don't have many people that I can talk to about it...actually only 1 friend and my husband of course.
We are only planning to work with a young and proven donor. We have not gone through what you have, but we have had a failed fresh and frozen cycle (and many failures with our own eggs).

With all those losses, I would seriously do an immune and recurrent miscarriage panel work up, OR add prescription dose folic acid and take baby aspirin and lovenox or heparin.

Have you talked to your Dr. about this? Our next cycle we plan to use heparin/lovenox, and if our current RE will not agree, we are moving to another RE. I think we can bully our current one into doing it though...

I hope you get good information here that helps your next cycle succeed!
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Joined: January 1st, 2006, 3:50 pm

March 4th, 2011, 8:27 pm #8

I was tired last night and too brief so very glad to see that Kay picked up the slack and mentioned sperm issues! SO important. We had terrible DNA fragmentation which had been undiagnosed for years because some REs just don't seem to understand the issue or believe in it. Some REs would just advise donor sperm but we were glad ours suggested TESE. Apparently removing sperm directly from the testes can result in sperm that is not DNA damaged. DNA damage cannot be overcome by just doing ICSI.

The other thing you need is a thorough infection workup. There are infections in the female reproductive tract that may not cause any symptoms but will cause miscarriage after miscarriage. I am unfortunately blanking on the names of the ones most commonly implicated, but ask your RE.
are two infections thought to cause failure to implant or chem pg losses. Easily treated with antibiotics.

Ask for a 21 day course of tetracycline or erythromycin for both you AND your partner before beginning a cycle. It cant hurt, and might actually help. We were lucky in that our primary care doc, when asked, looked these up, agreed it could be something we hadnt looked at yet and went ahead and prescribed the courses for DH and I just in case.

Kay

" Some people built castles in the air. She constructed hers from mashed potatoes, which kept down demolition costs." Sarah Sloane, Borrowing Priviledges
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Wastette
Wastette

March 5th, 2011, 1:36 am #9

My husband and I have tried 20 IVF's with 15 transfers and 11 miscarriages. It took tons of research on our part and changing RE's a couple of times to figure things out and now that we finally have everything figured out...my eggs are not working.
We don't want to spend time on a waiting list at this point, since we've been trying for so long. We can only do this once and our Dr is being wonderful and only charging us his actual fees...he understands what we have been through and with no insurance how much we have spent to make our dream a reality.
We picked one donor that was proven, but we are 10th on her list and the other 2 donors are unproven, but they both have children and our clinic says that is a good thing. The one donor that doesn't have anyone on her list, so we would be able to go in May. She is 29, but has 2 kids...I know that 1 is 3, but not sure about the other. She looks a lot like me...only 1 inch shorter and the people that I've shared her picture said that she could be my younger sister.

We only have one shot at this and I need suggestions from women that have been there.

Thank you so much for all of your insight and help! This has been a very long road and I don't have many people that I can talk to about it...actually only 1 friend and my husband of course.
I miscarried every single time they put me on gonal f...some women it causes a hostile environment for the embryos but they didn't want to listen. I had to search to find that answer. Once I moved something something and felt a horrible pain and the baby was gone...others were due to my job and lastly my estrogen does not go up quick enough...i was pregnant and estrogen less than ten, so no chance for that one. My new dr has a miscarriage protocol...lovenox, lipids, baby aspirin, lots of estrogen for me too.
She looks like me and has two kids already and both if mine have come after 30...i had my best cycle at 34, we will.have to do more soul searching and testing.
Thank You again!
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Joined: May 28th, 2008, 4:03 pm

March 5th, 2011, 2:26 am #10

My husband and I have tried 20 IVF's with 15 transfers and 11 miscarriages. It took tons of research on our part and changing RE's a couple of times to figure things out and now that we finally have everything figured out...my eggs are not working.
We don't want to spend time on a waiting list at this point, since we've been trying for so long. We can only do this once and our Dr is being wonderful and only charging us his actual fees...he understands what we have been through and with no insurance how much we have spent to make our dream a reality.
We picked one donor that was proven, but we are 10th on her list and the other 2 donors are unproven, but they both have children and our clinic says that is a good thing. The one donor that doesn't have anyone on her list, so we would be able to go in May. She is 29, but has 2 kids...I know that 1 is 3, but not sure about the other. She looks a lot like me...only 1 inch shorter and the people that I've shared her picture said that she could be my younger sister.

We only have one shot at this and I need suggestions from women that have been there.

Thank you so much for all of your insight and help! This has been a very long road and I don't have many people that I can talk to about it...actually only 1 friend and my husband of course.
My DH and I tried IVF several times and finally came to the conclusion that my eggs were not great. We used our dr's donor pool. Of the 8 profiles we saw, only 1 had cycled there (successful). At the time I didn't even think about requesting her- I didn't know much about proven vs. unproven stats. Instead we chose a 29 year old who had 3 children, the youngest being 1. She looked a lot like me and we were similar in height etc. We got pregnant on the first try and have a beautiful 2 year old.

Best of luck to you!

Sproutsoon
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